- Traumatising content
During one usual evening, a boy was born.
As if feeling it, ancient griffon opened his eyes from slumber.
The skies trembled under the visions of the fire and blood.
A beat appeared inside an egg.
It was the prince who will restore the Empire.
The fate drums have rung. The war and change were coming!
Participant of Royal Road writathon
What to expect from the novel:
-Genius and careful MC
-Detailed worldbuilding, serving to introduce the reader to the fantasy world
-Some elements from the eastern cultivation genre
-A steadfast focus on MC's story and his actions in his attempts to get stronger and unlock his memory.
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- Style Score
- Story Score
- Grammar Score
- Character Score
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Long title but it sums up my most prolific thought about this fiction. One thing the author needs to work on extensively is the formatting of the story. It was very annoying to get through and I really needed to mention that. Word-choice might also need some changes to make it use a few more common words. While variety in words is great, making them obscure for the sake of being obscure kinda ruins the point.
That's all I could remember. 4/5 from me.
As the title says, this story is largely a slice of life set in a fantasy world that is explained quite literally through dialogue––almost entirely. That is how I would sum up this story. While I can see some readers enjoying this, I'll be upfront and say this kind of story structure and progression is not my cup of tea. But, I can see the writer's keen desire for his craft and willingness to improve. By many respects, this is not a bad story nor written in any terribly cumbersome way, but it's definitely a specific taste. A score of 3 is meant to be average, and I do not go by RR standards where ratings are inflated.
Firstly, Story. The progression in this story is very slow. It takes 14 chapters before any real conflict is introduced. Instead, the story follows the birth to youth progression of a young boy destined to be a hero. I would have little qualms with this premise, except, every chapter is about his training. Every chapter. And it's told largely through dialogue from his elders, mainly his teacher of whom he is a disciple. The world-building itself has some unique points which I appreciate. But, it's done in a telling manner rather than showing. The only showing part is when he discovers the griffon egg. And then after that, the whole history of griffons and the Empire and the royalty is told through dialogue. So, until chapter 14, the only conflict was that of the past and not the present. Thus, the story lacks any pretense of tension. Now, if Nero's character and those around him were particularly delivered in a compelling and meaningful manner, I would be open to reading through his everyday training, but unfortunately, this is not the case.
Character-wise, all of the characters lack any true characterization that is defining or intriguing. Nero shows little to no personality of his own except that which is shaped by his elder's teachings. His very reactions and mannerisms take on an almost automatic air where he is not acting based on thought or feeling, but just reactive moments. He gets angry not because he truly feels aggrieved, but because it's something he ought to be upset about. His reactions are sterotypical and largely expected. Nothing surprises me. Nero isn't taking what he learns and forming his own opinions and judgements; instead, it's being thrust upon him, and he merely accepts it without any debate. So, I hope now that conflict has been introduced in chapter 14, he can get off this crutch of following his teachers and mother.
That said, I do recognize he is a child. So, I understand how a child is influenced by his elders. But Nero lacks the mischieveness of a child, the impetuous one might expect. He is too obedient, too perfect of a son and pupil/disciple of Gustav. And it's because of this that he lacks any definitive qualities to his character and personality.
As for the other characters, they are somewhat more characterized in terms of having a more obvious and natural personality, but even then, their roles are too straightforward. Gustav is a teacher, and Tiona is his mother. That's it. Their personalities outside of those roles? Basically non-existent.
And thus, there is no driving force to this story, neither the plot nor the characters development. The only development being done is introduction of more world building details through every chapter, but the plot does not progress, and the characters do not develop nor grow except literally in age.
Unfortunantely, I see this case occuring often in stories that begin from the birth and childhood of the MC. Unless something major happens in the MC's youth, whether that's the changing dynamic of a relationship, or some trauma or conflict, I see little point in writing chapters about a MC's childhood. Slice of life can be enjoyable, but in this story, all it is training, so it easily becomes repetitive. The world building could easily be delivered when Nero actually uses what he learned, and this would make it become showing rather than telling. Additionally, it would give him a chance to demonstrate his train of thinking and judgement in various situations. So, I can see the potential of this story's premise, but the execution falls flat.
Regarding Style, the writing reads very consistently and somewhat awkwardly due to Grammar issues. Despite being receptive to editing feedback, the author would benefit greatly from learning the foundations of why the edits were suggested so that future writing would not repeat these mistakes. For example, saying 1st and 1 year-old rather than writing "first" and "one." Although minor, adhering to proper storytelling and fiction writing is key to smooth and immersive reading. Other points include a lack of "the" before some pronouns and nouns and general unconventional sentence structure and phrasing. For the most part, the writing content is clear, but it's sometimes written in filler-like ways by drawing out details too long. And lastly, the dialogue and training progression are reminiscent of eastern style fantasy.
