Frozen Soul (Completed)

by Mirikon

Original COMPLETED Action Adventure Horror Romance Sci-fi Tragedy Harem Martial Arts Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Sexual Content

In 2016, Earth was invaded by the Rithenal Empire, a multispecies empire encompassing over a dozen star systems. Because of Sol System being at a strategic juncture of warp gates, if one could conquer the system, they would gain a great advantage over the other powers in this arm of the galaxy. Unfortunately for the Rithenalese, humankind was not so powerless as one might expect. Previous invasions had left their mark, even if the general public didn't know about them. The explosion of a Krax Imperial warship over Siberia in 1908 gave humankind mutant abilities, while the capture of a Ross'Ell science vessel in 1947 greatly advanced our technology. While governments fell to the surprise attack, a resistance was formed. One member of the Resistance was feared above all others by the Rithenalese. An assassin who conjured mists that no living thing emerged from, they began calling him the Mistwalker. To the humans, they knew him as a thief and assassin called Iceblade. This is his story. ----------------------------------------------------- The setting is a world of superheroes and sci-fi, and our main character who may not be the most powerful out there, but is willing to do whatever it takes to win. No matter the cost. This is my first story, and something I'm writing in my free time, so updates will be sporadic, but I won't drop this project without letting you know. Rated R: Definite language, violence, gore, (maybe) sex, and all the horrible things that can happen in the world. There's a bunch of tags because I haven't decided where this will go just yet.

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Mirikon

Mirikon

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bubbleduck
  • Overall Score
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If I could punch the main character.

At first I thought I would only need one, but now I'm not so sure. But one thing is certain, if I could take my frustration out on him just for a short time, I would end it by apologising and asking for his autograph. I can respect his strength and general badassery as much as he as a person disgusts me.

 

The main problem with this story - rape. When you have 10+ members of the harem and all of them became a part of it because of the main character raping them, that is not the sort of story that appeals to the majority of people. I struggled my way through for the sci-fi elements and honestly I was a little disappointed by them towards the end, mostly because of world balance. I'll get to that later, though.

 

We start off with style. This is pretty good although I deducted half a star for colouring text. I had no problem with it until I realised that without the colours there is no way to tell who is speaking at any point in time. It's fine to use colours to add information to the text, but it should never take the place of other information sources. If your story doesn't make sense when the formatting is removed, you're doing something wrong.

 

Grammar - I noticed a few minor mistakes, mostly incorrect words that wouldn't be found by a spellchecker, but it's more than readable. Imagery is detailed and mostly feels fresh.

 

<Prepare for a rant>

 

*Disclaimer*

I respect that the author has well-written characters and an interesting story, especially at the start. I didn't take off stars for points that I felt contributed to this story but I personally didn't like. What I attempted to criticise were decisions made  which had an obvious negative effect on the rest of the story for no gain in return - at least no gain to most people.

*End Voice of Reason*

 

Story - Now. Here's where your problems begin. The first thing I want to complain about is the rape porn. You see, the worst thing about it in this story wasn't that it was rape. The problem was you dedicating entire chapters to pornographic scenes. And then at the start of the chapters you stated that something in the chapter would be important to understanding the main character's control of his powers. And in the end the 'detail about his control' was his ability to make ice dildos. The next time you hinted at one coming up? Skipped. Honestly, I would have enjoyed this story so much more if you just put a spoiler on graphical scenes or left the sex-scene chapters as side stories - because they had no actual effect on the plot for quite a few of them. It would be more than enough for you to write a ten-word summary of what happened ("he dominated the princess and her sister through the night") and leave the rest to people who are interested. Instead you force readers who aren't into that sort of thing to read through it to enjoy your story. I took a star off story for this. I would have left it at half a star if there weren't chapters which didn't advance the story at all because all they contained was pornography.

 

My second complaint is wish fulfilment. Not that "the main character is powerful", but "the main character has no challenges or rivals" and "the human race is awesome". You pose your main character as strong, but not unbeatable. Sure. Yet he is effectively unbeatable if you underpower everyone who he ever fights. He NEVER had an interesting fight against an alien - unless they were from the aliens' point of view. It was more "oh god, he's going to rape all those people in the middle of a battle because he doesn't care about the enemy". I would be fine with this if it was super powers vs. ordinary people. But you SPECIFICALLY stated that the aliens have super powers too. They aren't as wild as human ones are, but they exist. Yet every person he ever fights is just a mook who is taken down in instants. There are no alien telepaths to figure out his location, no alien assassins with the ability to conceal their presence, nothing except strength and hard skin. Every fight scene in the latter half of the story is boring, action-wise, because of this. Towards the end I was rooting for the aliens. Yes, I wanted your main character to die or at least feel pain. But no, he didn't. Not even once. Compare this with the start of the story, where fights were shown from his point of view. He planned around the enemies' abilities. He discovered his own strengths and weaknesses, and made sure to cover the latter with technology. Those were interesting fights.

