The Invisible String

The Invisible String

by Ariadne_Yarn

(On Hiatus While I Practice Writing With A New Story)

This is a story of connections.

A story of a Writer and his pen and paper.

Follow the writer as he creates Syndesi, the personification of The Invisible String. See how they change the world around them through the relationships they make. And in doing so, change themselves.


PS. it's fantasy but there are no elves, no magic, no superpower. 

just realistic people living their normal lives, facing struggles like every human being

but that alone doesn't sound interesting, does it?

How about a special dimension that connects the lead characters?

(check out Chapter 2 - The White Horizon


Art Cover Credit: Asviloka

Post Timings: (unsure for now as I am rewriting the chapters to make it polished. Hopefully once per week on Fridays)

This would allow me to post something you can read every week without abandoning the story. It's a journey, I know. But I'm ready to continue without stopping. Are you ready? If you are, then let's start reading!

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Ariadne_Yarn

Ariadne_Yarn

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AlexaLee
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A story about the invisible connections between people. An interesting premise and style but not without its faults.

I know that the author is currently doing a rewrite therefore I have tried to be as constructive as possible. This also means that this review may not be relevant in the future and so may be updated later.

Style: The stye of this story is interesting. There are short chapters and some of the explanations about the Invisible String were a little heavy handed at first. The author uses a lot of very short sentences too which are sometimes effective but other times are overdone and can make it difficult to read. Sometimes the POV swaps are particularly clear and the story would benefit from having this more clearly denoted. Also, sometimes, it is not always clear who is speaking therefore more dialogue tags would be helpful.

Story: The story is quite an abstract one and quite slow paced but it seems to be done well.

Grammar: There were some missed commas or slight grammatical errors but I wouldn’t say that this detracts from he overall enjoyment.

Character: The characters are generally good but my issue is with some of the younger ones. The way they speak isn’t always very age appropriate and can make them sound a lot older than they are however the author is very good at portraying emotion that makes me like them instantly.

Overall, I would say that this is a pretty good and interesting story. It is unlike anything else that I have seen on RoyalRoad before. 

It seems that the author is making a conscious effort to improve their style and I would say that this is working therefore I have no doubt that the rewrite will be a success!

The God Of Boredom
Overall

From what I read so far, I think that the idea is great, the charactors and plot unique, and the grammar is fine as well.

The exectution, however, needs work.

The chapters are even shorter than my own, and I think that that's fine, but the crux of it is that each chapter seems to contain multiple scenes.

I feel that this story contains a lot of emotion, but the problem is that I, as the reader, don't feel any of it. This isn't caused by the story itself though, so I think that it could still be fixed. Overall, 9/10.

Angaramwrites
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

An interesting take on story telling

Reviewed at: Chapter 13 - The Owl Knows

Disclaimer: this was a review swap.

I agree with other reviews that this story is hard to describe as it is a story, yet not?

Style: The style is quite interesting and a tad confusing which seems entirely intentional due to the nature of the story itself.

Story: I got lost and kinda haven't found it yet. It is about Syndesi I think. MAking connections to people so the stories are kinda that.

 

Grammar: I don't have much to say about the grammar it was good and I couldn't see any problems.

 

Character: Also got a bit lost there and at this point, could not tell you how many heads I was inside off. Syndesi is a small girl, seven years old that acts a bit more mature than her age. Which is probably the whole connection string thingy.

 

In the end, this is very hard to review because I mainly read fantasy and sci-fi. This story is more an artpiece I think, a collection of events and an interpretation of a string that connects it all. It does need polishing in the aspect that seem to confuse not just me.

 

So if you are the kind of reader that likes to think mor outside of the box, this story might be up your alley.

 

Smeowglivion
Overall

I... I honestly don't know. I don't know how to rate this, or how to even describe this. The best I could come up with is 'Collection of stories within a story'.

The main protagonist is Syndesi. Presumably. She creates conenctions with people around her. Presumably. She is a baker. Also presumably. Honestly, I had to get into other reviews to understand what was actually going on.


And that's the main problem. The style is all over the place. The Invisible String is supposed to be the story about people, about the difficulties they go through during their daily life.

I would have liked to say, that I liked the story - but unfortunately, I got lost halfway through. This is not a bad book, not at all. But it's unpolished. The style doesn't invoke a lot of feelings, when it is supposed to be the main point of the entire story. The later chapters do get better, somewhat, but I was still confused throughout the whole thing.

So, the best advice I can give - polish. Polish this book to the point, where it becomes as shiny as the Sun itself. The concept is great, the execution is where this book has a problem. It needs edit or editor, badly.

L0rdGr1m
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I'm not a writing expert, but I do have something to say.

-Story: While I find the concept very unique and exciting, it was hard to get into (for me.) Pov switches a lot, and sometimes it took me a while to figure out in which person's head I was in. But after reading for some time, you start to get into the groove.

-Characters: The characters are as interesting as the story, and they fit well into the world you have built. There are many, but we only see them for short times. (In my opinion, too short) But overall, they fit the theme and style nicely.

