The Dark Elto Du Yu Lin
- Traumatising content
Li Hu Die is one of the most powerful figures in the Sky Continent but due to unforeseen conflicts she ends up dying. She is then reborn into Du Yu Lin a Dark Elto, an offspring between a dark elf and a troll. In this world there exist only three known chi energies that run through each organism blue, red, and yellow. Blue and yellow can mix, however red can never mix with anyone except its own kind. Yu Lin's mother has blue chi energy run through her, and her father has red chi energy that runs through him. To meet the people that Yu Lin loved when she was Hu Die, she must overcome her physical and mental challenges. Will her body betray her, or will she overcome her challenges to survive? WARNING: Mature Content
UPDATE! Currently re-editing and re-writing! Please bear with me, chapters may be taken down!
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This is a beautiful story and gives out the most soothing feeling, one of hope and contentment with a touch of underlying bitterness. The characters are endearing, varied and complex. The world is cleverly built, and you can feel its vastness and cultural diversity when it is casually mentionned at times, avoiding heavy info-dumps (aside maybe from the initial bit about all the continents and types of chi’s).
What I love most about this story however, is how the main character was reincarnated in her own world, and in a time period (barely five years after her death) when she’ll get to interract with people she knows from her previous life, with all the complications, joys and heartaches that come with it. Not to mention that the MC wasn’t some unknown loner before she died. She was relatively famous and she had a husband, and even children, which promises some very entertaining scenes down the line.
There should definitely be more fictions like this.
Thank you, 86lenoloc.
This review is part of a review swap.
First of all I'll state that this wasn't my cup of tea. Keep this in mind, as even though I'll try to keep my review neutral parts of my subjective reactions are bound to bleed through.
Valid as of chapter 28.
I'm unfamiliar with the Chinese version of the kind of martial arts stories I grew up with, which usually are based on either a Hollywood version of Japan, or the Japanese manga/anime/LN stories themselves. So I'll simply go with what I read.
Chinese style names aplenty, as in everyone has one, no matter what race they are. Observe that race has the same meaning here as in any Tolkien-style story. Visually distinct, but sexually compatible, including offspring.
We have a short death-scene, setting up the reincarnation, followed by an equally short sequence of infanthood where we as a reader realise the dead main character has retained at least part of her memories from her previous life.
Then follow two main arcs. One with the three year old main character learning how to master her chi-flow, relearning martial arts and getting introduced to the application of magic. The seciond arc concerns her first adventure as a prisoner, still around three or four years old.
So we're talking children here, and small ones at that. Her surroundings are six or so year old children. Add parents and older relatives to the other children. They're all living in a nondescript village on one of several continents that constitite the world. Notably not the continent where she spent her previous life.
Through flashbacks we're given more and more of her background, and how her prior life ties in with the life she plans for herself this time, and how she, in her earlier incarnation, touched upon the lives of some of the secondary characters.
As for disposition we have a few early chapters combining world-building and general infodumping. It's efficient, but also boring as hell to read, but it does the job to set up the rules for the rest of the story. Which is very slow. After chapter twenty eight we've just reached the point where the hero's journey usually start. The first major disturbance is (possibly) over, but the resulting dangers seems likely to force our main character to get moving.
Now for the stars.
The story is told from a third person omniscient point of view. As a reader you'll jump from head to head without any prior warning. I personally don't care for this solution to feed the reader with all the needed information in a minimum of time. However, that dislike of TP omni is subjective.
A side-result of the head-hopping is loads of talking heads dialogue. There's just no need for having characters act out their thoughts in order for the POV to make guesses about those unstated thoughts. It also makes the dialogue rather choppy.
Dialogue tags are non-standard, sometimes making it hard to understand if it's a dialogue-tag or a character action that follows a line of dialogue. This is a problem.
Different languages are tagged differently. Bold and italics. A problem here is that italics is also used for all flashbacks. Internal monologue is represented by single quotes, which works just fine.
