How do you kidnap a whole school of kids to another world?!!

by naosu

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Romance Harem LitRPG Magic Male Lead Martial Arts Portal Fantasy / Isekai Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Sexual Content

Lies. Deception. Betrayal. Dungeons, and Magic.
Note that this story uses elements of slow build, heavy character interaction, and some dark fantasy.

An underdog slowly becomes an overpowered crushing force for good but stumbles along the way before figuring out what and who he is. This is an underdog taking the lead from behind through hard knocks survival story.


The students of Kobe High School find themselves sucked into the vortex. Shun finds himself and his classmates sucked into the new world. They’ll have to adapt quickly. This world has no mercy and won’t wait for them to grow up. Surprise number 2; there are no newbie areas to transition from. This is a hell world...


Shun and his classmates have been summoned it seems, as hero candidates. But the job, isn’t to defeat any demon king…it’s just to keep the human cities from falling to monster attacks.


A world full of monsters. The monsters rule everything outside the few walled human towns left. Those with power live, while those without it become the servants. We’re now stuck in a new world. Things are different here. Magic is what keeps humanity alive and monsters outside the wall.


There are other problems too. Magic seems seductive … and it has a cost…


Is this a dream? What’s real?


But this isn’t Earth. Things are different here.


How do we get home? Do we even want to get home? Is getting home possible?!

