Lord Joyde The Madman: Heylo, everybody! How are you all doing?


I don't have much to say so...

Lets get on with the show! Very Happy

Anyways, here comes the next chapter of EUPHORIA! I sincerely hope that you enjoy, let us begin!

Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...

Out of time... - Outside Of Reality... - Leonardo's Point Of View...

Finding myself back at my soul-island, I suddenly realized that I didn't really know what to do right now.

God left me.

The Creti experiment seemed rather pointless to continue. Hmm...

Hey, I wonder...

How is this place connected to the world where I.. or well, my body is a giant prima crystal?

A ever-so-familiar click resounded within my mind, forcing me to turn around and towards a newly erected bone platform. Upon the platform were three... oval portals?

The kind a mage might create inside of some video game.

Damn, I feel like the only reason why this place is so fucked up and incomprehensible is because I'm a game addict. Anyways, I approached the three portals.

The portal to the left appeared to be leading towards... exactly where I was just a second ago. Towards Alice's battleground which seemed to have been unpaused in my absence. How interesting.

The portal in the middle showed the me back on Earth. It appears that time wasn't paused there and I was currently being carried by two men inside of the bunker I woke up in before. They were... it seemed like time was immensely slowed in my absence.

Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that it was being remote controlled by someone. Perhaps God.

But that would mean that I still had something to do here before going back.

The third portal was, kind of predictably, the one which lead into my crystal self. I immidiatelly entered it and suddenly found myself within the crystal, much the same way that I would be if I was transported here by one of my Implausible parents. However, this time was slightly different. I came here of my own accord and, as such, I knew exactly from where I entered.

The portal around my heart, within the crystals center... my consciousness entered the crystal in a huge surge of psionic energy, followed by many other forms of energy, all of them familiar.

I wonder, if the energy can enter through the portal, can it also leave?

Imagining this offered the expected result, as I felt myself being pullled back into the portal... but uh, I seem to still be the crystal.


The portal closed behind me.


I then separated myself from the crystal as I made another body grow out of it, causing the giant thing to fall onto my island self and cause me an immense headache. I was supposed to bring life to that star system but... well, I kinda fucked up.

Meh, it was pretty much just a chore given to me by Chaos anyways...

A loud sound forced my attention back to the crystal as I noticed the fact that it appeared to be growing and spitting out prima in rapid succession. Of course! The energies which cause it to grow are in abundance here as this is their origin.

Huh, I don't think I can leave this thing here.

Approaching the portal platform, I try to imagine the world I just left but it amounts to nothing. I don't know enough about the planet to form the portal, I think. Anyways, maybe another world would do?

A random place... but how do I find it.

Suddenly, a white tendril poked me on the back which caused me to turn. Much to my surprise, this wasn't God trying to get my attention... no, this was the Life Engine itself. Grasping the tendril with a hand forced a myriad of images into my mind.

Imagery portraying a young world, ready for life to be spread upon it. No... three different worlds with the potential to host life. A barren world of rock and sand, recently struck by several hydrogen comets which will eventually melt to form oceans. Speaking of oceans, the second world was nearly wholly covered in water, with bacterial life gaining power in selective locations upon the planet. The third world was nearly completely frozen, with seemingly continental sea-sized bodies of freshwater.

Each of these worlds was within its own stars habitable zone. The first world had a yellow star; something that the Life Engine says offers optimal support for the development of life, yet that support is not going to last very long at all.

The second world had a very bright, blue star. A very rare type, not exactly suitable for life at all. Yet the planet which offers promise is large and, as such, has gained enough of a distance for it to become able to hold liquid water without being too hot or too cold. The planet however, has a fairly weak magnetic field which will offer very little protection against cosmic radiation.

The third world was, much like the first one, orbiting a yellow star. This star was at the end of its 10 billion life-span and would soon be lost, yet this planet also showed the best promise for soon its frozen self would melt to reveal a continental world, very much akin to the Earth and offer the most optimal support for life.

It was asking me to choose which world to work on.

