The Fiasco



Book 1, Part XIII – Herald of Failure, Ambassador of Earth


I almost wish that reaching their prescient had been likely, sort of. Okay, not really. Being in a police building came with more potential downsides than positives. Here’s an example pulled from real life, about a year after my powers went live.

I had been living on my own stumbling from shitty event to shitty event without any real place to call my own. That actually hasn’t changed now that I think about it. Anyway, in a small Michigan town two deputies or whatever, certified members of the law and order brigade had drug me in as a ‘person of interest’ tied to seven disappearances in their town. I showed up about a week before and was living off of the kindness of strangers while trying to remember what being warm and fully clothed was like.

These guys thought that I, recently arrived vagabond extraordinaire, might be murdering people. The actual abductor, who turned out to be a potbellied man that worked on telephone poles despite gravity, broke in that night and killed three people. Why? Because he was upset about me being suspected and believed I had personally stolen his budding limelight. The upset he felt could only be corrected with extreme violence and a higher body count.

Two of the deceased were the officers that arrested me the day before. The third was a dispatch volunteer that happened to be manning the front desk that night. None of that would have happened had they not drug me in. Their names were on the list too. Luckily a few of missing people turned afterward. Jade had looked into it for me as I had been drugged then abducted by aliens.

Anyway, my point is going with the police has downsides for me. You regular people out there, just do what the nice people tell you. They have guns, training, and develop twitchiness due to dealing with crazy. Any powered problems make matters worse. So, do what you’re told and try not to channel the bullshit that runs in my life.

For me, playing along nicely often made no difference in what happened next. The forces which rule my life ensured things worked out. While we’re at it, that’s another idea I hate, Deus Ex Machina. It’s a lazy way of saying a perfect solution just appeared out of the air to a convoluted problem. It’s amazing the first few time. After four or five years of this shit, it’s more aggravating.

When something fell from the sky and smashed into asphalt ahead us signaling the next stage of my never ending coincidences, I wasn’t surprised, only startled. The police, however, freaked out. Our car jerked to one side and we started tilting. One of them reached for his radio but stopped to shout unhelpful phrases.

“Left! Left dammit!” the side seat driver flailed a finger. Our ride slammed back down onto all fours we curved into oncoming traffic. “The other left! Watch out! We need to stop!”

The woman cranked arm over arm in a series of evasive twists while yelling incoherently. Half-formed curses strong enough to need censoring were uttered by her partner. I sat in the back with a flat expression but secretly felt impressed that my taxes went towards teaching our fine police members such colorful language.

“Breaks! Breaks! Stop the car!” the man braced both hands against the dashboard.

I hung onto handle above. Screeches filled the air as other vehicles gassed around to escape the crash. Metal grinding noises and the crack of windshields gave the whole mess a pleasant undertone. One hand reached out to grab the opposite handrail. We went sideways as the vehicle slide onto its side. Feet banged into the diving bars. Exposed skin scraped into everything available and wet blood seeped out.

The new pain hit which made breath hitch. We slid another twenty feet as the police cruiser did a full three sixty on its side then slammed into a parked car and fell atop it, ending up at an inverted slant. Our recent spin stacked added more abuse onto of exhausted legs and other scrapes. My head hung limply against an arm.

“I love New York,” I lied quietly then let go, falling to the flat door below. Cracked glass crunched under my feet. The world looked fuzzy. A trickle of liquid rolled down my back. I knew I wasn't sweating.

“Sir! Stay right where you are, backup is one the way,” the female shouted louder than needed. The other person hung loosely from their buckled seatbelt. His neck stretched awkwardly as he tried to get upright. He slipped then groaned in discomfort.

“We can’t stay here,” I tried to speak loudly over the din of insanity outside. The female’s head kept turning about trying to appraise the situation.

I stared out the busted back window then wondered if I should escape or look for something to eat. Both options sounded good. There was a convenience store nearby and they could put the price of jerky on my tab. They might have gauze. Being theoretically immortal to long term damage didn’t prevent minor hurts and I wanted the pain to stop.

What I really wanted was Jade to come through on the Vicodin prescriptions. Apparently, the price was going to be astronomical because insurance didn’t cover walking disaster magnates. No flood insurance in Florida. No earthquake insurance in California. No super hero insurance in New York. No medical insurance for me. It was all the same.

