The Grandmaster of Magic and Alchemy[Discontinue- Rewritten Version will be up soon]

by Lunnear

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Romance Female Lead Magic Martial Arts Reincarnation Strong Lead Supernatural
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Do you believe in reincarnation? Well, I don't. Why? Because to reincarnate, you must die first.

But then, if you didn't die but just suddenly vanished and replace someone else's life? What does this call?

This is the story of a woman who lives for so long that she had wished she could just die already, only to mistake the spell [Soul Incarnation] as a spell that could kill her. Instead, her soul and memory were sent into another world that looked down on the weak and the strong walk toward the path of righteous.

Her name... is... was... called Megie, the Immortal Grandmaster Magician of Kingdom of Magic. And now, her soul is in the body of a girl who accidentally poisoned herself to death. Her name is called Jenna Loveheart. Now... what will you do, Megie? No, Jenna?

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Author
Lunnear

Lunnear

Seriously?

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KK2
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There are a lot of really awesome ideas in this story but the writing is just too…chaotic. The whole thing reads like a machine assisted translation, and the MC keeps throwing in tons of new background information from her past life when anything happens in a very casual way, so there’s a ton of exposition that sometimes destroys the pace of the story, then it just stops and leaves you thinking “wait, what hell just happened?”. Author seems to lack a sense of scale sometimes, as power levels, amount of money, distances, and timescales are thrown around left and right with little care.

 

MC is quite awesome though and makes you want to keep reading just to find out how awesome she can be.

OverLordMaster
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Could you please update, Im going to die of desperation 

fanvaron
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Interesting but just not good

The story idea is pretty good nothing really innovative. But there are more than enough stories that use old concepts and make a good read.

Unfortunately, this is not one of those, the grammar is very bad with errors in basically every sentence. The writing style is not very good as well with many badly structured sentences, repeating the same word several times. The POV is just all over the place with third and first person in the same sentence.

In general, the use of numbers and reactions is way over the top, with billions and trillions of years and thousands and millions all over the place, also everything the MC does makes people faint and cough up blood, even if it is so great this is not a very good way to communicate that.

And lastly, there is very much repetition in terms of content and knowledge, like how often we get told that she is billions of years old but stopped counting after 5123.

All in all, this is just not a very good story the idea behind it is not bad, but it is just not that great that it can overcome all the other flaws.

 

PS. the rewrite of the first chapter did in no way increase the quality of grammar, which is unfortunate, otherwise I might just have recommended waiting for the other rewrites 

Elina Violets
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It's pretty awesome, so please continue it :D

I found it pretty interesting about the age stuff and like the idea of the main character being more of a motherly-figure then a confused and power-seeking heroine. The plant science is very intruging too

So please continue it :3

MadMcAl
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An interesting Story with some big problems

First, the story is interesting, and especially the MC. It is a rare OP MC that is still interesting and captivating. The world is, somewhat generic.

Now, the Author clearly has either not finished school or won his or her diploma as there is no hint of proper english (and I am writing this as a non native english speaker), proper grammar, basic math skills and least of all world building.

The distance in the Magis Millions World are so over the top that it is simply ludicrous. It takes 550 years to fly at tens of thousands miles per hour to fly to the next continent. I don't know how other people view it, but I personally think that 518 astronimical units (that is the bare minimum at 10,000 MPH and exactly 550 years) are a little bit over the top, considering that 49 AU is the maximum distance Pluto has from the Sun. 

The distances in the new world are equally ludicrous. Villages are months travel away from each other. That absolutely makes no sense. And no sane merchant would travel 3 years for anyting less than the silk road. A village can't control and cultivate anything farther than a quarter day out. So the distance between two of them should be never more than a day. Otherwise humanity has spread way too far and should compact.

The grammar is, in one word, atrocious. The switch between 3rd and 1st person can be quite entertaining and, if used right, is a good stylistic tool to change the pace. But it should stay the same inside the paragraph, and much more in the sentence.

Much worse is the switch between past tense and present tense. Choose one, and stay with it (and IMO the best choise is past tense). If you desperately have to use booth, then use the switch to amplify the situation. Use present to mark especially important parts for the charakters. Like a hyper focus. But I personally would prefer to have one tense and leave it at that.

The typos, I have to say that these don't bug me that much, as I tend to barely notice them. But there still should be a proof reader or two or three if possible.

Still, overall it is an interesting story, with much potential.

Elyas
  • Overall Score

9 chapters in

The good: Interesting premise, good characters, finally a romance without all the characters acting like 10 year olds that are too shy to even hold hands. 

The bad: Early chapters have terrible grammar so it's difficult to get past that, waaaaaaaay too much time is spent writing about how amazed everyone is at how awesome everything she does is and how terrible everything everyone else does is.

Overall i think this will be a great novel when more chapters come out and hopefully the author improves even more than he already has. And I think if my last point is improved upon this will be a 4.5/5 because imo that is the main flaw atm. It gets better when you learn what text you should skip like how she is brilliant at making clothes, soap etc and how the alchemy of this world sucks and when the author explains how 10 different elixirs nobody cares about work.

cocooma
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I have to say that I really like this one, for one thing, its not like any other story on this site :) we have atleast 2 characters that is quite op I guess would be the word, but they care about people and dont want to stand out. And that in it self is really rare. Not the best grammar, but sertainly not that bad either. I am curious to see where it is going, so keep up the good work :)

susanoreaper
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Love it  MC is OP,  is very intelligent compared to other people in story.

crafting is involved !!  magic ,monsters, good story building what do you want more ?!!

Tason
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Great read and chapter size to drool over! Future possibilities only continue to improve.

The story holds a style and approach that I can't say I remember coming across before. Clearly some aspects of the authors story can be felt to of been  found in specific types of stories  but uses them so well that they flow nicely, to me at least.

 

The grammar has improved very nicely over the latest chapters and the author has continued to improve the story and style of the story. The characters continue to improve and grow with enjoyable bouts of pleasure and humor! 

 

With a solid improvement all around  and the beautiful and delicious size of the chapters which even for a fast reader will result in several minutes to read each one, no one can say these chapters are 'too' short!

Truly delicious the size of the chapters is.

 

I'm for certain following, favoring and recommending this story. 

 

Can't wait to see how many more shocked expressions come about due to this master mage/alchemist!

 

obsessed87
  • Overall Score

Ok, this is cool.

The story line is awesome and is really well thought out, a little tweaking to some of the writing would have it flow better.

But great job and can't wait for more.

(^.^)