Due to the head-hopping there is little reason for splitting the story into chapters, and it mostly reads as a long, perpetually ongoing scene spanning several chapters.
There's almost no consistency concerning present or past tense. The story is mostly told in past tense.
All in all a perfectly OK 3.5 stars.
I like slice of life. The first main arc reads slower than the part of LotR befoew they leave the Shire, which is fine for me, but might scare some readers off.
The second arc runs as your classic spooky 'prisoner in a fantasy dungeon', complete with an evil overlord, goons and the old prisoner in the next cell. He may be a bit incorporeal, but he still counts. Monte Cristo for the win.
All in all a near perfect 4.5 stars.
I have a feeling the author isn't a native English speaker. While the grammar is perfectly servicable the story is generously sprinkled with errors that just can't be chalked down to someone falling asleep during English lessons. The large vocabulary used tells the same tale -- English as a learned but not yet mastered language.
All in all a perfectly OK 3.5 stars, including my usual half a star bonus on RRL.
I find this to be the main weakness of the story. There are archetypes aplenty, even a few stereotypes, but thankfully not many of the latter. The stern old teacher with a heart of gold, the bad friend who just needs to learn humility, the hero on a quest for vengenace, the doting parents, and for a splash of background, the jerk who became a loving husband.
They are all consequently applied, but they lack character. To a large degree the third person omniscient point of view is to blame here. As we jump from head to head the narrative voice gets its hands tied. It simply isn't allowed to catch a specific voice belonging to one character, because that would become jarring in the extreme when we're suddenly inside the head of a totally different personality.
Also, as TP omni is a quick solution for getting the reader in the know, it also makes for shortcuts which are less appealing. Because we're not imprisoned in one head for the duration of one scene, there is no need for any one character to guess what someone else is thinking -- we're given those thoughts directly. This takes away from character interaction, especially the silent ones.
All in all an OK 3 stars.
The overall score is a solid 4 stars. In the end the story is good, and I personally value story over characters.
WC's Mutual Reviews ~ As of chapter 32
Overall: 4.25/5 This is a wonderfully crafted tale with hints of serious real world concerns and issues like racism/discrimination, family, innate nature etc as well as a plot that's just vague enough to tease the reader into wanting more. The style flows well and is consistent throughout the story and there are very few moments that are jarring or detract from the overall experience. The story is well constructed and has a clear direction and one can tell that the author has a distinct purpose in mind and an end goal that they want to achieve.
Style: 4/5 The prose flows well and is consistent but I judge style to be the way in which the author presents a story so I believe the names of the characters could be used a little more effectively. Essentially, although characters are given long names, they also have shorter names that they go by. This is how most of us experience our own names in real life too. However, the author repeats the longer version of these names way too much and should consider sticking to the shorter versions for the majority of the narration (even if they use the longer form in dialogue to establish the cultural feel of the story.) The exposition in the narration sometimes suffers from a synthetic feel but is mostly done very very well and becomes emotionally moving.
Story: 4.5/5 This is the part that really works for this story. The plot is kept intentionally vague with just enough info to let the reader kinda know what's going to happen but not really. The twists are also wonderfully executed and the light dash of dramatic (and simple) irony is also delicious. You'll only get the last half star if you end it properly though :P
Grammar: 4/5 Mostly fine but could use a dedicated PR. I recommend asking your readers to PR it for you if you can. Also, fix your dialogue tags!
Characters: 4/5 (Note: I changed the 'character' portion to 'characters' because yes, side characters count) The MC is done well. Her struggles and thoughts are portrayed in depth and convincingly but the side characters need to be more fleshed out. Again, we're not that deep into the story so you can't expect much, but other than perhaps Chief Chu, the other characters' personalities are barely built up thus far (although I can tell that this will improve later on)
Conclusion: An interesting tale that leads you on and develops in a wonderful fashion. The story dances tantalizingly close to the truth but never quite gets there. The style and grammar is good enough and isn't very jarring but the author needs a PR and should fix their dialogue tags. Also, the story could benefit from some expansion of the side characters' personalities (but it seems a certain racist boy is going through some very interesting character development and I love it.) All in all, this is a story with a legitimate story and plot and an interesting style (though it does have some kinks. But also bear in mind that the author is actively improving their story every day and is very receptive to criticism so that's a big plus point!) Definitely followed, absolutely recommended and WC approved! ^-^
Review Swap - Up to Chapter 32
Overall: 4 I must say I quite enjoyed this story! It is culturally complex, tackling issues such as racism (albeit abstractly) and giving insight into other cultures’ social customs. See below for the reason I gave it four stars.
