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Can you hear the silence? Too soft yet too loud.

It's so close to screaming, and the sound is deafening.

I hear that every time, coming from the inside.

Struggling to let the voice out, words always stuck in my mouth.

 

Life? I never have control over it. Did it ever occur to you how life would be if we were brought up in a different circumstance? Every day, we wake up and do the routines that are already integrated into our system. But sometimes, while walking on the streets, in establishments, and at school, whenever I meet various kinds of people, I tend to observe and think about how they feel, their thoughts, and their struggles. We were all different in some way, but we do have something in common, we all deal with problems all our lives. Whether we take it lightly and just let it be, or we let it consume us and drown slowly.

Sometimes, I would also wonder if there, while I am here trying to figure out silently what worries others, is there someone who is curious about my feelings as well. But why would there be? I doubt that is even possible. I am the daughter of one of the wealthiest families here in Australia, so what I feel is the least of their concerns. My status instead made many people envy me and the life I have, but to be honest, I yearn for their normal life.

I never had it easy. This is not what I wanted. Life isn't a fairytale wherein you can get your happily ever after. Do you ever wonder if those rich princesses are happy living in a Palace, surrounded by servants and abundance?

I'm telling you now, it is not like that at all. That place is nothing but an empty house, a cage perhaps, where every step you make is being watched. Most often, it feels haunted and eerie. My hands are stringed and I dance however the puppeteer wants to.

Sure I don't lack anything, I don't need to strive daily just to earn wealth. But what is the use of all these resources? Would that bring me happiness? Is this what others are trying to covet? Would you rather be confined just so you can experience such fortune?

If this is what people wanted, and there is someone willing to swap places with me, even for just a day, I would gladly accept it. How would it feel to live that way, to live simply? I see a lot of people being genuinely happy about small things, who live harmoniously with their families, and I wanna be like them. But this is what fate has given me, so I have no choice but to live with it, hoping there would come a time when I can break free from all these chains that bind me.

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I'm zoning out again today. It's currently 4:47 pm and I'm here, sitting within these 4 walls and waiting for our class to be dismissed while questioning my very own existence. A place I'm very much familiar with. How many years has it been? I couldn't keep up anymore with what our instructor was saying in front of the class as I was too absorbed with my thoughts, thoughts that wouldn't even change anything no matter how I try to think of possibilities to change my current situation. Regardless, it doesn't matter if I won't able to concentrate during class, I've already finished our syllabus long before and I am already starting to study another field. I'm only attending our class for the sake of formality, and so that I can get the diploma as access to enter our company.

 

It has always been like this, attend class, then go home and study further for things that can't be taught in school.

 

Currently, I'm taking up my Master's degree in Business Management at The University of Melbourne after having degrees in both Business Management and Information Technology for 3 long years.

 

I have to study twice as much because as the daughter of Eleanor and Arthur Williams, I'm expected to be exceptional so I can be worthy to be the successor of their business, Eclipse Corp., a software application development company. The company is currently the top software company in Australia and is currently planning to expand throughout Asia.

Am I the only choice to be an heir? That is far from the truth. I'm not their only child, not even the eldest, but despite that, I have to take responsibility since my older brother wasn't interested in managing it at all.

And that

has been the greatest plot twist of my life so far.

Who would have thought that a second child, not to mention a woman, would end up being the heir instead? In most cases, siblings would have to fight for their inheritance, meanwhile, in my case, it was given freely.

But the burden weighs too much and I don't even know how to keep up with this given task, or if I am worthy of it. Nevertheless, I need to keep going.

 

It can't be helped.

Nobody expected that the eldest would pursue his dream as an idol singer, flying from Sydney to Seoul 5 years ago, running away from his supposed fate, and living the life he always wanted to have.

 

I must say he made a good decision given how far he has become after cutting ties with our parents. Currently, he's quite popular in South Korea as a soloist, using his real name, Aiden Williams. It wasn't that hard for him to gain popularity at all. Besides being innately talented in music, it was undeniable that his good looks helped him capture the hearts of viewers and listeners. As his fans describe him: Through the glimmer of his green-hazel eyes that shine as bright as the evening stars, paired with his entrancing smile, anyone who catches it would eventually be held captive of his trap. And as soon as he starts singing with his melodic voice, then there is no way out, you've totally been enchanted by him. *sigh* That's how they describe him atleast, but as his sister, offcourse those words would never come out of my mouth. But I must admit, he does have good looks and great talent.

Having said all that, even if I try so hard not to show it, I do envy him a lot. He's out there living freely, while I'm stuck here in Melbourne to do the boring stuff on his behalf. We might share the same blood, and even resemble in most aspects, but that didn't hinder us from choosing different paths.

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I'm Addison Williams.

A woman who once dreamed about becoming a music producer, but life did not permit me to do so.

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I sometimes ask myself, "what if?"

What if we stop doing what's needed, and start doing what we want?

Cross the line, Go beyond expected.

It would have been better.

 

But reality says there are no "what ifs"

Whatever happened was supposed to happen and there's no point in trying to think what would have happened if you chose differently when at the end of the day, you can't even turn back time and have no control over what's ahead.

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My parents never knew what I wanted, nor they are interested in it. They already planned my future as what usually happens with those of rich descendants. Cliche right? But it's the truth, an heir is an heir no matter what.

 

I just hope they care about even just half of how my brother understands me. It was he who knows everything about me since we grew up depending on each other. He's the one who understands me the most, yet he left me to deal with our parents alone. But I do not hate him for leaving, I do support his decision even if it was I who has to suffer. I had my moment to choose as well, but I let it go.

 

Ever since we are still a child, our parents were always busy, which leads to me and my brother being left alone in the big Manor, and naturally, we got so close to each other. Who would have thought that we would even end up sharing the same passion for music?

 

Nevertheless, he's brave enough to disregard our parents' wishes and pursue his dreams,

 

but apparently,

I'm not.

My dreams are there, stuck in my fantasies, waiting for someone to put some pixie dust on them and make my desires come to life.

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