Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Romance Sci-fi Harem Supernatural Virtual Reality
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  • Sexual Content
Meet John Ryder, the human adventure. Not the strongest but in no means is he weak, John is one of the original players of First, a one of a kind VRMMORPG in a world where no others exist. Playing in the shadows, part of a guild that never speaks or is spoken about, John watches the world of First become what it will be. The question is, will he join it or continue his role as a simple observer.

Meet William Thacker, John Ryder's other self. Virtual Reality student of a prestigious institution, he studies the world of First from outside a computer. As is the case of many universities, high levels of hormones and a number of females students could spell trouble. Coupled with the fact he is John Ryder and what John Ryder is capable of, he may find himself in hot water soon enough.
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  • Pages :
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Legendary

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Wolf Rider

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14simeonrr
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another vrmmorpg. but i think this one has great potential its very interesting has a cool world and the mc is op? as far as there are chapters out he hasnt faced any big dangers but he has the feeling of an "op" character.
the story is very interesting in game aswell as in the real world.  the grammar is ok no big erros as far as i have seen. 

 

overall: a good read only downside small chapters and not a lot of chapters so you will want to read more when you are done with the chapters that are posted.

Mattaj
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I really enjoyed reading it until the latest chapter (in one go) and I found few small mistakes but overall a great read.

The problems you may want to solve is occasional usage of incorrect words like allot instead of a lot  or we're instead where. You may also want to add or something like that but it is not necessary. 

One thing that I suggest for you to definitely do is to give someone to read it and correct mistakes or get the meaning of sentences as sometimes even after 5 minutes of thinking I was unable to understand what you wanted to say (it is very rare but occurs from time to time).

fanvaron
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I found this story pretty interesting the character is very mysterious without beeing overly "complicated" by which I mean that I get what is going on and am not left wondering.

The VRMMO twist here is pretty good with a strong foundation in the real world, and more than the usual "The cool new game" instead it is a well established world and we don't need to go through the usual "get a class, find the epic treasure, knowledge etc." grind.

Too bad it seemingly died, it just started to really kick of with the big underlying plot

scifistorm
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That's a lot of useless fluff.

I liked your character. I appreciate that you made a lot of backstory for him, but 26 chapters in and there is no actual story, no plot, lots of backstory. A whole lot of details that were frankly boring. Wading through a whole bunch of useless info to find the bits that actually relate to whatever story you are trying to tell was tedious rather than enjoyable. Also, you randomly bring in new characters 20+ chapters in to introduce more backstory for characters that arent even relevant.

 

Interesting world ruined by boring walls of text and backstory. Stephen King's thoughts on backstory are similar to mine.  Everyone has a history, its almost always boring. The only useful bits of real world were to bring in other characters and that was good. That is a good way to introduce new characters to the reader, but then you ruined it with backstory.

molenir
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Story is not a VRMMORPG despite the description, there is nothing of an RPG nature here.  No leveling up, no stats, nothing.  This is simply a travelogue in a VR world, by an OP protagonist.   Fairly decent if amateurish writing.  But not especially interesting.  

 

 Some questions definitely need to be answered early on.  How did the OP protagonist, who presumably started playing this game at the same time as everyone else, become so OP.  Where is everyone?  Massive huge world, ok but 20 chapters in, and the main character has yet to meet another player.  Is there any RPG elements here?  Leveling up, stats etc?