Master of All, Jack of None
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This remind me of the game fantasy life when I read the ff
in term of that you run around asking to be a lot of people's apprentice, leveling it up while doing a quest.
also that you can be master in all of the profession in fantasy life too
p.s: I am quite new and this is the first ff i read here
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This is a review made by a full member of The Group.
Since it seems very few people understand my way of reviewing, I’ll go ahead and change it up.
Every section (the bold sections) will have several categories under it. For example, World Setting would have Story and Style categories, while Grammar/Formatting would have Style and Grammar. I will then set a score between 0 to 10 for each. At the end of the review, I will take each category and give a final average of them all. The overall score will be the average of those 4 categories minus/plus my own personal feel of the fic.
World setting (Style = 5/10) (Story = 4/10)
The world of FLOW, the VR game of Mythran’s “Master of All, Jack of None”, consists of only one city at the moment. Aurora is the city of beginners and all new players start there. This allows for the MC to interact with the other four characters who won the 1-in-a-million contest with him. An unfortunate occurrence here is that we do not get a large view on the rest of the world. It seems there are still beginners leveled around 60 and higher which means that the level 2 MC won’t be leaving the vicinity of Aurora any time soon. Due to the relative lack of information we readers are given of the game, it is not known if there are several beginner cities. Or even if the game has even implemented further cities for the higher level players. Maybe some info dumps on the world would help, and since the MC reads quite a bit it may be better to have him get some history from the nearby library. Any further information other than Aurora would be useful.
Another part of World Setting would include how the game of this VR fic is done. FLOW’s help guide is rather useful to new players, but it also takes out the hardship and mystery of trying out new skills and seeing how things work. This fic is close to LMS in that both MC’s are crafters aiming for a generalized set of skills, but LMS has the upper hand due to how Weed wonders how to go about raising his skills. Unlike Weed, Ren can ask others around him for help and is taught everything easily. This makes Master of All an easy going crafting fic where the MC’s hardships only lasted in the beginning instead of becoming a continuous struggle.
For the other World Settings, there are options like Magic, Religion, and Politics. Magic is not explained much in Master of All, except to say that there are various elements and a person can use runes to add abilities to equipment. Magic itself is supposedly less complicated than Enchantments, but we aren’t told much. Religion is not touched upon in the fic either. This is either something that the MC purposefully missed (in which case you still shouldn’t use his illness and unbelief in god as a reason to not talk about game religion…) or there really aren’t any religions. They would mean classes like Paladins and Clerics won’t exist (and they haven’t appeared yet…). It could also mean that Beginner towns just don’t have it… Politics also seem lacking. There is the Noble ruler of the city who treats the Heroic Prince nicely – which just seems odd since a class shouldn’t have that many benefits compared to actual personality, even in a game. And there aren’t any other nobles of note in the city. Even though the H.P. said he had participated in a banquet…
Story flow (Story = 6/10) (Style = 6/10)
The flow of the fic is linear as we read about how the MC, Ren, goes through the game. The author starts off the story with two chapters of the MC’s regular life in the hospital. This is to induce a sense of how the MC’s day to day life is, but this also suffers from a lack of descriptions that I will mention later. All in all, the Story Flow of Master of All is progressing at a steady pace. We do not get many cliffhangers due to the lack of tense situations the MC goes through. In chapter 15 though, the author seems to experiment in several things. First, he tries to make the MC backtrack on what happened in the game, but he really only serves to confuse readers into wondering if they missed something. There is no break in the story to reveal that the author engaged in a returning to an earlier scene, so the jump between the MC’s real life and the game made for an odd read. As well as that, in the end there was also a short cliff hanger as we see the MC returning to the game. This really should have been left out and just be the start for the next chapter since it did little good except to tell readers he went back into the game… 10 minutes early.
Grammar/Formatting (Grammar = 2/10)
Everyone starting this fic will see one of two things. First is a dialogue/monologue as the person talks about the game. Perfectly fine, except the way it was provided which is the second thing. The grammar of Master of All is below par in that the use of commas is mainly done to replace periods. This makes paragraphs hard to read as the sentences seem to run on and only end when the paragraph ends. For example, the first paragraph had a total of two sentences stuffed into the 8 line paragraph. The second sentence was only a line long. This meant that the rest of the paragraph consisted of one sentence that used only commas to show full stops in the work. I was hoping this would only be something that appears earlier on, but after reading the entirety of the story (15 chapters) I still see the prevalent use of those commas. The fourth paragraph of your 15th chapter could have replaced the commas with 5 periods, changing the paragraph long sentence into a paragraph with 6 sentences. This is an extreme problem that should be fixed sooner rather than later.
