Got Yeet into Murim (Xianxia-Wuxia Hybrid)

Got Yeet into Murim (Xianxia-Wuxia Hybrid)

by Youngest

Yun Zhi, the prime disciple of the Jade Qilin Sect, had failed to establish her foundation.

Ever since then, she had lost any desire to study or cultivate...

Every day, she only eats and sleeps...


Fiery sun dominates the daylight

Pitch darkness covering the night

Why bother working tirelessly, right?

When you can keep your eyes shut...


She had become a total NEET!

A total failure, scum of society!

...

One day, her grandfather and father took her to see a famed master for treatment...

However, rather than treatment...

Those three old fossils, YEET her out to another world!

"Scammers, traitors! Watch your back, I'll remember this!"

Ahh, what a touching goodbye scene...


AUTHOR'S NOTE: Originally thought I could update faster. I might have to slow down a bit as I wish to focus on other fiction "Ancestor, Wake Up" and also continue "Ein Gard" as soon as possible. Sorry about this.


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Author
Youngest

Youngest

Broken Writer

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luda305
Overall

Foremost, let me clarify what the premise of the story is given that the synopsis (or even the first 10 chapters) isn't that clear.  Yun Zhi, the daughter of the sect head, failed to advance her cultivation several years ago.  She appears (it's not clear) to have either been possessed by or recovered her memories from a neet from Japan, and thereafter does nothing except eat and sleep and use really bad Japanese-English slang (how that works within the context of whatever native language they're speaking is not explained).  After years, and finally being fed up with it, her father, grandfather, and a family friend toss her through a portal to become an "assistant" (not clear) to the immortal watching over another world where the qi is low, so they've developed an advanced qi-tech modern society, rather than a traditional xianxia society, like where she's from. And that's where we're left off at chapter 10. I don't know what the plot is thereafter, but my best guess is that she gets to lord her superiority over the natives (???). 

It strains the eyes to read this story. The liberal use of Japanese-English slang within the xianxia context is jarring and it sounds like I'm listening to a child whine (which is what the protagonist does). The pacing is horrendously slow because we're constantly dragged onto irrelevant tangents. And while the grammar is technically correct, the choice of style for sentences, paragraphs, sections, and chapters is poor (I don't actually know a more specific word that properly encapsulates this particular blend of style).

On top of that, the protagonist is very much an anti-hero.  I had to look up what a neet is, but having done so and then placed her attitude and her actions in context, she is an incredibly frustrating character.  All I want to do now is commit violence against a fictional character. This is... a very strange feeling for me and given that it's impossible, now I'm flummoxed. *sigh* I suppose there is an audience that would appreciate it, but it's very niche. 

In the very loosest sense, I've written something like this before. But I was much, much younger and I didn't know anything about what made a good story good or how to write that. Reading through this was deeply unpleasant. Again, there is probably an audience for this, but it's a niche that knows who they are, and it lacks broad appeal.