I pushed at the rear window then crawled out. The female police officer said something I couldn’t hear. Car horns and more crashes filled the air as damage spread like dominoes. We weren’t the only ones in trouble. My eyes couldn’t lock onto anything besides the convenience store. There was a huge crater in the road between here and there.

This was karma for all those days watching television. I would have preferred a simple kidnapping to this nonsense. One ear rang and the world clicked. My head kept trying to shake off the dizzy sensation. It failed, and I wanted peanuts, iced coffee and a something to calm the shaking that started to build.

Feet plodded forward in desperate hope for relief.

“Sir it’s not safe! Get behind the car!” the woman shouted.

My forehead wrinkled but I kept going. They had arrested me and now cared about my safety. I should have cared more about theirs and at least provided a friendly warning. Like ‘thou shalt not touch the Adam! Fear his mighty curse!’ or something. I needed a voice modulating megaphone and some dramatic stance.

Things around me went boom in small doses. My mind kept trying to figure out what colors would go well with a costume. People were trying to get others away. A man came over and did the right thing by helping me up.

I waved him off. He shouted words in my face that made no sense and shook my shoulder. The damn ringing and blurry world weren’t coming into focus.

“Not me. There. There’s someone in there, with a baby?” I pointed to a car behind him. The car seat was obvious and blonde locks of hair lay unmoving on the steering wheel. The man trying to help shouted at me then ran off.

This was a bit much. The ground kept rumbling which confused me even more. A rock or side of some building fell from overhead but chose to land on someone's bike. I took a few more breaths and tried to steady myself against the ground’s roll.

Four absolutely huge machines were boring out of the earth. Two smaller ones had already surfaced, pushing aside cars and sending pedestrians into flight. I saw furry faces hiding behind barricades in wait. Their high pitched voices shrieked orders at each other.

“Mole people, in New York,” I mumbled while swaying. “It’s like my birthday and Christmas rolled into one.”

That fucking orb floated by my head, zooming in on the action. I don’t even know how the thing made it through our police car escort or kept up while that whole unicorn event happened in another dimension. The suspicious part of me had a few ideas but they would wait until meeting with Ted. He had a home somewhere in New, New, New York. That had to be close.

Bright beams of energy shot across at the emerging mole people vehicles. Burn marks littered the area. A tiny figure could be seen on top of a pillar which jutted twenty feet out of the crater. It was like someone had stuck a javelin, or tower, in the middle of a four-lane thoroughfare and declared war.

“Pew Pew!” the childish creature made of crystal shouted. Its lips were distinct enough to read even for me, despite the background noise. With each word a laser of light formed then shot out. “Pew!” They were lobbed at anything that moved, including fleeing pedestrians and law enforcement officials.

Both police were still struggling to get out of the car. The male had roused a bit. More people were getting away with surprisingly calm screams. Everyone came off as startled, a bit afraid, by not hysterical.

I stepped towards the convenience store. It was self-centered of me. Along the way a dozen different ways to fail at helping stop the monsters crossed my mind. Laser beams continued to pew pew at me and everyone else without regard.

Three minutes had passed. I saw a figure darting through the crowd. Some man in tights with yellow and blue coloring picked up people then vanished. Speedsters were almost as bad as teleporters. At least two heroes in total were on scene but they kept moving civilians out of the way.

“Stick to cover! Sir! Sir!” a police officer’s voice turned shrill behind me. How she cut through everything else was beyond me.

There were no dead bodies in my arms. I didn’t need to hold onto anything but my pants. I chose to disregard such silly orders then walked over like the world couldn’t hurt me. It took two minutes to stagger to the store, through a broken glass door then out with a bit of food. Their employees had long since fled. Trash from my snack only made it a few feet towards the mole people army. They took offense anyway then fired back clumps of dirt and disgusting smelling goo. It clung to store walls then started to eat through cement. Steam hissed off and cracks formed in the supports.

I stood there trying to apply a more proactive mindset while near misses were exchanged around me. My week off from crazy town turned the recent madness into a detached scene. You may find it weird, but I felt like a person in a dream. Invincible, above it all, and too distracted by other issues to really care.

“Pew!” the tiny creature shouted with its finger pointed like a child’s mock gun. “Pew, pew!” The backend was visible from this angle. I could see it better from this angle, upon the tower of white. Goo hung from the middle and it threatened to topple soon.

“Get out of there!” someone in uniform was trying to wave me away from the side. They had made it around at some point. I stared at them then raised an eyebrow.

