Rise of the First Necromancer

Rise of the First Necromancer

by UnoriginalPervert

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Asrael Nessarat awakes on a sandy dune with a mouthful of sand and nothing but tattered rags in his posession. As the High Magus of the school of Necromancy, he once aspired to prove to the Emperor that magic still held a place in their society. But that day came, passed and inevitably accelerated his kind's downfall. Now; they are hunted, strung up and burned on pyres throughout the Empire by the Emperor's holy Inquisition- an efficient and ruthless army hell-bent on bleeding every last droplet of magic from the lands. With nothing but a mouthful of sand and tattered rags; Asrael is determined to seek the one thing his cold, still heart desires. Vengeance.

This story can, at times, get very dark. It is not recommended for the faint of heart. 

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UnoriginalPervert

UnoriginalPervert

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1: Awakening ago
Chapter 2: Only the dead may rest peacefully ago
Chapter 3: The beauty, the ogre and the commander ago
Chapter 4: The Death of the finest Magus ago
Chapter 5: Morale's inevitable decline ago
Chapter 6: True power ago
Chapter 7: Magnum opus ago
Chapter 8: Death is but a transition ago
Chapter 9: An army of his own ago
Chapter 10: The beginning necessitates an end ago
Chapter 11: Rolling Barrel ago
Chapter 12: Azazeel ago
Chapter 12: Good grapes make the sourest of raisins ago
Chapter 13: The journey goes on ago
Chapter 14: The spark to end worlds ago
Chapter 15: The waking nightmares of frustration ago
Chapter 16: The village of dust ago
Chapter 17: The red-eyed village idiot ago
Chapter 18: Wheat does not grow on blighted lands ago
Chapter 19: Back in the pit we go ago
Chapter 20: The spring tenses ago
Chapter 21: The trap is set ago
Chapter 22: A trap to start a war ago
Chapter 23: The blackest sheep ago
Chapter 24: Magnificent beasts ago
Chapter 25: An unexpected muse ago
Chapter 26: Into the Empire ago
Chapter 27: The impossible grass ago
Chapter 28: Kester's tavern ago
Chapter 29: Bartholomew's repentance ago
Chapter 30: Arrival ago
Chapter 31: Folie au deux ago
Chapter 32: Kester's tavern ago
Chapter 33: A waking wake ago
Chapter 34: The two sons ago
Chapter 35: The tavernkeeper's daughter ago
Chapter 36: Imbeciles ago
Chapter 37: The tunnels ago
Chapter 38: The pyre-bound magus ago
Chapter 39: The house of Gerathar ago
Chapter 40: A celebratory pyre ago
Chapter 42: The long con ago
Chapter 43: A strangely solid shaky alliance ago
Chapter 44: Ether ago
Chapter 45: Pyromancy ago
Chapter 46: Titus' secret ago
Chapter 47: A murderous duo ago
Chapter 48: Getting to know Gerathar ago
Chapter 49: An unwelcomed welcome visit ago
Chapter 50: Castration ago
Chapter 51: The failed tavernkeeper ago
Chapter 52: Prison break ago
Chapter 53: The broken girl ago
Chapter 54: The challenge ago
Chapter 55: Dropped pretenses ago
Chapter 56: The sanguine garden ago
Chapter 57: Ferromancy foolishness ago
Chapter 58: Decapitation ago
Chapter 59: Unwelcomed bedpartners ago
Chapter 60: Run, hide and die ago
Chapter 61: Capita's lost prince of parties ago
Chapter 62: Neda's mission ago
Chapter 63: The multidisciplinary disciple ago
Chapter 64: Cannibalism ago
Chapter 65: Runes ago
Chapter 66: Pilta's reeking mornings ago
Chapter 67: Shopping ago
Chapter 68: The duel ago
Chapter 69: Underwear ago
Chapter 70: The inescapable pit ago
Chapter 71: Truth ago
Chapter 72: Night terrors ago
Chapter 73: The night the world ended ago
Chapter 74: Confusion breeds confusion ago
Chapter 75: Bartholomew the Usurper ago
Chapter 76: Status ago
Chapter 77: The thousand lacerations ago
Chapter 78: Potato skins ago
Chapter 79: The Silver General ago
Chapter 80: A wrench in the machine ago
Chapter 81: Subtlety ago
Chapter 82: The pyromancer's flames ago
Chapter 83: Kester's day out ago
Chapter 84: Hellfire ago
Chapter 85: Boy's night ago
Chapter 86: It cost him but an arm ago
Chapter 87: A kitchen knife can substitute a bone saw... with time ago
Chapter 88: High Inquisitor Gustav Sargerrei ago
Chapter 89: The good touch ago
Chapter 90: Lita's friend ago
Chapter 91: Lockdown ago
Chapter 92: A new rule ago
Chapter 93: Darkness ago
Chapter 94: All hail Inquisitor Titus ago
Chapter 95: Crimes against Humanity ago
Chapter 96: Pilta's descent into madness ago
Chapter 97: Servitude's end ago
Chapter 98: Impalement ago
Chapter 99: Disappointment ago
Chapter 100: Green eyes ago
Chapter 101: Pied piper ago
Chapter 102: Titus' prize ago
Chapter 103: Reciprocation ago
Chapter 104: Bargaining ago

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Hickups
Overall

Black-hearted Comedy with Kinks (*brow-waggle*)

Reviewed at: Chapter 61: Capita's lost prince of parties

This absolute page-turner has a woefully inaccurate synopsis. I expected to read about the exploits of an edgy Banderas-esque avenger carving a bloody path through a victorian-styled fantasy world. What I discovered was a nuanced tragi-comedy about a motley crew of characters fighting for their place in a degenerate hell-hole of a society, with wit, grit and varying degrees of charme.

