Manipulation. Temptation. The tender caress of words pulled Rafa’s closest friend into darkness, offering a false home and a deceitful purpose. But Rafa would plunge down into any depths, no matter how dark, for that which he cares for, and Niklas was no exception.
Within this being’s life lies pain, suffering, and loss. But perhaps, Rafa could endure such trials if it means saving Niklas’ soul from her grasp. For the words of Inis, the goddess of torment, are one thing and one thing only: lies.
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This is one of the stories that grabbed me from the first paragraph and kept me reading until I hit the last chapter. It might not appeal to everyone, but for me, this dark litRPG story is worthy of following it. And I hope it continues to grow and develop as there are only seven chapters at the time of my review.
The style of the writing is done very well. It's one of the first things that will turn me down from reading a novel. Here, I found it very enjoyable, appreciating the way the author builds up tension, mixing up conversation and narrative, and avoiding unnecessary listings and boring descriptions.
The storyline has its own uniqueness. Even though this is litRPG, it's done in its own way. And the story here is laced with a mystery which makes it unpredictable and more enjoyable.
Characters are well constructed and I see how they will have a lot of opportunities to show who they really are and to grow in the future. It's not just an MC, but side characters as well. And the dynamics between them adds another dimension to this story. It might be a bit too early to pass a big judgment on character development, but nevertheless, the first seven chapters lay a really good foundation for future character development, and I'm eager to see where the author will take them.
I did not notice any problem with grammar, so it is not an issue here.
I hope my review encourages the author to keep on writing and posting new chapters here as I see how this can grow into one very special story.
Okay, this is my first time reading a LitRPG and reviewing a story, so granted I may not know anything about the system. The characters feel really alive and have personality, and it was something that really stood out. Ardler's character handling is *chef's kiss*. Also the mystery surrounding the world gave more motivation to keep reading along. Although one thing I noticed was the abuse of the word 'said'. Besides that, everything else is pretty great!
This story plays to its strengths, dialogue and character development. In the beginning it was a little tough to follow who was speaking but as the story progressed so did the author. The litrpg system so far isn't beating me over the head with numbers and data on how to power up which I really appreciate. A mystery still remains. Who is Innis and why the hell would they want Niklas?
Style: Written in the third person and well designed this story gets solid marks from me here. The system is well designed and obviously special while also being its own little mystery. Timeskips need to be addressed better but thats the only flaw I could think of. The prose is great as is the dialogue which some authors fund so tricky.
Story: Mystery! I feel like I know only as much as the main character which is perfect. The author does an incredible job of letting us know that we know nothing about the new world. This of course means that I want to read more! More you hear me!
Grammar: No noticable mistakes that I could see. Immersion 100%
Charaacter: This is where the story shines so far. Not the settings description, not the action sequences, the characters really breathe the story to life for me. Rafa is so raw and real that when his friend [Redacted] I was really sad for the kid. He's got a lot of room to row and this story reminds me a bit of The Guilded Hero in how well written and grounded it is.
The premise of this story is roughly--an evil god summons a champion, whose power is to use Litrpg rules to grow and become said evil champion. His friend, the MC, is good and wants to save the evil champion, and in teh process, gets sucked intot he summoning as well--and gains similar litrpg rules powesr to grow quickly.
Honestly, the writing need a bit of work, but its not grammer or even style--its just extra words (he sent out his arm flying forward should be he sent his arm flying forward as the best example.).
The rest of it is pretty solid. Their is real emotion between the MC and his friend (and maybe love interest? Their isn't anything saying that tbut the depth of emotion is like captain america for bucky--its feels more than just friendship to me). That emotion, the MC wanting to save his friend so much, makes you want to root for him and makes you care when he can't do so immediately. This is pretty powerful stuff.
The three major characters identified so far have very different, but very believable personalities which makes for a very fun read. Ardler is qutie fun and kooky, but has a real personality (that reflects important things I thin khe represents) underneath that, one with depth. THe villain/friend has real reasons for his darkness that gives him sympathetic elements.
The magic system is intersting, but its noteworthy that it doesn't really giuve numbers to back it up (X strength equals Y lifting capacity type of things--it has numbers. They just don't directly translate.). Despite that, how it works is pretty clear, and it ties into the story very clearly. The growth at points is meaningful and story driven.