Two more blasts from the mole people went off, both hitting the white pillar. A giant car went flying into the dirt tunneling machines side. It bounced onto the ground but left no real mark. Their vehicles were easily three times the size of a regular bus and armored.

A painful idea flashed through my head but I moved anyway. I looked up, stared at the pillar jutting up then took ten steps to the left and four ahead. My feet stung. The last two goo blasts were chewing through like a lumberjack might tear down trees. It crumbled slowly at first. The tiny pewing crystal shaped being turned and looked back in horror.

I shrugged then waved. Both arms went out in hopes that whatever curse which fueled my life might cause this brilliant disaster to work out.

The pillar snapped as the crystal creature jumped straight towards my outstretched arms.

I stood there trying to brace myself. A weight slammed into my chest and a flailing limb caught my face. I grunted but managed to bear with it. In the end, I had saved a falling alien from their doomed whatever it was. This is my life. Dumb luck that screwed me off constantly, but sometimes, just sometimes, I felt pretty damn cool.

The alien whatever weighed nothing at all. Even my emaciated and exhausted body could lift up the being. It sat there cradled in both arms and stared at me.

“Hi,” I said to the tiny thing. Its face glowed brightly then flashed with a mix of red and green. The creature squirmed then stood up quickly. It managed to knee me in the balls and I bent over in fresh agony and groaned.

“Mister Big? Thank you, Mister Big. Help. Please,” it spoke in a high-pitched chirp with clipped words.

I ground my teeth together while trying to take a breath. Goo splattered overhead. The police officer from before charged over then grabbed one arm. She pulled me back behind a barricade as the little alien ran by pewing everything for cover fire.

“Lady Suit. Help. Please. Scary dirt things. Need Lady Alexandria. Big Big Lady help.”

The police officer nodded then started speaking into a shoulder mounted device. I rocked and tried to get myself to a stable place.

“We need to get to better cover.”

“No. Don’t go too far. I can’t, it’s safer if you’re really close.” I hoped it would be. Projectiles were too lethal and my powers should prevent them from killing me somehow.

“Who are you?”

“Adam,” I groaned and barely managed to say my name without hissing in pain. The car we were huddled behind hissed  then splatters of goo flew overhead.

“Mister Big. Help. Please.” The crystal thing kept its hands together in the form of a gun.

The policer officer looked around but kept an eye on the weird hand symbol being made. Her radio gave a loud chirp of noise then words came forth that were too garbled to hear of the crystal creatures constant plea for help. My eyes kept rolling. “Do you have anything bigger? Like a pow?” I asked without expectation.

“Too young to fire pow pows. Only fire pews. Mister Big. You help? Find Lady Alexandria. Need Big Big. She stop dirt things.”

I needed a fucking shirt. These pants were a mess.

“We’ve got to go,” the officer said while putting a hand on my shoulder. It didn’t feel reassuring. Today just sucked. The longest vacation of my life had been ruined by super heroes, villains, a black unicorn and now some creature from space that was scared of mole people.

You might ask why I did any of this. The answer was that I really hated mole people. Any enemy of theirs was probably something I’d like to get high with. Assuming we didn’t end up in Wonderland together. Images of Ted and The Alice popped into my brain but were quickly discarded.

My body felt a bit more steady. Hopefully, my powers would simply find a simple way out and not call down a second larger meteor. “I’ll take care of the mole people,” I said while not really being sure how.

“What?” the female with a gun asked.

I took a breath then tried to stand before my inclination to simply wait out insanity could kick in. The sudden movement made my legs buckle. Both hands slammed down on the car’s rear for support as I rode out a fresh wave of crunched ball agony.

More shots splattered. Digging engines hummed loudly. The police woman’s demands for me to pull back were annoying. I moved before she could grab me, further into the line of fire.

“Mister Big!” the creature shouted. My eyes rolled but feet managed to stumble forth. Cracks from the crater made each step uneven.
It can be terrifying when an army of mole people fresh to the surface and spoiling for a fight turns towards then hissed in unison.

“Hello,” I said while swaying. The back of my throat tickled. “Hello! I’d-“ the next few words were lost in a coughing fit as I fell to a knee hacking.

The mole people surprisingly stopped firing. They chattered at each other until one shouted loudly enough for me to understand.

“The Herald! The Herald is here!” it said.

I took short shallow breathes to keep my lungs under control. One eye managed to focus on the brown and pink creatures further away.

