An editor at the prime of her life—and with maybe just a little too much free time—finds herself waking up in one of her favorite RPGs with no clue as to what's going on or how to get back home.
This might be the part where others rejoice over getting whisked away to a world of wizards and magic, but she certainly doesn't think it's anything to celebrate about.
After all, she woke up in the body of a small-time villain with some severe personality issues.
[participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge]
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A pretty satisfying read, as of Chapter 22.
The grammar is well done. Commas are where they should be, the vocabulary is used correctly, and the dialogue feels natural. A lot of amature authors use archaic phrasing in dialogue, or it's disjointed. Dialogue is one of the major standards I use to measure a work's quality, and so far Flameruner has passed with flying colors.
The story doesn't have any major issues so far. No major plot holes, satifactory level of detail, good pacing, decent length for the chapters. It is isekai, but it still has flowing logic and natural progression. It's an actual story, not a fluff piece.
The MC gets isekai'd, but she doesn't get to keep the memories of her host body's original owner. Which is good, because keeping host memories (in my opinion) is cheap, lazy, and convenient sorytelling. She does have the benefit of having some remaining instincts which allows her to stay unnoticed, but she still has to work at it. No instant PowerPlayer here, or easy PowerUps. She has a system that she can use to get stronger but it doesn't just give her handouts. She has to earn the system's benefits.
My next point is a more for Flameruner to consider than readers, because he's doing well enough that I think he has potential to be really good. His style feels a little shallow because I'm not getting the impression that Flameruner is using literary tricks like themes, 3-beats, or long-term set-up and pay-offs (though it is early). However... off the top of my head, there don't seem to be any pointless moments that are over the top. Everything contributes to either world building, or character building. Major brownie points for that.
Extremely good quality, especially for this site. Giving it a 4.5 instead of a 5 because as good as it already is, there's still room to become even better.
Among RPG stories, this one stays pretty simple with its game terminology, which I think is a real strength.
Apart from the good writing and story, two decisions make this stand out. The first is the amnesia plot. This is great even among amnesia plots since the MC as an Evil Baroness has few allies with which she can rely on and almost no one who can learn of her condition. The second is the fact that the MC is a combination of her own intellect with the emotional intelligence of her new body. This gives some instant tension and allows scenes that would otherwise be a description or simple dialogue a fun twist.
In fact, I would argue that dealing with her reputation and interpersonal conflicts are my favorite part of this story.
22 Chapters in and I'm enjoying this enough to refresh my screen waiting for a 23rd.
The style is solid and draws the reader in. While light on scenery description the context and action descriptions are good. There are a few perspective shifts but so far only in reaction to events thr main character participated in. These help to flesh out the mcs appearance from the outside and assist in providing context.
The story follows the template of bakarina or "simply according ti the dukes daughters common sense". In short the mc is reincarnated as a noble lady who is a minor villain in a video game. They reincarnate after the noble has made a solid mess of things and turn thier efforts to fixing things using their otherworldly knowledge. Well dome but nothing world shaking or new.
I didn't notice any grammar errors.
While too short yet for real character development each character has actual depth and doesn't feel much like a card board cutout. They do however feel a bit like video game characters which makes sense considering the world.
Overall a good read and worth a follow.
Still short of 200 words bt i feel i said and justified my review and opinion so here are some choice words.
I'm liking this a lot. The twist is that the MC is psychologically compelled to behave and think in a bunch of somewhat villainous ways, which surprisingly works really well. The story is somewhat grim dark (kids sold into child slavery by her pre-transmigrated self), but I absolutely love it. Scarlett tries, and increasingly succeeds in turning herself around. Awesome, highly recommended story.
I have a feeling I will be updating this with a 5-star advanced review as well, once I've read more.
The writing is clear, without glaring errors. The style is not too complex or too simple, just right; it's engaging. The characters and settings are well described. The premise/story, while not unique, is presented in a matter that is intriguing and stands on its own.
I am very much looking forward to the rest.
An interesting story so far in my opinion, its grammar is good, the main character interesting. While it is the classic "person gets reincarnated into a videogame they have played" story, instead of being a dating sim it's an open world, and instead of reincarnation at the start of their life or at some point with the memories of the original game character, the MC lacks any sort of in-game memories beyond what she got from when it was a game. This leads to some interesting interactions, and when combined with her getting some of her counterpart's instincts and nature, things are differentiated enough from other such stories that it feels fresh, at least to me.
