Awaken Online

by da3strikes

Frustrated and angry with his life, Jason begins playing a first-of-its-kind virtual reality game and inadvertently finds himself on the path to becoming the game’s villain. As he continues playing, he also starts to suspect that the game is much more than it appears. Book one is available on Amazon here.


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da3strikes

da3strikes

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boringworld
Overall

Well if you cannot read it here, then why keep it here?

Sayl-san
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Bloody Briliant this is.

First of i read the whole thing so far in one sitting and was completely sucked in by the story. Perhaps that is because i can put myself into this character fairly well but above all the story is well written. The Mc is intelligent and plans out his moves with neat precision.

 I will refrain from spoiling any of the story, but i have to say its a new aspact of virtual reality gaming that i have not seen anywhere else. Although somethings are indeed similar to more well known stories such as Legendary Moonlight Sculptor.

I really enjoyed the read and i think others who read this will enjoy it as well, the author seems to be releasing chapters at a rapid rate, I can only pray he keeps it up!

The Bus Lurker
Overall

Long chapters.

 

Hp is like change new world, so a decapitation is an insta kill, a lvl 1 could theoretically kill a lvl 130, etc. Skills are learned by doing, and not insta learned, stats can be gained through doing and not solely leveling. In my opinion this is the best type of virtual reality fiction.

 

Good grammar.

 

Goal, our goal is escape, revenge, and fun of course.

 

Overall 4/5 not enough character development as of yet, but I expect to see that change over the coming chapters. Give it a try, I think the author has commitment.

Zimal
Overall

This is a site where amateur authors write for free. If the author want to become a full pro and move elsewhere, good for him. But here, letting a few chapters for advertising and a link to a paying site is similar to spiting in the readers's faces.

What prevent any author writing elsewhere to post a few chapters here as advertising with a link to his other site like this one is doing? Or any author a little popular to do the same? There need to be a clear distinction of what you can read or not here.

 

I am not posting this review because I am against authors getting paid, I buy quite a few myself, nor because I am salty for something I am reading to suddenly become paying, since I couldn't even start it to begin with. I don't doubt the storie is good, with how positive the reviews are. I am just wondering why the mods didn't revome it, sice sadly it doesn't seem have its place here anymore.

Or maybe make a new section for these kind stories that you can't read here anymore, so that while browsing, you browse things you can actually read here.

flakes
Overall

This piece has a lot of potential.  There is a lot of detail, the characters are interesting and well fleshed out, the VR system has some interesting quirks and I actually want to know what happens next.

firedrake915
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Quite enjoyable, but with several flaws

This is a review as of Book 1.  

 

I have found this fiction to be quite enjoyable, but not amazing.  I have found the plot engaging and although it uses a common theme of a potentially dangerous AI having more control than many would find comfortable, the story of the people involved with this AI keeps this portion of the plot engaging.  The other half of the story, the part focused on the mc, is more flawed.  

in the story, the mc gains power extremely quickly, doing in days what should take years.  This makes the story feel very fast paced, but it also makes the story feel very rushed.  Skills that should take days or weeks to level are instead raised multiple levels at a time, and encounters that should be extremely difficult are instead won both quickly and singlehandedly by the mc.  The first few combat encounters were very enjoyable, with the mc using his head to solve combat problems, but as the story progresses, he starts to use excessively powerful skills to beat down opponents who are supposed to significantly stronger than him but who instead behave more like straw puppets for him to practice his skills on.  Facing impossible odds should seem impossible, and not like simply another chance to gain experience.  

There are also several of the game elements that could either be either explained or improved.  For instance the fact that he has killed hundreds of opponents whose level is near or over 100, yet he has only found maybe half a dozen pieces of loot, most of which isn't even worth mentioning aside from the fact that it provised little in the way of bonus and is sold as the mc doesn't need it.  The mc has literally conquered a city and defeated an army that includes some of the most advanced players in the game and yet he is still running around in what is essentially starter gear dosen't follow.  Yes, the markets may not have much because the majority of the playerbase is still low leveled, but doesn't that imply that as one defines higher level enemies that they should find better gear.  

Another issue is the other characters.  First, are all the other millions of players (and NPCs for that matter) simply idiots, or only the one's the mc has encountered.  The fact that hitting the vitals of opponents can allow you to kill enemies whose level vastly outstrips your own isn't a bad thing and can allow for a game world that feels much less like a game.  The problem is that seemingly no other character seems to take advantage of this fact, nor do they seem to defend against such tactics.  Particularly the player's involved in the beta should be aware of this.  That the mc discovers this early on should give him the advantage over other player, but when powerful NPCs who have been living in the world all their life fall to this technique with very little resistance it instead feels like the author is getting lazy and letting all the plans of the mc succeed as planned.  If I already know that the battle will go as planned, there's no suspense; I only become curious to see what the plan is, and not excited to see how the battle will play out nor anxious to see whether the mc will actually succeed or not.  

