- Traumatising content
Harux Y'saanith is not your average elf. He is wild, untamed, and likes a good old cut of meat over a plate of vegetables. But what he does have in common is his love of fighting and magic. So when he gets the perfect opportunity to join an academy full of strong fighters, he couldn't resist.
Journeying with an eccentric tech billionaire, a boy who's way too theatrical for his own good, a proud knightess and many others, Harux wonders if he'd finally found strong opponents, or even people he can call his friends.
Bonespore is a shonen-inspired story set in an academy where students train and fight. There is also a blend of magic and SciFi as it is set in a post-modern world of sorts. If you like something that is a blend of both magical slice of life, and tense moments with battle, horror and other events, then it'll be to your liking.
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This is a pretty classic anime school story as the review done by Capital Station postulates. I like a good school setting myself if it is done right, and I am of the opinion that this author does a good job.
Things I like:
Each charater has a strong voice, and is obviously their own person
Creative approch to Tommy's character in particular
Grammar is good, for Royal Road. Not proffessionally edited by any means, but better than average
Storyline remains true to itself
Things I thought could be better:
Characters have a tendancy to speak in a way that isn't neccesarily realistic. Now, I know this is rather common in this genre, so it is distinctly possible that this is intentional. If so, disregard this critique.
Prose could use work, but can't it always? You have good prose for what this story is, certainly sufficient, but I find that experimenting with how things read is an amazing opprotunity to bring your story to life. I love your verbage, I'm a fan of using unique and specialized words where I can myself, but I find that sometimes less is more, and at others, using a series of words isn't just about describing an action, but evoking a feeling. If you are in the mind of a character who is unwell mentally, maybe your wording should revolve around the slinking of shadows and pooling of dark thoughts rather than long complex words that might be batter suited to descrobing something else
So, I have to say that I love school animes. The class dynamics, and lots of personalities in the same place, are right up my alley. If you love academy settings as well, this is just for you!
First off, I love the cast of characters. Tommy with his odd sickness, Jaiga with her rich-ness, and the newcomers who may or may not be too arrogant for words, are all great when they're interacting together doing "magical academy business."
The chapters are set up well, and I like that Tommy comes across as a badass with a problem. We learn more about the world in dynamic ways.
The grammar is a little rough (missing commas, wrong capitalization, etc.) and it did pull me a bit out of the story, but it's nothing a proofreader couldn't fix.
The style of the story (in one word) is: verbose. There are several sentences that use a lot of words when just a few would do. OR sentences that use thesaurus words when simpler ones would allow us into the story faster. Example:
“It was at this moment that an epiphany manifested in the crevices of his mind, one that awakened long repressed memories.”
“The tintinnabulation seeped in the atmosphere.”
If you like writing that involves unique words or verbose sentences, this is the story for you. It’s written this way throughout, and definitely gives the tale its own “style” it’s just not my personal cup of tea.
Otherwise, it was fun, I enjoyed the romp through the magical academy, and I can’t wait to see more of Tommy and Jaiga (and maybe Lucius, too, lol).
The part where this story really shines is the style and the way it is written. I can not quite describe the style if I am being honest, it feels so refreshing.
As mentioned, I do love the style and choice of words in the presentation. Words I'd never think about using and as I stated in one of the comments, there is always the one sentence that really catches me off guard in a good way.
There are now quite a lot more chapters to read, so I do not yet know the end. But I am not quite sure where it is going. I am not sure of the goal of any of the characters. Which is the only problem I have with the story right now. But I have to admit that school settings like these are not my usual reads. I feel like a clearer line to follow would really improve the story and elevate it even further.
No problems here. The sentences vary from short and easy to longer and making you think. I found no mstakes either, but I am also horrible at finding those.
They are all eccentric and I doubt they are sane in any way and I love it. The art of door kicking seems to be a subject in the school too. I like the characters so far, they are, as stated, all insane and kinda funny to read their views on the world around them. But there was some headhopping going on in the first few chapters that really confused me to who actually talked.
This is a good story, deserving of the 4.5 stars given in this review. It's an interesting tale written in a beautiful prose not often seen on Royal Road. It has some areas that could do with some tweaking, but don't most stories?
Style: The style is what stands out the most, to me, about this story. It's not a writing style seen often on Royal Road. This is not a story you can just blitz through, turning your brain off. The writing very much forces you to pay attention, and it can be a slow read. Make no mistake, this fall under literary fiction entirely. Which can work for or against the novel, depending on reader preference. It truly is beautifully written, but it is not what I'd call an easy read. There is also a mild issue of POV confusion. At times it gets difficult to know who you're following. It feels like third-person omniscient. Be warned if that is not something you enjoy reading.