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naosu

naosu

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 3 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 4 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 5 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 6 ago
KTAWD - Character listing (not a chapter) ago
KTAWD - Chapter 7 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 8 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 9 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 10 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 11 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 12 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 13 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 14 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 15 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 16 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 17 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 18 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 19 ago
Story notes, slow build up, not a chapter, story explanation ago
KTAWD - Chapter 20 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 21 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 22 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 23 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 24 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 25 Part A ago
KTAWD - Chapter 25B ago
KTAWD - Chapter 26 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 27 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 28 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 29 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 30 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 31 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 32 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 33 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 34 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 35 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 36 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 37 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 38 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 39 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 40 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 41 Part A ago
KTAWD - Chapter 41 Part B ago
KTAWD - Chapter 42 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 43! ago
KTAWD - Chapter 44 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 45 Part A ago
KTAWD - Chapter 45 Part B ago
KTAWD - Chapter 46 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 47 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 48 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 49 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 50 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 51 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 52 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 53 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 54 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 55 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 56 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 57 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 58 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 59 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 60 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 61 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 62 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 63 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 64 ago
KTAW-D Chapter 65 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 66 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 67 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 68 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 69 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 70 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 71 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 72 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 73 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 74 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 75 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 76 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 77 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 78 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 79 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 80 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 81 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 82 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 83 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 84 Part A ago
KTAWD - Chapter 84 Part B ago
KTAWD - Chapter 85 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 86 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 87 ago
Open ended feedback survey section ago
KTAWD - Chapter 88 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 89 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 90 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 91 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 92 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 93 ago
Dreamweaver, Chapter 94 Part A ago
KTAWD - Chapter 94 Part B ago
KTAWD - Chapter 95 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 96 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 97 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 98 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 99 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 100 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 101 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 102 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 103 ago
Dreamweaver Chapter 104 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 105 ago
KTAWD - Chapter 106 ago
Dreamweaver Chapter 107 Part A ago
Dreamweaver Chapter 107 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 108 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 109 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 110 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 111 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 112 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 113 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 114 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 115 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 116 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 117 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 118 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 119 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 120 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 121 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 122 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 123 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 124 ago
Possible beastkin traits in beastkin tribes, or people; ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 125 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 126 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 127 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 128 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 129 ago
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Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 138 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 139 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 140 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 141 ago
Dreamweaver Chapter 142 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 143 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 144 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 145 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 146 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 147 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 148 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 149 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 149 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 150 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 151 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 152 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 153 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 154 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 155 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 156 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 157 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 158 ago
Not a chapter; honorable mentions and stories / authors I like ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 159 *mature warning* ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 160 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 161 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 162 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 163 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 164 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 165 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 166 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 167 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 168 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 169 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 170 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 171 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 172 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 173 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 174 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 175 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 176 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 177 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 178 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 179 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 179 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 180 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 181 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 182 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 183 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 184 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 185 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 186 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 187 ago
The Protest... ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 188 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 189 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 190 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 191 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 192 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 193 Part A ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 193 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 194 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 195 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 196 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 197 ago
Updated Glossary and Character listing, by request of readers! ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 198 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 199 ago
Story Research; not a chapter (see below) ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 200 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 201 Part A ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 201 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 202 Part A ago
Dwarves poll; NOT a Chapter ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 202 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 203 ago
^_^ Story Research ^_^ Not a chapter. ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 204 (with poll) ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 204 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 205 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 206 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 207 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 208 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 209 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 210 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 211 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 211 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 212 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 213 ago
Not a chapter; feedback request ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 214 ago
Troll Road ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 215 Part A ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 215 Part B ago
Not A Chapter, preview and good stuff...(survey & link to cover! Finally!) ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 216 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 217 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 218 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 218 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 219 ago
Author Protest!!! ago
Updated Character Listing & minor Glossary ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 220 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 220 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 221 ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 222 Part A ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 222 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 222 Part C ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 222 Part D ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 222 Part E ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 222 Last Part ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 223 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 223 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 223 Part C ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 223 Part D ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 223 Part E / update on other projects ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 224 Part A ago
Kidnapped to Another World - Dreamweaver Chapter 224 Part B ( Juicy length...) ago
Absence Explanation ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 225 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 226 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 227 ago
Merry X-mas! Not a chapter, and update! ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 228 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 229 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 230 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 231 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 232 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 233 Part A (+Poll in comments) ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 233 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 233 Part C ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 233 Part D ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 233 Part E ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 233 Part F ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 234 Part A ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 234 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 235 Part A ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 235 A2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 235 A3 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 235 Part D ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 236 Part A ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 236 Part A2 ago
Not a Chapter, discussion section. ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 236 Part B ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 236 Part C ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 236 Part D ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 236 Part D2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 236 E ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 237 Part A ago
Not a Chapter; Patron Input Request. ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 237 Part B (Fae can be NPCs too!) ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 238 Part A ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 238 Part A2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Intermission (real) Chapter ago
Kidnapped to Another World, 238 adjustment (after 238 A1& A2 gap) ago
Kidnapped to Another World, 238 C ago
Not a Chapter; fantasy world physics survey ago
Kidnapped to Another World, 238 C2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, 238 C3 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, 238 C4 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, 238 E ago
Kidnapped to Another World, 238 F (Escalation) ago
End of 238; Fae Intel Meeting Part 2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World, Chapter 239A ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239 A2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239 A3 (And Happy Halloween!) ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239 A4 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239 A5 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239B ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239 B2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239 B3 ago
(Not a Chapter) Poll Questions :) ago
Not a chapter, survey ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239 B4 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239 B5 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 239 B6 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A1 (Also release update in notes!!!) ago
Status Update; 2 items of business (not a chapter) ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A3 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A4 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A5 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A6 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A7 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A8 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A9 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 240 A10! ago
Survey & Questionnaire ago
Survey questionnaire #2 ago
Kidnapped to Another World 241 Part A ago

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lostpike
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Book title should be How to become a Sex Demon.

Edit: I pushed onward and made it to 190.  I just can't take the inconsistencies.  He says something is worth 3g 50s in one chapter and makes a huge deal of it. Two chapters later its only 1g  50s and no reason for the change.  The author will say a person leaves the area then has that person speak in a conversation. One character doesn't look anything like they used to but somehow they are immediately recognized by someone from their past.

Add the fact that it doesn't matter what he portrays someone as for multiple chapters of the book because in the end somehow literally and I truly mean literally everyone betrays the main character and just wants to steal his women.  It's to the extreme I think the writer would try to make an eunuch try and steal them.

The last betrayal I even commented asking if it was a dream. It was so far out from basic logic and what had already happened in the story.

He also has characters that are not from modern age use references referring to modern age technology.  It really knocks you out of the story.

Overall: Another story ruined. A great start that ends up being all about sex.  This is not about a group of kids being transferred to another world. This is about a kid becoming a sex demon. Read up to chapter 151.