“Listen, I’m sure it’s very important.” I coughed twice more. “But you should fuck off right now. Before someone angry and able to melt faces shows up.”

That damned orb of Ted’s was floating along happily record us, like we were in a stupid movie. I stared at the thing while pushing myself back to my feet. It spun around slowly taking in every angle of the battle scene. I imagined the title would be ‘Mole People Attack VI’. Hopefully this Lady Alexandria was a good looking woman, because if this was going to be a movie there was no way I could deal with mole people for anything less than solid eye candy.

“He warns us!” one shouted. In mass, they shuffled closer. I could see that yellow and blue speedster streak through checking over cars that were no longer being aggressively shot at.

“What are you doing?” the officer managed to sound upset that no one was firing acidic goo.

“Mister Big!” the crystal creature shouted without restraint.

“Is it true Herald? Is it true? Failure! Our invasion is doomed to failure!” they chattered and repeated words among themselves like excited puppies might bark at the mailman.

“What about the Crystalian!?” someone in the back shouted. “We must have it!”

“What?” I asked.

One stepped forward. He wore a collar that looked like chewed leather. None of the other’s even had clothes on. They only carried guns and wore loincloths. I made the mistake of looking at their toes and scrunched my face up in disgust.

“Herald, are we doomed to fail if we try for the crystalline?” the one with a thick leather necklace asked.

My lips sputtered and face scrunched up. I looked at the small creature then back to an army of anthropomorphic mole rats with beady eyes. “Oh yeah,” I settled on saying. “Complete failure. The surface world’s mightiest heroes will never allow such a trespass on the-” my eyes ran over the short person again. Turning around made me wince from back pain. “-precious Crystalline, person, visitor.”

“No! We’re doomed!”

They backed up in fear. I stared at the sea of creatures as their little limbs and huge guns quivered.

“The Herald foretells of our failure in this endeavor!” their apparent leader shouted then turned to order his equally ugly army. “Flee brothers to the underground! We give up!”

“Yeah. Do that,” I said while nodding rapidly. “Always do that. The surface world will not tolerate such a trespass.” None of that came out with any sort of smoothness. My brain and mouth were bypassing a sanity double check while the world around me somehow solved itself.

As they fled more shouts were made to each other. “The princess must know that we need to seek another source of power!” and “The world’s heart-” a voice squeaked right before their giant machine’s door slammed shut.

“Uhhh,” I raised my arms lowered eyebrow at the parting comments.

The wonky ass machines increased the rotation of saw like front ends. Tread covered wheels started getting better purchase. They flopped down onto their sides then started badly drilling a series of giant holes into the ground.

“Did anyone catch that last part?” I asked while swaying unsteadily. Both knees gave out and my ass hit the ground. I felt really confused. I mean, what the hell, right? Mole people normally are too stupid to halt an invasion. Their ships shouldn’t even have a reverse.

People started approaching. They looked confused and I shook my head. The police officers had their weapons drawn but pointed down. Two were looking at me while the others moved around slowly trying to figure out if there was still a threat. I shrugged.

“Mister Big. Repay, you. How? Help. Wait. Find Alexandria. Still need Lady Big Big,” it said a rapid-fire series of barely pronounced words.

The little guy wanted to repay me for standing in amid the wreckage of cars and being myself. That’s how nonsensical my life could become. Since he probably couldn’t strip away my super power and replace it with something useful, like shape shifting, I declined the polite offer.

Besides, accepting his gift would probably just end up with me going to another planet to save a race of munchkin looking bits of crystal and starlight. Naturally, I would fail, or maybe some other super-powered sidekick would be there to help me.

My head shook. I said, “I would avoid coming back down here if you can help it. Maybe just, call ahead next time. I think they have hotlines for that sort of thing. Someone has to, on the moon base maybe? I think that’s where Alexandria is?”

No, I had no clue who the hell Alexandria was. In all honestly, I only knew about a fifth of the powered people by name. With so many of them dying around me their superhero aliases almost ceased to matter.

“Yes. Lady Alexandria live moon. Many times we meet. Today, Lady Big Big not answer phone,” the crystalian had really started to annoy me. I still couldn’t’ figure out who he was talking about. The vague images of a starry cloak came to mind but that might have been a guess.

“Oh,” I said without comprehension. “Maybe she was in the shower.”