A slight problem is the formatting of your chapters. The fic is done in a large font size and a different font so it looks different from others. I’m fine with changing font types since reading the same font may get tiring, but changing the font size just makes the reading look less professional. What should have been an 8 page long work changes to 11-12 pages long just due to the font size shift.
Quality of descriptions (Grammar = 2/10) (Character = 4/10)
Master of All suffers from a large amount of telling instead of showing. This is most prevalent during scenes where the MC learns new skills or creates new items. I know crafting is a difficult subject to show, but that is the reason why it’s so well liked. Being told that the MC created a coin pouch is not the same as being shown how the leather felt, how hard it was to pierce it, exactly where the holes were made and what type of materials were used. LMS suffered from a lack of descriptions as well, so it’s a common problem. If a reader can read your work and learn something new, not be told that the MC learned it, then everyone walks away happy.
The fic also lacks descriptions of the city. We are told a rough detail when Ren enters the game, and then are told less and less afterwards. The city is described yes, but what about the interior of the stores he walks into? What is the state of the city streets? How richly clothed are the NPCs/Players walking around? Everything seems to just focus on the MC and nothing ever branches out to what everyone else looks like. Again, this also stems from Grammar problems, and also greatly impacts how everything is…
Character depth, consistency, development (Character = 3/10) (Story = 4/10)
The MC is a 17-year-old who had been a son of a couple of drug… dealers? Lords? Either way, his parents were people capable of introducing several types of new drugs onto the streets and their combined assets were enough to allow the MC to live his life in comfort. His parents also seemed to have drugged their son with an insane amount of that poison, enough to cripple him for life. As sad as this sounds, it suffers from some logic problems but that will come later. What will be discussed is how constant the MC is and his development through the story.
Ren is a 17-year-old who is trapped in a body closer to a 12-year-old. He is treated like a doll by the older nurses who think he is just adorable… Again, the fic’s lack of description acts up again as we are just told he has blonde hair, blue eyes, and looks ‘cute’. The fic also seems to have a bunch of shotacons but that will be for Interaction of Characters. For now, Ren is a boy who has struggled early on and will continue to struggle because of his health. This is clearly shown when he spends most of two chapters staying in bed, recovering from damage he had received from some minor celebration. He later goes on to say he acts childish still, and this seems to set the tone for future chapters.
Often after interactions between the MC and the older teachers he meets later, he always seems to act very… kiddish. How to explain. I imagine the MC as an 8-year-old who successfully did a job for an elder and was rewarded. He then bounced up and down in glee while shouting THANK YOU. That’s the frequent image that springs to my head whenever I see him thanking others. Never mind him being 17 years old, if he is in the body of a 12-year-old then he needs to act a little older than he is currently depicted. The craftsmen idea is a good one, but when it’s done by a child it just seems unnecessarily OP.
Then there is the consistency of your character. By the later chapters, the character was starting to stay the same personality throughout: Happy-go-lucky, hard working, never give up, knows exactly what to say. Then the MC is introduced to Tristan and the MC goes ballistic. Personally, I find Tristan to be dumb and unlikable, but your MC already had a streak going where he made friends with the most unfriendly people (Dolan and Fritz). His reaction to Tristan was more than a little odd. Especially when they doled out the men for the expedition. I had been expecting him to attract the attention of a higher ranking person who would then evenly divide the troops and keep things fair. What I didn’t expect was for the MC to go into a temper tantrum and then run away. This reaction was inconsistent with his previous actions and served to confuse his character. Some may argue that he has the right to do so, and they would be correct. Yet Dolan made the MC go through some harsh trials. Fritz was also very uncooperative early on. Why did the MC not go into a tantrum with them? Just something to keep in mind…
Interaction of characters (Character = 2/10) (Story = 3/10)
I guess this section can be divided into several subsections. There will be NPCs, Tristan, Nurses, and then other players.
First will be NPCs. Taking up most of the story’s interactions, the NPCs serve as teachers and friends to the MC. Once the MC gets to know them, they usually become amiable companions to him, no matter their original personality. You had the Seamstress who was glad that someone young can take up her craft. She was the first to help him. Then you had Dolan, the Blacksmith who initially rebuffed him and later gave him trials to prove him worthy of Smithing skills. The alchemist, miner, enchanter, librarian, lord. Each of the NPCs usually treat him well and think he’s a nice boy. This is all well and good, but becomes quite repetitive later on. There doesn’t seem to be much inconsistency in the way he is treated and this creates a lack of tension in any future NPC meeting scenes. Also, the way he is treated is, again, similar to how a child is treated.