4.5/5, only partially removed because the story is a bit difficult to read, but that doesn't detract from the art that it is.
Grammar: as I preface any if my reviews, when it comes to grammar I judge through the lense of knowing that authors on RR are posting drafts. They do not have access to professional editors or proofreaders. Expecting published quality grammar is unrealistic and unfair. That said, the grammar in this story is good. Not bad enough to make me drop an entire star. However the author does have a problem with comma splices. An issue I myself suffer from. I'd suggest the author edit their stories while paying close attention to comma use and seeing if a period would work instead. There are a few issues of misused or missing words but nothing truly egregious and I have not noticed any typos. 4.5/5 stars.
I'm not too sure where the story is heading by chapter 10. We see a lot of the characters, and we know they're in a magic school in either something akin to modern times or a bit in the future. However we don't really know why the kids are there individually. If there's any wars going, if there are other schools they're competing against. The world building is a bit lax, we don't really see anything outside of the school. And even then our view is very restricted to simply what the characters are currently doing. However the writer is very good. And the characters are well written. I have hopes that the story will move along and explain more of the motivations behind it. 4/5 stars
The Characters: As I've said the characters are well written. They're not all likable, which is fine. They shouldn't be. They are all different and unique, with their own personalities and quirks. Not a one of them is perfect, and often are seen making decisions based on incomplete information. Which is a fun flaw that I don't see often. All of the character do share one trait. They're incredibly prideful. All of them think they are the best, but not everyone can be the best. It'll be very fun to see who is rightfully proud, and who is going to be knocked off their high horse. I enjoy well written, deep and complex characters. Which this writer most certainly delivers. 5/5.
Not that great, doesn't get better afterwards, and I I'm very lost on what the author's vision is.
It's serviceable I suppose but there were few mistakes here and there. The author has a good grasp on the language to create good imagery but my problems come with his 'style'...
Put the thesaurus down It's painfully obvious that you're using big words just for the sake of using them rather than creating prose with depth. It feels like the story is being described to me rather than told and I'm left feeling confused and perplexed about the cast's traits, motivations, appearances...
I'm not sure if this is an older story the author has been working on but it desperately needs a rework because I know nothing about the world or why I should care and it's very over the top for no good reason.
Characters and Story 3/5
I'm combining these two categories because I have major problems with both. The pacing is all over the place? I don't even know what's going on because everything lacks any depth to it. The story starts with Tommy who I thought was the main character but apparently he's not, then it switches to another character then another character before we get to Harux, the supposed main character but gets completely overshadowed by the previous character who took the spotlight, Lucius. And Lucius is only interesting because the story spends a majority of its time on him and his thoughts instead of Harux who gets a brief introduction then is sidelined afterwards. And this is apparently a magic school setting but there's nothing showing that they're in a magic school setting, just a description of character A going to one place and commenting too much on it. Tommy who was introduced in the beginning then becomes an arrogant noble type of character and I'm sorry- did I miss something?? Because that came completely out of no where and this arc, his motivation, is not even told to the reader. Well it can be assumed that he is jealous of Lucius' wealthy position but that's just me trying to piece together this mess of a plot that's supposed to be a magical school story. Doesn't feel like it at all.
My final advice is to completely rework the story to tell it in a coherent manner. Add depth, show me why I as a reader should care about the setting, characters, plot. Right now, here, this just seems like a rough draft.
I can definitely tell that this was influenced by shounen anime, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'll admit freely it's not normally my cup of tea, but the author did an excellent job in grabbing my attention. I particularly liked the action sequences. I docked the style score one because it still needs a lot of work, and at times the prose can be a little too flowery, which can distract from the content. However, in that sense, it's no more challenging than say, reading Nabokov, who loves himself some flowery script. The characters are all distinct but not fully fleshed out, and I for one am hoping to see more of Morgana in the next big edit. It's clear a lot of work and thought was put into this, but as I said, it does still need a lot of work. The point of view is another major factor that I docked the from the style score for, since at times it's not entirely clear who is doing what or from whose point of view we are reading - I suggest section breaks, to make it more clear. The chapters are short enough that you can sit down and read one in a few minutes, which I like - some authors (namely me) get too caught up trying to make big epic chapters, which can intimidate readers. All in all, I would encourage anyone to try this story with an open mind.
This is the story of how a magical sickness changes a boy named Tommy who in turn affects the lives of other students.
There are multiple points of view.
This is a teen drama set in an academy. So far, there are five students in the gifted class in close proximity to the potential contagion.