The little person hopped up and down with far too much energy. After a good dozen hops, it stopped then spoke while chewing on both hands. “Okay. Call again. My people need Lady Alexandria. Fight Ugly Biggest Big.”

I got it. It was tiny. It didn’t need to say big all the time or keep speaking in rapid broken English. It did, and I pretended to care.

“Why don’t you just go check the moon base. Can your,” I was about to say giant white penis but had to correct myself, “vehicle fly?”

“Yes. Unbreak with button. I go. Thank you. Hate dirt things. Goodbye Mister Big.”

With that, the small creature dodged off to its ship. People around me tried to ask questions in confusion but the creature nimbly hopped over destroyed terrain and touched the vehicle. Moments later it was off into space.

I just sat there while people proceeded to manage a disaster around me. The whole solution stunned me. Those mole people all but fled with their stubby tails between their ugly legs once I said no. That was all, I walked out, didn’t get hit by anything noticeable, and said go away.

“Go away?” I questioned as the thought hit me again.

Slowly I drug myself over to peer down into the crater. It was huge, at least sixty feet across. There were parts of the white pillar still left behind that looked like puddles stuck between rocks. I couldn’t even figure out why the darn thing hadn’t just done that first and avoided the whole mole people mess.

Aliens. Sometimes they were, just alien. There were no other words to describe the lack of logic. Then again, what right did I have to judge? I walked into a cross fire, grabbed food, caught a crystalian thingy, told mole people to leave and then advice the alien to go check out our moon base; in the span of about thirty minutes.

I looked up to see feet dangling in front of me. A frown sat plastered on the dumbest looking wall of meat to cross my path. Technically it was just General, but we didn’t get along. It soured my brief bout of confused elation. Honestly, he shouldn’t even be on this coast.

The man floated in front of me with a costume designed to accentuate muscles. He started in almost immediately, “Citizen, what were you thinking?”

I stared at the eagle crest and cycled through various bits of snark. Finally, I said, “Boy this guy is small, and some large asshole is super to take advantage of him.”

“Have you ever had first contact training?” the General demanded with arms crossed. The morning sun managed to rise straight behind General, making looking at him even more annoying.

“That sounds amazingly useful,” I leveled a glare at the imposing hero. “Why don’t you fly off and get me the cliff notes. I’ll hit someone with the manual next time I fall into a face hugger breeding pool.”

General paused and even his cape seemed to hang for a moment. That stupid eagle with it’s red feathers looked even more ironic once I realized General was chastising me for chasing away bad guys. It felt like I had finally done something right in life and now this idiot decided to give me shit.

“I told them to go away. What does training matter when it worked?” I asked.

“It’s endangerment. Once I have your name I’ll make sure charges are filed for putting lives at risk.”

“Yeah? Get in line.” There were a lot of people wanting to sue me. That’s why I had Jade, who was god knows where.

I’m surprised he didn’t recognize me from a week or two ago. Maybe my blabbing of General’s rear visitation from an icicle hadn’t reached his ears yet. He might not know how to spell icicle.

“Adam!” a woman’s voice carried across. “Don’t answer anything he’s saying!”

It wasn’t often women yelled my name without a note of annoyance. I turned and looked past a line of people gathered around, police tape that someone had strung up and all the other standard mayhem aftermath. Someone had been busy while I zoned out in contemplation.

I blinked a few times in confusion. The person arriving was Jade Heartland, my lawyer. She did work here, but when did she decide to visit in person? Better yet, how long had passed since our call this morning? The sun was higher and it had to be close to ten or eleven.

Jade was made of curves and tanned skin. Despite the Asian heritage, she managed to get a lot of sun and browned. She wasn’t my type but there were a lot of people that did double takes. Mostly because she looked on the verge of popping out of her top.

“Well?” the floating asshole asked. And yes General, if you’re out there listening, you’re still a floating asshole. An ugly ass corn in the world’s ugliest runny dump shit by a King Kong baby with diarrhea. I hate you.

“Don’t say anything!” Jade’s voice carried. She pushed her was past the line while pointing back and forth. I went through a dozen more sarcastic remarks but managed to keep myself contained. Being better wasn’t just about standing up or walking out into alien shooting ranges.

“Do you even know how reckless that was?” he asked while putting a hand up in the air as if I needed to be stopped from going somewhere. I don’t know where this brilliant specimen of a hero thought little old me might go.

Footsteps clicked as the sound of crisp shoes overpowered everything else.

