LYNN ELLA WORLD

LYNN ELLA WORLD

by Bark Twain

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content

Armed with only his wits and a few new abilities, Jack889 accepts a quest to rescue a gnome from a hog-goblin slave network inside the prison world he’s locked up in. During this journey, he learns the real reason the Prison Conglomerate took the prison industry virtual—plus the means of escape if only he can get past the shadowy death cult that stands in the way.

~Flesh gardens 

~Space balls

~Pocket dimension outhouses

~A naked, rampaging cyclops

~Time loop bubbles

~Thumb candles

~A waterfall induced, pressure washer weapon

~Secret back door encryption codes

~A technology worshiping death cult

~A brutally sarcastic A.I.

~Aaaaaand a lot more weird stuff ...

[This is an ongoing LitRPG story that doesn't take itself too seriously. If you're not in the mood for some dumb, dark, and aggressive fun that borders on the absurd, it might not be for you. Just saying.]

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  • Pages :
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Bark Twain

Bark Twain

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idle006
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

LitRPG - but the info dumps are fun this time

Reviewed at: Chapter 8

This feels like the start of a really increadible slow burn. The hook of a prison sentance that leads to a virtual game world is really powerful. Why would that work? Financially it clearly doesn't and we know that, hell Jack knows that. It leaves a great long standing mystery to investigate while also just being exciting. This hook instantly injects real world high stakes tension while solving one of the quintessential problems any isekai-like work has to deal with: does the character want to go home? That question can be sticky because returning to the 'real world' ends a lot of the fun of the story, here there's a deadline with no real chance of return before that. Jack is locked in to the adventuring fantasy prison for 25 years, and even after that ends the real world is an interesting futuristic one with incentives and schemes we clearly don't yet understand.

I also really appreciate LES as a narrative tool, melding litrpg elements and world building with snarky dialogue is brilliant. It combines the crunchy min-max excitement with conversations that are light and fun. It's a tool that I wish more stories would consider because stat dumps and skill trees can really bog down the reading experience normally, whereas here they're fun and playful banter. I love that about Lynn Ella World, so far it makes exploring the rpg underpinnings of the world a lot more fun.

All said this is the start of something that is asks some really interesting questions with a lot of style. I can't wait to start slowly getting answers about why this world is the way it is, if those answers deliver this will be a really great piece of writing as it is it's definitely one worth watching. 

BananaRoshan
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The Duck Beat Me To It

Reviewed at: Chapter 7

Okay, forget the title. It's just me having some fun with the duck okay...
Anyways on to the story.
This is my first time review a story so bear with me.

Style 4.5/5:
It is written from a first-person perspective. It only showed what I(the reader) want to see in the story from the perspective of the character itself. So big thumbs up.

I think (my assumption) the author use the present tense because LES spoke telepathically to Jake. Another Thumbs Up.

Story 4/5:
So far I found the story enjoyable, and funny at the time. (It's all LES fault). 
The story is yet to unfold and I'm excited to see where Jake is going.

Grammar 5/5:
I have no problem with this because I'm not a grammar master. As long as I understand what is delivered to me, I've no complaints.

Characters 5/5:
LES has become my favourite character. Because of that Australian ad-lip campaign about climate change. And I read it with that voice and I found it funny. Jake is the comedian that spoke too much and thinks he's funny, but other's seems to not caught his jokes. The old lady, Granda, all I can imagine is that she has this rough voice with a mix of saliva when she talked, but who knows... Maybe it's just me.


Overall Quality 4.5/5:
I think everything has been summed up above. Maybe, I miss something, either way, I enjoyed the story and would continue to read it.

DrBuller
Overall

If there is one thing which I need to mention, it would be that the system doesnt pop out from the rest of the story.  The Bold parts are easy enough to differentiate from the normal text, but when it then switches over to mainly itaclis in long paragraphs, it just becomes more and more hard to get through it all without forgetting that it's a part of the system and not the actual story.

I have nothing against it otherwise. Excutuion is solid enough. 4.5/5

Captain Peanut Butter
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This is a fun adventure set in a VR prison. The main character, who is a bit of a wise guy, is being sent to a virtual prison for a lengthy term. The prison is not what I expected. The story obviously doesn't take itself too seriously and is filled with humor. It is a fun read so far. 

In my opinion, the first chapter is the weakest. The main character and his brother spend too long debating why there is a virtual prison. There doesn't appear to be a reason for the debate unless it comes into play later in the story. But it is not much of a hook for the reader. I think the second chapter would have been a better opener. And the reason for the virtual prison could be revealed later if it is important. 

Style: The wise-cracking (and thinking) MC Jack, is a fun character. And the virtual world A.I. seems to have a sense of humor itself. Although the swearing seems a little out of place for an AI. But this whole story is a little unconventional, which I enjoy, so perhaps it is fitting after all. 

Story: Once past the first chapter, this is a fun story with fun twists and turns. It is just getting started, but if it continues in this fashion, I will be enjoying it for a long time. 

The game elements are incorporated nicely and are humorous. Which helped me, as I am new to LitRPG. 

Grammar: Nothing to complain about here. 

Character: Jack is a bit of a wise guy. He doesn't seem too upset about his long prison term. We know very little about his background other than a vague explanation of why he was imprisoned. I imagine we will learn more about his past as the story continues. But at this point, the adventure itself is the draw. 

