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https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1039209607211528282/1046119638485975130/178.jpg

 

I know not of the destination of our flying taxi,

but it is the journey that matters the mostest as my Captain says.

HOW MANY FLAVOuRS OF ADVENTURE DO YOU THINK WILL WE FIND?
I hope it is lots!

Perhaps we will find the sacred Ham tree, guarded by an angry old man Overprotectiv-ness! "Get off my ham!" He will shout. But I shall not. I will claim his hams for Captania and make everyone a twenty-six course meal!

I drew my ham-jacking plan with watercolors that I've borrowed from Snippey:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1039209607211528282/1046117753356038194/hamtree_by_zenith_zero_d7r751s_by_alexiuss-dagn9a5.jpg

Mm-hmmm! Toasty!


...Or perhaps we will go to Snail-land? According to legends of my brothers and sisters the Snail land is real. That is a place where all the neutral boys and girls go to find their dreams.

Wait just a momentary...

Did I have brothers or were they but cousins? I cannot recall. Ever since the Pine-apple has taken my face away from me I cannot recall if I had such extensive family of pale comrades.

Rows of endless pale faces. Bottles of organs, taken from them who could not pay their bills on time.
Clinky-clanky place. Long grabby fingery hands.

Are these but seasonal imaginations caused by high-altitude localization?

I should not concern myself with such wonderlings of the mind, for I have a most excellent task to full-fill. A task of quick pedallage that has been trusted onto me by my Captain.

I look at fluffy clouds and count the number of curves. Clouds have many bodacious curves.

A new gobble-postage floats past, interrupting my count:

++ATTN. DEX UNIT 966912. CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING YOUR LATEST MISSION. YOUR ACCOUNT HAS BEEN CREDITED FOR TERMINATION OF THE UNSCANNABLE.
UNFORTUNATELY, WE DO NOT HAVE NEW MISSIONS FOR YOU AT THIS TIME. AS YOUR CREDIT BALANCE IS CURRENTLY DECREASING, WE SUGGEST FINDING FREELANCE CAREER OPPORTUNITIES ON G-WORKBOARD.COM++


Cursicles! What if they refund my Piano?

How will I musicate to my Captain then? Haves I been laid off? I blame Snippy for this. Ever since he's taken my sword, I've had a bad feeling bout receiving such notifications.
Perhaps I can now retire and Captain and I can finally move to a small house by the sea.
No.
I will have to find myself a new full-time job to pay the bills!

I flicked my eye-flops across the Gorb-boards.

No. No. No.

These will not do. Captain would not approve of this one.
This one doesn't pay nearly enough.
This one is boring.
This one is scary.

Here we go:

+-TRAFFIC-SIGN PAINTER-+

Hmmm. That sounds like a career of interest for me!
I could travel across the lands and offer my services to all the big and little towns down below.
My Captain says it's important to market oneself properly when starting a business. I immediately set my mind-cherry on designing myself a proper web-pamphlette, the way captain taught me:

DEAREST CONSUMER!
IS YOUR TOWN BORING AND DREARY, SAD AND WEARY?
WELL FEAR NOTS!
FOR AN AFFORDABLE RATE OF TWELVE EASY PAYMENTS I WILL REPAINT YOUR STREET-SIGNS INTO RAINBOWY SUPRISES INCREASING YOUR TOURIST RATIOS BY 23%!

ARE YOUR STREET TOO EASY TO READ? I SPECIALIZE IN RENAMING STREETS AS WELL! I HAVE PERSONALLY NAMED 304840 STREETS IN THE NATION OF CAPTANIA!
AND THAT BOYS AND GIRLS IS A LOT OF EXPERIENCE UNDER MY SHOE!
I CAN NAME YOUR SKINNY STREETS AND FAT STREETS, YOUR TALL STREETS AND YOUR SIDEWAYS AVENUES, YOUR GRAVEL ROADS AND SUPER-HIGHWAYS!

WITH UNIQUE AND NON-JADED NAMES YOUR STREETS CAN NOW SOUND FANCY AND OLD-SCHOOL AND BE WRITTEN IN SKRIPT USED BY ANCIENT VIKINGS AND MAKE YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD 38% MORE HISTORIC!
THAT'S A BOOST OF 19% TO YOUR REAL-ESTATE VALUES!

I WILL COLORIZE YOUR DOGS AND FIRE HYDRANTS, YOUR CATS AND YOUR CANTALOUPES, YOUR AGED GRUMPS AND LOUD CHILDREN!

CALL NOW! THIS ONE-TIME OFFER ENDS IN 837 HOURS:
1-888-77394-39283-29482-2940-28402-112
ASK FOR PILOT!


https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1039209607211528282/1046117752903057518/cloud_surfing_baloon_by_alexiuss-dcgxxzx.jpg

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A note from Vitaly S Alexius

Street Cred:

Illustrator:
Iidanmrak

3D rendering by:
Artem Bagmut

Studio assistance by:
Tina Ze Intern & Chico

Russian translation by:
Александр Чернов

Journal art by:
Zenith-Zero

 

 


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About the author

Vitaly S Alexius

  • Canada
  • Archbishop of Captania and sovereign territories
  • https://www.rom.ac

Bio: I was born in the year 1984, in the 4th most polluted city of Soviet Union.
On April 11/1997 fate has given me an unexpected twist and by means of aerial transportation I was dislocated 5555 miles across the Atlantic Ocean to Ontario, Canada, wherein I currently preside in an 1890 cathedral and partake in writing and drawing things.

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