One of the more memorable characters is Tristan. The dude with Zero acting skills, he takes the class of Heroic Prince and acts anything but! Well, maybe an arrogant prince. Anyways, he is under the idea that he can get anything he wants because… he is who he is. When the MC denies him the ability to get the Repair skill book, Tristan manhandles the MC, and then is tossed out by the Blacksmith NPC and barred from entering. This set the stage for their future meetings. Tristan is antagonistic to mainly the MC and while this does add some sort of conflict to the story, it just set the stage for the Child MC to get into a fight with the other childish character. No one seems to act like an adult except the NPC adults and this becomes rather bothersome to read. Devious characters are good reads because their actions are similar to what the reader would do. Tristan’s actions are childish at best and just serves to act out the 3rd rate villain character. Even with the recent developments he has gone through.
Next will be the Nurses who constantly takes care of him. Actually, I’ll make this about older women in general. Every single older women he meets seems to find him irresistible. Oh, not in a sexual way. They just find him so damn cute it makes a reader wonder how unfair the world is. It’s gotten to the point where I think the majority of female characters in the fic are shotacons. Maybe those two other contest winner females are the only ones who don’t hug him and stuff his head into their breasts…
Lastly will be other characters. There aren’t many character interactions in the beginning, but later on he becomes acquainted with several. There’s the gunslinging Clint who is respectful of the MC’s class skills and becomes friends quickly. The MC promises to make Clint a set of proper crossbows for his class and for now he adds enchantments that strengthen the other man’s beginner weapons. Then there is Talon, the shy contest winner who has a shadow class. He is also very nice, but also spineless and can’t stand up against the more verbose Tristan. This means he can’t frequently help the MC against the annoying character and Talon is usually done as a side character. He gets a mention just cause he’s cool.
Overall the characters interactions are fine, but there is a clear disparancy between the MC’s treatment of NPCs and his treatment of Players. To NPCs he’s an adorable kid. To the Players he starts acting as if he’s a hindrance and gets pity points from the others. These do little to increase the likability of the MC.
Quality of dialogue (Character = 3/10) (Style = 3/10)
Quality of Dialogue ties in with several of the previous sections. First, the MC’s personality and how he talks to others is, again, like a child talking to adults. He thanks them out loud and is well liked for his enthusiasm. He asks few questions when being taught something, and instead it is usually the other party that talks. This is fine since he is being taught, but this also makes the MC less intuitive and far thinking. Asking questions is a perfectly fine thing to do to improve your skills, but the MC doesn’t ask memorable questions. Instead he asks to be taught and then is taught, that is it.
Some of the fault also lies with the NPCs. They are too damn accommodating in their help. As NPCs, I guess the story made them more helpful than anything, but that just lowers the quality of their AI. If they only need to have a high enough affinity before they give out their life’s work, then that makes them less than real. The only NPC that seemed to hide things from the MC is the enchanter, and that was mostly because of proper reasons.
Dialogue between players is more realistic, but that is also offset by their treatment of the MC. Tolan and Clint are the two characters who talk to the MC in a more equal setting. They are also the only ones who talk to the MC for any length of time. Other characters are told they talk to him, so we don’t see too much of that. Tristan talks down to the MC, but again he still thinks the MC is at the same age as him. A great contrast between how NPCs treat him and how Players treat him.
Inner monologue (Character = 3/10) (Style = 3/10)
There is very few inner monologues. The ones we do see are in extreme contrast to how the MC speaks out loud. If he speaks out loud in a childish tone, then he thinks in a more mature one. For example, in the beginning he takes note of his childish antics after it put him in an emergency situation. This is some self conscious revelation that I was hoping the MC would keep as he goes on. Another example is how he convinces himself to hammer that last strike, or jump for that last bellow. His inner monologue contrasts so greatly that I couldn’t help but think they were two different characters. Or that the MC was trying to trick the NPCs somehow (he wasn’t). Even though I was expecting this sort of tone for the MC, it still contrasts with how the MC regularly acts. Keep things consistent please.
My comment on his use of Font Size still stands. People commonly write few pages per chapter and that is perfectly fine. Trying to trick the readers by increasing the size isn’t. Won’t mark since it was already stated earlier.
Originality/freshness (Story = 4/10)
A sick MC who goes to VR to have a taste of life is somewhat original. What is fresh is that the MC is genuinely in some kind of mortal danger. The first two chapters were enjoyable because the MC seemed real. His class is definitely not an original one. All the other contest winners got cool class names that corresponded with their unique status, but the MC got Artificer. There is also a complete lack of unique item creation in the story and that was a large disappointment. I was hoping for something along the lines of a hidden weapon maker (read some Douluo Dalu :D).
