I Have Even Read the Rulebook!


Mr Alex666

Chapter 1: How to get whatevered correctly, Part 7


Hey, Sandy, I think I’m done. Still, I do have some questions. For a lot of my culture-specific Skills there was no country or culture to chose from. Why is that?”

Oh, don’t be bothered! We place you randomly into the world, those Skills will activate and be designated when you arrive at your destination!”

Prof almost had a panic attack. That rule could be abused sooooo much! Sure, you know one language, know about one culture, know about one culture’s literature, legends, laws and history, and you got transplanted somewhere completely else. Where your Skills doesn’t mean shit.

You will be a stranded fish.

Even now, in our world, you won’t get far by knowing only your own language – even if it is English. Statistically, English is only the third most known language, so you better start learning Spanish and Chinese too. In medieval times? You could call yourself lucky if you found someone who spoke the language of the next country over. Prof really, really hoped, Sandy and the Administrator wouldn’t be asses and gave him the cultural Skills of the country he was sent to.

Also, you will only be able the access to knowledge of your new Skills, when you leave our humble office! Of course, your previous skills and knowledge will be locked at the same time!”

What, do you mean, I will forget everything from my life?”

Oh, no! If we did that, we would alter you! That only means, you will not be able to access and use those skills and knowledge! Do you understand the difference?”

Not quite.”

Sooooo… Let’s use an example! You spoke multiple languages back on Earth, right? On the new world you have only one [Speech] Skill, that is one of the new world’s languages. You can not use any of the Earth-Languages there, since you don’t have a Skill for them, but you still remember those, and can think about them. It’s a bit complicated, but let’s say you can think about Earth-Things but can not talk about them in detail. Was I clear?”

This was the first time, Sandy wasn’t overly exited. She was somehow… unsure?… maybe? Or just half-remembered something that was crucial for her job.

Not quite, no. Sorry, Sandy. Next question: What kind of gear will I get? According to the Rules, I should have a load of money – can I spend it here, or just in the new world? What about my stuff?”

Oh, very good questions!” Sandy was back to her usual self “Let’s tackle it from the back! Right now, you don’t have any stuff. Everything you see on yourself, clothes, watch, money is just a memory of the real things! Everything was left behind on Earth!”

Sandy made a motion with her hands, and Prof’s old stuff just disappeared, to give place for new things: simple Turn-shoes, undyed linen trousers and shirt, a black vest and a hempen belt.


Prof could now enter a cosplay competition for 15th Century’s unskilled workers for the agrarian sector and win. At least he had some accessories: He had a fifteen centimetres knife and a hatchet on his belt, a messenger bag and a sack. Prof quickly checked the contents.

Pocket knife, wooden cutlery, a wooden plate and cup, whetstone, a candle, flint and steel, a dozen sewing needles with some yarn, something that looked vaguely like soap, the parody of a toothbrush, two packages of “gauze”, but more probably spare length of linen, a loaf of bread, a length of sausages, some water in a waterskin and finally in a small pouch a complete set of bone dices – D2 (also known as “a coin”), D4, four D6s, D8, two D10s, D12, D20. Yeah, the World Administrator did have a sick kind of humor.

Why not give out an Xbox and a copy of Switcher 3 and have a laugh?!?!

Save for the dices, everything played into the unskilled vagrant vibe. Prof wasn’t overwhelmed by his new gear. Back home a random hobo would have better stuff. But hey, he still had a bunch of coins to spend!

According to the rules, you would have only received the starter pack, if you asked for it! Same goes for shopping!” Sandy’s smile got radiant again. Prof wasn’t so happy about it. If he wanted to get irradiated, he would have visited Chernobyl and would have liked some left-over metal, and not wait till death and a secret-keeping con-woman of a clerk.

I soooo knew, you would ask! Most don’t and are offended when they got tossed out into the new world in their undies! Or naked! Why? It’s their own fault for not checking for free stuff! It’s even written there in the book!”

Ehmmm… Sandy, what about shopping?” Prof never thought, he would use those exact words. He wasn’t a teenage girl who found daddy’s credit card, but he ached to get down to shopping. The Afterlife was so strange.

Oh, Yes! In order to got shopping, just concentrate on the concept of Convenience Store! It should be sooo easy! I wish, I could go shopping like that!”

Prof didn’t waste any time, and while ignoring a drooling Sandy, the next moment he found himself in a trading window, known to all computer-RPG-players. He almost expected parchments with long lists of goods, not an interactive shopping site straight out of the ‘net or a game.

There were tabs. Tabs upon tabs, and some more tabs as a bonus.

There were tabs for animals, means of transport (from hand-carts to ocean-going tall ships and even flying ships!), slaves, foodstuff, weapons, armour, clothing, furniture, art, mixed goods, toys, general gear, precious stones and valuables, jewellery, potions, poisons, raw materials, semi-finished products, and so on. And on.

