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Lord Joyde The Madman: Heylo, guys and girls! How are you all doing?


Side note for this chapter; I am currently on vacation so this is being written on a sad, age-old computer with little to no internet.

Nothing all that new, but beware of mistakes.

I don't even have my grammar checker installed and I don't really feel like paying for another internet certificate right now.

(Not that I have it at home either... for the last couple of months, anyway. Which is probably why you may or may not have noticed a drop in my grammar skills)

At least I have a good writing keyboard here... back at home I have a gaming one which isn't all that great for prolonged chapters. Makes my hand hurt from so much movetment and needs quite a bit of care.

Also, we are currently at 880 PAGES. Holy fucking shit, thats nearly a thousand.

Yet another ridiculous milestone for us to pass, right people?

Anyways, here comes the next chapter of EUPHORIA! I sincerely hope that you enjoy, let us begin.


Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...


Sometime later... - Gorgon Hill - Rhean's Point Of View...


Having stopped to procure some traveling supplies at a nearby village northwest of Incerum, me and Yomi were greeted with a rather novel scene as far as games like Euphoria are concerned.

A wide mob of villagers were arguing with a bunch of players who seemed to have gathered behind a representative of the kingdom whose lands we were currently in."This village has spent generations living in peace with the Gorgons! You are your filth who dare call themselves heroes ruined that peace in a single night!"

A bloodied gorgon could be seen cowering behind the villagers who sourrounded her protectively, bearing pitchforks, kitchen knives and other everyday objects in weaponized forms."You lived in peace? With filthy, inhuman monsters?! The situation is worse than I thought..."

"Who are you to tell us how to live our lives?!" The village chief exclaimed whilst pointing an accusatory finger at what appeared to be another NPC, an elderly man with an aura of arrogance and priestly clothing colored black. There was a great symbol etched into his white-gold cloak, one which boasted the form of a blazing fire."I am Inquisitor Markus of Silverstein, devout follower of the God Of Light Jak'rim, grand seeker and purifier of the Kingdom of Kyron! I have been sent here by her majesty the Queen, your Queen that is, to survey these lands because of the great amounts of Destined Ones who seem to be suspiciously attracted to this area recently."

"We 'ave no blasted Queen! You hold no claim to this land, you do!" A more rugged and perhaps, stupider villager yelled out, much to the agreement of his fellows.

This however, only served to anger the inquisitor and caused his Destined One guards to pull out their weapons, ready to slaughter the villagers at his command."You uncultured swine dare spill insults directed towards her majesty?!

"Such Paladin, Much Hero, Very Heavens." I muttered out loud enough for them to hear as we approached the commotion without even bothering to stop myself.

Both the villagers and their opponents turned to stare at me enraged, the first's gaze quickly becoming meek and subdued whilst the latters even more fierce."What?! Who are you to dare interrupt one such as I? I am a-"

"Oh shut up. You've already introduced yourself, worthless as you are. Hopefully you possess enough intelligence to know that doing such a thing twice is unneccessary." Yom-ahem, Karin shut him up with a disinterested wave of her hand, causing the inquisitor to bellow in rage.

"HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME YOU SUBHUMAN BIT-*splatter* U-guh..uaaa..." The man went deathly quiet as I no longer cared for the potential information I could dig out of him and thus pulled his innards out by the merest movement of my pointer finger."W-wha.."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" One of the villagers, a woman dressed in tattered clothing, screamed out in horror as the players sourrounded the dying man, weapons at the ready."Shit man... I was wondering how stong you'd have gotten by the time I come back but.. fuck.."

A familair voice echoed from the crowd of players as none other than Bruntez walked up front, shield and sword raised high. Pointed offensively right at me... he did not appear to carry my gift any more."Bruntez! Been a while since we've last seen each other... could have sworn I gave you my blood back then."

My unsaid question was quickly answered by his flabbergasted look, the crowd around him questioningly gazing at the guy as the priest passed away. No healing spell could undo that kind of damage, after all. Not to an NPC anyways."You don't know about the fact that Frey took it from me?"

His offensive stance lowered, holy blade glinting in the sunlight as it flew downwards."Nope.. And he can do something like that? Gonna have to ask him about it then later.. Now, you might want to start explaining what the hell is going on here before I skewer you all for tresppassing on my territory."

"Your territory?! You are within the lands belonging to her majesty and her majesty alone, monster! Who are you and what form of claim do you have to this place?!" Another NPC, most likely a guard captain sent as an attache to the inquisitor alongside the players, screamed in an arrogant tone.

Bruntez lowered his weapons in apparent surrender, causing his friends to quirk eyebrows at him."Guys, the monster in front of us is the dude I talked about before and the reason why I didn't wanna go on this quest. We don't stand a chance against him."

 "Dafuq you saying, bro? Hes just a fucking level 71? All of us are 120 and above?! Plus that subhuman whore next to him ain't much higher." One of them askes with a disbelieving tone but before Bruntez could answer him, a spear of arcane energy instantly reaped the idiots life.