Grammar: The author seems to have trouble with numbers which sometimes do not make sense and sometimes talks about characters or items that haven't happened. Like saying character X is somewhere and talking with group then has character X arrive at location. Does seem to be non-native speaker based on word selexsele.

Character: Almost every character looses the sense of self once they become one of his sex slaves.  They then aren't really characters themselves but tools for the main character to the point he doesn't even think he might need to spend XP to buff his sister who is always about to die... 

I also am very uncomfortable with the drugging/roofing he performs willingly to get these girls into his harem.

Overall I enjoyed it at first and hoped he would return to the original premise but it looks to be a sex demon story now.

Novare
  • Overall Score

While a standard teleport to another world plot the characters are just pure garbage.  The panic is very lowkey considering the fact the characters can look outside and see a wilderness vs a city and 2 moons.  Then the complete opposite happens were in under an hour the students are already killing and raping each other, I mean wtf.  This is never adressed and ignored.

 

If you can get past the compelete trash that the first 6ish chapters are there might be a good teleport stroy here.  However if you want any kind of coherent thought about how humans will act then pass on this story.

jlkc
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

The story itself is fine but the execution is absolutely terrible. I couldn't read past chapter five because of how illogical everything was. Unrealistic reaction to people dying, people killing each other within the first 30 minutes, dialogue that doesn't fit the situation(A spear hits someone as they are walking and their reaction to him dying is "poor jin" WTF?), random chatter and names that add so much clutter to the story and the main character's thoughts are completely illogical.

I don't understand how someone can read this and give it 5 stars.

Shy Giggling
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
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  • Character Score

I was tired of reading this

Reviewed at: KTAWD - Chapter 26

I tried to go beyond what I thought was possible for me but I couldn't so, I stopped reading at chapter 26...

 

Aighttttttt.... so honestly, this pushed my mental fortitude at trying to stay and read, but I really tried.... honestly, I did, but I slept like 5 times trying to read this (not joking, I really did) so I thought what's the point of reading something that'll make you waste your time when you could do other things that are more productive... but I'll drop it at that. It really had some potential, but it got curbstomped by a bad author...

 

It's good that the author wants to make the story/world building slow for more realism, as well as include more real life aspects like, for exemple, the fact that useless conversations can happen and all that, I understand, I trully do, at one point, while I was reading other novels and others, I thought "Why isn't there more conversation between other, somewhat 'tertiary' characters"... Now I know why after having read this.... they really are useless, but I can't explain why, it's just, they're useless and shouldn't be here. It's like some discovered unwritten rule,"Such dialogues shall not be present".

 

It's good that you want to show the reaction of others through panic, sympathy or other emotions, but don't joke with me mate, don't expect me to take you seriously when the situation goes like this;

*Jin stands up*

J: "Ima be alright!"

*Rocks falls on his head*

*Jin dies*

Some dude in the class: "Poor Jin"

No, please, fucking no, don't expect me to take you seriously when your sole reaction to this is "Poor Jin", hell, no reactions would've been way better than this shitstain. You can't believe how much utter hatred I have at that shitty reaction, I think I might go out with some kind of PTSD to this. At first I laughed thinking, "Nah, It might be some shitty April's fools", later on, something else comes to tickle me pink, here's the situation, again;

*Brother of Jin (forgot his shitty name) enters classroom* (what a coincidence that his brother is the one who will also have an anticlimactic death and also a further-and-beyond poor reaction)

BoJ: "Look down there...."

*BoJ takes a spear to his chest*

Some dude in the hallway: "Poor dude"

Aight, fuck off with this shit; it was funny at first, now that I know it's taken seriously, I ain't letting it pass. Worse yet is that I find more similar reactions like this to other people's death... Yea fuck off.

 

I'm sure author-san here has some kind of priority problems, because first chapters in and we see a gory and rapey scene; not even a couple of hours have passed and we already see the entrails of a teacher and a pseudo-WWE-taken-seriously scene where kids are throwing chairs at eachother and are burning their classmates on a mini-bonfire, and if I remember correctly, they're 1st years? (I didn't understand, if MC's class is 3-A or whatever it was, it means that he is a third-year, on his last year of HS, and his class should be situated on the last floor, yet his class was located on the first floor, where in Japanese standards, is where the first-years class should be, but I'll also let it pass, since the school is in ruins and I'm lenient.)

