Parallel Timeline: Time Loop Rebel

Parallel Timeline: Time Loop Rebel

by Wilberforce

Gaus finds himself in a world trapped in a time loop. His wristwatch allows him to remember what happens in the loop and also retain his skills. Arriving at Loopers Academy, the only magic school that teaches people how to become loopers, Gaus finds himself torn between a powerful necromancer who wants to use his power to stay in the loop, a second time loop, and human clones.

Do you think being trapped in one time loop is bad? Well, try being trapped in two. 

*** 

This is a rewrite of my original novel of the same name. 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 23,300
  • Average Views :
  • 457
  • Followers :
  • 193
  • Favorites :
  • 24
  • Ratings :
  • 48
  • Pages :
  • 387
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Wilberforce

Wilberforce

Achievements
400 Followers
25 Reviews
350 Comments
Word Count (14)
4th Anniversary
25,000 Views
50 Review Upvotes
Top List #1500
Advertisement
Remove
Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1: XM0000 ago
Chapter 2: The Robot Man ago
Chapter 3: Then Who's He ago
Chapter 4: Loopers Syndrome ago
Chapter 5: Hall of the Dread ago
Chapter 6: Welcome to Nascentos ago
Chapter 7: Gaus's Immortality ago
Chapter 8: The New Shift ago
Chapter 9: A New Class Rep ago
Chapter 10: Test ago
Chapter 11: Wood Clones ago
12. Past Fragment: Tyren, Gaus, and the Wood Clones ago
Chapter 13: A Natural Time Mage ago
Chapter 14: First Two Skills ago
Chapter 15: He Would Come Today ago
Chapter 16: He's in your Hands ago
Chapter 17: Two Possibilities ago
Chapter 18: Again? ago
Chapter 19: Secretly Messing with his Soul? ago
Chapter 20: Training ago
Chapter 21: Consequences ago
22. Past Fragment: Magiwatch ago
23. Past Fragment: Tyren the Alchemist ago
Chapter 24: Unauthorized Attempt ago
Chapter 25: Common Blade ago
Chapter 26: Then He is Aware of it ago
Chapter 27: Rachel ago
Chapter 28: Out of Control ago
Chapter 29: She could just be the Help he Needed ago
Chapter 30: A Proposition ago
Chapter 31: London ago
Chapter 32: Are you from the Parallel Timeline ago
Chapter 33: So He Came Differently ago
Chapter 34: You Should Give the Girl What She Wants ago
Chapter 35: Advanced Levitation ago
Chapter 36: Mana Armament ago
Chapter 37: Class ago
Chapter 38: Invite Him as Well ago
Chapter 39: First Member ago
Chapter 40: Something You Need to Know about the Loop ago
Chapter 41: Imposters ago
Chapter 42: Helloo Friend ago
Chapter 43: And So He Waited ago
Chapter 44: Enmity ago
Chapter 45: Or a Bloody One-week Loop? ago
46. Past Fragment: Arrival ago
47. Past Fragment: Arrival (2) ago
48. Past Fragment: MIA is Involved ago
49. Past Fragment: Slave Auction ago
50. Past Fragment: Again ago
51. Past Fragments: Anomalies ago

Leave a review

drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
Sort by:
ArthurScott
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I don't know what's going on and I don't care

Reviewed at: Chapter 10: Test

THIS STORY WAS INTERESTING enough to make me want to change my profile picture to Rick Sanchez from Rick & Morty. If that's not a good enough reason to read this then I don't know what is. (Recommend adding a Science Fiction tag. This is a class of science fantasy.)

This will be a quick review because I have absolutely no clue what's going on half the time. But the style saves it.

STYLE - 5/5

Now, this is what I like to see: clean, cut prose. No fancy "The moon was but an enigma" nonsense; this is Grade-A beige prose. The pacing is easy to consume. You're not waiting too long to get to the point but you're also not jumping the ship before it sinks. It has a nice balance that keeps you wanting more.

STORY - 4/5

It's a science fantasy LitRPG about a young man named Gaus, who happens to have lived the same day over and over again for the past several years without knowing it, whilst also knowing it at the same time. He, a part of a dystopian education where magic and science blend together, is an anomaly. Fast forward and we find him exploring the carefully delineated world to battle cryptids (which aren't much of cryptids in this reality). This premise is as much as I understand, and that was enough to keep me going. 

The reason I couldn't understand the rest is because it simply doesn't make sense. I applaud the author's effort at a time-based world, but it will take a lot of revision to make it all connect. With each year acting as a loop, it becomes an "anything can happen" sort of story, where there is nothing to stop the MC. There is essentially no conflict up to as far as I've read. And what I define as 'conflict' is something that threatens Gaus. Nothing. I don't see how there could. 

He can keep rewinding.