Style: 3 The style could use some work. It is written in third person, but there are a lot of POV changes that occur fairly rapidly. Some POVs last only one paragraph. This can still work, but the transitions need to be made clear. Despite this, the story was still easy to follow. I never felt lost at what was going on.
Story: 4.5 If there was a separate rating for plot and setting, I would give the setting a 5 and the plot a 4.5. The setting is absolutely beautiful. I found myself immersed in the world the author has crafted. It has a mystical aura, filled with intrigue and depth. The story starts off strong with the first six chapters. It falters slightly from there, but then it picks back up even stronger, starting with chapter 15. There are multiple flashbacks throughout the story, which I honestly enjoyed even more than the main plot line. There is a decent amount of foreshadowing, and I always felt that the plot was moving forward.
Grammar: 3.5 The grammar could use some proofreading. There were some mistakes, including quite a few incorrect verb tenses throughout the story; however, it wasn’t so bad as to kick me out of the immersive experience.
Character: 3 This is probably the part that could use the most work. Most of the characters acted roughly the same age, which would be fine, except for the fact that the ages actually ranged from three to several million. This, unfortunately, affected my enjoyment of the story, thus the reason I gave the overall story only four stars. The concept of the MC herself is interesting; however, I thought there were inconsistencies in her personality. At times, I found it hard to believe that she had been a mother. Also, some of the side characters seem to be there only to make the MC look better. The saving grace for the characters is Chief Chu. I found his character to be wonderfully fleshed out. He is kind, responsible, and mature. More stories need characters like this. I feel as though He Lan and Leng Zhuang will become very interesting characters in the future. He Lan is already heading in that direction.
Conclusion: All-in-all I would say this is a story with great potential. It is enjoyable but has a few minor issues that need to be ironed out. I would definitely recommend it, and I’m glad that I read it.
This is not the sort of story I would choose for myself, but I found myself loving it! Be prepared for a lot of exposistion in for first five chapter or so. After the initial info dump, the story has a wonderful flow and it is easy to get lost in the beautiful world 86lenoloc has created.
My favourte aspect of this work is probably the world it is set in. It is a fantastic blend of Asian culture and fantasy. I love how 86lenoloc has mixed cultural aspects that we recognise with fantsy elements that arent typical in the real world. It creates an interesting, yet easy to understand and relate to world. Overall, it is cleverly built but there is the occasional jarring piece of backstory or other information that could be more seemlessly intergrated into the scene.
Another this 86lenoloc does well in the opening chapter is getting us to relate to the characters. Almost imediatly, we are forced to care about these characters and their relationships. It is usually difficult to get the audience on board with characters so quickly, but from the first few paragaphs, we see the main character as a mother, a wife and a good person and we are invested in her. Great job!
Well worth the read, especially if you enjoy this genre.
What can I say? I enjoyed it so much that I marathoned it all in one sitting
5/5 characters, excellent grammar and style and a good story.
I was quite interested all those months back when I first read the story before it went into hiatus.
So I was pretty happy when I found that it had come back.
Unfortunately, it all went south at the end of Ark-1.
And by south, I mean the plot and the mood, not the story exactly. Even though I don't like those dark and negative stories so my interest went down as well.
What I mean is that the whole story and premise went completely dark and tragic at the end of ark-1 and continued after a 7 year gap with the character being extremely depressed and having an extremely hard time in the new "School Ark", where everything continues to go wrong for her with enemies seemingly everywhere.