The context here is that the MC went to this classroom, where coincidentally there was a WWE match, to find his ill sister/cousin/whatever-the-fuck-you-want-but-you-better-choose-quickly-mate and get her some medical attention since she's physically weak. But, *drums rolling*, since she is one of the most beautiful girls in the HS, she had to be targeted by one of the punks in her classroom (because seriously, why shouldn't there be one), and was in the middle of being raped. Sad, I'm so sad, (Oh, I'll also let the fact that the MC axed some random Joe while axing-- asking questions of the whereabouts of her sister pass, because, why the fuck not.) He found her, we're all happy hooray, now we're all thinking get her out of here and heal her, instead, he had to describe her body and also describe the rapist who was in the middle of running....

*cough*"...modest bust..."*cough*

At that point on, I knew I was in for a roller coaster with this crap. Author-kun, what did you do with your priorities? Or should I blame MC-chan who was lusting after his modestly-bustly sister when he should instead help her? I don't know.... At some point later, I find out that MC himself has some extreme priority and moral problems with Sunghee, but I'm tired and don't want to go a on writing a whole novel about why his questions were selfish even though later on he was found to be a person with a "pure heart and mind" (He could've at least asked as his first questions, "How can I help you?" "What do you want me to do", but no, so fuck this. I thought those were the obvious questions to ask first, but....

There are many, many incoherent and illogical things during the moment they were at school to the, as I name it, "King Incident". I'll point them out since I don't want to go on more than this for this;
  1. The Egyptian vs Yayoi incident, how could the MC himself no hear what they were saying (The Egyptians and Yayoi dudes) but, conviniently, Yuta, the one who is able to translate, could hear everything. Did the author not say he heard what they said even if he couldn't here or did Yuta have super ears?
  2. At one point, MC says that Akira wants Rina and all cuz he loves her, but some chapters later, MC discovers that Akira and Yuriko (a girl who I really wanted to be part of MC's harem, but I'll never know now) were going at it behind a bush, and MC doesn't even react in the slightest. (I'm not sure though if I should point this out or not)
  3. We discover some times later that the Egyptians were the ones who setup that summoning thingy with the rocks and all, but why, in the 7 hells, did they do it infront of an orc fortress? And what's even more concerning is how did they do it infront of an orc fortress? Are they that stupid? But then, are they also that strong?
  4. During the whole dream prison-fortress arc (which is where I stopped mid-way), he found a fox girl who should be despising humans to the bottom of her heart (except Sunghee), but somehow, he was able to make her talk and help him. I facepalmed at that, and tbh, I was extremely tired and couldn't go on reading any more of this.

I'm sure there are way more point than this that should be made, but those ones are the first that popped in my head, so yeah...

 

The charactits---characters, sorry about that. A lot of people, a lot of remembering to do, and mostly, a lot of tits. Asakura sure has nice tits, and they've become much more better now that she sticks them to his arm since she found out he can do magic *cough*gold digger*cough*. On a more serious note, the characters are just mixing each other up. We don't know who has what personality anymore, since they can change extremely in the timespan of just hours (in the story) and just chapters (out of story).

Some, we don't even know them or forgot about them but the author decides to make them popup anyway; Akimoto? Who that? I forgot about him, but why is he king candidate all of a sudden? And why is he saying such stupid things? And Yuta, oh god.... He is so bad, so trash... oh shit....

I could say something about just every character that has been introduced because I can't say jackshit about almost 80% of the characters that has been introduced....

 

On to the grammar, I won't say much and won't say that the author's english is bad, because I'm not good at it myself, I'm confident enough that I can start up a conversation and keep it going for a bit, but I can't go for a whole speech. But, I'll do have to admit, it is pretty weird. On some chapters, you could go on without needing to fill in some blanks yourself, some others, you have to recreate whole paragraphs to try and understand what was being said.... there's also some misuse of the to/too or of/off, but they're not found that often and I can understand since me too, I do that.