GRAMMAR - 5/5

Am I being too generous here? Maybe. But because of how well-edited most of the work is, I won't bog down on trivial errors. Most of the time you'll find clean sentences. 

Most issues are found in the dialogue actually, believe it or not. And that surprised me. Usually, the prose holds all the typos. 

The main issue the author has is that they don't have a firm grasp of the dialogue rules quite yet. For example, they use descriptors as dialogue tags, and sometimes tags as descriptors. There's an occasional weird-sounding sentence, that's about it. 

Again, most of it is very good. No need to mark them down here. 

CHARACTERS - 5/5

Gaus, man, I love you. I've never met myself in a story until I met Gaus. He's hard-carrying this narrative for the most part, although we have yet to see much three-dimensionality come from him. It's still quite early so I don't have the right to offer a full character analysis. In a nutshell, he's a goofball with more talent than he should probably deserve. And I love that so, so much.

The other characters are sparse in . . . well, character. We have some people that go by numbers, some of which are robots, and hierarchal leaders. The dystopia is essentially full of these few traits, which makes Gaus stand out all the more. On a high note, they each sound different from one another! Especially the robots; they sound impassive, like robots. Duh. 

This all collaborates to encapture Gaus as a MC, making his features stand out. Very good indeed. 

OVERALL - 4.5/5

I would 100% give this 5 marks had all the extra information in the story been clearer. It's not that the writing is bad, it's that it's laid out in a peculiar format that leaves your mind jumping a whole lot. It seems to be one of those scenarios where the author understands the story so well that they might have gone haywire somewhere around chapter three. But, if you're here for the action of a LitRPG, I definitely recommend it. It has a pretty nifty concept, too.

NOTE TO AUTHOR: Please, do work at making the piece read a bit more clearly. This seems like the sort of story that could make it to Trending easily if done correctly. 

SoftRain
Overall

It's never tomorrow in the Cult of Time Loopers

Reviewed at: Chapter 11: Wood Clones

The main character, Gaus, gets roped into a sort of illegal-ish pyramid scheme time loop cult where one day repeats itself over and over so people can grind their skills. Except Gaus is already looping while outside of the Loopers Academy, something unheard of. So for now he's figuring things out, taking advantage of the academy to learn skills without them finding out he can loop outside.

The story can be a bit confusing at the beginning, but reading more gives you more information so you can piece together how things work. It can feel a bit awkward at times because the main character knows more than we do (at least for now), which is different from most LitRPGs, since he's spent time learning and investigating stuff before the story starts. But he doesn't know everything so it's a fun balance between learning with the character and learning about him.

The grammar is really good. It's not perfect, as some sentences can read a bit weird, but even these are readable (and I'm rather picky with grammar).

There's not a lot of chapters so far, so that's mostly it. I'm looking forward to reading more!

BridgerCampbellCannon
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Style: the style of this story is generally serviceable. I didn't feel that anything was especially rushed or too slow, so the pacing was good for my particular tastes. I also prefer the third person perspective, so the story gets higher marks from me for that reason. 

Grammar: this is the section that earned the lowest marks. The grammar is quite rough in many places, and the sentence structures are often awkwardly-worded. It wasn't bad, but it was enough to disrupt my immersion within the story.

Story: the story, in my opinion, has great potential as a sci-fi endeavor. It follows the main protagonist who is stuck inside of a time loop. This usually holds a lot of interest for lovers of sci-fi, and the author (as of chapter 5) seems to have a solid grasp on how to manage something with such a small margin for error. I really commend him on his willingness to write anything involving time, because it can be a really tricky endeavor. I find the concept fascinating, but I would never attempt it myself. This time-loop plotline works in conjunction with an academy that teaches students how to become "time loopers." Though this is not technically a LitRPG, the protagonist, Gaus, possesses many abilities which are charted into the System-like data boxes. Combining the LitRPG elements with the guild-like approach to the academy will certainly satisfy any lovers of sci-fi and LitRPG out there. 

Character: the main character, as of chapter 5, is still sort of ambiguous to me, though I imagine my opinion would change with more context. Right now, he just verges on the edge of the stereotypical "hyper-powered, extremely talented" main character with dazzling abilities. This can verge on unrealistic, but I do not know where the author plans to take this, so I'm going to reserve judgment for now. Given that I've only read five chapters, I don't want to downvote anything prematurely. One thing I really love is the referral of the students by their numeric/level name. It really gives the impression that they have been dehumanized and relegated into insignificance by a higher power. This, combined with the mystery and importance given to "The Master," creates a nice contras and reinforces an obvious hierarchy.

Overall, I think this story has excellent potential as a sci-fi endeavor, but the grammar was a little too jarring to keep me fully immersed. This is a very simple fix, though, so I believe the author can patch that up in no time. I am always impressed by anyone who attempts to work with time because it can be so complex. Keep up the great work!

CookieCrumble
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A Thousand Stuff I Need to Know Now

Reviewed at: Chapter 10: Test

I love timeloop stories for ...reason. Yes, 'reason'. So the premise already a big plus for me. But what hook me more is the twist that the MC is also:

A time looper that could initiate a loop while everyone else has to wait!

What a twist.

Moving on, the style and the story itself was ...wow. Admittedly I got confused at ch.2 due to the wrong background assumption of what LA was (I thought it mean Los Angeles). But after pushing through it a bit, it turned out that the MC was simply an unreliable narrator (or so used to his world that he didn't bat an eye when the weird thing happening around him).

Anyway, the world was expansive. It explored multi-dimensionality and magic academy (and the loop somehow accounted for all of that?). Also the mysteries, who was the master? His classmate? His teacher? His 'nemesis'. Like there this one thousand burning question that I need to know, and I need to know them now.

For characterization, the side characters were fount of wits. No dry, filler repartee when I read their dialogue. It seamless, funny, and show their personality very well. I particularly fond for Ariwen. She just, lol. However, a bit contrasting was the MC. When the side characters were colors and glitters of polyphonic rainbows, the MC was, well, need some works. Unless of course 'dead inside' was what the author aimed for (wink, wink).  

No comment about grammar except for missing closing quotation mark ("") on earlier chapter.

In conclusion: click that read now button, you!

***

Disclaimer: This review was created as part of the swap with the reviewer story (Tales of an Unlikely Wizard) in accordance with the Royalroad Rules regarding Review Swap. Reader discretion is advised.

 

Bezalel
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Magitech subgenre mixed with looping loop time loops, weird robots (I'm looking at you XM0033), and your everyday magic and LitRPG; all mixed perfectly into one confusing yet very interesting salad of a story.

Style:

Let's get this first out of the way. The writing style of the author is solid with fundamentals. He balances narrative with exposition and ties them all together with the dialogue which was used primarily as world background exposition in the first few chapters. In short, the style is great. The author doesn't info dump. He only leaves short clues in the dialogues and exposition for the readers to latch unto. With that though, came the downside of getting pulled into the middle of the story without knowing anything of the world. Given that the author never shoves the info into your face, we are pushed into this already action-packed roller-coaster of a story right off the bat without any knowledge of the world. The first chapter was confusing because of that, but maybe I just needed to read between the lines (which I'm really bad at).

Story:

This is where the story shines. The author really knows how to create an interesting world. The worldbuilding, the plot, the hook- it's something I'd never think of in my entire writing career. The way he combines robots with fantasy and tied them all together into a coherent LitRPG? The author's creativity really shows here, and tied to that with his prose, there's something to be had here.

Grammar:

Pretty self-explanatory. No errors so far from what I've read. The sentences structures and format is exceptional.

Character:

The characters really shine in the setting the author placed them into. They seem full of personality and never conform to a role just for the sake of it (I might need to take notes). I like the protagonist's inner monologue and voice, it really captures his character and how he views the world around him. He's not perfect of course, as characters should be. He makes decisions that I wouldn't agree with, but that's what makes him a great character.

Entitled Infracaninophile
Overall

Gosh! This story is fantastic! A totally different take on time loops, its complexity up to 11, a thriller like mistery story, with loops within loops, and a whole bunch of competing loopers, competing groups of people in the know, and one special watch that changes everything... 

Do yourself a favor and read it, you'll enjoy it! It's an absolute recommendation. 

DrBuller
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I am still not entirely sure what is going on

Reviewed at: Chapter 5: Hall of the Dread

And at this point, I am too scared to actually ask. Just... what the ever-living hecking tap-dancing, frick-fracking plot is this? And, much more importantly, why hasn't anybody done this before? Erased after so little time, just what the heck is that supposed to be.

Anyway, This is meant to be an actual review, and I'll do my best fulfilling that requirement now.

Style:

Style is without question the easiest thing to talk about here. Wouldnt even need more than six words, actually. It is pretty much standard stuff. Through the power of actually understanding why pacing is important, knowing the mystic arts of editng after writing, and the ritual of checking through sentence structures, the author has successfully written something that an English teacher would be happy about. Those curtains are bright pink and the rating is 5/5 for this one.

Story:

Here's where it gets a tad harder to talk about. This is a time-loop story.  That much was obvious early on during the whole talk about it. However... what the final goal, how the MC thinks he is gonna get here, and where that 'there' actually is located is still within the unknown. Or maybe I'm just a bit dummy that doesn't understand subtext. Whatever. It just seems like there's some context at times that I'm supposed to have already read previously. Maybe the author didn't put in some details intentionally? I'll leave that point up for discussion. 4.5/5 because my pride has been wounded s/

Grammar:

Grammar is without question a strong part of this story. As I mentioned during the style score, the author actually knows how to open a dictionary every few weeks. With the help of that hefty book, they have successfully stopped obvious grammar mistakes. 5/5 for that.

Characthers:

Okay... this one is still hard for me. When I heard Gaus, I couldn't help but that of the guy from Merlin, which has utterly ruined my mental image of the guy. I really don't think he looks like a limping seventy years old, but that's how I personally see him.

While I might not have agreed with all his decisions during my time reading, I can safely say that he seems good enough to be in the most important role of the story. For that, he deserves a 5/5.

I would say what the overall score is, but I think we both know how to read it.

Acusiont
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Time Loop Not Far Enough For Title

Reviewed at: Chapter 5: Hall of the Dread

Parallel Timeline: Time Loop Rebel is about a guy stuck in time loops. While a basic premise, the story is anything but, and I had a difficult time finding anything critical to say about it.

Story:

Overall, it can get a little confusing due to the nature of time that we’re familiar with. It keeps moving forward, and if you don’t pay attention, it’ll pass you by. Not so much here. I think the author’s choice of starting in the middle of the MC’s time loops, rather than the start, is a bold, but interesting, choice. Bold, because it can be confusing for the reader at first to get up to speed. However, after a chapter or two, I felt like I had a pretty solid grasp on what was going on, timeline-wise.

It will be interesting to see how big of a role (beyond being something of a game mechanic) time becomes as the story progresses.

Style:

I will say that the style of the story for the most part was good. The author’s word choice was good. The story continuously moving forward, even during parts with lots of dialogue. It balanced internal narration with exposition well, and I never felt like I was forcing myself to continue reading; instead, I wanted to continue reading. There were no words that were really overused, at least none that stuck out as I was reading, which is a good thing.

The biggest thing I will say is that a couple times, the POV switched midchapter. Generally, I’m not a big fan of that just because it can be slightly jarring, and it was no exception here. It only happened twice so far in the five chapters that I read as of this review, so I don’t know if that continues. It wasn’t a huge issue, but it did make me slow down a little just to make sure I was following it (It is marked when the POV changes, which helps; I just wasn’t expecting it at first and didn’t realize that’s what it was for).

There are also some things that are given to the reader that aren’t explained, but they aren’t lingered on long enough for much confusion to arise (for instance, the MC being called a pacifist. At first, I thought this literally meant pacifist, but now I don’t think so, though I could be wrong).

Characters:

Gotta say, I really like the MC. Loved the sarcasm and sass that he has, especially in the internal monologues. I could definitely relate to what he said and thought, which is a plus for me.

It will be interesting to see where some of the side characters go and how important they end up being. Not a lot of detail for the side ones yet, but, being only five chapters in, it’s not something I would expect.

Grammar:

Again, hard to find something bad to say here. Sentences are structured well, and I never felt like there were any that were just dragging on and on. Once or twice there was a poor choice of words (“…show us some demonstration” vs “…show us a demonstration”), but not nearly enough to detract from the story.

 

Overall, a good story that I will come back to see how it pans out. So far, definitely one of the best webnovels/serials/whatever you want to call it I've read.

Inslayer
Overall

Interesting but confusing at the same time

Reviewed at: Chapter 14: First Two Skills

Without much preamble, this is a time-traveling-loop story. In addition to that, some humans have special abilities tied to a watch from birth(?). Our main character has the ability to travel back in time for a short period traveling as well as a few other stuff tied to it with various other interesting advantages and disadvantages.  

Overall the story is fun and interesting.

However, the good stuff end there. Parts of the story are confusing, information is delivered and you don't know if you're supposed to already know this, or not. Information about  some things is presented as obvious knowledge even though we haven't been introduced to it.

For example, watches, pacifists and blazers. Never explained, yet the terminology and items are presented as if it was common knowledge. 

To add to this, there are sentences which don't make any sense grammatically/logically. 

Now, did I enjoy reading this novel? Absolutely, and I will be following its story because is that interesting. Is it without faults, however? No. 

eric_river
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

I've never read a book like this, it's pretty much unique
it has an interesting system if that’s what you seek
the premise is based on a time loop and a mystery
though the plots a little fuzzy, it seems fun to me

The style is quite mysterious, and moves along quite fast
if you like a puzzle then this tale should be a blast
the grammar needs some work but doesn't distract from the plot
the personalities of characters shine through a lot

The story is the thing that pulls this whole thing together
the premise might sound simple but it is a head scratcher
as the mystery unwinds, the world opens up too
the story and premise alone will probably hook you

It’s like a clever combination of a few cool plots
Groundhog day with dungeon crawling, and some fun robots
it’s like a buffet of sci-fi fantasy cliches
but it innovates on them on quite creative ways

It isn’t perfect, but it is a hidden, uncut gem
the characters grow deeper the more you get to know them
I rate this high for its potential, it could go quite far
one day I am sure that it will earn that final star