I turned around with a quirked eyebrow and a snort to look at Karin's steaming hand, whisps of pale magic dancing around her fingers with fervor."What? He called me a whore."

"Subhuman whore, no less." I repeated with yet another snort and turned back around just in time to see the fool get resurrected, most likely by some divine relic he got from a quest."What the fuck was that?! I'm a fucking tank and I got one-shotted, so gonna complain on the forums once I get your class you fucking bitch! PREPARE FOR THE NERFSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

Ah, I figured this might be the case but this guy is a classic twelve year old, ain't he. I quirked another eyebrow, this time directed at Bruntez."Interesting choice of friends? Is this what you left Incerum for?"

"Not my frist choice I'll admit that, but at least they're not fucking RP freaks." He replied with a sigh, causing me to tilt my head in confusion."RP freaks? You're actually dissing on RP in a game which has a reality meter built into it?"

A quick wave of my hand in front of him revealed the fact that the was playing on 100% himself."Not to mention that you're maxed out as well... seems a bit hypocritical, don't you think?"

As if remembering something important, he quickly moves said meter down to 40% causing me to tilt my head in confusion."I don't play at that masochistic level... I just maximize it before and after combat for the best rewards. The system is stupidly broken.. you can actually do a quest with like zero percent and turn it in at 100% and get the rewards for said 100%."

Now that was an exploit if I've ever seen one."Disgusting cheater." I said before I could stop myself.

"Least he ain't a fucking freak like you. And what's with that fuckass hairdoo? You some kinda super hero or something?" The twelve year old laughed while trying his best to sound intelligent.

Hmm, this guy reminds me of someone."Katsuro? That you?" I asked whilst keeping my laughter in the best I could as the guy cringed and looked away."H-h-huh? N-no, wh-whos that?! Haha, Katsuro's a stupid name, no way that it could be mine, hahah...."

Right. Welp, might as well kill him painfully."Hmm, perhaps you are right. There's no way my little brother could ever be this lame."

"What?! YOURE THE LAME ONE, ASS HOLE!" He screeched and leaped at me sword drawn, yet as soon as he came within range, a simple backhand bitchslap was more than enough to kill him, causing his head to erupt out of his body alongside his spine and splatter onto a nearby building.

Here's to hope he can't insta ress anymore."You people finally gonna tell me what's going on or do I have to spawn camp you till you give up and go offline?"

Bruntez and his remaining two allies swallowed down hard before the other two promptly pushed him onwards."Hey?!" The NPC decided to remain quiet, having seen the folly of our exchange, the sheer danger I alone represented, Karin's presence nonwithstanding."Errr.. well, short story goes like this... me and the peeps got ourselves a quest to basically go spy on you and find out what the hell is going on here... I already knew but figured maybe we wouldn't meet you and things would go okay as the quests rewards are more then decent, yeah."

I shrugged at him, that was a good enough reason I guess."What about the Gorgon?" I threw a look at the now no-longer bleeding snake woman, whose eyes were cowered by a piece of cloth."Well.. about that..."

Said woman approached us, slithering as quickly as she could muster whilst several villagers tried to stop or help her to ease her pain."Allow me to explain, infected one..the people of this village and my clan have lived alongside one another for centuries, as we have traded our valuable sheddings to their craftsmen and alchemists, they provided us the food needed for our young to survive the harsh, sunless winters."

Then she turned towards the players."But these wretched Destined Ones and the mongrel that led them here have broken that peace, raiding our great caves and shattering this seasons clutch... they have ensured that each and every egg was broken and butchered what little ones managed to hatch..."

I turned back towards Bruntez with a questioning glance."And why did you do this?"

"Look man, we had no idea that the gorgons were friendly, alright? They were pretty low levels and we needed the gold we could get from Gorgon Egg Yolk!" A woman exclaimed, one of Bruntez's companions. She reminded me of his sister yet was clearly not her. Hmm, something to ask about later.."You monsters! I could wrap my head around outsiders killing the gorgons because they weren't human but you say you killed them for money?!" The village cheiftain exclaimed in horror.

The villagers screamed in outrage, causing the group to cower in both shame and fear."ENOUGH YOU UNCULTURED SWINE! THE GORGONS ARE MONSTERS, SUBHUMAN AND POSSESSING AN UNKNOWABLE MIND! These men and women are heroes! Heroes who saved you from being turned to stone and hatchling food overnight!"

The xenophobic bitch of a guard captain replied with such fervor that a certain Inquisition would be proud to hear it.

Me? Not so much.

Whatever, I've heard enough.

Within seconds, my hand was around her throat which caused both groups to gape in fear and awe."W-what?! B-but he was j... so fast!"