 

 

 

Honestly, you want me to be honest, I liked the idea, and I'm sure it could've gone well, but when you approach it without care, and some extra care to add onto that, it'll just go down the drain. It's what happened here, and it made me waste my time. I really, really, really fucking hate giving bad stars to novels, since it'll just destroy they're overall scores and basically make the author want to stop their work... but here I can't help it, I can already see how it's going to be in the future and I don't see how it'll get better. Who knows, it might actually get better somehow, but since this really bad first impression got imprinted on me, I can't help but give it a bad score.

If I were to give you some tip, it'd be to rework the first chapters, edit them so that others won't have such a bad impression. Or just stop this and start all over, since I'm sure this novel has given you exeperience in writing (or at least I hope).

Polik098
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:: SPOILERS::
Now at first i know what you might be thinking from my title "It's fantasy, It's not meant to be realistic!" but what i mean by unrealistic is the people and the way they act. I have read 5 chapters of this point and have only officially met the people from the school at the start. At first it was alright, some minor problems with how people act, but nothing to major. Then the transportation happened... That was when people stopped behaving like real people fully. One of the first signs were the first death. This was technically still while they were on earth. This guy gets his head crushed by rubble in class and his blood flows out all over the floor, and how do the people react? they say things like "Oh poor guy" "He deserved it" WTF?! how is that a realistic response to a horrible gory death for modern age high school students?

 

This is followed by a string of completely unrealistic actions so let me list a few more for you to understand, again more spoilers. After the lights go off and it becomes night on this new world shit starts off really slow and weird. First of all when the teacher asked "who knows CPR?" and the MC gets called out... What did chest compression and breathing assistance techniques that is what CPR is made for, have to do with full medical knowledge? not only that but what the hell is with this teacher? she seems more stupid and naive then a toddler, like some kind of stupid harem stereotype. This continues with some unrealistic crap and obvious plot developers being shoved into our faces a few times such as "It's a lawless zone now" for a while and then we finally get to his sisters classroom... And oh my god do i have things to say here...

" Some of the bad kids had used blood from the bodies to paint anarchy symbols and death skulls on the blackboard." Wat? Please repeat? I have been to some bad schools in my life. Once in my first week of a new school i was witness to a stabbing and shit like that was normal. But what you just described makes no sense, how do you evolve from  > At school > Transported > Painting death and anarchy symbols on the wall in the blood of the fallen... Not to mention what else is happening in the classroom. Now i believe you can solve some of this if you explain in the first chapter how horrible the school is. Like you can describe the school as a delinquent filled school where gangs are using it as a recruiting ground and sell drugs and shit there, maybe already have some students suspected for murder previously. That would help explain some of the behavior but all of what you have explained... From a regular school? not happening.

 

Not to mention the MC, we know very little about his personality but from what i know so far he is part of the nerd group and he was the chess group leader or something?  So basically a nerd. How does he go from nerd to an axe wielding mass murdering leader of everyone? Please explain? again you could have some background, leader of the baseball team could solve both problems sort of. leadership and wielding 'weapons'. 

 

I believe this story has lots of possible potential. However the peoples actions, behavior and the way they word things are far too unrealistic. I think you are trying too hard to develop your character into some kind of bad-ass, heroic leader which goes directly against the starting nerd theme. You have the fight scenes fairly decent, i think you are underestimating the toughness of the human skull a bit too much, but it's still good for a novice writer. 

 

I think you can certainly improve, and i will probably continue to read and see if it does because i think both you and the story have potential. So try not to take this too hard if you take it hard at all, you might just think of me as some kind of troll. If you can make the people more believable then it will be quite enjoyable. also fix the miscellaneous characters... They are either victimized females, rapist/murderous/(Cultist?) males or fucking lemmings that just seek out ways to die... Good luck in the future. 

Scorpion
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Sooo much potential but not used

Before I begin let me say Im a very avid reader, not just fiction but nonfiction as well. I’ll literally read anything even if its manual. And using other stories and books for comparison I can say alot about this story but I’m going to compound it.

The good.

