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Trace Taylor was at a shooting range when Earth was integrated with the multiversal System. Faced with monsters, dungeons packed with monsters, gates that lead to other worlds filled with monsters, an annoying AI, and a lot of insane idiots, how will Trace come to survive this newly-changed planet?

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MelasD

MelasD

Overpromises, Underdelivers. Professional Zoomer. Also, I write stuff sometimes.

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yggdrasil_dreamer
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I think it is the first time that I give such a low score to a story.

I really like Salvos, from the same author. And his other stories are on my "to read" list. But that one, just no.

The main character could be summarized as "teenager with attitude", to be nice. "Karen with a grumpy face and an awful personality" could also be used.

Every character lacks real personality. One or two lines can describe each. 

The world created is the most generic system apocalypse from the dozens I have read. Suddenly billions of people act like fictional lemmings. No one seems to think about energy production or food. Instead, they go kill monsters in dungeons. One dungeon is said to have already killed more than 10 000 humans. But others still go inside. For pretty little increases in power.

And there is such an increase in paranoia that not even one minute after an electric blackout, people begin to kill each other. The problem is that it is narrated as "it is just how humans are":

No one could be trusted anymore; suspicion perfumed the air like the aroma of sweet wine, and a single whiff of it would rid one of their common sense.

Given the quality of the grammar and the beauty of some phrases, I can only assume that the weak points of this story are caused by the need to write very quickly, since the author has other series published in parallel. 

Unfortunately that leads to lazy choices, and decrease a lot the quality. When the story was first published on another account of the author, I was sure that the writer was a 14 year old that only ever read "young adults" books. Those written without care for consistency, because of course the targeted readers are too dumb to see the defaults.

I am ready to make evolve this review later.

And I will keep reading. 

Nocain
Overall

If you like a brat with an attitude, you could like this. I got annoyed about her fast but still read on... it did not get better. The other characters are not much better, but the main Character is the big problem. The system is very standart and her AI companion is someone who is beeing abused and told to "shut up"  "fuck off" and many more things of tht kind. The main character is horribly hostile to everyone except her "BEST FRIEND" that we are beeing told sooooooooo many times is the BEST FRIEND (probably to kill her off later for revange or for a betraial most faul)..the apocalipse aspect is.... strange... people just killing each other for no apperend reason but "its now time to kill"... i read around 20 chapters and now im done...i allso tried salvos and gave up after a while.

Skalsar
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Sadly, it just doesn't seem to deliver.

Reviewed at: Killshot Apocalypse 27

In this fiction, which according to patreon is a Young Adults take on the LitRPG Apocalypse genre. It promises a strong female lead character that takes on the end of the world.

Sounds good? Sadly, the promise so far doesn't seem to hold. Though one should try making their own decision about the story after reading at least a few chapters. I myself would hope for it to address all the small issues it's suffering from at the moment, so that in the future it might still become a good story.

The writing style of the strong female lead, which comes with a handgun and good amount of self-confidence, spirals out into simple masculine character traits and spitting some profanities here and there.

It then boils down to platitudes that feel random and generic without the 'bam' and on the face comedy one might expect.

Much of the descriptions felt out of place as they were seemingly randomly thrown in and not bothered with afterwards, which made me wonder why I was even reading about it in the first place.

The story could be great, if it didn't contradict itself so much in a heartbeat. Going from seeing all the bad in an apocalypse and trying to protect oneself to having a nice fieldtrip to a monster-infested dungeon and back to figuring out how to become bob the builder so that nobody breaks in and kills you.

To me, it felt like it is trying to build towards something but wasn't sure how to do so and so there was just some action forced in here and there.

It has somewhat of a side-quest feeling, where nothing in the world tends to happen when the MC isn't around, so everything important happens where the MC luckily already is.


The characters appear bland.

We have Trace, the MC, who doesn't seem to be caring all that much for the world going to shit and her BFF fighting deadly monsters with strangers away from herself. Instead she plays bob the builder because she is worried someone might break into her and her BFFs living place. Only that it of course happens, she easily beats the guy off who of course doesn't stand a chance and hands him over to the authorities like a good girl.

She occasionly tells others to piss off and returns to worrying about repairing her place and locking it up better.

