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Author's Comment: I was asked about reading my work on other sites. The answer is simple: Currently I am not active in any other networks than royalroadl.com. Only here, I correct mistakes and errors. If you read it anywhere else and have to pay for it, or have to deal with an annoying amount of advertisement, You Are Being Betrayed. You would do good if you make other people in that network aware of it. This is a free project of mine for the purpose of having fun. And if people try to make money with it you shouldn't bother visiting their website. The only one whom I actually allowed to have my work on his website is Armaell who invested the time to compile them into pdf. (http://armaell-library.net/author/andur) ———————————————————————————————
About a boy who isn’t quite normal and doesn’t see himself as a human being, but is taught differently as he finds out about the world's secrets. Though not everyone is happy about his existence. This is inteded to evolve into a full blown space opera with elements of magic thrown into it. ———————————————————————————————
The OneShot goes FullStory. Trying to go a little more SciFi and alternate reality this time. I am not entirely sure how this fiction will turn out. And I am not sure on the tags either. They may change. Bear with it. As always, how chapters turn out is up to my mood.
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I find that you’re one of the better authors on RR, and that really anything I say will have been said before in one of your other works. So I’ll just be mentioning some things that stand out and some ways I think you can improve.
First off there’s the mixing up of character names Celestial/Stella/Sariel. It’s happened in every one of your works, and it’s really immersion breaking when it does.
Second, it’s not really bad, but all of your works are really similar. Whether it be the characters, or the world around them(namely their interaction with the world). If you want to improve I’d suggest trying different character personalities, environments, morals, events, goals, and aspirations, etc. Maybe try out some other writing style you aren’t familiar with too.
Third, after reading your works I tend to notice the general vagueness in everything. Ex: Magic system, world in general, character personality, other people and so on. It’s not to the degree where it’s bad, but after reading your stories it starts to stand out because of the similarities between your works. This could be fixed by changing up your style and experimenting with other modes of writing, or changing your subject matter, or by going into detail and explaining what is necessary. It may take more chapters, but it would improve your work.
I’ll also mention that in Beyond? I felt the characters where somewhat vague. that may have to do with all the multiple POV’s or the amount of interaction we saw between the characters. Alot of interaction was implied behind the scenes, but it would still be nice to see some of it to better establish more character depth. I think that the way you write now would be perfect for the side characters in a story. They’d have depth, but not too much to make them a protagonist.
TL;DR I’d like to see more character depth through interaction, and more detail in your work in general.
Fourth, I just wanted to mention I really liked what you did with Gideon’s perspective in Chapter 3. When his Grandma was smiling at him and he saw it as she was bearing her teeth at him. That was a nice touch.
In the end, if you’re writing for fun then just keep doing what you’re doing, but if you want to improve then you need to start experimenting with your work trying out different characters, writing styles, environments ( Worlds, maybe a non-magic world?), etc. Regardless, I enjoy reading your stories and look forward to see what else you’ll write.
First of all this is another Andur's story, it mean that it's good, won't extend on this since all the comment above will explain why it's good better than me.
I enjoyed the story up to chapter 68-69ish I think, the idea was original and it got me hooked, and every chapter i readed was fun, but at some point i don't know why but i suddenly decided to jump at the end to conclude my travel in this story.
Several things made me do this, First of all was the mother of the mc, in the first chapters I hated her for what she did to her son/(experiment) like serioulsy, she don't have the right to be called a mother after what she did even in the weird logical world of the techno-mages. Then she became an annoying shadow for the mc with what we learn about her, with Gideon's personnality i expected a cold blooded execution like he did with everybody that was annoying him.
But then she grew as some sort of "final boss", unreachable, untouchable all along the story, at least up to the chapter i stopped it was still the case (2/3-3/4 of the story ?) And I was waiting for her "execution" like it was hinted it would happen by the mc and other character but it never came and I kinda grew bored since she was gaining more and more screen time showing her power and annoying-level without anything done by the mc but just "enduring".
So i skipped to the last chapter to answer the question "So what happen in the end ?" but i got quite disapointed by what i saw, won't spoil about it but it definitely wasn't what i was expecting, "Happy ending" shouldn't happen with this kind of character.
The last thing i grew bored with was the "enduring" part. To resume, 80% of the vagina population in this story is "above" the mc in any kind of relationship.