1. Great character creation and introduction, not too detailed not too little detail. The characters feel like your average high schoolers at first glance (Relates to later concerns)

2. The magic system is good in that you shouldn’t have auto translate and is something mysterious with drawbacks

3. Story flows nicely with good pace and attention to actual problems that would pop up…..like no working toilets……

 

The bad

1. The characters while very threshed out, act completely opposite of what people would do. Rape, killing and beating the crap out of people in under maybe 15 minutes??? Holy h&%$. While I get that humanity is VERY imperfect and that yes people rape, kill and plunder in ancient times or in situations where order collapses it usually doesn’t develope after a crisis or disaster for awhile like a few weeks not in a few minutes. Stuff like this makes me this either A. Author has a VERY bad impression on humans in general or B. They tried to stress humanity’s bad points too strongly. This continues for awhile throughout the story with bullies and powermongers popping up everywhere. I get that people LOVE power but these are highschoolers! 

2. Battle scenes- I can tell the author likes to put the reader in the action buuuttt some points make me go “Huh” for example the school is a 4 story building, assuming that the orcs are armed with crappily made shortbows that means to hit anybody(Let’s forget about the glass for a second) they have to aim at extremely small targets very far away with enough power to pierce its target. Plus add in the thrown spear that killed the first guy. Doesnt add up for me. Then another point, unless Japanese schools are reaaally different from American ones and the staircase is one where its stairs up then a landing and then another staircase up then how are there that many orcs attacking never mind the space for the bodies and archers as on my schools stairs you only can get maybe 4 people abreast and then add in the fact that they’re larger and well….. Doesnt add up. Another one. There’s 1000 students at that school even assuming that 250 lost and half of the remaining 750 are female are you saying there’s only 20 or so students able to fight? Could they not have used a rotation system?? At all??? And then only 91 of those 1000 students lived!!! 91!!!!! Even in histories most bloody, destructive battles there has never been a casualty rate of a entire force over 80%!! I’m no expert but I read ALOT of military stuff. Then also add the part about almost all wounded dying from their inflated eggos…..and where did all these wounded come from!! Yes some from second floor but not the entirety!! Plus the second floor was scratches and dings!!! Oh and also with ancient and medieval warfare not alot of deaths were actually by the weapons, more so from the wounds they inflicted (Bleed out, infection etc.)

Overall the two bad complely destroy the good making me want the entire story do over. Just rethink some parts and you sir shall have a VERY good story with a great setting.

 

 

Later Comment: Important!!

Ok I realized I why this story itches me so much and incites so many haters! I’m thinking that it’s probably due to the fact that most to everyone of us here probably had some degree of highschool or secondary school. We all remember our highschool years to various degrees and feel that while the later parts of the story after the initial teleport make sense, the first part where a LARGE majority of people died and many other events that had implications far reaching in the story! For example like I ranted before on I think chapter 38 in the comments, a consequence of many people dying mean a major drain on intelligence, skills and life experience was lost. Don’t tell me those kids didn’t know more than the ones currently left as it seems alot of kids in this school have hobbys. So while not only does the beginning of the story just not work, it has FAR reaching consequences!! 

Honestly I am reading “Dwarf Story” another work by the author and this work has alot of points that sometimes makes me question how he approached this one. By the way get back to the dwarfy goodness story!! I needs it!

 

New Chapter!

Ok so read some of the latest chapters…..I thought Shun didn’t wanna be leaded????? SO confused about this story, many plot holes, holes in human interaction, holes in laws of freaking physics! I loved the concept for this story! But why does it make no sense to me!!??

 

ikorack
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Absolute garbage fire

Powered through to chapter 39.

Tits, Tits, Tits. In every situation regardless of the situation and vulgarity or familial relation. Giving CPR to his sister and the MC has to focus and actively try not to perv on her almost modest bust. Middle of battle the horny MC has to stop himself from thinking about whether or not a womans blouse matches her pink panties after she gets fliped in a gratuitous upskirt scene. Every chapter(and I do mean every chapter) has men lusting after multiple women characters or jealously looking at the MC and his super hot sister and teacher.

 

Absolutely absurd he writes every single character as if they are base trash, this goes far beyond any genre standard. It´s as if he thinks every man is some horny repressed goblin or some desparate preening crying woman child. That he pushes this characterization even in fight scenes is what finally pushed me off of this nonsense story. He thinks trading your own women as sex slaves is a moral dilema worth presenting. The author also thinks it would plausibly be presented in a group setting under the tint of democracy.