"Holy fuck Bruntez you were right bro we really shouldn't have come here.. lets just grab 'suro and get the fuck out of here." The remaining of the two companions made a quick retreat alongside Bruntez. A quick glance towards Yomi caused her to dissappear into the shadows, starting her hunt which will end with their heads on pikes.

"A few moments ago, you asked me what form of claim I had to this place... Let me tell you this now, you xenophobic bafoon of a woman. I am Rhean, The One and Only Crimson Emperor Of Azarest. My claim onto this continent is as indisputable as it is real." With that said, I promptly slammed her onto the ground and broke both of her legs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*gasp*Arghhh..." She screeched out so loudly that my ears rang, causing me to promptly shove my foot onto her neck to shut her up as I leaned into her ear."Now listen closely... you are going to make your way to your precious Queen, whatever her name is, and tell her to get herself ready to abdicate and surrender her soverinity. For if she does not, her Kingdom will burn and she will get to learn just how true the statement; There are things worse than death, really is."

"Y-you wi-will n-never b-break u-us! E-even if you are R-Rhean! The might of our a-armies s-shall era-eradicate y-you!" She managed to reply surprisingly well for her current state as I snorted."Same promises were given to me two hundred years ago when I first broke this continent and dragged it to its knees... this time, I have an army of followers already ready to skewer you alongside me. This time, I am not on a time limit. This time, you really have no chance of victory. However, I'll let your amusing bluster go, this time."

With that, I picked her up and threw her far. Far enough that she might die and never deliver the message. Not that it mattered anyways... I turned towards the villagers and the gorgon."You have heard who I am, now listen to my orders."

They swallowed down their pride and kneeled without a word, the gorgon placing a hand onto a pole and bowing her head as low as she could with her wounded stomach."You will all pack your bags and go beyond the mountains to the south, into Incerum. There you will be safe from whatever retribution the Queen may foolishly send your way."

I turned towards the Gorgon."How many of you are still alive?"

"T-twelve... not nearly enough to start another cove.. especially not with our Broodfather dead..." For those who do not know, the gorgons are a race of solely female members, with the Broodmother choosing a Broodfather from any male of any other race. Once chosen, a single broodfather can and usually will father several generations of gorgons, to a maximum of five when a new Broodmother is elected and given a chance to reproduce.

You may think that this makes it easy for them to repopulate, however a single gorgon takes three years to be born. A single year inside of its mother and two more in the outside world, very much vulnerable to the changing of seasons and would-be predators."You still have a chance. Gather all who you can and make your way to Incerum. Since it is a time of desperation, I'd advise you to allow all your sisters to breed. The influx of Chaos energy around the city will make it easier for you to find a proper mate and you'll find no shortage of willing partners, provided you seek them among Destined Ones."

"D-destined ones?! Our brood was just demolished by your kind and now you would have us mate with those same people!?" She exclaimed in horror as I let out a massive sigh."Not all Gorgons are as civilized as you are. Not all Destined Ones are as monstrous as the idiots who killed your family for profit. Go to Incerum with your sisters, you'll find that the Destined Ones in my service are a bit more agreeable... eager, even."

"I-In your service? Does that mean.. the army you mentioned is an army of D-destined O-Ones? By the gods.. this world is doomed.." Her shoulders slumped and the villagers were embraced by an air of defeat.

I promptly ignored it and turned towards the village chief one last time just as Karin leaped back to my side, mouth and hands dreched in blood."One last thing... We have come to this place in order to buy traveling supplies for my journey. Could you point us towards the nearest merchant?"

The village chieftain nodded, but before he could answer, a jubilant dwarf around the age of twenty with nary a beard to speak off said."Aye 'uman! I call make a deal for ye if you 'ould just 'ollow me!"

I nearly let out a laugh as the nostalgia of Euphoria's famous dwarf-talk hit me with full force."Sounds great, my good dwarf! Lead the way..."

A nod was my answer and Y-.. As Karin shrugged and snorted."Lets follow a totally-trustworthy dwarf merchant. Sure , why not?"

I don't know what shes complaining about... dwarf merchant are the most trustworthy!

... right?


Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...


 Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Sorry for the mistakes if there are too many!

Gonna fix them right after I post. (Need a little break, hard writing this late... vacations are tiring.)


Anyways, read and review! And Good Morning/Day/Night to you all! ADIOS FOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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About the author

Lord Joyde

  • Požega
  • Mad One

Bio: Rage and Insanity incarnate.

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gaigous @gaigous ago

Even if they aren't trustworthy, dwarves are still the greatest company you'll ever find!!

Anyone who doubts me just needs to look at DA.

VARRIC GIF SLAM!! (with one meme and a complimentary Hawke gif~)

 

 

 

 

 

Nolo @Nolo ago

Thanks for the chapter Very Happy

Derwipe @Derwipe ago

Thanks for the chapter and enjoy your vacation

Dkaepa @Dkaepa ago

Gorgons.. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) i want to be the Broodfather too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)