The Mad Sorceress’s Beloved Daughter [Female Isekai Slowburn]

The Mad Sorceress’s Beloved Daughter [Female Isekai Slowburn]

by MarytheGorgon

An overworked mother. Greedy, spoiled little siblings. This is the life of high school student Elaine King, a girl who dreams of living an ordinary life. Elaine only wants to get into a top college and live in the shadows as she has for the past 16 years. Exams, working part-time, and taking care of the family debt are all she cares for. 

This all changes when she wakes up one morning after an exam and finds she isn't in her bedroom or in her house, but in the arms of a strange woman with hauntingly beautiful eyes. Is her smile loving or obsessive? A girl dreaming of an ordinary life is plunged headfirst into the life of a protagonist in a fairytale. She has been snatched from the modern world to live as Rebecca, the mad sorceress's beloved daughter. 

[This novel will have daily updates for all parts of chapter one and bi-weekly updates starting in chapter two! The story is heavily influenced by Korean Otome Isekai and Japanese Josei Isekai so some of those topes might appear heavily. ]

[Can be read on Scribblehub and Royal Road] 

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MarytheGorgon

MarytheGorgon

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Preface: This review was taken on 08.02.23.
 
Story:
Imagine waking up in a prison cell, held by the hands of a giant. You try to scream, but nothing comes out. You try to squirm, but you can't move. You try to cry, and you do so, like a baby...Wait, you're a baby?
That's the story of Elaine, or rather, Rebecca. 
 
    - Plotlines/Events.

There are currently 3 arcs shown - Motherhood, a healers clininc, and other.

In terms of events, as a slowburn story, the first few are grappling with being reborn. Then we're given snippits of the real world, which isn't all as one would expect. Atleast, you probably don't hunt by calling commands

    - Action scenes. 

No intense fighitng scenes. I'm not sure this is the type of book for that. But it does have it's heightened tensioned moments, like chapter one, when she's in the hands of a giant.

    - Overall story arc(s).
Personal opinion is that the story arcs should be longer.
    - Premise.
Tried and tested premise. Can't really go wrong. I do look forward to seeing the magic of the world that's being teased.
  
  • Style: 
It's a slowburn story, so i'm happy with the pacing. That said, there's lots of 'action'(someone doing something), and i think it could help by colouring it in a little more with descriptions. That doesn't mean that there isn't any description. There's a fair amount.
There's only two characters, and one is a baby, so there isn't a crazy amount of dialogue to disect. The dialgoue that is there does feel realistic, like how an adult would talk to a baby.
There is a tendency to use "as" to describe two concurrent actions: Exmaple:
Spoiler :
before her as she failed to scream for help. Her frustration grew as...
 
I think these sorts of sentances can be spliced together, which would also increase the prose.
 
There are also a few sentances that are a little confusing and would benifit from being rephrased.
 
We are given nice snippets of information without outright being told, which is a really nice addition. Example
Spoiler :
Nowhere in the house had she seen or heard the presence of another child. She didn't look past her early twenties so the child couldn't be older than a toddler. This made Elaine's heart drop as she knew there was only one other option. And she couldn't think about that with Lucille crying silently above
 
Grammar: 

Really minor things here and there that can be brushed up on. Things like capital letters. It wont take your immersion out of the story.

  
Characters:  
So, this story is third person limited, where we mainly follow Elaine. There's only two characers to far, so it's a little hard to judge. That said, we're told a lot of their feelings, but it feels a little surface level. I want to be shown it, and dive a little deeper. What's Elaine thought process as she makes decisions?
 What are their struggles, outside of the obvious? What are the characters wants and needs? What are they doing to achieve it?
 
Overall: I encourage the author to keep going! There is a very interesting premise and I look forwardto seeing it develop.