Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Romance Male Lead Martial Arts Secret Identity Strong Lead
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Renya, a veteran of the virtual reality game [Alt Online], is now being threatened by one of the largest Alliances in the game, the [Red Sun Alliance]. They have come to take his city; the city that he put blood, sweat, and tears into. He prepares for battle, summoning his forces, and as he and the [Red Sun Alliance] are about to begin their fight, an emergency maintenance occurs. Finding himself back inside the city, he quickly finds out that things have taken a twist. His city that was once filled with lifeless NPC's is now full of life, and has been brought to a new world. Watch Reyna as he tries to find his way in this new reality he has found himself in, and as he creates his own legend. Synopsis Credit to: Leafyeyes417

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admira
  • Overall Score

I like both the premise of the story and the characters. The pacing is good as well, slow for a action-adventure but not so much for a more slice of life sort of story (which is what it feels like to me).  It'd good that a harem doesn't seem to be in the works, although several females with unrequited crushes might be floating around for a while... 

A possible improvement in terms of characters would be adding a few more guys into the mix (it's already decent in that respect) and developing the female characters to react a little differently.

Grammar and spelling are pretty good. It could definitely use an editor to go over the chapters and fix up the minor errors/improve the flow. But in its current state, it's already quite good. 

 

Most importantly, there's Little White. For the sake of her lovely feathers and beautiful, round eyes, I will continue to read until the end of time. For the owls!

taroboba
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The story is there, author just has to tell it well

First,  I  love  Overlord, there are large shoes to fill if the story is taking  inspiration from there, but I don’t expect the story to.  I love  like the setting and the Overlord vibe was enough to draw me in.

However,10 Chapters in,  I just can’t get over  how BORING, the dialogue, and interactions are.  It feels like reading an FAQ page.  Ask question, Answer.  Sentences don’t flow well.  I love what you are trying to build, so I really don’t want it  to fail.

There is also a dissonance to the characters.  For a city creator, his subordinates don’t feel like they respect their lord.  I get the author is trying to create genuine camaraderie between master and subordinates,  but its poorly executed.  They pity him or humor his  whims instead of respecting his wishes.

Author, please see some other fiction such a Forgotten Conqueror or Savage Divinity and  try to emulate  how they build characters and have dialogue.  If done right, this already has the makings of a great story. 

Also, YOU JUST FOUND YOURSELF IN A COMPLETELY NEW WORLD!!! HAVE SOME SENSE OF URGENCY!

Igfry
  • Overall Score

Not bad. Got to chapter 5.

Well, it's not bad and  really reminds which is great. 

 

I didn't like the way dialogue is written like a play or the fact that the MC is such a terrible roleplayer.

 

Come on, man! Ham it up! Don't try to be like Momonga - BE MOMONGA! You're not even trying and the side characters act too much like modern people when they're not. They don't have the experience the MC or the audience has so why do they act like they do? 

Gamer4Life
  • Overall Score

Pretty Good, Just Don't Over Do It With The Inspiration

It is very clear this is inspired by Overlord but that's okay just over do it. This is still a pretty good read just keep on developing it, just no Plagiarism okay. Seriously if a yandere girl appears with an octopus soldier guy, I'm gonna kick your ass.

satseh
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Looks Interesting so far

First few chapters looks interesting, too early to give fair and full(er) review

Anikan
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The story is very good, especially the fact that it is similar to overlord, but is not dark .

However I felt that the character does not make enough use of his resources, and is just a pawn being led around.

Also, the intervening side characters just pop on and out of the story, they don't have enough background and feel bland, even his sentinels his op assistants don't have enough description or character building, and are more of a stop gap measure for plot holes and inconsistencies.

While I enjoyed the story based on overlord and the characters OPness it can be improved a lot more.

DanceHunter
  • Overall Score

Hello .me like history, although there are some things that bored.

I like this inspired overlord, but honestly this bored me so much that this killing monsters insignificant. Above what I hate most is that this a aprtido with those girls who are so debiles.Y encerio, if you wanted to be in a game not to get bored, you choose some level (I mean the limited level) because it is not only boring, but it takes them 30 levels and puts them in danger by the mere fact of being stronger than them and limit their experience in battles Evida d or death. Also sincerely he would have to focus more on their city instead of these humans, who see it as ignorant above. And if you act more devil he would have to have respect with the important people instead of your personality acting weak.

foufouu1
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hhhhhhhhh reaaaaaaaaaaly ??????? you emitate overlord ! well good job for the settings for now ...

Azkal
  • Overall Score

SUPERB! One of the best fictions out there!

My only regret is that chapters cant be posted more often, but that is beyond the author's control. I WANT MORE!

Ssjn4vega
  • Overall Score

i think this a good story being told decently well. I specially like that the author focuses more on personal interactions rather than fighting.