Zakaria Sol and the Eleventh Pathway

Zakaria Sol and the Eleventh Pathway

by Hatwab

A human, a lycan, a vampire, a royal beast, a dragon, an elf and another human. Practitioners, sorcerers, monarchs, paragons and emperors. Gods who were in fact merely mighty mortals. Mysteries of those who came before even Merlin. Nexuses leading to the nine realms, olympus, avalon and beyond. Malevolent forces in the shadows, plotting their way to power. Earth… but not as you or I know it.

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Author
Hatwab

Hatwab

Scribemage

Achievements
Word Wielder (4)
Group Leader (I)
I Am Taking Off (IV)
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Camelboy
Overall

     I smell potential! You have a story here that can go so far. It just needs a little editing. Maybe some more detail too. Stretch it out just a little bit longer. Really let your characters experience the world you're writing them into. Short chapters are great, on the other hand, because a short chapter has little chance of overwhelming the reader. I have that problem, personally. Most of my chapters are pushing 5000 words. I'm my own worst enemy :D lol

     Good job overall! Keep it up! Don't be afraid to ask for advice from members or on the forums when it comes to structure, editing, or even direction. Stories are living, breathing things and are ever-changing. I look forward to seeing more from you. You've earned a follow from me!

Fantasmo_1999
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good so far (I just read chapter 6).

I especially like the thing you've done in ch5 and 6 by starting with an exposition of a topic in the world in the form of a non fiction text by an author within the world. Genius. A non-fiction within a fiction. 

I get hints of harry potter (which is high praise as I'm a bit of a potterhead) but obviously because you've included the whole world so there's a lot more magical elements to play around with.

That being said if you include too much there's a chance plot holes can form more easily so watch out for that. Detail is key so make sure your research is thorough (even if it is fiction). As it's set in multiple countries make sure time zones are accurate etc. 

No major grammar mistakes so far and there's a decent use of similes and metaphors which are extremely important for fantasy fiction works. Too many authors fall into the trap of just explaining things and dumping info without letting the readers feel and get immersed in the world. So make sure you take your time.

Maybe make your chapters longer? 3500-4000 words is the ideal.

As I said it’s good so make sure you keep it up.

Rain123
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A very engaging and intriguing story so far (at the time of writing 7a is the latest chapter to be released). 

Like another user mentioned, I really like the use of exposition at the start of the later chapters to introduce us to some of the lore of your world. This is a very effective method for building your world and immersing us (the readers) within it. Just ensure that you don't make these too long in future chapters, as some readers may end up becoming unengaged. 

As of now not too much has occurred in the plot, however it seems to have great promise. Similarly the characters seem to have much potential, and I hope as the story progresses we will be able to see the protagonist and his companions develop and grow (both in a literal sense and as characters). The unique situation of the protagonist could make for very intriguing storytelling, which I very much look forward to. The grammar is good so far, with very few mistakes that can be easily corrected after a good proof read. 

Overall this has been a great read so far. I look forward to seeing how this story progresses. Keep up the good work!