- Sexual Content
- Traumatising content
[Earth] has finally reached the minimum level of ambient mana that is required to support integration into the wider cosmos. According to scans, [Earth] has one species capable of higher reasoning and thought. That's a higher number than [ERROR]% of planets! If you can understand this message, then you must be part of the species [Human]. Lucky you!
IF YOU ARE NOT PART OF THE SPECIES [Human] AND ARE RECEIVING THIS MESSAGE, CONTACT YOUR DESIGNATED LOCAL SUPPORT HUB WITHIN THE NEXT  SECONDS.
To support the integration of [Humans] into the greater cosmos, the... [ERROR]
[retrieving appropriate term from species database...]
[culturally relevant term found]
To support the integration of [Humans] into the greater cosmos, the System has been made available to you! Yes, you! As well as all other [Humans], but also you! The System will help you integrate mana into your [carbon-based flesh bodies], as well as taking on the burden of datamining your [brains] and determining what your affinities are. This process has a [68%] casualty rate when performed on [Human] simulators. You're welcome!
NOTE: Due to a lack of data on [Human] affinity compatibility, the System has provided a series of tests and challenges to weed out inefficient affinities before official integration. There are even puzzles! Fun!
NOTE NOTE: [Human] simulators have shown that most desirable reactions occur when the System is using Language Filter [387-B]. This filter is meant to encourage positive reactions in [highly empathetic] [needy] [easily scared] [squishy] living organisms. Look how you're being taken care of! Wow! Please share your positive responses with other [Humans].
Beginning datamining process now...
Kira was... in the middle of something when the System came. Now, she is conflicted. On the one hand, apocalypse and end of life as she knew it. On the other hand, life as she knew it wasn't - well, it wasn't something she wanted to continue. She feels like she should be sad, or maybe angry is the right response? Kira's never been good with feeling how she is supposed to, but she knows that 'happy' definitely isn't the right answer. But, come on, the System prompt definitely mentioned mana, which means magic. Who wouldn't be excited about magic? And affinities seem to be tied to it. Kira hopes she'll be able to do something cool with her affinity, which is... Time?
Time magic is fun, and I did put the Time Travel tag on here but know going in that it's a ways off. We'll start with time shenanigans pretty soon though. Cover art generated by me through Dream by Wombo.
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I have read about 12 chapter so far and it is a great story. I like the main character is still dealing with the Suicidal ideations even as she tries to stay alive. It seems like a realistic approach to someone that has recently attempted suicide. I also love the fact the main Character is staying true to the fact that she is intelligent. So far, the author has not had to dumb down the other humans that appears to make the main character look good. The system itself is something that makes this story great. The way the author makes it so that humans are not something special and that they are also just another commodity to the system is unique
I love this story. Waiting the last two days for the next posting has been terrible.
Let me preface the main discussion with this: The author made the mistake of not believing anyone would like the story (big miss there!), so they have no backlog of pre-written content. I guess time will tell how much this matters.
In the beginning of the story, I had a hard time getting behind Kira (the MC), because she starts in a dark place and is depressed and a bit traumatised/whiny: certainly not dealing. I am reminded of when, in "Leon: the Professional" Matilde asks Leon "is [life] always like this?" 11 yo, smoking on the stairwell, hiding her new black eye, and Leon simply says "Always." As time went on though, Kira starts to deal with life, so my care for her grew. Ultimately, she has a beautiful root inside, provided by her grandfather, and the echos of his love and care shape her and her future in the new System that has arrived, and that makes all the difference for me.
The other aspects are good, too. Idkmanseemssketchy did a great job as the voice of Kira: really capturing and relaying thoughts, feelings, and actions well. The action sequences are gripping (although occassionally they are a little confusing). The System is probably the most Sarcastic, Passive-Aggressive, Annoying and Fake-Helpful System I have ever read. That's all good.
Of course Kira starts with a power that will be great, if she can live long enough to learn to use it. But, it is like throwing a 13 yo behind the wheel of a Ferrari and with no lessons or manual at all, and no book to sit on to see over the dash. The tension is great, and my frustrations with System, MC, Life, etc. mount as I wait for the MC to figure ANYTHING out about her new deal.
But, slowly, she does start to deal.
It is great, and shockingly addictive.