Then you have the alien empire with the ability to defend itself of a frog. Humans figured out how to cause supernovas in less than a year through mad scientists and other superpowers. The alien empire can't even destroy a planet, despite having a millennia-long space faring history. They have developed this tech over decades and centuries, and yet they are surpassed by humans in months. THAT is what feels the most like wish fulfilment to me - especially since there would no doubt be alien mad scientists of their very own.

THEN you have the ass-pull plans which would be solved with a little bit of editing. Oh, there's a teleporter on this stolen shuttle which links to the alien flagship. Why was this not mentioned before? We didn't need it until now. These are thankfully few but they're jarring when they do happen.

From all that, you lose a star and a half. You have a cool universe and concept but the continuity is smashed by you wanting your main character to do everything.

 

Character - Here's another problem. First and essential to mention is the rape. There's the fact that he turns every woman he sleeps with into a personalityless mind slave, who is nothing but a nationality/species, a set of three sizes and a name. The only real difference between them besides this is that some have superpowers and some don't.

The worst part about this is that he doesn't even need to. I actually enjoyed the chapter where he was chatting up the other superhero. It was believable and didn't make me cringe every few minutes. But then, because of his MacGuffin-like ring, every woman he meets just loses all their character. Yes, loses. They actually HAD character before and it disappears. Many were well-written and unique and I was even attached to some of them, and shipped them with the MC at the start of the story. Then you went along and just froze the ocean full of our ships. Sure, he has everyone now, but what's the fun in that besides having a bit more variety in the pornography chapters?

 

My second big complaint is about characters' morals. At the start of the story this was well done, showing his slow decline from a 'good' guy to a true villain. But then what about everyone else? How come there are no people who are against his actions? Sure he explains his actions well enough, the military ones at least, but there is always going to be some jerk who comes along and slaps a restraining order on a victorious general. ALWAYS.

Come to think of it, how come his partner in crime is the person she is? Her fall to villainy came over a few months of time skip, as compared to the MC's multiple years of pain and betrayal. Yet by any account she is as bad as Mr MC, if not worse. Why? I feel that this is an important plot point that you just ignored because you wanted your MC to have a useful assistant who will agree with him.

 

My final complaint is the universe revolving around your main character. Sure, towards the end of the story it makes sense, with all the assistance he gets from all the other supers. But what about the middle? Take the start of the invasion. How come he is the only one who actually attacks an alien ship? 1% of the population have combat abilities. That means at least 50 million, depending on how many died in the bombardment and whatnot. Yet only one person is actually able and willing to attack the aliens? Just mentioning other supers' actions would make so much more of a difference. Just considering the possibility that there is someone else in the world with capabilities, other than the MC and his immediate companions, would go a long way to improving your characters.

</Rant>

 

So, that's over - probably the longest review I've written on this site yet. I'm so glad to get that love-hate relationship towards this story off my chest. Now I may have been overly critical with my rant, so I bumped up the final score from a 3.5/5 to 4/5. If it was up to personal preferences I'd give it a 2.5, simply because that's how much I hate the pornography. But I respect your writing ability enough to give you credit where it's due, and I acknowledge that most of your audience love exactly the sort of things I just criticised so harshly.

 

tl;dr 4/5, lost marks for undue focus on rape porn and op characters. All things have a time and a place.

 

Good luck with your future projects.

123abdi
  • Overall Score

okay so i'm going to get a lot of haters for this but i gotta say it

the first volume was amazing and the characters were all really intriguing and well fleshed out (e.g the MC, his sister, his girlfriends , the mysterious heroine he met at a bar etc...). so i was really interested as to what would happen in the next arcs. But i found myself disappointed, the character development has completely halted and the MC became so OP the opponents he fights don't even deserve to be named because they die so quickly they don't even last a chapter. 

My other concerns include:

the lack of a clear goal for the MC, revenge for earth is kinda a weak reason since he was barely effected by the invasion personally and is basically a sociopath villain. 

is his automatic response when dealing with alien females getting all rapey?

And why is every other human seemly okay with this, i mean they haven't even brought it up once.

does anyone else have an opinion about it? or about anything... anyone??

 Seriously he's keeping an alien cat princess as his sex slave!! Iceblade control yourself just a little... please?

 All of these rapist fade-to-black moments seem to make up most of the plot now. And it takes away from the originality of the story turning it into a fap fiction.