He has a talent for pushing the story forward slowly with almost no real action and keeping it entertaining(with little hints at world building that he milks dry) but ultimately at the end of the day this isn´t a story with any meaningful plot or complexity.

His grammar is pretty good but he misuses "to" frequently in place of "too". He also has many incomplete prepositions which either shows a lack of editing, a lack of mastery of the language, or a lack of care. It isn't to the point of being illegible but it is noticable and does often make you fill in the blanks yourself.

To reiterate if I could give the author a zero for character I would. The author shows no complex understanding of humanity or the evaluative qualities we possesss. At least outside of battle tactics.

TheLostBastille
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I tried but it's soooo bad.

I honestly tried to read this, I really did, but once it got past the ch. 13 mark, it went downhill. Also there will be slight vulgar language.

1.Story- has major potential, just poor execution in style and character development.

2.Characters- Sry to say, absolutely horrid development and likability, I can never tell who the fuck is talking that's how static and bland the characters are. And in all honesty, from seeing how the author has interacted with his Audience in the comments on some chapters,the author can't be taken seriously when he says this story is catered to mature minds. The author pretty much is playing on the tropes of everyone is a fucking shonen manga character. Pure wish fulfillment 

All right so this will contain slight spoilers for up until ch. 22 cause that's when I gave up.

So I tried to leave a constructive comment but the author deleted it on the ch. I posted it on so I archived it. So here's the copy pasted version I had on ch.19 also I'm not perfect with my own story, I even say this in the comment.

HOW DO YOU KIDNAP A WHOLE SCHOOL OF KIDS TO ANOTHER WORLD?!!

I may not be exactly whats known as a "people person" and know exactly what would be going through a persons mind, but im pretty damn sure that highschoolers in a life and death situation wouldnt be so stupid as to argue about being king. Out of everyone ive ever known, they would understanf the importance of teamwork and humility in that situation. Its actually no different that if you survived a plane crash in the amazon, and a group of pigmy cannibals came to try to eat you and the surviviors. There is no way people are that stupid as to be like "me wanna be king and have many wife, me want power"*in caveman voice*. I know im way behind as to when im putting this coment, but it seems like the premise for the meeting and the actions of the students was too forced so there could be intrigue and conflict in the group. There was enough when there was just kenji and the guy who pulled a knife.

I may not know much about how school works in japan and in oriental schools, but are the students really so stupid and shallow? Here in america, you only find 1 in every 400 students that are like that in a highschool. Or is it that you are going along with the anime stereotypes so you can have 'supposed' character building to make them go from shallow idiots to OPMC with all the harems ever.

Im gonna keep reading in hopes for so actual rational thought and mental processing.

Also the premise that the stat screens and updates arent in the native language of the user is just plain stupid. It is also an example of plot device tha you put to create conflict.

I may not be the best of authors, but at least in my story, nearly all the characters have rational thought and dont act like idiotic stereotypes. 

Why does it seem like that people cant make a smart and well written story nowadays. Myself included.

*notice I include myself in this anyone who reads this*

Fyreblade
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How do you kidnap a whole school of kids to another world

Starts out good with lots of potential, but that is a smoke screen, because what it is really about is a teens fantasy to have a slave harem  or in other words rape. 

When I was a teenager I became interested in the Gor novels, but by my late teens I was not able to read them anymore, because you had 50 pages of boring sex talk and 10 pages of good action pages. Well this novel is very similar, as it progresses the story line starts to take a back seat to sexual feelings. 

BoredBeyondBelief
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This is the worst i've rated a novel.

Yes in a lawless place chaos can occur, but everyone going around raping and killing?

A kid killing a trained adult with a chair?

Even if their was gangs in a school their is a majority over the minority of unlawful students and would eventually lead to them causing their own law.Gangs aren't stupid like some might think, they don't just go around murdering and raping because theirs no laws as they know if someone finds out what they did they have no chance of anything but a death sentence.

This is all too unrealistic for me to get further than about chapter 4.

The worst part is the characters, oh boy I can't even get started.(The bandit throws a spear at the boy and they die instantly "Oh well" - said boy 1)

Thats the reactions that the characters have to practically everything up to this chapter.