An avid gamer and his friends are drawn by powerful deities into a medieval world of fantasy. Will they bring balance or invoke the ire of an evil serpent god?
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
- Total Views :
- Average Views :
- Followers :
- Favorites :
- Ratings :
- Pages :
Leave a review
For context: I'm a D&D 5e player and dungeon master myself. I'm also sort of a rules lawyer, so from that perspective I had big expectations for this story. So far (chapter 27) I am not disapointed.
Style: I like the style a lot, the idea with the dice rolls and the colors is very good, with advantage/disadvantage you could possibly mark the roll that is used, e.g. highlight it in bold and/or underlined, like this: (Skill(disadvantage source): x/y +z=a). Then there are the pictures, I haven't seen that very often, I like it very much and I'd love to see more of them!
Grammar: A few small mistakes here and there, usually just one letter is missing, I know that from my own attempts at writing. Nothing that would greatly impede the flow of reading.
Story: A kind of Isekai story mixed with D&D. I like the world building very much, the description of the places and people is clear and concise and together with the pictures (again, more of them are welcome!) a good picture of the world is drawn. Especially in the last few chapters there are a few hints that indicate that this isn't going to be just a more or less generic good versus evil story, but something with a little more depth. I just hope it doesn't drift into a love story, they are firstly mostly boring and secondly when not boring then hard to write in a way that's believable.
Characters: The, so far, three main characters are very different and easily distinguishable. We have the main character, the hero, the seriousness, the situation and the leadership overview. Then the scholars, always in search of new knowledge. And then the paranoid loot enthusiast. All are well written and fun to play with. I just hope that the love affairs that are hinted at remain small and don't end in cringe. I also hope that in the end 5 characters with ten (!) names not become too many. There's only so much room in a story and with 5 characters, hopefully well written antagonists and a whole range of supporting characters you have to be careful that no one comes up short. Also I would love to see all the characters sheets combined with a picture of them!
All in all, I'm looking forward to the next chapters!
Pairing another note: Jake/Cambrin should know that an artificer rarely attacks with weapons, but rather with cantrips, since the chance of hitting is higher thanks to the high intelligence and either the damage is also higher (firebolt, poison spray) or other effects are triggered (Ray of Frost, Acid Splash, Frostbite). And with Bec/Ceyla's Patron you have an incredibly powerful narrative tool in your hands, I can't wait to see what you will do with it!