Keeper Of Demonic Forces

So let's start with the good.

The author has done a very good job in laying out the landscape, characters, and setting. The dialogue and action flows well, the prose is very solid 'light novel' prose.

But there IS one deal breaker

The problem is the styling does need cleanup for readability which is my main critique for what it is. The space margins are extra wide, and I found myself pasting the chapters into a word document and clearing the formatting so I could mentally process and visualize the scenes. Styling and presentation does play an important role in establishing the tempo of words being read and our information processing. I struggle with the same issue in my own work.

Once it's cleaned up, I can 100% ecommend it wholeheartedly for fans of Bleach, Soul Eater, Blue Exorcist, or Shakugan no Shana.

Kira had no choice. She didn' ask to be brought into the dark world where spirits, devils, demons and monsters hungared for the taste of human flesh. But she was, and with the new power, the new dark power, she has a path before her that cannot be passed on to another. She is Demona!

If you are a fan of Blue Exorcist or Black Bulter you are going to enjoy this story!

This story was well structured and paced, with characters that are both enjoyable as well as interesting. They situation and genre is something she really leaned into, and produced this story in an impressive manner.

There are grammar and spelling errors that could have been avoided. The writer needs to proof read more, I suggest either using a text to voice app, they are free, or simply read it out loud. It will greatly reduce the errors. Prowritingaid, and Grammarly would also help. Haste to publish, in this case, did the writer no favors.

The characterization was exactly what you would expect. This kind of story is very well established as Anime, and it is becoming more popular here on royal road.

The scene concepts are strong and well developed. There was real throught put into it, or it was excellent as a tribute to the form. I think this writer has a HUGE amount of potential, I would say this is one of the better stories of this genre on the Royal Road.

From the get go, the story appears to be inspired by works like Bleach and possibly other ghost fantasy manga like soul eater and shaman king. Kira, a teenage girl, must use her newfound powers to battle paranormal evil in the city of Tokyo under the guise of Demona.

Style (4/5): The style of the story is written like a typical battle shonen or light novel. This works in the story's favor as it allows the author to write fast, frenetic action sequences that fit their story well.

Story (5/5): I'm a huge fan of manga and anime stories, particularly stuff like bleach, so I was instantly hooked in regards to the content of the story and what it had to offer. I enjoyed the seven chapters that I read and I think that the only criticism I have is that the worldbuilding takes a bit of a back seat. However, seeing as there are 37 chapters at the time of writing, I'm sure I'll get more details as I read further.

Grammar (4/5): There are a few grammatical and structural errors that break the immersion a little bit. However, the author has done a good job of addressing most of these issues.

Character score (4.5/5): I enjoyed my time with the main character Kira and the additional characters peppered throughout the chapters. There are glimpses of character depth and foreshadowing for further development so I'm excited to see how these characters grow.

First things first, the cover looks good. I love how it pops and fits the story really well. I found this one by looking at the review swap page. I have to say, the majority of stories I find on the review swap are pretty good. I would say the same for this story. Plus the author has done a good job on the synopsis. Keepers of Demonic Forces is, for all intents and purposes, a demon-slaying anime possibly ripped from the 1990s and transported to the modern day. Overall, it is a  good idea for a story!

Characters: The characters are well-written, especially Kira. The calmness and strength of the Kia is powerful. Some of the other characters are classic stereotypes which isn’t a bad thing! Like the Dad being upset with two daughters. 

Story: The action scenes are intense and satisfying.

The grammar is good. I didn’t have any problems with it. However, the structuring aka the spacing between the paragraphs was too much. I would go back and delete the extra space between paragraphs. It kinda kept me from feeling involved with the story, which is really unfortunate since your story is good but \like I said at the start, the grammar is good overall.

Overall, I can recommend it wholeheartedly to fans of Bleach, Soul Eater and Blue Exorcist. If you haven’t watched those animes, then I also recommend those.

Overall very good. The main character is accidentally taken to a dark world where she gains new powers.
Style
The style and character dialogue flowed well. The battle scenes are also well-drawn. The book is written from a first-person perspective. It's not my type. But the author writes great and I will continue to read.
Story
There is a very grand setting, and the Japanese gods and ghosts and such are great to me. It seems to be a story about a superhero. But I saw someone say it's a light novel? The author also handles the relationship between the battle and daily life very well. 
Grammar
I am not a native English speaker, so the author's grammar is okay for me. There seem to be some small mistakes. But I can feel that the author is getting better with each chapter. The free Grammarly can make your grammar perfect. If you immerse yourself in the story, you'll forget some of its minor flaws.
Characters
The main character, Kira, is well-developed. I like it a lot. The calmness and the strength of the character, all these things fascinate me.
Keep up the good work. I will keep my eyes on this story.