I have to comment on the drugs that crippled him… The MC’s parents drugged him… why? They are the top of what was a successful drug enterprize and they drug their only child and keep him as evidence of what they did… why? Even as a guinea pig, it is much more efficient to grab a guy off the streets, use him, and then dump him. Using the sick child as a guinea pig is not a good way to test effectiveness of drugs. Nor is keeping him around going to be good for trying to prove your innocence during a trial… I was hoping the MC was the target of drug dealers and was kidnapped from his parents… but meh
Overall (Personal feel for the fic: -0.5)
I found this story a struggle to read, mainly due to the grammatical errors and lack of familiarity with the MC. The NPCs were alright to read about, but the Players were not distinctive. Clint was probably supposed to be a prominent side character, but he fades to the background due to the lack of impact that the writing possessed. Talon was the same, but he was still cool cause I like rogue type characters.
1: Fix the paragraphs where you used excessive commas.
2: More descriptions would increase the quality of your work. It will also lengthen your story and remove the need to increase font size
3: Make sure you know what your MC wants. He seems to just want to work every day, which is fine. The only thing is that he lacks a thought about what he hopes and wishes for the future.
4: Less shotacons
5: Make characters have more impact. Clint was very impactless until the end where he attacked Tristan. Then I went, “Go Clint… who was Clint?”
- Overall Score
- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
You can't help but love the main character. You'll want to be one of the supporting characters to help him all the way.
- Overall Score
This had no ending the author just decided to drop it in the middle of the story
- Overall Score
If your sense of judgement is all “the Group” has to offer Argos then i’ve learned one thing….Ignore just about all you guys say.
The four stars is for Master of All, Jack of None. Not you Argos because ou get 1 star and that’s only for your comments on grammar.
I think that 1 star to you Argos was generous.
You got a small point regarding the grammar/formate and maybe little bit regarding descriptions.
But i could read it just fine and english is my 2nd language.
it’s true that this story only has one city but i’m fine with that. MC will probably go wandering someday for rare materials for crafting and thus find other cities.
Besides the game was released the players haven’t explored much.
Royal road had more territory become available as the players made progress through exploration.
In your -Overall Personal feel for the fic- you said Clint and Talon faded into the background but you think he is cool because you like rogue characters.
This shows how you cannot make a coolheaded judgement in my eyes.
Less shotacons?…..At this point i just thought “if Argos thinks he is so good at writting why doesn’t he writte a thick book and publish it for decently thick wad of cash?”
I’m fine with how the character behaves. Your point about the MC going ballistic when faced with Tristan’s bullying is completly off track.
MC not complaining about the blacksmiths trials doesn’t matter at all…..it plain and simply doesn’t matter.
Your originality/freshness is also totally wack. What kinda class you hoped for doesn’t matter at all.
You want orginality? I’ll give you some.
The orangutang dressed in green monkrobes danced with the purple elephant to the orchestral music performed by the Anaheim Ducks icehockey team.
There you go Argos. You got your orginal story….now scram. Shoooo. Go pester someone else.
My personal short review of Master of All, Jack of None.
World setting – Yeah the MC learns a bit too quick but i’m fine with it.
It might be because the author has a goal for his MC in mind.
For example he wants him to become really good at all that is required to make advanced siege engines.
Or maybe make him a great architect to make castles.
Not to mention that someday he will probably be able to make blackpowder weapons.
If the author needs the MC to get certain skills faster to get to parts of the story he has planned out beforehand then i don’t mind a fast start.
Just don’t do as one guy i saw in a fanfic…He made repeating crossbows with magasines without any real crafting skill grinding.
Not to mention he didn’t have a workshop or proper tools for that matter if i remember correctly.
Grammar/formating – I could understand very well what was going on so i’m satisfied. Font size was fine by me too.
Everything else is just fine. If you try to package everything up all nice and tidy you could slow down by a lot.
That doesn’t just mean we get slower release of new chapters…it can also affect your creativity.
Having to work longer with grammar and tiny stuff than the storytelling can make the rush of creative juices slow down to a trickle.
Oh yeah….Clint was my favorite sidecharacter. I got a very good image of what he looked like and his general behavior.
- Overall Score
I really enjoyed the story as told thus far. I was disappointed to see it end, but I see that someone else picked up the story and continued it. While I do wonder what would have happened differently if this author had continued it, I still enjoyed what they wrote.
- Overall Score
The women in the series all seem a little too interested in the childlike appearance of the MC.