-Style: Unique, and it flows very fluidly. The structure is good and you felt immersed in the story. But everytime a pov switch came it took me out and I had to get back in again. (That's really the only criticism I can find, so good job author)

-Grammar: I won't comment too much on this since I believe unless very poorly done. Grammar won't play a role in my enjoyment of a story. And I can happily say that overall, the grammar in this story is excellent.

-Overall: Overlooking the jarring pov switches. This is a beautiful story, and I will recommend it!

OntoSomethingGood
Overall

As written by some previous reviewers, this story is a unique tale of a girl called Syndesi. She is the invisible thread that binds together all the characters that go through the motions of their lives. Her baking is a constant throughout and the writer uses it to explore and explain the premise.

The concept is unique and is presented in (sometimes very small) bite-sized chunks which is a bit distracting at times as I am used to much bigger chapters. The prose is fluid, the vocabulary is good. The grammar is off some places but that did not hinder my immersion. 

I liked the story and the style however at times it felt too abstract. A little more concrete is needed to hold it together. In my opinion, some clarity around events and characters would do the trick.

Other than that, I feel the story starts well, creates intrigue. It has the potential to develop into something beautiful, maybe future chapters will see it evolve better.

 

 

StgBria
Overall

Dreamy, Vague, Arthouse. . . Speculative Fiction?

Reviewed at: Chapter 18 - True Bestie

Okay so here's the run down. 

I'm not going to tell you what this is. This is Lynch levels of "what is going on?" It's short bursts of story presented in an ethereal way. Some story beats are clear and grounded, others are intuative. 

Conceptually, I think this sort of thing gives  the writer AND reader a ton of room to explore ideas and bring meaning to the space. There are parts here I was thoroughly engaged with to the point that I would turn back and read stuff I already read to try and sus out new meaning or interpret previous passages in a new light. 

In practice there is a wall. Writing like this only works if you can attribute specific meaning or feelings to the speculative passages, and it got to the point where I just threw my ideas out the window and said, "There's not that much here."  Don't get me wrong, there are artistic choices that mean something to the author, but they aren't presented in any sort of way that I felt the ability to engage with. 

It gets more concrete later on, but that almost became less interesting. There was nothing inherently in terms of plot or character work. It was similiar to my next point. . . .

And the other issue with something slow and thoughtful really is the way its presented on a technical level. The writing isn't charming or smart. When you have otherwordly descriptions, you're looking for prose that does it justice and that isn't the case. 

So it's something I appreciate the attempt on, and I think there is value here in terms of what caught my attention. It's very much the kind of work I would reference if I wanted to write something similar, but wouldn't want to read for enjoyment. 

And I don't know. It might hit differently for other people so I would fully encourage you to give it a try. These are short passages and its worth an attempt. 

 

ElitheHill
Overall

Good little story - hope it grows!

Reviewed at: Chapter 13 - The Owl Knows

An ambitious little story that contains a heap of little stories woven together like a nice cloak. It's not a linear storyline and there are a few holes here and there with grammar and style but considering it's the author's first work I think it's really well done. I wish I could've written something as good as this on my first try (when I was stuck in a stone cell with a shitty tablet).

One tip I'd give the author is:

Just keep writing. You've got a talent, but for a lot of authors that talent can be wasted through second-guessing yourself or getting too hung up on reviews etc. Enjoy the writing journey and  best of luck!

S.N. Keirstead
Overall

The Invisible String is a very unique story. With the wa it's written, it almost feels like poetrys; chapters are very short and broken up into brief yet snappy lines.

The story starts of very cute, with daughters baking and spending time with their mother. But it soons go south. I won't spoil any more, but since the chapters are short, it definitely couldn't hurt to check out a few chapters and see if it fits your tastes (especially if your taste includes enjoying birthday cake). 

Virgil_F_Tompson
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This story is true to it's style of writing, which is the most important part of writing a book like this, in my opinion. It is a commentary of grief and how it is shared and felt by others arround you, as I understand it. There are only three things in particular that bother me:

1) Seven-year-old's don't say things like "Shall we do this, mother dear?" or "I need to use the bathroom urgently", not do they contrive to create schemes to increase the station of a fellow classmate in the 'heiarchy' of the social system. Hell, seven-year-olds social heiarchy is pretty much consistent with who has the most colorful lunchbox.

2) Narrative Voice: your narrative voice could use some editting. That's normal for authors just starting out, but you should make sure that all actions that you as the narrator are describing(Localized to one scene of course, I understand that with this type of novel, narrative voice will shift between scenes) use the same tense, either past or present, in order to evoke the proper reader immersion

3) With this type of writing, prose is key. You are attempting to evoke certain feelings in a reader, if I am reading your writing correctly, and those feelings are being evoked with little to no background as to what is going on, seeing as how everyone is connected by an invisible string. My suggestion: metaphors and similies are you friend. Use them as liberally as the gods used salt when they made the ocean, ie: alot. Metaphors and Similies are great for making someone feel what you want them to, even if you aren't actually putting them into a situation to feel that.

Constructive criticism aside, I think you've got a good start, and good potential if you find the right audience!