Finally comes the characters.  First, let me say that the mc's character is great.  He is understandable, somewhat relatable without being generic, and he feels like a real person.  The other characters are less engaging.  Take Alex, the main antagonist for example.  He is set up as a psychopath who enjoys seeing the suffering of others, and is smart enough to hid himself from society.  Why then is he such an idiot in game?   True he might be arrogant, but he is also competent enough to have the single most advanced game character, even among the beta testers.  Yet when he lead an army The only resistance he is able to put up is in a personal level.  It might be that he is skilled in combat but a terrible leader, but if so then how did he get a army from a country that he couldn't control though personal combat power.  And if he is a skilled leader of men, then why was he unable to cope with a single player who had been in game for less than a week.  He should have known exactly what he was facing, sieging a city where the defender has the advantage even of you outnumber them, yet he didn't even attempt to capitalize on the traditional weaknesses of the undead besides his own personal class.  Someone as competent as him should not be naive enough to believe that he alone is enough to provide that sort of type advantage.  Most of the NPCs seem only to exist to show just how great the mc is or to provide him with thing necessary from the standpoints of game mechanics.  Lastly, most of the other characters that appear out of game actually appear to be fine, well thought out characters.  They are as fleshed out as our limited interaction with them allows, which is fine.  

Overall, I have enjoyed this story.  Though I have pointed out several flaws,  The story is still enjoyable with a detailed game world, and believable interactions between characters in the real world.  The plot about Alfred and the AI behind the game also shows much promise.  In the end I think that Awaken Online is worth the read.  

Arwain
Overall

Nice story and concept so far

Actually the first story that made me want to write a “review”.

 

Very good concept and grammar. MC is not really “OP” because he follows the rules of this peculiar VRMMO world.

Just a piece of advice.. if he is able to achieve power in this way, he shouldn’t be the only one. It’s not like he’s the only player in the world who’s smart, or able to notice the tricks that allow him to take down stronger opponents.

 

Anyway, keep un the good work!

 

catbearpenguin
Overall

As an Evil Penguin Overlord of Earth and all realms below the 6th hell, i love it and would welocme him to my evil empire at any time 

ACE19
Overall

This is PERFECTION!!!

I won't say anything else...

 

This is one of the best books in this site.

 

I won't be surprised if this got published worlwide.

 

Period.

 

edit: It actually became a f**king book on Amazon. I won't change the rating just because of this but it's kinda saddening that you have to pay for it now.

So long my first 5-starred fic.

riles656
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I have no words for this. At first I thought that this will turn out to be like all the other "generic" dark novels. You sir, have surprised me. I don't give people good reviews. The reason being for that is the only thing that motivates me to write a review is usually my profound hate for how an author has written or portrayed a story. You, however, have done a swell job. So, here is my review for your story. 

*********SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!*************(read at your own risk)

First off, thank you for not making a reincarnation story. There seems to be way too many of those.... and crafting stories seem to be a "big"(?) thing.  Having an MC be a necromancer is awesome to say the least. So many things a necromancer can do, one of which is having an unlimited amount of soldiers as long as his mana holds. 

 

Second, about the MC. We got a normal American (I think?) dude( which in itself is amazing because normally people on this site tend to try and write stories with MC's that are everywhere but America. **applauds author**) who is not rich nor is he poor. He goes to a good school, gets picked on but not physically bullied. There is a typical good looking and rich person who everyone like that is anti MC. Minus brownie points for making a generic villain. Palpatine Jr. gets the MC kicked out of school because, duh, the sith don't care. And what does the MC do?? He doesn't sit around and complaine nor does he pout like all the other stories on this site. He plays a video game lol. And in this game.....he doesn't become a psychopath. I know right?? Wut?? Author trying to be original??? Haha bro. You gonna be hated for it by some.  So yeh, MC becomes awesome and stuff happens and there's a cat and a lot of zombies. Moving on. 

 

Here are my cons tho.  First, necromancer job. Awesome, all for it. The MC wants to have offensive skills, like shoot stuff.  He is going agains his sith rival who is a paladin or something( not gonna point out the giant whole of how he got all his gear within like half a day of the game being out since his inventory has been emptied when the game launched....oops, just did) and he picks the necromancer job which is weak agains holy anything. Cool, he could just swarm him with minions while tossing spells at him like an epic lych lord or something. Oh wait, you can only have 1 minion per 10 points of willpower. You get 5 stat points to distribute every level so that's 1 minion every 2 levels. Not cool. So what does MC do?? He dumps the majority of his points into willpower. Awesome more minions. But wait, MC complains that he has no attack spells!! Choice comes up to get spells. MC sees a few attack spell that he can get. Awesome. He says the would help him out a lot. Yup. He chooses a few debuff curses and a few different types of minions he can summon. Wut?? Now is the time where I would normally call him a glass cannon, but he would have to be a ble to deal damage. At this point, he can't attack other that throw knives, and can only summon like 50 minions which is awesome btw. He has a lot of mana, but can't attack. Sad day. 

Second con, Alex. Kid starts being an introvert at an early age and starts killing his pets to "see what happens" and his parents all FREAK OUT.......not. They toss him a wad of cash and tell him to go play with it pretty much. Nice parents........and over the years he matures and gets better....not really. He still kills stuff and his parents keep smiling and tossing money around and paying people off to look the other way???? Bruh... what? 

So yeh, long rant, go me!! Keep up the awesome job. Love the story. If there are any haters, tell them to go back to their Japanese romcoms and stop wasting royalroad web space.