Enjoying the story, and really appreciating how the main character refuses to give up her life in the pursuit of this calling.

Style - You've got a good voice. The whole thing reads like the MC is just a BIT annoyed to be telling this tale, which I think goes well with her personality. You're good at filling the space, as these chapters are quite long. I could stand to see larger paragraphs, as it feels like a large amount of them are no more than a single sentence, and roughly the same length as well. Vary it up a bit to keep the energy moving. Also, the chapters feel SUUUPER long. Don't know if this is a function of the shorter paragraphs, but I feel like there are a lot of chances to end on a cliffhanger and start a new chapter but we just keep going. Not really a problem, more of a finesse thing.

Grammar - This is the only part I feel needs real improving. That's okay, because it's still readable. Words get left out occasionally, and proper punctuation is hit or miss. It's not a huge problem, and if it's the worst part of the story, that's actually pretty great. I feel like a few editing passes before posting would catch most of the errors, too. Don't sweat this one. It's easily fixable.

Story - The best part! You've got a fairly well evolved mythos, good backstory, good setting, and you're building upon each previous chapter in pleasing ways. My ONLY complaint is that the appearance of the two angels felt a little...deus ex machina. Convenient, if you will. It's fine. There's a place for that, too. Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

Character - I'm really torn on this one. On the one hand, you have some great characters. Lucifer is awesome. MC is good, mentally strong with her own reasons for doing things. Her dad is overbearing in an interesting way, but it seems like he only interacts with MC for the early part of the story. I'm not sure about the sister. As of now, she just seems to be asshole for asshole sake. Villains are fine. Still not sure about the angels. They seem a bit samey at this point, but that might change in the future.

Overall, good stuff! Keep it up. Your writing is getting better with every chapter. I'd just like to see a few editing passes before you post. I find reading my writing outloud helps me find weird spots.

Keepers of Demonic Forces is, for all intents and purposes, a demon-slaying anime possibly ripped from the 1990s and transported to modern day.

Or perhaps it's a demon-slaying anime ripped from the current lineup? I dunno, I've never seen Demon Slayer or any of them. The only demon-slaying anime I've ever seen is Yu Yu Hakusho.

I still know just enough about the genre to know that this is a fairly derivative story. But that's okay, because originality does not always mean quality, and any story in a genre could be someone's first. I really don't care if a genre, trope, or any other idea has been done before as long as it's being done well here and now.

And I think Keeper of Demonic Forces does well in at least the ten chapters I've read.

As a superhero author, I'm also happy to see that this is kind of a superhero story, at least insofar as those demon-slaying animes with the teenage protagonists that must balance their civilian and demon-slaying lives and keep those involved in one from learning about the other can be considered superhero stories.

So let's look at Keeper of Demonic Forces.

STYLE

This story is generally written in the first person. Hold onto that word "generally" for one sec.

The story is written from the POV of our female MC, who's eyes can sometimes be felt rolling through the narration and whose emotions are in it, but never to the point where the narration overtakes the story.

I've reviewed stories where the first person narrator starts trying to be your buddy, starts trying to hard to be clever and witty and ends up being obnoxious. Keeper of Demonic Forces never gets anywhere near there. It gives just enough of the MC's personality to justify the first person view without ever compromising the reliability of the narration or turning the narrator into the main character (I mean, yes, the MC is theoretically narrating, but I mean making the story about the narrator rather than the story being narrated).

The only hiccup to this was in one chapter where the narration switches to third person. It's not done inexplicably; there's a short scene where other characters are speaking out of the MC's presence, but then the rest of the chapter takes place following the MC again, but now still in third person. Best way to handle that is to, well, not do that. Since everyone else but the MC is referred to in the third person, there's no reason to switch things up. But that doesn't really take away from the overall story. Hell, it doesn't even meaningfully take away from that chapter.

Outside of that, the story flows very well. The pacing is consistent, battles are direct and easy to follow while still having an anime flair, and little time is spent hammering home a point that's been made already. There's no purple prose and the story is better off for it.

GRAMMAR

The story's main weak point. And it's not even particularly bad, but it's impossible to miss. Missed words, comas in the wrong place, dialogue surrounded by ' and " interchangeably. It never gets unreadable or unnatural, and as far as wordflow goes, the synopsis page is far worse than anything in the story proper. That said, it could have used one more editing pass, just for grammar.

STORY

Alright, let's get to the fun parts. Story and Characters.

Keeper of Demonic Forces follows Kira Vermillion, a teenage girl who moves to Tokyo with her stepfamily. When she inherits the mantle of Demona, a vigilante who defends the city from demonic forces, she must use her newfound powers and allies to protect the people she loves. 