And of course because of her class and gun she still defeats everything that comes her way easily and without troubles.

Liz, the BFF, on the other hand goes blade forward into the danger every day and occasionly over night. Staying in dungeons, finding people to party up and increase her strength as a warrior. She adapts to the situations, makes educated decisions and all out appears badass.

Sadly we only see her whenever the story needs her to have a reason for Trace to interact with things outside her bubble like a dungeon.

The rest of the characters seem to appear and disappear however the story needs them at that moment with whatever character-traits it needs them.

So there is not much surprise or feeling of immersion.

Characterflexibility spoiler about [Veronica], a law-woman character: 

The Law-woman that takes the assailant who tried to kill Trace, warns Trace to trust no one anymore, because with the apocalypse, there is no real order anymore. Later she leaves the guy to roam freely because he apologizes and is useful with his class.

Now the assailant is a nice guy with a joking attitude who just wants to help.

 

Now, it all might sound somewhat bleak, but the story still has lots of potential and if it keeps going, could still rid itself from all the small weirdness.

 

Edit 13.01.22: It's getting worse.

Yoinkur
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good read, if a little distant from the characters

Reviewed at: Killshot Apocalypse 23

A decently written post-apocalyptic litrpg. No real issues with grammar or spelling which is always a plus, but the characters tend to feel a little two dimensional. Most of the people the protagonist meets all have very similar personalities and act in a similar fashion. The characterization of the protagonist as well seems off, as if the author hasn't quite decided how they should act a given situation. Hopefully the protag solidifies once the author has a better grasp over them.

The story also hasn't really seemed to go anywhere yet (as of chapter 23), but it's still early in the story so we'll have to wait and see. I can see many potential plot lines that have been set up, but it really all depends on where the author takes it.

This story has its own take on a system which is pretty interested as far as they go, but I'd like to see a bit more of it.

Overall, I'd say it's worth a read and I will be continuing it in the future, although maybe only once there's enough chapters for me to binge it.

And finally, thank you to the author fo sharing this story with us, I look forward to seeing where it leads to!

Maxsimal
Overall

This is just plain ol' bad.  Got referred here by another authors blurb, guessing some behind the scenes networking is going on because I can't imagine another author reading and actually enjoying this.

 

The MC is completely unlikeable.  Take the most unlikeable teen you know or remember from school, give them a gun and make them female, and you have our protagonist - she has problems with any authority, even those blatantly trying to help her, and curses a lot. oh and she has one friend and hates everyone else.  Angsty YA novels have nothing on this character.

And somehow all that awfulness is rewarded, as she's a traditional Mary sue in a world made deliberately stupid so her meager powers of planning or just shooting things can work out in her favor.  

So yeah, I guess if you're really into a brat making her way through a generic system apocalypse, bad writing, a thin plot and lots of unimaginative cursing - or basically you're a 12 year old who plays COD all day - this is the book for you.  Otherwise stay away.

Bedwig
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I first read this story on the alt account, so the chapter indicater will be off by quite a bit. I stopped reading the one MelasD posted on his alt account, but then I found this novel.I thought it looked similar, so I began reading it to see if it was the same story, and plus, it was written by MelasD (I’m a fan of Salvos). 

the grammar was fantastic, and the metaphors and similes were descriptive and well thought out. Kudos to MelasD.

The premise, like I put on the title, was good. I thought is would be a litRPG apocalyptic novel, with a gunslinging girl as the MC, which I was interested in. 

The actual story, though, wasn’t that good. The Mc literally gained her unique class by being stubborn. I was fine with that. I thought she would change. Later, the story came to her re-enforcing her house, and wasting opportunities to level up and stop any danger to herself. A maniac attacked her and tried to kill her, she handed him in to the police, then later the police brought the maniac back with her so she could team up with him. 

Then, she went to the dungeon with her BFF once, and didn’t go back again. I just couldn’t help but think, “was she dropped multiple times as a baby? Is that why she seems so redundant?” She was also unrelatable. Most people, like her bff (who I think would be an excellent Mc), jumped right in and began leveling up so they can survive better. She stayed home. Sooner or later she would fall behind and get killed, except, plot armour.

later on, 

Giant bug things began attacking her street, and she fended off the attack and saved lots of people. Then the police woman came and told her to defend the surrounding area, because the police were too stretched. Mc agreed immediately.