So to the author all i can say is: Please don't make this book like all those others in royalroad that turned to sexual encounters to make up for the lack of storyline. And if you enjoy writing these kind of scenes at least don't make all the females carbon copies of each other (the usual- raped then they started to like it type harem member). i'd also like some cool male characters that actually... do things rather that just hate iceblade for obvious reasons. (note cool female characters who can fight well would also be appreciated). Take advantage of all the superhero powers available instead of just getting tech powered villains to make insanely over-powered devices that i'm pretty sure those villains could have already conquered the world with. And sometimes check on earth from the POV of some other character, its a bit farfetched to imagine that humanity got its shit together after getting invaded and things are perfect... its not really in human nature to behave. i really don't want this story to go down a cliche path so that's why i want to speak up before its a hundred chapters too late. Anyways thanks for the chapters so far and i hope to see some of the great things i saw in the 1st arc in future chapters.

pizzalad3
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Highly recommend if you are human!

My title says it all. You can love this story whether you are a girl or a guy. There is super powers and genuine tactics. Lots of sexual content and lots of fighting. The sexual content contain a good amount of seduction and even more action that you keep you going. 

The writing is simple and easy to read. The story is full of twist and turns at just the right places. The grammar is no problem. I have not noticed any grammar mistakes so far near the end of second volume. The character are unique, the races of the aliens are generic but unique as well.

A truly masterful piece. I hate to admit it but this novel surpassing 'The Game' in terms of sci fi. If you are a girl you will enjoy the sexual content as its quite explicit but you'll feel you want to be embraced by a guy like that and will probably jerk off while reading it in the middle of the night.... multiple times. 

 

XD

 

The third

TriageX
  • Overall Score

This story has gone down a unique rout, which I am soooo happy for. Rather than the typical mutant power school scene, or even the MC longing for power, It turns out he longed for the opposite. Him being a person who hated the mutated (due to reasons) and after becoming one himself, rejects it....though only for a while.

The story flow, craft and character are all awesome! Glad I read it and am looking forward to more.  

Wade
  • Overall Score

I really like stories where the MC’s not some wimpy emotional wreck pushover + villain super hero unverse. In it it really remainds me of Stone Burners and its good.

blitflame1
  • Overall Score

Great story but plan the next few chapters carefully.

This is a wonderful story however the latest chapter/ chapter 10 made me want to remind you of the original goal which is an alien apocalypse. Now the thing about supers and magic is fine and all but plz any chapters with sexual content unless they have something to do with the overall plot should be titled as a special. Your at a turning point right now do you make this story like re-octipus gag like funny and hot. Or do you keep the serious mood you have been having(has a much bigger fan base then sex surprisingly) and bring about the alien apocalypse that was fortold in the prologue. Honestly I think you should scrap chapters 8-9 and go in another direction. But I am not the Author i will stick around until at least chapter 20 though.

Jackbotian1
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Great story, wonderful character build up; style is good but for me preferably alongside of where it is described to be happening would like to have the perspective written. Possibly having place and perspective either bold or in some way catching the eye so people know of the change, it would possibly make it easier to follow; Grammar is where it is for no one can be perfect, case and point these blurbs are probably not 100% grammatically correct. Overall, wonderful story hope you continue to make more with the only downside now is for me to wait for more chapters. (¯\_(-.-)_/¯) beggars can’t be choosers and thank you for the chapters.

OPMeatbunLover
  • Overall Score

This .. i'm speachless .. i enjoyed it so much i spelled speachless wrong .. twice

I’m really speachless (thrice)  *ehem* enough with that .. i love this story and i’m getting goosebumps from the excitement .. some might not like this as much as i do so i guess each one it’s own hahaha really cool mc and he’s not the strongest.. no but he laughs while stepping on the strongest people while they shiver in more reasons than one .. he’s not the strongest but when he comes the enemies just feels Death among them.. i don’t care about other’s opinions haha i just love this! And thank you for this author please don’t drop this

fanvaron
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Very refreshing writing style

I just read through this story in one siting (up to v3 c3).

And I must say I’m really impressed by this writing style.

The story is extremely fast paced and full of action.

What I find so impressive is the way of story telling, there is so very little explanation, he just has an op sword he found somewhere, with some impressive abilitys that we don't even know all of.

But with the way the story goes you just accept this, such background information would just slow things down.

The detail of explanation and description “on scene” on the other hand is excellent and very clear.

The only flaw I find in this style (and it is in no way makes this story bad, just different) is the fact that everything is so fast and so detached of the characters that the reader does not really associates very much with a single character, instead of that the reader associates himself with the whole of earth and the idea of revenge.

I really enjoyed this story even trough its misses the strong association with the characters and the drive to see them succeed. In this case it is, at least for me, more of a what can they/he do next.

 

Ps. This style which im talking about only really comes in effect when the alien invasion starts, before that is is a little more character focused.

catbearpenguin
  • Overall Score

Enjoyed the book, but alos very happy it eneded at the right time