I don't really enjoy such stories, where it is trouble after trouble for the mc, which usually is not a problem because I can easily avoid such stories by their description and tags, or at least after reading the first few chapter.
But with this story it starts of rather mild, sure there is the discrimination, but it's not like I dislike all hardship, the situation just gets worse and wors after ark 1.
So people looking for more light-hearted fun be warned that the tone of this story trends towards the dark.
This is part of the review swap! Sorry for the late review. I was slowly catching up.
To be honest, this type of story is not exactly my favourite, so I did stop reading at chapter 15. I'll try to keep my review as neutral as possibel tho. ;)
Well then, let's begin shall we?
Style: The author writes in a third person perspective throughout, (at least till what i have read). And the views of almost all the people are given, without leaving out a single person. It's not a huge negative, but it occasionally kills off the mystery of some of the characters. There's a lot of internal dialogue, and it's not just for one person, so there's really a lot. He thought this, she thought that, yada yada yada. Sometimes it's not exactly good, but that's rare.
Story: The story is a typical reincarnation type, where the MC gets reincarnated into the same world she was in, albeit a few years later as a half breed. It's not unique, yet the author has succeeded in steering it off in a new direction. I admit, I was quite expectant for her to head to the Sky continent and meet her old friends, and hopefully, someone figures out that she reincarnated. Until Chapter 15. The normally slow paced story suddenly switched gears, as a lot of things coincided right at that moment. It went from "Let's go and see how my family is" to "Go forth and save the world! For that is why i have brought you here!". The (supposed) antagonist is already revealed, and the connection with Yo mei is intriguing, yes. But not intriguing enough. It is interesting that she actually had a purpose, and that's why she reincarnated, but the fact that the reason was revealed was boring. and that it was, save your loved ones!(and minE) is also... bland. The author could've tried keeping it as a mystery, or a reason which will make the readers wonder what would happen.
Grammar: The overall grammar is excellent. But there are a lot of mistakes which i have noted. It's not major, but it's there. Also, in chap 15, near the end, the author forgot to type a few words, leaving the sentences grammatically and structurally incorrect.
Character:The MC reincarnated. She's an adult. Her actions are weird. Agreeable. But the odd thing is the amount of time it takes for the other characters to notice. For the first few chapters, it was said everyone thought that Yu lin was a bit different in some of her actions. And then a few chapters later, the assumed attitude is that she was always a weird, wise adult in a kids' body. That quick change seemed unnatural. One part that actually caught my attention was when Chief Chu asks Yo mei to let the MC visit his home. The MC , (a three year old) asks her parents whether she can trust him. I don't know. That's just weird. Kids don't say "Can i trust him papa/mama" and parents don't just think that it's extremely natural. They'd say "Can i play with this old man". Why do you think kids go after the nice man who offers candy?
And La Hei whatever dude is also a plain character. He just gives off the vibe "I'm a bad guy and I love Yo mei". He doesn't have any peculiar characteristics, but maybe it'll be introduced in future chapters, or so I hope.
The MC is a bit of a confusion for me. She has a know-it-all and arrogant attitude at times, but turns humble and polite at other times. I don't know whether she is arrogant, or humble. Also, I don't get why she wanted to die when she saw that Yo Mei looked like her in her past life. Was it that she was related to La hei whatever? That's a bit vague, or it might just be me. I don't get the 'pain' she goes through. She wants to die when she learns this, and forgets about her beloved and her children. Didn't she wanna see them? Also, her getting mad at the Ethereal woman was uncalled for. she was supposed to be a calm and collected character who gets mad whenever something deep in her consciousness gets disturbed(The duel with He Lan. AND THE FLASHBACK!!) She just goes into a fit of rage at the pretty lady. Rude!! :D
All in all, it is without doubt a great read. But it's specific in it's viewer community, as not everyone will like this. But the author has clearly made it into a good series, and I hope she can improve even more. All the best~
*Exits with awesome theme song*
The review is until Chapter 5.