Mc, where did your unwillingness to fight go? Did it grow wings and flew away? After that part, I couldn’t stand it anymore.

 

Overall, I’d say this fiction doesn’t live up to its synopsis. 

TeraSv
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The Style is allright. The System seems well realized, and the only thing especially anoying is the authors tendency to permanently switch between the MCs name and "the Readhead".

The Grammar is good. It wasn't exemplary but if I remember nothing about the gramar and can read through everything in one go that is good for me.

Storry and caracters are were this falls flat for me.

Most characters do not seem very complicated and seem to have way less variety in their actions and emotions than real humans.

The MC is just very special. These are at least 2 independent ocasions:

She not only disobeyed tutorial rules on classes (which netted her a special class), she was also atacked by an alien that should not have been there acording to the system timetable (which seems to have been the only instanceof this on earth) and is the one member of her team whose System support became a full fledged AI instead of a regular "menu" as a result.

This hapend in the first 12 chapters so my hopes are low that this will be the end.

The most egregious part of this is linked, and that is the nonsensical reaction of humanity to the apocalypse.
In some Apocalypses the near immediate breakdown of society is reasonable due to a) massive problems with technology (engines/electricity not working) or b) immediate and massive presence of monsters (if a good chunk of the population is dead, and the survivors can only control small regions eather with firearms, or those have already lost value).
Here society breaks down without any outside presure, because what feels like 50+% of the population has stoped working and 10+% of the population have gone full murder hobo.
The unwillingness to work is so bad that there is not even a local call for support before the powergrid breaks down.
The unstopped murder hobos are even less reasonable because people that had a gun on themselfes when the apocalyps hit start on average several levles ahead. (Which would give police forces and military in most nations (and I would include the US where this story takes place) on average a headstart over the average population).

 

Zach Horsman
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I spent an hour writing about just the style and couldn't find the will to write much more without coming off as either annoyed or rude, which for a short review might be fine.. but not the review I was going to end with. As of now, the story is worth checking out, as the character(read, main character) problem might be worked out soon, and the style being somewhat light and laid back might be what people are looking for. 

For now, the story thus far is good. The introduction of Earth to the system and all of what that entails was done well, and the story is already different, but we're not really far enough in yet to give it a real rating, so I'll not rate it as perfect. The grammar is done pretty well, although I tend not to pay TOO much attention to spelling and grammar outside of the very obvious. It flows well enough as a native English speaker that I see no real problems.

As for the sections that I've got actual problems with, the characters and style. The characters are given somewhat realistic voices to this day and age, although, as an American, some of the 'lingo' that Trace uses seems off to me but might just as well be correct--I've got no clue. Things like saying "goddammned" instead of just "goddamn" or other small things, again, no real problem there.
The biggest issue is with the characters' actions. The main character doesn't even want to be here. The thing about stories is that you want your audience to connect with them--to be able to put themselves in their shoes. You immediately turn a larger % of people away with a female character simply because some people can't get into that, that isn't me, but it's just statistics here. On top of that, you have this female character who doesn't really play games or read stories, so she's what most of us could jokingly call a normie. And now there's this character, who's a girl, who's a normie, who also finds herself in a situation we all think we'd love to be in and she not only doesn't want to go to dungeons, but she doesn't even want to level, and she doesn't seem competative at all. Her initiation into the system is her getting a special class that isn't even an offered option because she doesn't like the genre and also doesn't like being told what to do. So now you've got all of that, and the only reason she's doing anything is to help her both her best friend and this random police officer lady she met (although in one of the latest chapters, she basically gets forced into a role and doesn't even question it, even when just 20 chapters ago she

got a special class from her sheer stubbornness on wanting to not be pushed towards an option

 

).
The character is generally totally unrelateable up to this point, and now she's going around building and being rude to her AI, and barely even wants to read the prompts for new skills and classes and all that jazz. The character just isn't fun as it is.
The character is somewhat saved by her best friend being pretty much what we want, and being the actual driver to this car we all find ourselves in, because without her, we wouldn't have this story. The characters are generally somewhat real and interesting. They seem to have their own voices, with a lot of the younger characters sporting online or general teen lingo while older characters generally speak the way you'd expect. Those characters are given personalities that are expanded upon via their speech and initial description, which is more than I can say for some stories. The character Adair is annoying and "unrealistic" in that he speaks pretty much only in english poetic rhythms, such as iambic pentameter, but is the only character doing so, and can somewhat be believed due to the fact that he was one of the highest level people at his point of introduction, so.. somethings probably gotta be wrong with him, right? Honestly though, the only reason the character score is so low is because of the MC. It makes it hard to read, and I don't see myself reading past chapter 50 if the character doesn't start showing at least some enthusiasm over the literal genre of the story. 