The mc is litteraly dominated by almost every woman important to the story that cross his path. I don't understand why. I'm not asking the mc to be above, i'm asking for equality. Some part almost made me punch a wall like for exemple the moment where the mc casually accepted to be under in the relationship with his wife because he got to have interesting sex... just no, this reduce the mc to a sex addict that accept everything as long as he can fuck and show his wife as a manipulating woman that lead her man by the nose using her pussy. It's just one exemple among other but each time it happen, even if 90% of the time it doesn't influence the story, i cringe really hard because to me it doesn't represent a "healthy" relationship. If only this mindset was only applied to a minority of characters it could make things interesting but here it's common sense that "women are above" (maybe a harsh way to say it because it's a very little part of the story but still, andur's stories always have womens above mens in most case).
Anyway after all this rant I can't say it's a bad story, it's really good be it for grammar, style, characters etc.. but just these 2 points made me skip to the end and quit. Hope whoever read this review will enjoy the story.
I like the story, I really was into space opera stories a few years back, and seeing one here is really nice, the magic space thing goes well together. I find the pacing a little bit jumbled, I don't know how to descripe it, it kinda jumps from arc to arc without much of a transition.
But this description is just horrible, I just saw this story again on the front Page. And I read the description and throught "mah doesn't sound that interesting" untill I realised what it was.
The description, does not deserve the name, it descripes nothing more than the first paragraph of the story, and does not create interest in the story at all. Which is sad, because I think quite a few people skiped this because the description didn't rouse their interest
- Just the usual andur story honestly. Awesome setting, misleading synopsis, awesome characters forced main relationship. Wacky relationships for comedy skits. Slightly pussy whipped MC to put him/her down a notch when they get too big headed. Not saying it's a bad story because it's actually my favorite one. Just that the lack of anything new to character development is getting annoying. Still gonna read this to the end. Though
Just from the first couple of chapters it's obvious that this is going to be as good as author's previous stories or even better. Style is great as always, grammar much better than 95% of other works on this site. Extremely hyped for future chapters !!!
My feelings on this story mirror a lot of what I feel about its author's other works. I read a ways into it, then skimmed, then skipped, ahead, and my mind didn't change: this isn't very good. There's high hopes for the scope within the description, and evidently by the author as a whole, but it never comes to fruition. The characters don't come across as interesting, and seem to be more like caricatures of actual three-dimensional beings than actual characters. The plot is... not really interesting. Interactions are distant, and stilted. The writing is technically capable, but paired with a bizarre sense of style that undermines any technical prowess.
There's a common thread across the story of this stilted, almost allochronic narrative. There's a big shift in the actual style throughtout the story but it's never quite fixed. Every interaction comes out flat, characters always seem more listless and lifeless than they probably should be. Impact is lost. The grand scope yearned for falls completely flat.
Inter-character interactions were often one-sided, and I could never care about any of the characters enough to really ask for more. There's a sense of apathy that is exuded by the writing of the protagonist, despite his characterization, that just makes following him tedious. He's a set-piece, every relationship is a set-piece. Nothing about this story was fun, and when I skipped to the end I was terminally underwhelmed by what I found. I feel like there's a lot to look back at this story for the author to consider improving in his future writings. His voice has somewhat improved, but there's a ways to climb.
I'm honestly flabbergasted that you could write so many great different stories. I'm very excited by what you can do and can't wait to see where you will take this story.^.^
Well, safe to say I came back. This is the morning after binge-reading Coeus until 730 in the morning.
Big thumbs up on the driving plot and relatable characters. I'm just amazed he wrapped up a space opera in so few chapters---especially one with the entangled plots that he thought up some drunken night.
Also---a first experience for me on RR---well-executed sex scenes and relationship writing. All combined with great character development.
This definitely deserves its place at the top.
The problem of females always dominating the MC and the MC never acting appropriate or even just in character during critical situations is a repeated flaw by the Author. Sadly all his works are like that and it's getting worse. I really wish the Author would rewrite everything just without giving his characters beta male and feminist personas. This is also why I don't think it's healthy for the young and impressinable to read any of his works.
The ideas and the general flow of the story is very good in my opinion and deserve an A+ and the thing I like the most is the early world building/exploring and the lack of pressure from outside forces.
What I hate the most about this story is of course how wimply and submissive the MC acts towards females in the later chapters. The whole plot with his mother being the wost and I would have otherwise re-read this story was it not for that.
The MC should have killed his mother the first time he got the chance. Maybe even with the kind of bitter sweet drama where he later learns about his mother's circumstances. Instead I got this unrealistic, overcomplicated bullshit, just so the MC could avoid killing his mother and everything is perfect.
One of Andur's best works.
Still here? GO READ IT!