This story is solid overall, but it is the characters and their interactions that absolutely shine the most--i'd 6 star the character score if i could. If you're interested in a character driven story, give this a chance for sure.
It's been a while since I've found a story that gets me giddy to come back with each new chapter released. The world is full of mystery and whimsy, and the characters are brimming with charm. The author's writing is effortless to read, leaving space for breath between each scene while maintaining a steady level of tension and suspense throughout the story. Only six chapters in, and I can't get enough!
This author's style of writing features beautifully descriptive language, painting each moment into a clear picture. The level of detail in each scene allows the reader to feel immersed in the story, experiencing every thought and feeling along with the characters. It is evident that the author put an immense amount of care into their choices for each chapter.
The highest selling point of this story for me, though, is undeniably the character work. We are given a well-rounded cast, from the off-beat old man, Ardler, to the eerie goddess, Inis (and her followers), each character brings a new level of intrigue and complexity to the story. There is an impressive balance of humor with tension throughout the story, which can be credited to the author's choice in unique and contrasting personalities for our main cast.
As for the plot itself-- it's refreshing to read a new story without being bombarded with years worth of lore and history from the first page. We get to experience the events unfold in real-time, allowing us to learn about the world along with the main character, Rafa. There is an air of curiosity as you read, yearning to know more about what's to come on the next page. The plot leads with a strong hook-- a creepy woman in a lake pulling our characters into a new, strange world. From there, the first point of conflict is revealed along with one of the most fun characters-- Ardler. The story is easy to follow so far and paced perfectly, giving just enough time to each moment while still keeping the reader engaged and excited.
To the author-- bravo! This story is an exciting new prospect for anyone who loves LitRPG and fantasy in general. I'm looking forward to each new chapter, and I can't wait to see where you take us!
This is a very refreshing read. It is exactly what I have been looking for in a litrpg. It truly stands out with its uniqueness. So, here we go.
Style (4.5): The style is very simple, clean, and easy to read. The action sequences are written plainly, making it easy for the reader to understand what is happening. However, I think a little personality can be added to the narrative. It would not hurt.
Story (5): This is a very creative story, and I am excited about finding it. You have two friends who have been sucked into another realm who will surely be on opposite spectrums of the foreshadowing struggle to come. It’s a classic enough storyline but what really made the story stand out to me was the break from the general formalities of other litrpgs. You won’t find status or inventory charts in this story. No, the main character and his opposite each have a small interactive journal that they carry with them. All of their stats and inventory are there. The way the writer describes them allotting their stats points and managing their inventory is truly creative and speaks of an intelligent mind. Another thing I like is that the main character can feel his abilities working and can map out an opponent’s attacks reminding me of Robert Downey Jr.’s Sherlock Holmes.
Grammar (4.5): Not much to speak about honestly. The stuff I saw didn’t take away from the experience. However, there were some things. A lot of short paragraphs that could be made bigger by grouping paragraphs with similar topics together. Single quotation marks were used incorrectly. Sometimes periods and quotation marks were used for scene breaks which they shouldn’t be. Either use a line break or space. When space is used for scene breaks it’s only a minimal amount of space. The writer should use more space. I spotted a few word mistakes that really didn’t hamper the reading experience. Lastly, in one area, the writer called the dead tiger a wolf.
Characters (4.5): I have to say, the one thing that didn’t stand out in the story was the characters, except for the old man, Ardler. I felt that both the main character, Rafa, and his friend/opposite, Niklas, were really flat. I think they are two characters that can be built upon and filled out more. They are good characters, but they don’t invoke any feelings in me. Now Ardler is hilarious. This little old man is bursting with personality. He really steals the show. Another thing, the ages of the main characters aren’t made clear. I don’t know whether they are teenagers or young men. That can be a crucial detail to some readers. Especially to someone like me who likes adult main characters.
Overall, this is a good story that I’m going to follow. You got all the adventure right here. Litrpg, isekai, and fantasy. If all of those tickle your fancy, check this story out.
This story is an interesting spin on Isekai, and as a first work, is extremely commendable. The beginning is a bit rough, and it could do with some editing overall, but it has a strong foundation and shows promise to be a contender for a great story in the days and weeks to come.