Without much thought, I chose the second. Sure, it seemed like the worst and possibly the most dangerous option, yet the planets star was the only one of the three which would last long enough for my liking. I don't know how time will work on this world. I don't know how long it will take me to master the creation of life, so this planet will have to do for now.

The other two will have to fend for themselves, sadly.

Picking the second world immidiatelly created a portal to said world and I passed through it without giving it much thought. Once there, I found myself in much the same state or form that I was back on Alice's planet... a strange, semi-physical form which appeared to be inbetween dimensions. In this form, I was intricatelly connected to both my own Implausible Soul as well as the Life Engine.

Another click resounded within my mind: So long as I used it for the purpose of creating life, the Life Engine would freely offer me its power.


I guess its telling me this because I forcefully used its strength to kill...

Lets try to fix that, shall we? I mean, as a curator of life, the Life Engine is kinda my boss. Its chosen me, picked me out of a crowd which numbers infinite. Time to earn to my paycheck, whatever that may be.

Using Ether-Walk on instinct seemed to send me flying at speeds which I didn't think were possible for me before... The giant ocean below me became a blur from how fast I was going."Life Engine, can you point me towards the nearest concentration of bacteria?"

Another click resounded within my mind and I knew where to go as I twisted my body to the left and soon found myself above an island around the twice size of Magadascar, with the exception of it being oval shaped. It had many strange formations upon it, from curving mountaints to pointy hills.

This would simply not do.

I called upon the powers of the Life Engine and twisted it into psionic energy, creating a gigantic bubble of gravity above my right hand before slamming it down onto the island, completely and utterly flattening it. Once the dust settled, I nodded to myself with pride and set to work.

First, I created a giant mountain range stretching the entirety of the island which would protect it from the raging ocean around it. Then I carved out a path through the northernmost mountain range, forging an artificial waterfall and guiding the river downwards and towards the center of the Island. The clean, freshwater ocean will prove most valuable should I decide to fill this place with Earth-like lifeforms.

Wait, why are this worlds oceans freshwater and not saltwater? Hmm... how did our ocean become salty, anyways?

If I remember correctly, this is because of rock erosion. Rock Erosion somehow results in salt, which means that this world is so young that the amount of eroded rock hasn't yet made the oceans salty. So, I only have a limited time before this precious resource runs out, eh?

With this in mind, I promptly carved out several more rivers and waterfalls in random locations and just let the water flow as it would through the bacteria-rich soil. Come to think of it; why did the bacteria gather into the soil of an island instead of the oceans? Maybe its some kind of land-based bacteria?

No, that sounds stupid.

Perhaps a more accurate guess would be that it was deposited here by winds or rain. Though, I do not see a single cloud in the sky which was weird all on its own. Anyways, moving on...

With all of this done, I flew towards the center of the island and landed onto the ground. Its semi-cold, wet soil reminded me of the fact that the star of this planet was very far away. Looking into the sky revealed a shining purplish-blue orb which was perhaps stranger to me than it should have been. Nevertheless, after spending a few moments staring at a sun which was far more dangerous to stare at than the one I was used to, I finally started working.

First and foremost; I would need a reliable source of the mutagenic liquid known as prima as well as all of the energies required by life in general. With that in mind, I willed the crimson crystal to appear before me...

Only to have its gigantic self slam into the ground and create a minor ravine from its immense size and weight. The small amount of time it has spent within my soul has made it triple in size, it would seem.

No matter.

I straighten the crystal and reform the ground into a flat surface before turning to look at it once more... without the heat of its previous home, my crystal will just keep on growing as there will be nothing to keep the prima liquid. While digging out the lava from beneath this planet and brining it to the surface sounded like a good idea at first, after a few more moments of thought, I realized that this would most likely cause a future cataclysm due to the sheer strain on the worlds tectonic plates.

Instead, I decided to twist the gigantic crystal into a giant, crimson tree that glowed and burst liquid every so often... yet, the problem of crystalization remained. So, as the crystal was already a crystal tree, I decided to make it grow a makeshift bark. The tree would be covered in thick, titanium plating which would act as both a protective bark and allow the prima to fall from the tree without crystalizing. I made sure that the tree's roots had small openings on the ends which would be where the liquid prima is forced to leave through. These roots were embedded deep into the black, bacteria-rich soil and infuse said bacteria with a mutagen to speed up their evolution.