Two things I need to get off my chest first and foremost. 1) The font size. OMG, it's doing my head in. Do make it easier for us and increase the font size. Would really appreciate it. 2) Usage of name. Everyone uses everyone's full name much to the point that its saturating the story. It made the flow a little jarring and I have to stop reading after a certain point to digest everything and the continue. (I have the same problem too, so I understand how sometimes the author tend to use the names a little over the top.)
Other than that, this is a very good story. Worthy to be in the top list, but alas readers here would prefer weird shiz for giggles or escapism.
However, a few things are needed to improve. Minimize the constant change of POV. Change the font to a bigger size, avoid using full names all the time, info dumps and expositions (a bane to all the authors, myself included) need not to fall in the first few chapters. Sprinkled it out if you need to.
All in all, the style is good but could always be better.
A typical reincarnation, xianxia and mos likely wuxia type story. I grew up with these. However, what impressed me was the atypical take, reincarnate into the same world and most likely will meet the same people but with a totally different identity now. And I like this refreshing and new take on a genre that has been populating the RRL. It's like a fresh baked bread amidst a rack full of mouldy ones.
By the way, is the marriage between troll and dark elf rare; no recorded history etc. that made purple chi special? Someone as knowledgable as MC could do better if she have the prior knowledge, right?
Other than that, keep up the good work. And please, if you want to put it as world conquering, god-slaying, universe destroying MC, please don't. And no, please avoid those cliche tropes that make us hate the xianxia/chinese cultivation genre; arrogant know-it-all MC who still barely out of her diapers. If someone was ruthless and logical enough (surprisingly lacking in all xianxia novels no matter how clever/smart they are), she would be dead before she could say 'Mama'.
A well written story with minor mistakes here and there that just show that everyone make mistakes, even the an extremely talented writer such as yoursel. Next to the perfect score of 4.5/5 (because I never give 5/5, cause there are no perfect grammar). Keep it up.
I'm one of the rare defender of side characters. Flesh out your side character more; make them believable, the struggles echoes and their pain real. NOt easy to do but do it anyway. They could come in cliche type, but then again, everyone is unique in their own way. A gold hearted calm old man used to be a serial killer who would massacre those who oppose him could make into a good story. All in all, don't make your side characters just there to be a fodder.
A well done story, but need a little more polishing and careful planning from the author. It has everything it need to be successful and more.
There are some people say it's not their cup of tea. So, what's their cup of tea then? Generic, lame, shiz for giggles, slapstick comedy, dark-gory, trendy etc. stories? Trust me that in RRL, readers are so entitled that they think we, authors owed them a living. Ignore those little voices and keep giving us your best works. The world need more writers who write from the heart rather than writing shit stories just for the trends and then abandon them when something else comes up.
And one more thing. Don't fall into the trap of another Chinese cultivation stories, alright.
Before I give the breakdown I'll pit an overall summary. It's a well written cultivation materials arts Chinese-esque story. While being an original plot and premise, after reading more than my fair share of genre on this site and others, there's nothing particularly exemplary about this one. While a good read for some one new to the genre, it would even be and excellent first read to get into the genre, but for one already well versed in cultivation novels it's just more of the same ole same ole.
Style. Well written, flows well. Does suffer a little bit to the introductory info dump.
Srory: an interesting take on the standard reincarnation series the gives the MC a unique motivation, compared to the standard revenge or power hungry motivation.
Grammar: I'm not strong in grammar myself so it's hard for me to be a strict jusge. They were no glaring issues I could point out, nothing so much as to interrupt the flow of reading.
Charector: while being fleshed out and having their unique take there are still some cliche overwritten charector here. Childhood rival turned friend. Strict teacher/loving grandfather charector. The parents of the MC themselves are prolly the charector I like most based on the fact that's it's something I havnt seen before, and its and actual unique pairing and they have their backstory plays well onto the plot as more and more is revealed.
Overall an excellent read but you may grow bored easily of you've read many of the similar novels on RRL.