Like I said, it's very derivative. I remember reading the first chapter and, despite having never read or watched InuYasha, thinking "This is InuYasha". Teenage girl receives powers or connects with lineage passed down since feudal Japan, and is menaced by spider/human hybrid lady. I know that's how InuYasha starts out, and it's how Keeper of Demonic Forces starts out.

But as I've said before, derivative doesn't mean bad. The story quickly settles into a status quo, with Kira going to school during the day and fighting evil at night, while her demon-hunting friends interact with her regular friends and family and she must struggle to keep her activities and identity a secret while keeping everyone alive. It's a setup that works both in demon-slaying anime and American superhero comics, and sometimes embracing a trend is better than bucking it. I'm not going to say the author does a good job in making this feel fresh and new so much as the author does a good job in not making it feel stale and old. It works.

I won't say too much more. Obviously, there's a demon overlord planning to do big evil things, and the demon overlord has minions who do evil things in service to the cause, so on and so forth. I still won't spoil anything, but I'll say that in the ten chapters I read, expectations aren't exactly subverted and I've no reason to believe that will change.

Oh, and there's a prologue! A good one! It tells a short story about a previous person to take the Demona mantle in feudal Japan, and does a great job setting the tone of the story without going off on an infodump about the ancient gods or whatever or being a glorified Chapter 1. So all of you out there who [inexplicably] pride yourselves in not reading prologues, actually read the prologue.

CHARACTER

This part is pretty interesting. The characters actually turned way better than I thought it would be. I saw "Asian teenage female MC with tragic backstory and stepfamily who fights demons at night" and expected an edgy Mary Sue character, but we didn't get that at all. There's also a lot of characters introduced in a short time, all of whom get a fair amount of screentime without taking too much of it, and they're all pretty well done.

Kira Vermillion/Demona is the MC, as I said. She has a tragic backstory that's a little unrealistic, but not immersion-breakingly (or genre-breakingly) so. She cares deeply about her stepfather and does not want to break away from her attachments despite her role as Demona requiring her to do so. She spends an appropriate time cursing her unasked-for new job without spending too much time angsting about it and making the reader miserable. She's as determined as the protagonists in these sorts of animes are, balancing her stated selfish desires of caring about her loved ones to the point of being willing to sacrifice others for them, and being driven by a sense of heroism and duty to fight a battle she wanted no part in.

Lucifer is a demonic voice in Kira's head. How do I put this subtely? He's Amanojaku from the dub of Ghost Stories, but before the dubbers quardupled down on the parody part of it and he just went full in with the slurs and insults. So the less fun version of Amanojaku.

Troy and Kuro are two warriors that help Kira in their battle against demons. They are divine and dark respectively, with Troy being feminine in his appearance that he's mistaken for a woman, and Kuro being short and having demonic powers. They're totally not Kurama and Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho, you guys, so stop asking.

Momo and Jade are Kira's school friends. The super friendly motormouth who appears in every anime that spends a meaningful amount of time in a high school setting, and an edgy goth teen with an interest in witchcraft which will inevitably come in handy down the line.

Ares is Kira's stepfather, a kindly rich man who adopted her after seeing her homeless in an alleyway or something. Only wants to be as good a dad as possible. As per Single Dad Law, Ares's one flaw is that he cannot cook.

CONCLUSION

Keeper of Demonic Forces, though derivative of demon-slaying animes as it may be, is really good for what it is. The story and characters all run through their tropes, but the tropes work. The grammar's a bit shaky, but nothing's unreadable and the everything flows well. Nothing feels rushed, dragged out, or hard to follow.

I have to say one other thing.

From what I understand, the author is a teenager. I'm guessing that because in the author's profile, they list as their age "I am a teenager". Sort of a tell. But I remember writing at 17 my own demon-slaying anime story that--besides being unpublished--was utter trash. Like "Thank God that hard drive no longer exists" trash. I don't know how old the author is beyond "teenager", but they do a really good job for what has to be one of their first stories, if not their first. I really think Keeper of Demonic Forces can do good here on Royal Road, and that the author can do good with their writing down the line. I wish I produced stuff this good as a teenager. It's been 20 years since I farted out my aforementioned story and it's only in the past couple years that I feel my work is publishable. Kudos to the author for being so talented at such a young age. Needs some polish and practice, of course (to say nothing of a grammar edit or two), but really well done.

This story has earned a Follower.

First things first, the cover looks good and your synopsis gave me a good idea of the story!

I really think it's a good story it gives me very "shonen-y" vibes, like it could be a manga!