“Or are you just ignorant of how the world works?” General asked.

“I-“ gave in then started to defend myself by insulting his mother. Jade caught up and waved an arm in my face.

“I’m Jade Heartland, Mister Millard’s lawyer. You’ll be addressing all your questions to me from now on.”

General’s lips flattened briefly and one side pulled up in consideration. He shook his head then asked again, “Has Mister Millard had any formal training? I can’t imagine any properly trained person would recklessly walk into a disaster.”

“He can’t attend required coursework despite the FEPs insistence. Their last fourteen attempts to get an agent out to provide one on one session him have all been blocked by Mister Millard’s unique nature.”

“What the h-“ he coughed to cover up an obvious near swear “-eck are you talking?”

Jade stared harder than she should have. The thick jewel dancingly between displayed breasts flashed a bright red then simmered down. Her eyes followed General’s down to the view clasped inside a rose colored top. She smiled widely but the muscles around her eyes pinched just right, making her look hungry instead of pleased.

“This is Adam Millard, recently classified as a No Go number Twelve. That means the government, all of them, is hands off where he’s concerned. Any attempts to interfere in their actions will cause further complications and endanger those local citizens.” She pointed in the distance at a speedster dressed in yellow and blue. The other hero conversed with police officers and pointed around. “That’s why you're well-trained peers chose not to directly interfere.”

“What?” I got the pleasure of seeing general look utterly confused as he sputtered. “A no go? Him?”

“What’s a no go?“ I whispered while leaning over to Jade. The view distracted me for a moment and her necklace simmered a hot red.

“Yes.” She didn’t look over and stared directly at General. “He’s on the list of untouchable powers.”

“Really?” we both asked. I think we even had the same twisted expression of disbelief.

“Mister Millard has repeatedly cooperated with law enforcement of all branches despite their constant desire to put him in the crosshairs. Not to mention that as an FEP sanctioned powered your license hinges on obeying the guidelines established.”

“Miss Heartland, I’m only trying to-“

“It doesn’t matter what you were trying to do, the simple fact is that you have no right to interfere with his actions.”

“But he just interfered with the safety-” General said while gesturing with both hands towards me.

“That’s the nature of his empowerment. Unlike my ability, Mister Millard’s gift only increases output when anyone attempts to control him or, heaven forbid, kill him.” Jade pushed back General’s hands and the jewel simmered a bit brighter.

“Unlike yours, no amount of effort will prevent potentially catastrophic side effects.” Jade paused then tucked a strand of hair away. Her eyes closed for a moment and she took a deep breath. General noticed the heaving motion and his face loosened up a bit. She continued, “Not everyone has the luxury of being picked up by a team, provided top of the line training, the being mentored until they’re ready to step up. Some of us have our powers forced on us and simply must make due.”

“Miss Heartland,” the General said while floating slightly off the ground. He had looked so damn smug before and now hunched slightly and kept looking away every few seconds.

“Tread carefully General, if the next words out of your mouth are anything out of line I’ll have your license revoked then press charges for willfully reckless endangerment. We’ll see how that spandex covered ass looks in black and orange.”

No doubt Jade had started to imagine just that scenario. She had probably thought about him in spandex too, and everything between. The feisty and well curved Asian woman probably never showed any qualms about the ideas that came from her mind. Her necklace, which glowed a bright red, probably served to mute the side effects.

But where it hung also attracted a lot of attention. That was a pure Jade move.

Character Dossier
Name: Jade Heartland
Gender: Female
Age: 31 Earth Standard Years
Generalized Ratings as follows
Strength: 3 - (Low)
Intelligence: 7 - (Law Degree)
Agility: 5 - (Limber)
Luck: 6 - (Aided by power)
Attitude: Flirtatious,
Other items of note
Has imagined 75% of her actual sexual encounters, open to experimentation in her projected fantasies and surprisingly tame in action, dislikes people with controlled powers, aggressive in courtroom and bedroom, has a thing for tights, is aware this is conflicting

Her primary power is two fold. First she has the ability to pick up other people’s emotions and surface thoughts in a powerful but focused capacity. She can place herself next to the person as they relive a moment or imagine a scene.

Second, she projects similar situations. Any thoughts on her mind are almost always sent out to those around her. There is a proximity range required that is oddly enough able to include telephone or other forms of communication. No one is sure why her power is able to go by the range of a person from their phone, computer, or any other device.

