St. Charles and the Children from the Sun

St. Charles and the Children from the Sun

by ArDeeBurger

This story is a tale classic in its tragedy, about the foibles of Man and how he destroys the things he loves, all to prove himself superior over the Universe. In a quest to defeat Hilter during Wold War II, Winston Churchill and Franklin Deleanor Roosevelt barter with a race of serpents who come from outer space.

There are a few inconveniences for the leaders of the West when dealing with these creatures. For one, they can't even talk to them, for the aliens 'speak' by manipulating light. But in exchange for the knowledge of how to build an atomic bomb, all the monsters want from us is to live in peace at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

What could go wrong with that?

* * *  This story is my entry in The Royal Road Community Magazine Contest  * * * 

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Author
ArDeeBurger

ArDeeBurger

Sci-Fi Action Adventure, propelled by a little Romance.

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Ferryman Art
Word Count (13)
2nd Anniversary
75 Comments
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PlumParrot
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Story
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I'm writing this after reading both of the two available chapters. I will start by saying that the first third of the first chapter is outstanding. The prose flows smoothly, and I was struck by the emotional weight of the depicted scene. I wanted to read more!

Then the scene shifted, I assume, because the author wanted to set the stage for the main story. I understand this necessity, but I felt that it fell flat a bit after reading that beautiful prose about Regina and her grandfather on the spaceship. I am hoping we get back to that scene in chapter 3. I can't hold it against the author for wanting to set the stage; I just think maybe having 2/3 of the first chapter and the entire 2nd chapter away from the protagonist is a bit too much, too soon? I don't know; maybe after chapter 3 comes out, that won't be an issue, and, for that reason, I won't really knock the score on the review.

The author has proven with just the first third of chapter one that they possess an ability to write very stylistic, lovely prose. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

I didn't notice any glaring deficits in the grammar department.

So far, the story seems good, though I'm wanting less flashback with Hitler and more story with Regina. I'm hoping the author delivers!

I see a lot of potential in the character department, so, tentatively, five stars.

I am looking forward to reading more of this!