Follow Akascha as she goes from a beast of burden to a lovely (well more like a slightly belligerent) young woman!
This is a shory story (about 25.000 words) I wrote a while back in high school. Therefore, the range and depth of the story might be a bit lacking, but I wanted to share it with you anyway now that I discovered RR. Although I would love comments or constructive criticisme (as one can always learn), be aware that I have - at this point in time - no plans of rewriting this story. Thank you and I hope you enjoy!
Oh and before I forget! The first chapter is rather short, but the rest of the chapters will make up for it.
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... sorry, as intruging as it might be - i was giving it a try and wanted to look into it - what meet me was: TEXTWALL!!!
I mean, seriously, Seriously, SERIOUSlY!!! This! Is! Not! How! Its! Done!!!
You cant just make a whole chapter as blocktext without any seperation. You NEED to format this story before you put it up on ANY website, if you wish for people to read it.
There is no way you woudnt know that, right? How would you feel to read your own story, just put yourself in the mind of others and imagine someone gave you a story with that kind of formatation. Youd throw it in their face and DEMAND! that he/she spends at least a few minutes to put some break lines into it.
Sorry i coudnt give you feedback on the story, ill look into it when you did some work on it and write an update to this feedback.
While the prologue was a bit jumpy it could have developed into a decent story. Unfortunately unless at least some formatting is done I'll never know.
Even if you don't work on the grammar or flow at least break up the giant walls of text into manageable paragraphs and seperate lines when different people are talkiing.