Unfortunately, the grandeur of it's characters provides stark contrast to the points where the story fails to deliver. For one, despite deep lore the setting is very constricted, giving the protagonists only a microcosmos of stages to inhabit. Not a bad thing per se but they often remain underdeveloped. Exception being Kester's countertop, which was an absolute genius way of setting up the most recurring location, imo.

More pressing however, the main protagonist is remaining static in a rapidly developing group. His inertia so great it stains his dialogues and inner voice with repetitive (and occasionally redundant) diatribes. 

I cannot tell wether the author is intentionally postponing his developement or if it's an unfortunate oversight. Initially there have been small, recalcitrant steps, which befits Asrael, but they have halted. The problem is the current ambiguity and resulting 'foreigness' of the Main character, as it inhibits the empathic link to the reader.

Lastly, I think this story is a bit too rife with obscenity. An overabundance of unnecessary vulgarity and cheap shockers turns the grotesque mundane and inundates the reader from the truly horrific revelations, eventually. But that is personal opinion and as such not necessarily a flaw in itself.

Otherwise this is a story to laugh, cry and question life, society and your own morality. You can easily tell how much effort and heart goes into it. Which leaves me with the conviction that with polish and experience this story will become one of the most incredible projects this site has seen.

Now stop staring at this highbrow review and enter this thespian adventure yourself, peasant!

 

Sparks2020
Overall

Like chocolate: Dark, hard, yet quite satisfying.

Reviewed at: True power

If you're going to give you story a certain style, then you LEAN into it, no apologies. This story delivers on that count.

This is a dark, gothic type of read with chunky paragraphs that help set the mood. Great if you're into this kind of stuff; you know at a glance if you are or not.

That said, there's lots of places where I'd have preferred paragraphs to be broken up, but that's personal preference. Also the shift of POV from 1st to 3rd after Chapter 1 is a little jarring. 

Still very much worth your time to read. Thumbs up!

Golenishchev Andrey
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Opening: from the first lines of the story, a thought crept into my head: is this really something interesting? The first chapter comes from the first person POV, the subsequent chapters from the third person POV. This introduces a slight dissonance. It seems to me that if the author of this work somehow highlighted the first chapter in font or separated the descriptions from the third person, and the thoughts of the main character in italics, it would be much easier to follow along.

I think that such a technique should be corrected in the future, since it does not allow the rest of the story to be revealed in all its glory. And the story is really worth continuing to read it.

 

Story: The story, its setting and events made my soul fibers tremble. I love something dark and gloomy and the ambiance here are served perfectly, as well as the events in which the main character falls.

 

The style is verbose. Long descriptions, huge paragraphs. This is for those who likes it. And I do. I always felt uncomfortable when I read paragraphs that were two short sentences long. Here my inner critic rejoiced.

 

Grammar: I am not a native English speaker. But I had no problems reading with pleasure and understanding everything. So I won't find fault.

 

Characters: The story tells about the necromancer Azrael. He is an interesting character and immediately gets into the thick of dark events. To be honest, I didn't really like his character, his manner of speech and what he says in the situations he gets into. But I probably am being subjective here. And I will not lower my rating for subjectivism.  

I was probably most confused by the fact that in the first chapter he speaks of himself as "a superior intellect", and then he acts as a whiny boy, at least that’s how I saw it. For me, it doesn't matter if the main character is bad, vile, immoral or kind and sympathetic. Different circumstances require different approaches, and words come from feelings. If you are smart, it is unlikely that you will often behave vulgarly and look down on others, given that you are in a similar position. I didn't find any issues with other characters.

 

Conclusion: I really enjoyed the story I read. It has flaws. But the further I went along, the better the plot, the more interesting it became. If the author works on fixing the beginning, I think the story will come out very worthy.  

I recommend reading it.

KNOWLEDGE
Overall

I've gotten up Chapter 63 and gotta say I love the world building , power structure and the plot. My only complaint if you can even call it that is I was looking for a more serious story when I picked it up and while there is a compelling storyline the jokes threw me off. I'll most likely come back to it in like a week but if you're looking for a necromancer power trip with the occasional neutering joke XD this is for you.

grovekeeper
Overall

Realistic take on mage society

Reviewed at: Chapter 46: Titus' secret

The story isnt the usual everyone is good and people help each other story you see. Its rather set in a world of magi with all its traits, good the bad and the ugly.

The synopsis gives a promise of a solo revenge journey but the story is a bit different. 

The characters deep. Well thought out and have been progresses well, except for the MC who's progrrss is non evident and dialogue often feels repetitive. Maybe it's how a narcissistic mind looks like, but imo it's too much.

Grammar is good minus minor typos.

Story is excellent, the setting is good and so is the pacing. Gore and violence is plenty, but enjoying the story.

Don't know why it has been rating bombed.

A Rhetorical Rock
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I’m leaving this review as positive as i am because I don’t understand how it is not more popular/ higher rated. 
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The characters are phenomenally thought out, the descriptions for magic have been great and the dark themes have been excellently written. I love the hints for world building that have been given out, please keep writing it!


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