As for the style of the story.. I find parts of it to be off-putting and immature in their style. I'm probably going to read the story again to figure out exactly what I mean, but if anyone reading this also read some of Salvos and didn't like that it was somewhat light and comedic in comparison to what the tags would have you believe, it's exactly like that. Funnily enough, I was talking about this story to a friend and mentioned that, and then he pointed out that this is written by the same author. I guess it's just part of their style to not write a more serious story. For people who haven't read Salvos and want an idea of a couple of the things that make it feel immature, the last.. I don't know, like 5 chapters at least have used the ifea of 'jinx'es, and have been playing into them repeatedly. Multiple times in a row the character has said something, and then it was pointed out that they jinxed it, and then, guess what, it was jinxed? The other example I'll give will start with a question, how many people would realistically yell, "take this!" to an animal or monster or enemy in general while attacking? Well, the MC and her best friend attacked a snake monster a few chapters ago and for the first time in the entire series yelled out, "take this," and would you look at that, they said it at the same time!.. This is the part where I get passionate, because I truly think that the idea of this story and the systems within are absolutely amazing, but the more unrealistic and light-hearted feel of the story diminishes that and somewhat ruins it for me. I could almost overlook the MC not being very relatable purely based on the systems and the world, but the style of the story is what is hurting it for me. I could write A LOT more about the style, both good and bad, but I'll cut it off there. 

I think this author has some great ideas for stories, and looking at their profile it looks like they're going through with at least 5 of them (as of now), but maybe some stories would fit better with a different writing style, whether that be a project to work on or a partnership/deal made between different authors, where you sell the outline of a story to someone with a style for who it might fit. I don't mean this as a, "stop writing," but more as a, "use different lens' for different pictures" type of thing. I admire the amount of time and effort that must go into writing 5 stories at once all the same.

Nvll
Overall

Vulgar, superficial main character. 

There's not much else to say, the main character and her actions are why I'm dropping this book. There's no sense of caution, or preparation, forethought... 

 

Not even planning when making system-related choices. It's like the author is making her seem impulsive and brash but there's no upside. Unless you count plot armour, as her impulsive decisions aren't punished, but instead nothing bad ever happens to her or people she cares about. Just randos on the street. 

 

 

gln9
Overall

Poor world building and even poorer characters

Reviewed at: Killshot Apocalypse 18

The weak world building and the feeling where the entire story universe only exists around the main character was expected, it was also the biggest weakness in Salvos, which I really enjoy otherwise.

But what I did not expect, and can't overlook, is how atrocious the character cast in this story is. It's why I give up on this story at this point.

The MC is a teenage brat. She's contrarian out of principle, a rebel without a cause, and will antagonize people, including her family and her AI assistant, without the slightest reason. At the same time she refuses to understand that she is in a system apocalypse and that she has to adapt to it. Instead she permanently gives the impression that she'd much rather draw the blanket over her head and wait for every problem to just go away by itself.

Her only friend is the entire opposite. She's rather sociable, and she embraces the system apocalypse with manic glee, being hyperfocussed on gaining levels and skills. This goes as far as her being angry screeching about somebody "killstealing" a most unimportant single mob when next to her there's a terrified women on the ground who just had her family and friends massacred in front of her. Either she does not understand that this is not a game, or she does not care and has no empathy, which is both very concerning.

The party is currently rounded out by another psycho, who loves to speak in a convoluted pseudo-lyrical manner and whose first appearance had him try to murder the MC for no reason whatsoever. Somehow nobody really cares about that anymore, even for the MC it's hard to tell if she's being a dick towards him because he tried to kill her or because she's a dick towards everyone.