One of the main standard-bearers for the Apiary’s propaganda efforts was the Ultra Patriot News Channel. It was a major disseminator of misinformation, disinformation, and unrestrained bias, presented within the context of daily event bulletins. Due to the number of authorized broadcast channels being so few, its bulletins given throughout each full day allowed near constant potential influence over the public.

The following partial video transcript of archival footage retrieved from Memory Trace Libraries, recorded via broadcasting A.I. unit, not only gives an example of what a typical broadcast was like on the transmission receptacle monitors available then, but sets the pretext for the event that launches the Great Troubles into its climax:


Triumphant sounding music plays and Announcer Voice speaks throughout the background of the proceeding intro. A graphic of the title ‘Ultra Patriot News Channel’ flies in from the bottom of the screen and stops in the center. A graphic of a majestic lurg-grul, flies in from the upper corner of the screen with a bellowing screech, and lands on the title where it becomes part of said title. The title moves itself into the bottom left corner to show Newscaster Rl and Newscaster Ac West sitting at the news desk and looking directly at the broadcasting A.I. unit’s camera.

Announcer Voice: You are watching the Ultra Patriot News Channel. We give you the only news you can trust.

Rl: I am Newscaster Rl of the Apiary’s colony on Tir-Torzor. I thank all for watching.

Ac: And I am Newscaster Ac West of the Apiary’s assimilated on Tir-Torzor. I thank all for watching.

View focuses on Rl with relevant media on the side.

Rl: Our top story of the hour, Colonial Overseer Va has announced the enactment of colony-wide curfew, after the latest bombing that left forty dead in District 7. In accordance with the Apiary’s Colonial Law Code 337, curfew is to start today at 8:30 PM, within each of the districts' appropriate time zones. Any foreign domestic outside of home or designated areas past curfew will be placed under arrest and subjected to punishment. The SAA has claimed responsibility for the attack and has once again demanded the end of brutality against humanity, and the return of lands to its human population. The Cetacean Commander of District 7 has vowed to mete out swift and necessary justice against the SAA and its sympathizers.

View focuses on Ac.

Ac: Humans are so violent. Has it ever occurred to them that if they voiced their grievances peacefully instead of resorting to violence, they would convince everyone that they deserve to be listened to?

View focuses on Rl with relevant media on the side.

Rl: Your argument was made. In other news, human protesters and cetaceans in District 1 clashed yesterday, leaving eight dead. Cetaceans claim that the protesters initiated the conflict by blocking the streets and surrounding vehicles. The humans defended what they did by saying that most of the vehicles and cetaceans that did not fly over the crowds, instigated the confrontation with the protestors.

View focuses on Ac.

Ac: Such shameful tactics of theirs. These protesters ought to be ashamed for blocking traffic, scaring all those innocent subjects of the Apiary. Surrounding them and hoping to stir up trouble for publicity, then being upset when our brave fellows fight back against their bullying tactics. Those humans played a stupid game, and so they won stupid prizes. There are better ways to get people’s attention to your grievances peacefully, like a silent vigil that stays in one place and obeys traffic laws.

View focuses on Rl.

Rl: That is a great way to not inconvenience everyone, so the matters of contention can be easily ignored.

View focuses on Ac, who clears throat loudly and makes sudden, subtle slicing gestures of the hand, all while glancing at Rl. Ac quickly stops and looks back at the broadcasting A.I. unit’s camera with relevant media on the side.

Ac: The colonial administration awarded Freedom Corp the contract to begin construction of a penal colony on Tir-Torzor’s moon Tir-Tentuntay. Freedom Corp’s CEO says the penal colony will punish those convicted, by making them mine valuable resources for the Apiary. It is hoped that the project will alleviate the overcrowded prisons and put the prisoners to better use for the Apiary. News of this contract endowment caused investors of the other contending human businesses to take their currency over to Freedom Corp in the money exchange market. This is resulting in those establishments to layoff many low-level workers and reconsolidate the vacant responsibilities to the remaining low-level positions. Investors giving currency to Freedom Corp in exchange of the possibility of receiving more currency, in hopes of investing more currency, are showing their appreciation by approving the CEO to self-gift a bonus. To ensure a maximum return of currency to investors, the CEO has to layoff many low-level workers and reconsolidate the vacant responsibilities to the leftover low-level positions. The A.I. managing the money exchange market reassured all investors that each business will be given extra currency, should they ever have the misfortune to completely run out.

View focuses on Rl with relevant media on the side.

Rl: An upward trend in human crimes have been reported by each of the cetacean district commanders. It was unanimously agreed that this due to the reservations not being tough enough on criminal activity and poverty within their own jurisdictions. The commanders issued a warning to the governing bodies of each reservation to crackdown on the war against such issues, otherwise cetaceans will have to interfere. When asked if the increase in unemployment and decrease in available jobs to humans may have played a role, the commanders stated there was no relation and it has more to do with the natural lack of work ethic and little sense of patriotism many humans are known for.

View focuses on Ac with relevant media on the side.

Ac: Some even say those governing might even be inleague with anti-Apiary terrorists and are working together to make the Apiary look bad. True patriots living in those reservations need to take responsibility for their people’s handiwork and take care of their own community’s faults before they start blaming others for their problems. They should try to follow the example of our next story. Top executives of pharmaceutical businesses, Liberty LLC and AnthemCo, have decided to pool a portion of their own quarterly salaries to the Pure Trust Foundation. As part of a new tax exemption and deregulation agreement between them and reservation governance, it will be a drug rehabilitation charity that will help reeducate, instilling the sense of meaning and patriotism that’s been missing from their lives. The executives and reservation officials hope this move will strengthen communities and be instrumental in the war against drug addiction.

View focuses on Rl.

Rl: That is nice.

View focuses on Ac.

Ac: Your assessment is accurate. If only someone would follow your suggestion from yesterday’s editorial segment and create a charity to combat that uncouth Rez Speak language humans developed.

View focuses on Rl.

Rl: Speaking of which, it is time again for my editorial segment…

A graphic of a title card that reads, ‘Here Is What I Do Not Get,’ appears in a flashy transition accompanied with peppy music, which last the whole short intro into the editorial segment. The title card removes itself and the camera focuses on Rl.

Rl: Here is what I do not get…Climate change denialists. How can such people seriously question or deny the Humans’ role in climate change? The Apiary would have never chosen to colonize this planet if it was not for the human effect on Tir-Torzor’s environment. We have scientific evidence that proves this. Even a grand majority of the humans’ own scientist, far back before the Apiary’s arrival, compiled years of meticulous studies through evolving-

Ac clears throat loudly before camera focuses on both newscasters.

Ac: We all know Anthropogenic climate change is still up to debate.

Rl turns to look at Ac.

Rl: What? Your assessment is inaccurate. I have some infographics ready which sho-

Ac turns to look at Rl.

Ac: My assessment is accurate, especially when those very wise and audacious skeptics watch this channel. It would be quite insulting to such people’s intellectual acumen if it is said someone knows something better. Making our viewers feel dumb would be bad. Is my assessment accurate?

Rl: But such viewers are dumb. Is it not the whole point of-

Triumphant music plays loud enough to drown out Rl. Point of view transitions to studio camera, showing Ac arguing with Rl, and two other anuh-kaj approaching the news desk.

Announcer Voice: We will be back after these messages.

Footage fades out.


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Bio: Writer and one-time promotional entertainment network wannabe.

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