Zeltis

Hello. I saw your thread for assistance, and thought I could help, so here I am. I’m not very experienced in battle scenes or character depth, but I think I at least have some skill in dialogue. Please keep in mind that I am not an expert adviser, I’m just someone who talks too much.

The thing about dialogue is that you don’t want to tell your reader what your character is doing, but you want to show it.

I don’t think dialogue has to be just talking. You can just add sound effects or have your character make noises, and even then it would give your character more life. 

For example (all examples used are from Chapter 1), 

Also, sometimes you don’t want to make dialogue too long, but break it into parts.  You can do this by having the character interrupt by asking random questions, or using actions.

Also, like I said earlier, show rather than tell.

You should also think about your characters emotions, traits, etc when you have them speak. I’m sure that as the author, you know your characters best so I won’t say too much about this. If you were hard-core and really wanted to improve your dialogue, I’d say watch a bunch of movies or something, but I understand that that’s a little bit extreme.

And that was most of what I had to say about the dialogue.

P.S. Your story is good. Keep it up.

Edit: On the latest chapter I can see that you put in a lot of dialogue, which is awesome. Sorry if this didn't help you that much or if you've heard it before already.

 Remind me of a manga…or light novel…in a good way. I like those.

The MC gains some weird power, he himself is special for  some reason, he gets some friends that will get involved in the shitstorm at some point and all the shit seems to gather near where he lives, this kind of story.

Me like a lot…

I'm not going to re-cap what the summary already says but I will say that the story is moving along nicely and I'm enjoying reading it.

I really like it , this ff is really well writen just can't wit for more

A lot of mysteries surround our MC and his partner Zeltis who takes control of his body and hunt the demons behind the shadow of mankind. Is Zeltis a good guy or bad guy? Come and find out.

I know what you're going to think after reding this review, "I hate this guy".

But being honest, the story is a bit original and sometimes you see some original idea, what is good in some way.

The grammar need improvement, but nothing you can't fix.

The style will like some people and some won't like it.

I have my own thoughts about the MC, but I fear that if I write it here, I would get some warnings.

“We are all racists by nature and equal before God’s eyes”

-The drunk Aonte in a party without a dance partner.