Deciding to complete the semi-elfish look of the place, I dug a hole directly beneath the tree and filled it with water. Any prima which does not manage to enter the soil would fall into this lake, infusing the water with immense healing and life-bearing properties. In order to protect the lake from falling earth, I took a bunch of white slate and placed it around the lake, encircling the places which served as entrance points into the soil for the tree's massive roots.

A gigantic, crimson and black tree of life was the result. With each pulse, the tree passivly forced Life into the land beneath it.

It was up to me to spread both its and my own influence to this entire world. In due time.

I should focus on experimenting with this power now.

Creating a round bowl of stone which was roughly fifteen meters in diameter, I filled it with soil and began infusing it with pure life-energy.... Nothing seemed to happen from this, however."Adolf, are you guys here?"

Yes, sir! Do you require anything?

"I'm going to cut my right wrist open and bleed into the bowl. I want you to analyze the soil and see if anything happens when I infuse it with more energy.

Roger that!

They did as they were told and I began to infuse the soil once more.

... processing...

The unknown bacterial lifeforms begin to replicate at incredible speeds when they absorb the [Life Energy].

I nodded, mostly to myself as I created a little bit of Sanguinite. This energy caused rampant and very much cancerous growths to spurt out of anything organic back on Earth... wonder what it will do to the bacteria.

Much as I had done before with life energy, I infused the bowl with Sanguinite.

... processing...

Sanguinite causes rapid growth and decay of subjects. Newborn bacteria exhibit previously unseen characteristics in any of the parent bacteria, even when they are merely clones of one another.

Mutation, at the cost of life expectancy.

Hmmm.. what if I dropped some prima into the bowl?

... processing...

Subjects which come into contact with [PRIMA] are instantly consumed by it. Rarely, one survives and adopts a strange crimson coloration. These bacteria are different from the single-cell organisms that they originated as and, depending upon the amount of prima they came into contact with, evolved into multi-cell organisms.

However, due to the small, compressed nature of their enviroment, these bacteria die out quickly due to having no moving space, causing them to be squashed by their own growth.

Immidiatelly, I created another bowl and filled it nearly completely with water with only a few smidges of mud thrown inside.

I fill the water with prima.

... processing...

The cells evolve rapidly much alike to their earthen counterparts. However, their evolution has caused them to become aggressive and adopt hunter-like behaviour towards their lesser-evolved brethren. They hunt, kill and consume each other, growing larger and larger yet seemingly all of them following a singular evolutionary path.

Perhaps if we leave this pot unnattended and let nature take its course for a time, something entirely new will be born?


Anyways, let us continue the experiments...

Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...

Crap, something came up I have to go bye!

Sorry if this is a shor-nvm, 2.5k words to its a normal chapter.

Hope you have fun guys and girls, BAI.

 Anyways, read and review! And Good Morning/Day/Night to you all! ADIOS FOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


About the author

Lord Joyde

  • Požega
  • Mad One

Bio: Rage and Insanity incarnate.

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TralliE @TralliE ago

Thanks for the chapter, was starting to miss his evolution stuff. Wonder what kind of life he'll create?

CrimsonWarden @CrimsonWarden ago

Strange. I don't see derwipe yet.

Moobles @Moobles ago

Aaaah I sure do love the smell of pure undiluted insane life-mutating questionably morally ambiguous new chapters in the morning.
truly a good day

323kiki @323kiki ago

Damn, this is becoming more and more interesting... Am i becoming crazy?

gaigous @gaigous ago

I finally got off my fat ass and caught up, and wow this shit went places fast, although, I don't know if I should be surprised by that.

I actually really like God in this now that i've heard him speak word things, mother seemed "helpful" if a bit touchy about my favorite parasite (Yomi).

Have some DND memes, cause why not.

And my personal favorite:
Here's a meme for the idea box in your brain:
This one I think we can both enjoy: