The Dream Knight (LITRPG Portal Fantasy)

The Dream Knight (LITRPG Portal Fantasy)

by Jonsoon

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

Edward was transported to a world inhabited by man-eating goblins.

A goblin wizard summoned him and a hundred other random humans in order to sell their classes and eat them. Edward tries to use his rare and powerful Dream Knight class to survive, save as many people as he can, get stronger, and get vengeance. 

Will Edward escape from the goblins? Will he get strong enough to avenge those who the goblins have slaughtered like cattle?

Find out by checking out Chapter 1, giving this fiction a follow if you enjoy it, and giving it an honest rating!

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  • Grammar Score
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Jonsoon

Jonsoon

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Saphyron
Overall

The concept is super interesting but hot damn the execution is done poorly. I know its a litrpg story but there is way too much numbers in it.

It feels like i reading a combat log from a game instead of a story. It simply ruins the immersion to such a degree I don't want to read further.

If you like reading combat logs this is a great story but its simply too much.

 

example:

The wolf slashed Edward’s chest with its claws, making him wince. It bit off a chunk of skin and flesh from his shoulder, making him yell, and pushing his HP down to 90%.

But when Edward leapt at the wolf and smashed his fist against its ribs till he could hear a squeal and a crack, the wolf spun and flew till it tumbled on the grass next to the river.

That one punch dropped its HP down to 60%.

Dribbling blood on the grass, the wolf whimpered as it rolled onto its feet. Then it growled and flung itself at Edward.

Barking boomed from behind him. The rest of the pack approached. He needed to defeat the wolf in front of him quickly.

The wolf leapt at Edward. He leaned to the side to do it, but it was too fast. It slashed blazing wounds across his stomach and chomped another chunk of meat off of his thigh, drenching his left leg with blood. Edward groaned and grimaced as pain burned all over his torso and shot up his leg.

His HP dropped to 80%.

And it keep going like that all throught the chapter.

TomOBedlam
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

🎶All You Have To Do Is Dream🎶

Reviewed at: Chapter 9: Feral Fight

The title of this review is referencing an old pop song, feel free to ignore it! Now, on to the review!

I love the title of this piece, but I don't feel it matches the cover art of the story very well. The title primes me to expect something a bit more surreal, while the cover says "low-magic epic fantasy". The story itself is, so far, in between those two extremes. 

Style: The story is written in a readable style, though in some places style takes a back seat to communicating information to the reader. It's not usually to the level of full on infodumping, but the worldbuilding could be incorporated more smoothly (though it does improve as the story goes on!). 

Story: The story is fun. The LitRPG elements are solid and easy to interpret and there is a nice diversity of powers for the characters to play with. I'm looking forward to seeing what else the Dream Knight class can do. 

Grammar: Generally solid, though with a few missing words or confusing word choices. Also sometimes the characters say things they don't have a reason to say in-character in order to convey details to the reader. 

Character: The characters have clear goals, which is good. They are understandable, and the protagonist shows signs of being likeable. Occasional word choices (like characters giggling when beaten and bound in prison) undercut the character effectiveness in places, however. 

 

DrBuller
Overall

... I shouldnt have that critism since this is a LitRPG fic, but that shouldn't still save it entirely. The stat-tables and anything directly related to it are spared from judgement, but I am still a strong supporter of authors using the twos instead of 2s.

"He had 8 minutes left"?

"He had eight minutes left"!

Just rolls off the tounge so much better, But, anyway, this story is well enough for what it is trying to be. No boundaries in the genre is truly being pushed here, and that's perfectly fine with me. Quick fun.

And as a last note, I do like the colour distinction for the stat-tables. Blue truly is superior. 5/5

CookieCrumble
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The dream knight was your standard LITRPG Portal Fantasy, where our MC Edward as the blurb said, was transported to another world to have his class stolen by goblins.

The first paragraph (at least in my mind) read almost like a narration (but it wasn't), imo it'd be much better if it's rewritten like this just to give a bit of oomph:

Edward was on a skin-toasting beach, laying next to his heart-fluttering girlfriend. But then, his sight swirled. It brightened till his eyes burned.

The world went white.

Moving on, the style was fast-paced and emphasized on clarity which was suitable for its genre but honestly could use a bit more worldbuilding, at least in the term of who his Edward, what did he do before transported to another world, his age, his hobby, etc.

The story so far was normal, beside the rather unique dream-world sequence, it was your standard summoned to another world, however instead of the usual 'Hero! We need your help to defeat the demon king' stereotype we presented with people who were summoned as sacrifice. I personally was curious how the dream world and the real world layered, how the MC processed two different but concurrent information. There must be some kind of mind-altering shenanigan here.

Characters. So far they were ...fine. Chased by an army of goblin of course didn't give time for development, so the flat-feeling was of course understandable. Surprisingly Charlotte had a bit of depth to her. Her confidence-slash-class'-classism (the one that directed toward herself) was honestly surprising and gave a glimpse to how the world worked and how they obviously didn't came from the MC own world. On the other hand, Richard's range of emotion so far was a bit teetering on flanderization while the MC was  too calm and too quick on his feet (which again, could be solved by spreading some form of flashback-worldbuilding here and there, like if he often played game before, etc). The aftermath on the sewer helped a bit, but honestly, it really could use some crumbs, just few would suffice.

Grammar was fine.

In conclusion, it was a good, enjoyable read.

***

Disclaimer: This review was created as part of the swap with the reviewer story (Tales of an Unlikely Wizard) in accordance with the Royalroad Rules regarding Review Swap. Reader discretion is advised. 

Tomato In The Street
Overall

Honestly... There's not much I can say... So I'll just go with the Basic Review since what I'm going to say won't even reach 200 words 

Cover - It's well... Mediocre? Not as mediocre as mine though. But don't get me wrong, your cover is enough to reel readers in and decorating It so much will be just an eyesore but I recommend having a cover that automatically gets the reader of what you're is story trying to do.

Title - It's nice. It's direct to the point and easy to remember. Having an easy to remember title will be a great asset, so I recommend not changing that

Blurb - Your blurb is also great. It's enough to reel the reader in. But I recommend removing the "Edward is relaxing at the beach part" and just go straight at "Edward was transported into another world" since It's going to be much direct that way. But It's fine If you keep that, It's your choice.

Ability to entice the reader - When It comes to this, you're doing pretty fine. Your structure is fluid and there's not much grammar errors(If there is, I'll probably won't notice since my grammar also sucks) Your narration is also pretty descriptive and vivid, so I guess I that would entice them as well.

Overall - Keep the good work from here on out, have a good night(It's night here, right now) and god bless you!

Hi_Im_Ren
Overall

Why's everyone always strangling their tools?

Reviewed at: Chapter 7: 360 Hours of Power

Not a review swap

Ignore the title, it's a reference to the author's previous work not really relevant for this one. This is a very comfortable read, at first glance there's nothing too out of place from the genre. However, it does very nicely to quickly get us in the thick of the tension. No long-winded explanations or exposition dumps. We're immediately presented with a situation that you can easily the victory conditions and the following chapters are all about trying to escape that situation. Tension is palpable throughout. Characters are pretty solid despite having no slow character time yet only plot time. I ended up reading more than I was planning too so it succeeds there. Overall it's just a really solid Isekai I approve. Reminded me a lot of cautious hero with the alternate time-slowed world used to level up, which happens to be a personal favorite of mine. 

If I had to give one suggestion: there was a section that said "the fact that" and as a follower of Strunk I am deeply offended. I'm just kidding of course but "the fact that" is a pretty empty phrase. XD