I am enjoying this story so far and looking forward to following Jack as he embraces his wacky virtual prison adventure. The chapters are fairly short and they make for a quick read that keeps you wanting more. 

 

PaulTB
Overall

[UPDATE] The author has changed the story summary, I think it's better now.

This is a decent story worth a try. If it bugs you when people make stupid decisions, this may not be for you. The protagonist has about half a dozen close shaves with death in the first 20 chapters. The cheerfully sarcastic AI updates his survival odds each time (although I'm not convinced it's actually doing the math). He even finally gets a little more street wise so I guess that counts for character development. I would also suggest that the author rewrite the story summary because it gives far too much of the plot away. The 'cult' stuff doesn't even turn up until chapter 20 or so but you've already been told about it. The summary says "he quickly discovers [...] the means of escape if he can only procure it." but, no, he still hasn't discovered that and it's up to chapter 21 now. Also, **** you Royal Road advanced review settings 200 words is too much.

Grammar: The odd spelling mistake and grammatical error here and there, but the author does correct them when pointed out.

Story: Fairly standard for this genre. Decently written.

Character: Not cardboard cut-out but not overly deep either.

Deadric
Overall

  It's always nice to read a 1st-person story.  It's very concise and gets the ideas across well, though it feels like the first 2 chapters (as much as I've read so far) are there to get us to the meat of the story.  I can appreciate that.

  But I also recognize that some people might want it a bit more fleshed out.  Maybe not as far a most patreon-authors do (like seriously, too much word vomit to hit word-targets/deadlines is terrible), but a good middle-ground is nice!
I'm a new author, though, so I can't really say much as I've plenty of faults of my own ^_^;

  That all said, I'll be following this one as it looks like a good story seed :)

joeluma
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great, must take a look!

Reviewed at: Chapter 14

Just stumbled across this story, and I am entirely shocked that it wasn't in the Rising Star list already. 

 

Using the ancient art of comparison, I would say this story rates five stars in all categories.

The story reality is engaging and a bit tongue in cheek already.  I can see the carefully considered framework of the thing, and it is obviously going to continue to drip modern humor while also giving me an entertaining romp in a diverting fantasy setting.  Stakes as stated are high, but the immediate goals seem vaguely achievable.

Five for story and style achieved!  

As one of Earth's many Grammar Nazis I have yet to cringe, twitch, or quietly plot the author's murder.

Five for grammar, spelling, sentence design and structure!

Characters so far have been consistent, fit the setting, entertained me and seem to be making choices according to consistent rules.  

Five stars!

I am a cheapskate, but I know plenty of folks love an attaboy.  I hope the author has a smile by the end of my review. 

More folks love money.  I guess my other goal with this review is to encourage many of you other 'philes of varying types to give this story some of your eyeball time.  And for those of you who don't have my cheeeeeeeepness, maybe drip some lucre on the author so they can buy some snackies or pay rent or whatever.

 

Anyways, back to lurking 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gabogame3
Overall

One story that can make you laugh the whole time.

Reviewed at: Chapter 12

It is a very humorous story that keeps you wanting to read what happens next. Even though there is some intense or action moments, the writing style, the vocabulary, and the characters will always make it funny.

Although the story is good, I personally think that it lacks background of the character. The very first thing that happens in the story is that our main character is known to be arrested for a crime which he doesn't think is a crime and being put into a game, yet there is no scene where it shows what he actually did or how he got caught.

The grammar might not be that wide, but there is no spelling mistakes. And the author did a very good job of word choices to make stuff funny.

The characters are pretty cool, but they lack the description of some realistic emotions. And while they talk like they're old friends, some of the characters just met each other.

Other than that, I'd say it's a 4.5 star. It's just missing some background that should be essential to most stories.

Lunar Lexomancer
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Well-balanced and unapologetic

Reviewed at: Chapter 11

Overall: An entertaining romp through a fantasy RPG with an interesting reason to exist. The characters don't pull any punches, and neither does the story's sense of humour. The tone doesn't take itself too seriously, but it's not a characature of itself, striking perfectly between silly and sombre.

Style: it's clear immediately that this is a creator's vision with zero compromise. I get the impression that this is being written right from the heart of the author, and that is something I greatly appreciate.

Grammar: the technical side of things in the writing is rough in places, but I have always considered this secondary to the quality of the actual content, and I never lost my place or got confused as to what was happening.

Story: a deep VR fantasy RPG being the setting for a technologically-advanced prison system is both hilariously cynical and an alarmingly resonant prediction of the future. The trade off is that in exchange for a more entertaining sentence, you take your life in your hands in a foreign world full of dangers, and the story never lets you forget what's at steak.

Character: Jack is an endeering goof who reminds me a bit of Eddie Dean from the Dark Tower series. I've just met Yuri, and I my first impressions are that she's very hateable and abrasive, but I get the impression that she's going to grow on the reader as the story unfolds; I sense a lot of potential for development in both of these main characters, and I look forward to seeing that potential realised.

Evra-Kaze
Overall

From the beginning, the story shows a lot of care and love that was put into it. The characters are well developed and are memorable. The story flows very well and is able to place you in the scenery. This story could have a good future if each chapter is as good as the last.