Oh, there was a tab even for real estates!

Probably every last thing ever made or was even possible to make on the new world was there. Made from every possible material, in every possible shape, colour, pattern and in every possible quality, from Trash to frelling Artefacts!!! Surely, it was the wet dream of your average girlfriend or wife who wanted to “go to the mall a bit” - at least with this interface the average boyfriend or husband wouldn’t be tortured to come along, but Prof was sick.

Look, guys don’t like shopping. They know what they want, go to the store, grab the first thing that is vaguely the correct form or product, and are done with it in five minutes. Tops. To browse an unending list, where you don’t even know, what you want exactly, is just pure torture.

Prof took a deep breath and started spending his hard-earned money.

First, he applied a filter on the “Weapons” tab to see the One-handed Axes, but that still produced hundreds, no, thousands of options. After some fiddling, he deleted common quality and below and everything above rare, than every material worse than iron (stone, bone and copper – fun fact: bronze is actually a better alloy than iron, but iron is easier and cheaper to make), and better than steel (that would be around one-and-a-half dozen materials!).

The list was still too long. He almost despaired, but found another function: he could apply separate filters for the size of the weapon and the head! With that, it was easy to chose two weapons. It took only about an hour…


One-Handed armour-piercing Axe

Material: average wood with a steel head

Quality: Uncommon

Properties: 80 centimetres long, one medium head, one armour piercing spike (armour and damage 50%)

Damage: 5-50


One-Handed Axe

Material: average wood with a steel head

Quality: Uncommon

Properties: 50 centimetres long, two small heads

Damage: 5-35


Just these two weapons took away 15 Silvers from his total of 170, if he would have selected some better wood, that would have cost him a further 5. Even that was considered cheap!

Weapons made from better materials and of a higher quality could cost 150 gold. Each. If he bought some enchantments or magical properties… What was the larger denomination than Platinum again? Yeah, some people drive a Ferrari, but the really filthy rich just buy some over the top of the line gear, and smile contemptuously on those upstarts.

For buying armour, he at least had some experience already with the interface, but it still took time, because he had to buy separate pieces for every body-part. He almost cried, when 129 Silver and 50 Coppers went poof, but at least he had his new gear:


Leather Breast Plate and Pauldrons with Steel Inlays

Material: auroch hide with steel inlays

Quality: Uncommon

Armour Rate: 29 (on upper body and waist)


Leather Vambraces and Greaves with Steel Inlays

Material: auroch hide with steel inlays

Quality: Uncommon

Armour Rate: 29 (on forearms and shins)


Steel Nasal Helmet

Material: Steel with wool padding

Quality: Uncommon

Armour Rate: 51 (on head)


Leather Gloves

Material: average leather

Quality: Common

Armour Rate: 10 (on hands)


The whole thing decreased his Agility and Dexterity by one each, so it was not that ideal, but from the money he had, he could not buy anything better. Just for fun, he checked the really high-end stuff, and if he hadn’t been dead already, he would have suffered a few heart attacks and strokes.

Forget high-end weapons. Armour was the real measure of wealth! If you could buy an American aircraft carrier for personal use, the owner of a high-end full set of armour would still smile condescendingly at you.

It was that expensive.

Since Prof didn’t want to cosplay as an unskilled worker in the agrarian field, he had to invest into his wardrobe too. First of all was a nice high-quality, studded, steel tipped pair of combat boots – or at least what the medieval folks could make in the line.

Next came two pairs of sturdy but good looking pants and shirts – one black, one dark green – a vaguely Cowboy-hat looking head-wear, a cloak – he even found one with woodland cammo-pattern! – a dark green scarf, a good quality belt with attached hooks and rings for weapons and gear, a small money pouch and some spare under-wares. Almost 13 Silvers gone again…

Sure, he could have bought it cheaper, but he invested in quality. He had the chance now to get equipped, but he had no clue, when he would find a nice store selling stuff in that quality range and looks.

Than he applied his gamer-knowledge to buy stuff, most folks simply forget: 30 metres of strong rope, two better quality bedrolls, a large wooden-framed backpack, a few cooking utensils, pen and ink and a small notebook (do I have to clarify? Not the tech-no-logical thingy, but the one made out of paper).

Unfortunately to potions were expensive: for one healing one HP the store charged five coppers! With a heavy heart Prof bought three potions, each able to heal 20 HP – dead he couldn’t spend the saved money, after all. To round his purchase out, he bought some dried meat and fruits.

Getting to this point, he could have killed for a drink and a smoke – the first part he solved by buying a half-a-litre quality beer and a tin jug. The administrator of his new world (or the shop handler) was even gracious enough to put the beer into the jug and not spray it over his gear.

After his spending spree, Prof still had six Silvers, one Copper, and somehow an Iron Bit.

A note from Mr Alex666

EDIT: I was told, my paragraphs were too long. Tried to fix it

About the author

Mr Alex666


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