All in all, I rather like it, the main character is likeable, but not in the "innocent" way, rather she is likeable in the manner she tries to be a decent person at the very least and in how she handles a less then ideal situation.
The MC starts out as a small time villain, so her base power is rather low, leading to her having to try to get around the character's previous villany while also growing in power sufficiently to be safe in the challenges to come.
I think it was a clever choice to have the MC not only take the place of a minor, low-level game boss, but also to have her already enmeshed in villainous deeds that she needs to find her way out of, but more importantly, saddled with the personality traits of the former person.
As much as she wants to be "herself," what that means has fundamentally changed, and she now has to navigate a world familiar on the surface, but with way more depth than any game could show.
Kat makes for a nice foil also, so I'm definitely enjoying. I worry a bit that the first person writing might get wearing after a while, but the internal monologue and conflict is also what makes it stand out.
So lot of things piss me off. Like for instance, when I see more lit rpg apocalypse stories, tower climbing stories, dungeon apocalypse, alien isekai system nonsense, and overall blue boxes clouding the story. Essentially what pisses me off is cliche predictable plots that have already been done.
but this story ? It's different. I went in expecting ofc the same bogus "I reincarnated as a villainess, but I will proceed to act nothing like one but instead, I shall act 20 years younger than my mental age and fall for men half my age and act like a saint. Somehow anyone half brain dead around me will rationalize the changes in my personality like the stupid NPC that they are" type story.
this story is different in that the mc retains the conceited arrogance a villainess who is beautiful and an aristocrat should have, at the same time we are given a privy to the inner thoughts of a modern 20 something year old with knowledge of the world due to a game she played. The balance is often breached in other isekai "villainess" stories.
There seems to be a deep over arching plot going on. Perhaps it won't ever be as intriguing as Skeleton monster who couldn't protect the dungeon, but nonethe less I smell deeper nefarious powers and lord hiding within the world while our mc tries to exploit what she knows.
the story itself is nothing crazy. But the previous reviewer fishface docked off stars for that. Like honey it's only 15 chapters in and it's not exactly a short story for a crazy fast pace. Even in popular fiction the plot really doesn't take off until 20-30chapters in. But then again, the first 15 chapters haven't been mind blowing. Kinda underwhelming but it's a wait and see situation
so far no romance, but I honestly wouldn't mind if she found her self in a very smooth underlying romantic subplot with someone equally badass and competent as her.
I think it's doing a good job side stepping the pile of shit called cliches and you all should give it a chance
sorry for my grammar, even a 3 yo prob writes better but I can't be assed to edit
Our MC wakes up to find herself as Scarlett Hartford, a small-time noble villain in an open-world fantasy RPG she enjoyed playing. With knowledge of the game and a status screen, she needs to go about redeeming herself to avoid her "bad end" (i.e. death). Which is harder than it sounds as the game is intent on her being her character.
The writing is solid. The author is descriptive, but not overly so. Some mistakes with capitalization and typos, but nothing egregious. No other memorable grammatical mistakes.
The characters are well-written. So far we’ve mainly had POVs from Scarlett, but her body guard, Kat, as well as a few others have helped flesh out the MC. What’s interesting is that the MC has retained her character’s traits (like, it’s part of her character status) of being cavalier, callous, overbearing and conceited, and either has to try and work around them or use them appropriately.
We've only seen/learned of a small section of the world, and it’s fairly standard of a fantasy game world, but so far it has been well-described and consistent. It also has a very “live in” feel, which is helped along by having alternate POVs.
Overall, this has been a fun read about the MC trying to rehabilitate her life and avoid pitfalls that spring up, and I’m looking forward to more.
Don't know how to start:
The style is simple, and effective, i does it's job, so to say.
The story is nothing incredibly original or something like that, but, and here is why i really like this, it has an interesting approach to some problems of the isekai/transported to another game mechanics, also, i like the idea of a sistem like that, a little too similar to Deculein in "the villans wants to live" but just the basic principles.
The grammar makes the story very pleasant to read, and i apprecciated the effort of the author to make our MC talks in a elevated language.
Finally, we are to the characters:
Nothing to say here, because it conteins spoilers, i just wanted to tell the authors that he has done a god job to make the character alive and capable of growth(mental growth).
I also wanted to take this opportunity to ask for a time skip, where our protagonist visit some easy and random dangeon, obtein skill, and all that, because i know that she will be strong when she will need it, but is always good to know that she can defend herself.