The characters are well written, especially Kira. And the action-scenes are intense and satisfying.

Personally, i don't mind the grammar too much, it's not deal breaking for me. 

However the structuring and the font kinda were, it kinda kept me from feeling involved with the story, which is really unfortunate since your story is so good!

I think if you'd clean up the structure and maybe just use the normal font, the story would be a lot more engaging to read! But that might just be me so don't take my word for!

I defenitely see a lot of potential in your story and I can't help but feel " i wish this were a manga" while reading the intense fighting scenes!

This review is based on ten chapters plus the prologue.

Kira, a young woman who was given superpowers by accident, is the protagonist of the story. Now she must stop the bad guy, who wants to cause chaos in the world by letting all hell loose. It seems like a typical start to the story, right? However, this time the bad guys, a mix of yokai and demons, are out to get her, and there are precious few places left for her to hide. The main character is fairly well developed; her foster parent is actually likeable; and the rivalry between her and her sister is also on point. When the story tells us that the superpowers are just as much a curse as a gift, it's really not lying, the previous two owners of this superpower met a grisly fate.

The world itself is believable, and the very first named bad guy shows very well why Kira can't just solve all the problems alone and must stick with her new team.

The prologue seems unimportant to the main story. The event that happens in it is somewhat repeated later. Now the MC of the prologue is an interesting and well-intentioned character who was clearly set up to be the perfect superhero model despite the circumstances.

There is no getting around the fact that the grammar is lacking. We see "week" instead of "weak," and so on. It is a bit hard to get around this grammar, but trust me, if you end up sticking with the story, chances are you won't regret it. The main cast is likeable, the action is on point, and the bad guys are threatening.

All in all, four and a half stars. The idea behind the story is great, but the execution is lacking because of grammar. I hope that the author will eventually get better at grammar and tell us even more great stories.

Style (5): What can I say about this writing style? It is a perfectly smooth and fast-paced fit for this action-packed story. The fluidity of the language choice of the narrative keeps your eyes sailing word after word. It keeps you on the edge of your seat with your eyes up close to the screen not wanting to miss a thing like it’s a TV show or movie. There is nothing wrong with it at all.

Story (5): If you like superheroes, this story is for you. It’s kid Spidey meets Kamala Khan, meet Moon Knight. You got the underdog teen just trying to make it through high school dealing with a douche of a stepsister. All she wants is to have friends and go to school. A normal life, you know? That all changes and she’s now thrust into a life she didn’t necessarily choose. This story touches all those comic book notes.

Grammar (3): The only real problem with the story is grammar and spelling. It’s not that it is bad, but a lot of mistakes have been made. I want to say now that I am American and will be rating this according to American English. Things that stuck out to me is the use of single quotations for dialog in the first chapters and then changing to double quotation marks. I have recently found that single quotation marks should only be used for quotes within quotes. Single quotations have also been used for thoughts. It is more appropriate to use italics for thoughts. As well, italics should be used to imply the emphasis of a word and not single quotation marks.

Next, sentences are given their own paragraphs when plenty of them can be combined into large paragraphs. There are also double spaces between each line which really bothers the eyes. If you have issues with concentration or mental illnesses that affect your perception of the environment. There are also a lot of run-on sentences that stand out.

Next, some words are left out of sentences, and some words are used in places of others and interchanged throughout the story incorrectly. Some words are capitalized when they shouldn’t be, and others are lowercase when they shouldn’t be. Especially names. Sometimes the wrong letters are used in words making misspellings. Some words are used in the plural form when they should be singular and vice versa. Lastly, in some areas periods and commas have been used wrongly or left out.

Lastly, the name at the beginning of each chapter to indicate what point of view the section is being told is not needed. The reader can see that as they read along. The writers should also use the note feature for warnings and definitions instead of including them in the body of the story which leads the reader to think this is part of the writing.

Characters (4.5): The characters each have great personalities and are fun. However, some things needed attention. For instance, it is the sixth chapter, and we still don’t know what Kira looks like or Ares. In fact, the only characters whose appearances are described are Kat, Moriko, Jade, the principal, and a teacher. Basically, side characters. The stepdad can afford a luxurious penthouse and can enroll his daughter in a prestigious school, but it’s never mentioned what he does for a living. Lastly, Ares seems too relaxed for a stepfather. He lets his stepdaughter roam around town at night, especially with what the news has been blurbing about.

Overall, this is a very compelling action-pack story. If you like superheroes and action, you will love this story. My recommendation for the writer is to use MS Word, Grammarly, or Google spell checker (I use all three) and all those grammatical and spelling errors I spotted will be whisked away. Keep up the good work!