Saga of Steel and Bone (Ashes & Phoenix)

This is a pretty good one. From the first chapter or two it actually becomes pretty clear that the author put int time to edit the story. No obvious grammar mistakes could be found, style actually flows better than the average, and the character introductions is pretty fun. 5/5 from me.

By and large the only problems I noticed were grammatical, and the tidbit discussed below about italics. The only story issue that stood out was in chapter 1 (see below). These issues are minor at best and did not distract or detract in any meaningful ways.

• Prologue/Chapter 1: “Each one has their purpose,” should be “Each one has its purpose,”. Perhaps move the description “The stars are perfect…” immediately after the “I didn’t understand his words then…” bit, because keeping close and protected that which one does not understand requests an explanation. The inclusion of “Finem Liberari Era…” and the date and other references is unnecessary exposition, in my opinion, and it seems to devalue the “Standing for 300 years…” bit by intermixing unexplained details. What makes the jingoist commander a jingoist? I notice the term is used to refer to others… is this a defining character trait they all hold, or a title? If it’s a title, perhaps describe their uniforms (what makes them Jingoists) and the ‘J’ should be capitalised. The repetition of the hat’s description when it falls off feels unnecessary, perhaps just say “hat” or “straw hat.” I really like the focus on emotion, trying to restrain oneself in the face of their life falling apart, and the interplay between family members in this chapter. Furthermore, the commander certainly feels evil, and gives off that wicked narcissistic vibe oft associated therewith–not to mention the pure evil you’ve situated The Empire with. I feel like a rebellion is brewing somewhere later in the chapters.
• Chapter 2: I appreciate the hope that the main character fabricates for themselves, especially in the face of regret and the pain of his adoptive siblings. The little details about the constitution of the cage, the boards, and their inception add a lot to the story, not to mention the details about the animals, scenery, and such flavoured with the character’s thoughts. This is all constructed very well, in my opinion. As well, I very much like the scene switch to the memory. However, the italics got a little annoying after a while. I understand their use, to show that it is the MC thinking, but reading them line after line hurts my eyes.
• Chapter 3: This chapter is nice, but I can’t help feeling that, unlike its predecessors, it doesn’t go anywhere far. The details about Vex and the MC’s realisations that the commander really is going out of his way to break him or mess with him mentally, playing mind games, are nice and additive, but then it just stops there. Perhaps combine this chapter with chapter 4?
• Chapter 4: Instantly into the action, I like that. However, I cannot help but ask: “What about his broken bones?” It’s only been a few days, I do believe, but he seems to be moving around and acting as if they’ve healed. Does his half-lycanthropy grant regenerative abilities? The inner monologue is quite amusing, though I am beginning to wonder whether it’s actually a split consciousness speaking to the MC, or just the MC’s quirky inner attitude. This chapter ends on a strong cliff-hanger. I like that a lot.

I like your story, and should time permit I aim to read more. Your style is a nice blend of detail and inner dialogue that, in the vast majority, is very good at showing. It allows me to craft basic mental images of the world, and to ponder what might be otherwise going on around the character. Although I cannot comment too strongly without reading further, which I aim to do if time permits, I like what I’ve read, and think others will too.

Ashes is a gripping tale of tragedy and revenge. Featuring werewolves. What is there to not love by that pitch alone?

It opens up gripping, with the MC and their family getting caught by "jingoists" because of their abilities. The jingoists are depicted as being cruel and violent; the kind of villains you want to see hurt.

Grammar is on point. Didn't notice anything off. 

Style is great. Main character's voice is distinct. Descriptions are top notch and vivid.

A definite read for readers into werewolves.

This is a story of revenge...long coming revenge. If you are into the wham-bam type stories, this is probably not for you. But if you want to read something that is expertly written, nay crafted, then this is for you.

Grammar Score: There was nothing jarring that took me out of the story. I read a few other reviews and noticed something about italics, but even if that's not the correct use, I totally understood what the author was doing. Full marks from me.

Style Score: Each paragraph is like a poem, every word clearly selected to paint a picture of what the MC is experiencing at that moment. At times a bit a brevity might be better, but it doesn't detract from getting inside the head of the MC and experiencing what they are.

Story Score: I'm reviewing at chapt 7 I think, and the story has set up to be one of revenge. The world is starting to unfold and we are figuring out what kind of world the MC will have to traverse to exact that revenge. The opening scene is heart wrenching and brutal.

Character score: It's pretty heavily focused on the single MC but he is done so well. The internal dialogue with his wolven self is really really great. The jingoists are also well done, even if not that detailed. There's a really dark cruelty to them that brilliantly crafted by the author.

All in all, this is dark, beautiful, brutal and utterly engrossing work, and I definitely recommend you read it. 

Style: Ok, so one thing I noticed here is that the pacing is honestly really great. The main problem I have with most RR works is that even if the story is written well, that it really just goes too fast, and doesn't offer enough explanation that it sort of takes you out of the whole thing. I can safely say, that not only is this not the case here but that there is a real rich language and level of writing here that is quite commendable.

Story: Nice, admittedly I'm not very well versed in the werewolf fiction of things, but even so, I think the story is well done. It's believable and doesn't come off as stupid and the subtle details of worldbuilding left in are great that hint at a grander scope of things or just the concept of there being a reality outside the character's environment.

Grammar: Did not notice any issue, but I also suffer from a case of not being very grammatical at times, but even so, it's really fine!

Character: The main protagonist is great and does a good job of carrying the story while having compelling motivations, definitely not one that's just a self-insert or a one-dimensional being per se. The only issue is that, there isn't any other character that's left a particular impression so far, and the main antagonist which is alluded to time and time again, is just there, I suppose? Though I also have a penchant for very odd characters, so I am weird in that regard to be fair.

This is definitely a slow burn character drama (think Citizen Kane meets Jekyll and Hyde).

The story follows a werewolf-like individual who is often refered to as "Kursk Scum" or some version of "Kursk." (But his real name is Roland, though he keeps it hidden for the most part)). The MC is no shifter--he's more a Beast with a werewolf like appearance (or straight wolf) when transformed. The MC wants to roam the wilds and be free, but the story cleverly starts with an attack on his home.

Immediately, we're thrown into a world of captivity. The warnings on the tale are accurate! A lot of messed up stuff happens to Roland and his family. For several chapters its a trek to the slave pits, and Roland's captors are vicious and just straight evil.

This is definitely the type of tale you want to emmerse yourself in and not get up to do something else. It has its own atmosphere and tone, and the writing is actually quite good. Lots of instresting descriptions for the environment (and emotional state). I like that Roland never truly gives up, and that he's willing to save those around him.

I definitely wanted Roland to bite a fool at some point, or generally fight someone with unbridled rage, but this isn't that kind of story. It's more about keeping hope in bleak situations and protecting the people you love.

Roland has some amazing internal dialogue with himself (speaking to "the wolf" so to speak, about how he should act) and I honestly wish there was more of that!) Really enjoyed that part. It was rather clever.

So far, this is a great tale if you're into character drama.

There are a few grammar mistakes, but they're mostly capitaliztion issues, which never pulled me out of the stroy (I just noted them because I'm insane). This is super easy reading.

I recommend.