As a side effect of these powers kicking in during her first time having sex, she’s gained a rather warped view of what people want and like. Her thoughts were put into the person with her, and vice verse, creating a literally mind-altering feedback loop. Reported ten hours of awkward teenage copulation passed, by the end of which both partners were very experienced and changed.
Fun Fact
Jade Heartland actually has two brothers and a father that she never, ever, ever talks to. The curse of her powers makes holding a normal relationship almost impossible even with suppressors. She sends greeting cards which have proven incapable of projections.

Once they tried to experiment and create a fully functional power blocker tuned specifically to Jade’s power set. After a few awkward orgies, three unexpected pregnancies, and a lead scientist who tried to kidnap her - they finally made one which worked. It promptly made Jade feel like the entire world was dull and uninteresting and she tried to kill herself.

That event is where she ran into the most recent No-Go superpower named Adam Millard; before their names were big news. He brought color back to her world by breaking the theoretically irreversible process she had been subjected to. Afterward, she took Adam on as her only client under a new business model. Jade’s vowed to make sure her firm works for powered people who can’t help what they are.

Secretly she believes that when the world ends Adam will be nearby. She hopes for a heads up to let her freak flag fly and go out in a wild sex romp through downtown. Until then, Jade won’t quit her day job.
A note from FrustratedEgo

Thank you for reading this chapter!

Please take a moment to check out the following spoiler sections for ways to support me. I know this section is frustrating to read (and if anyone knows about frustration, it's me) but these are all ways that keep me writing. Please remember that these steps can be followed at any time, even if you're binge reading.

Free Ways to Help!
Visit My Personal Site
Buy a Book!


Support "The Fiasco"

About the author



Log in to comment
Log In

tinman2613 @tinman2613 ago

Loving this story, please keep up the good work!

j0nn0 @j0nn0 ago

Good ol' Jade. Active succubus powers for the win. XD

Thanks for the chapter.

SpartanLoki @SpartanLoki ago

Hahaha her power description was quite funny but also kind of sucks since it totally changed her views on things. Thanks for the chapter. The General deserves another icicle up the ass, just don't like that guy (without a doubt feeding off of the MC's feelings of the guy).

nahojjjen @nahojjjen ago

She can place herself next to the person as they relief a moment or imagine a scene.

Should be relive?

Reported ten hours of awkward teenage copulation passed, by the end of which both parents were very experienced and changed.

Should this be partners? I didn't realize their parents got involved, and I'm not sure how their parents got more experienced from the ordeal either...

valheru @valheru ago

Thanks for the chapter


FrustratedEgo @FrustratedEgo ago

02/10/2016 08:53:15nahojjjen Wrote: [ -> ]She can place herself next to the person as they relief a moment or imagine a scene.

Should be relive?

Reported ten hours of awkward teenage copulation passed, by the end of which both parents were very experienced and changed.

Should this be partners? I didn't realize their parents got involved, and I'm not sure how their parents got more experienced from the ordeal either...

You are right on all counts sir! Thank you.

My wife is actually getting into the editing spirit and is on chapter 7. She's slowly catching up (the newborn makes it hard).

I'll fix those three here in a moment.

02/10/2016 05:46:15SpartanLoki Wrote: [ -> ]Hahaha her power description was quite funny but also kind of sucks since it totally changed her views on things. Thanks for the chapter. The General deserves another icicle up the ass, just don't like that guy (without a doubt feeding off of the MC's feelings of the guy).

That's generally what I"m going for. One of the major themes here is the people who's powers are less controllable and how they can seriously impact their lives and those around them.

I love super hero stuff - but I also love the human mind trying to deal with intense abilities. Adam - so far - has given me a chance to do both.

We just need to get him a few items here in the next few chapters so he can start to fight back, but I'm going to try and manage it in such a way that I don't lose the human element.

02/10/2016 04:16:20j0nn0 Wrote: [ -> ]Good ol' Jade. Active succubus powers for the win. XD

Thanks for the chapter.

Technically they're passive and always on...

We'll see in the next chapter how they make things very awkward between people.

02/10/2016 11:52:07valheru Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks for the chapter

You're welcome.

02/10/2016 04:00:15tinman2613 Wrote: [ -> ]Loving this story, please keep up the good work!

I'm hoping I can keep up this sort of entertaining writing for at least the three books - then I'll be done with the storyline and onto other projects. Thanks for reading!