Let's get right into it:
Story: 5/5 - Interesting plot, intriguing setting, refreshingly unique take on the progression genre.
Style: 4/5 - Prose is decent, but a bit shaky. Has some issues with pacing. Action scenes can be a bit hard to follow. Shows promise overall, however.
Grammar: 3.5/5 - Could benefit from some proofreading sweeps, but still readable.
Character: 4.5/5 - Character motivations and backgrounds are given thought and fleshed out, but pacing can cause character whiplash.
5/5 - Interesting plot, intriguing setting, refreshingly unique take on the progression genre.
The story is intriguing, and engaging. Right away, we are introduced to the main character and his friend, and they are both Isekaied by a mysterious moistened witch. The main character finds himself alone save for a polite, but murderous old man, and discovers that his friend may be in danger.
The events of the plot flow well, the course of the larger story is well framed, with an almost immediate call to action. The lore has thought put into it, and the world so far doesn't seem contrived, as it does in many other stories.
The [System] that drives progression is relatively unique, in that manifests physically in the form of a mysterious notebook, apparently applies only to select few, rather than all people in the world having access to it, and eschews most 'stats' and 'skills' for more of D100 style Skill List, which independently level up as he takes action, and present branching boons as he hits milestones.
4/5 - Prose is decent, but a bit shaky. Has some issues with pacing. Action scenes can be a bit hard to follow. Shows promise overall, however.
The style is, frankly speaking, pretty rough. It's written competently enough, and it's clear that thought has gone into what is being said and how things have been worded, so the foundation is there. The author just needs to get on the grind and find his writing legs to really bring out that diamond beneath the rough.
3.5/5 - Could benefit from some proofreading sweeps, but still readable.
A few notable typos, somewhat common grammatical errors, and an occasional odd tense or turn of phrase. The author seems receptive to feedback and corrections, however. Could do with a bit of proofreading or editing, but nothing unsalvageable.
4.5/5 - Character motivations and backgrounds are given thought and fleshed out, but pacing can cause character whiplash.
The characters clearly have a lot of thought put into them. They have deep-seated beliefs, motivations, and clearly feel the push/pull of having multiple goals, motivations, or dreams they want to fulfill, which might be at odds with each other.
However, the pacing, which is mostly a factor of the author's still coming into their own, can make the development or decisions seem kind of whiplashy. It's clear that the author has the character's motivation and mental state at point A, and wants it to inevitably lead to point B, which is a completely natural progressional endpoint.
However, the pacing means that the character can often take one or two massive lunges towards point B rather than a more flowing, natural course that may take a bit longer to reach that point.
This may not sound like a great endorsement, but believe me, it is. I would take a dozen stories that have great foundation and shaky execution than I would over stories with flat, contrived characters who are written competently and paced normally.
In short, I won't lie, the story is a bit rough now, but I think the author shows a lot of promise. Once they've gotten some experience in and upped their technical skills, this story has a great foundation to become an intriguing, unique ride.
The Deceit of Innis is a captivating story that keeps the reader engaged from start to finish. . The storyline is unique, even within the litRPG genre, and laced with mystery that keeps it unpredictable and enjoyable.
Characters: The characters in this story are well-constructed and have the potential to show their true selves and grow in the future. Rafa and Niklas have a deep emotional connection that is effectively conveyed through their interactions, and the villain/friend character, presumably Inis, has sympathetic reasons for their darkness. Ardler is also a standout character, with a kooky and fun personality that belies a deeper depth and complexity.
The dynamics between the characters add an extra dimension to the story, and while it may be too early to pass judgement on character development, the first seven chapters lay a strong foundation for future growth. The well-developed characters and their emotional interactions are the standout aspect of the story, making for a truly engaging read.
Style/Story: The magic system in this story is complex and adds an exciting element to the narrative. It is clear in how it works and ties into the story in a meaningful way. The growth of the characters is also meaningful and story-driven.
The prose in this story is well-written, with effective conveying of emotions and tension. The descriptions of the fantasy world are vivid and immersive, drawing the reader into the story. The magic system is also well thought out and adds an exciting element to the narrative.
Grammar/prose: As some reviewers mentioned, it does have some issues with readability and sheer density at times. However, it's nothing I couldn't get past.
Overall, this is a high-quality story that is sure to please fans of character-driven LitRPGs.