Interesting take. A solid human aspect so far. Plus the right kind of crunch. Limitations and understanding for the powers. Logical progression. Looking forward to seeing where this goes. Time powers are always a tricky thing to keep in line but I like how the resource management works. The environmental aspects of it are interesting too. Eventually all cultivators find ways to passively gather energy though :P curious how she'll do it!
huh, I can't believe it. a timebender that makes sense. it's a really wholesome story and others will probably copy the mechanics when they make chronomancers. I am waiting to see how author handles time loops and time travel, but there are so many options I can't wait. right now everything is rather basic slowing down and speeding stuff up though, there is clearly a mention of some higher level mechanics and spells.
I'm sorry that this is so short but I will come back and do a proper review another day when I'm less tired. Just wanted to say it's been great so far and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. The in character voice is excellent and they seem very real. I'm liking the conceptualization of mana as well it seems fairly unique to me. Snarky system is always a plus.
I have seen this a 100 times. A system apocalypse with a MC who can barely cope. Here we have an emotionally disturbed MC Kira who was trying to kill herself over a boy when the system came.
She makes it into the tutorial. The 1st person she meets tries to unalive her. Even after she survives she is having emotional problems.
Dont get me wrong. The problems she is having are realistic and consistent. The problem i have is it makes for a boring story.
It may say more about me than the author. But i dont want to read about a MC who is having problems killing those who try to kill her. So give it a try, maybe your nicer than me.
I won't say the plot, as of right now, is completely original, as I've read quite a few similar stories. Yet. I'm hooked on it and looking forward to new chapters.
If anything I just hope this story doesn't fall into the same dull cliches many others have fallen into.
I recommend giving it a try despite there being just a few chapters.
Obviously it's early days at the time of this review and we aren't even passed the introductory stage yet, but this is a fairly strong start. Even the slow glimpse of the wider setting that we got in the Interlude is good, and those parts are usually what signals the coming of a car crash. Obviously things could still take a turn for the bad, but I'm hopeful
Good luck to the author in continuing from this point onwards.
Excellent so far. Different enough to separate it from the mass but keeping to the elements that make the genre.
The MC is neither a psychopathic egomaniac nor a wimp. She is not immediately likeable due to her flaws, but these are flaws that create growth and redemption.
The story does create tension and is well paced so far. The victories and conflict do not strike me as contrived and do not rely on overpowered abilities saving the day (not to say she is underpowered by any means) and abilities do not instantly guarantee victory. Also interesting use of time element.
Sufficient foreshadowing and cryptic abilities to indicate more interesting things to come. High marks to encourage what is developing to be a good story. -0.5 because its still early! So please give us more great chapters!
Overall: I highly recommend this story to anyone that enjoys System Apoc and clever System mechanics. The System A.I. is a really funny comedic element - you can get an idea of what that looks like in the blurb. The MC, Kira, is smart and likeable. And the writing is very well done overall.
Story: It's a pretty standard System Apocalypse so far. The MC seems to be transported to a training ground or weening mechanism ala Hunger Games. There, she begins to grasp her situation and how to manipulate her Time magic. The story itself isn't anything groundbreaking, but it's done well because you care about Kira, you're invested in learning the mechanics with her, and her first encounter with another human is very compelling. Excited to see what happens post-SAD.
Grammar: Impeccable. Haven't spotted a single issue yet - and I'm pretty picky there.
Style: Hate, hate, hate present tense, but I give this story a pass because it's so well written. I would prefer this story in past tense, but I can't mark this story down for preference. On a more positive note, the interspersion of System messages and Kira's actual story are at a perfect pace so far. Kira's story is dark, depressing, and full of dangerous mystery, but it's offset by the absurd nature of the System A.I.'s vernacular. Really good balance so far.
Character: Kira is a good character so far. I have a little gripe with how quickly she transforms from suicidal to go-getter, but I appreciate that she's realized she didn't actually want to die, and is making steps to continue living. She's competent and figured out how to use Time mana pretty quickly, so folks will appreciate that. Overall, interesting character. We haven't really seen any other characters except the System A.I. (which I already talked about), so curious if the other characters can match Kira's depth.
Great story so far and no surprise how quickly it's been rising on the lists. Give it a try!