Overall, this story is a little rough around the edges and struggles to engage the reader through any single aspect. The world building drives the story, but it is not done in a compelling manner. And plot progression and tension along with character development are missing. The writing is understandable but not smooth.
Additionally, I suggest revising the story blurb. Besides knowing that it's about an egg and boy destined for greatness with a dash of something about a locked memory, it lacks introduction of a conflict, just like the story. Something about his past and historical connection to griffons and the Empire and royalty could be added. Also, if the training progression is retained, then including this in the blurb will better relay an appropriate view of what the story's like. But I do strongly suggest a reworking and condensing of the training and Nero's childhood to only the essentials before letting him out into the world for the reader to follow his experiences and development as he utilizes his skills. Readers do not need to be taught along with Nero. Rather, readers should experience along with Nero. That is the crucial element necessary to make storytelling dynamic.
This story is admirable in what it seeks to achieve, and it has plenty of potential to grow into something great. But as it stands, it lacks a unique or compelling point that differentiates itself from the rest. Best of luck to the author, and keep up the great work! An open attitude as you seem to demonstrate from your replies to comments will benefit you immensely in the long run. So, continue grinding and improving your craft.
Spoilers, since it's hard to talk about this at length without spoilers.
I'm not without self-awareness: I'm sure that many, upon seeing my reviews, skip the overly long paragraphs and winding sentences, roll their eyes and loudly sigh at the Althussers, Uenos, and Derridas. However, in my defense, I try to tackle every story honestly. That means, despite all of the strange rambling, I am trying to grapple with the story based on what I think it's giving me with the tools I have at my disposal.
Griffon's Fury is a bit of a limit case. I'm not sure if I have any interesting to say about it, not necessarily because it's not interesting, but because I'm not sure if I have it figured out. The story concerns Nero, a boy gifted with prodigal ability and living a comfortable life in quaint rurality. However, after awakening a mysterious black egg, he is thrust into a completely different set of circumstances almost entirely against his will.
Nero, it turns out, is not only a scion of any lineage but THE lineage, a byproduct of an exceedingly capable military father and an equally capable warrior mother, whose destiny is intertwined with visions of revenge and rulership. He is the son of a dynasty, a byzantine political machination where his desire to regain what little control he has over the events of his losses are at odds with the distanced, haughty desires of his brethren, who (accordingly to the unreliable narration of one Gustav), see the transfer of power as simply "the game," of sorts.
Griffon's Fury is painstakingly orthodox in its application of a Campbellian narrative: though Nero is hardly a fresh-faced farmboy, he does carry the trappings of normalcy. He makes good friends, dances small-town jigs, pines and opines on women (of sorts, though they seem to opine him more). He's an everyman. However, in the small moments, away from eyes, he'd also slip away for training. All of these are part and parcel of the Campbellian narrative: the one who finds themselves and their true purpose after some dramatic shift in their life. The village is burned, and by moving out, he moves out of the cave.
Yet while world_wanderer slavishly sticks to this structure, he shapes it with a painstakingly clear vision: so much of the initial story focuses on the mountain village: the festivals, the training, the girls, everything. It hammers in with such force the neverending roteness and remoteness of the mountain village. The political machinations of empires and kingdoms are far-off, yonder stories spoken at campfire tales. However, it's revealed that such stories are not merely stories, but forces. They're still there.
In this sense, the story is reminiscent of Bakhtin's concept of chronotope, where it crafts a particular image of spacetime. To Bakhtin, the dull everydayness of the space reflects the dull everydayness of time. To him, roads are a means by which characters progress internally, and salons are spaces that situate peoples as others bustle by, only to be witnessed through the panes. Like his strict adherence to a Campbellian structure, world_wanderer is strict to a Bakhtinian sense of spacetime; breaks in character are exemplified in breaks in space, the descent into the cave to find the Griffon's egg is sold as, quite literally, a nadir ("lowest point"), only to be shattered as the shell shatters. Nero, after the tragic death of his mother, must live with his grandfather, and in this situation, he is quite literally whisked away on the back of a flying lizard.
In many ways, this story's structure is clear. However, at the same time, it is bogged down by a lot of technical concerns. None of these, I want to note, makes the story unreadable.
Griffon's Fury has a tendency to stick to patterns: chapters tend to start with the weather (Chapter 2 and 4), tend to emphasize the purple (a frequent code for royalty, due to its scarcity), and characters tend to say the same things ("Doggone it!"). This isn't necessarily a bad thing: consistency, even staid consistency, can be useful in setting up a particular kind of mood and energy in a world. Certain quips, terms, and turns of phrases can help settle in a world-vibe.
Here, I think it's a little rough. Griffon's Fury doesn't really expand or explain these consistencies: I think the sunniness of a day can give us a little more insight into the inner mood of the characters (like how a gloomy, rainy day can reflect a character's unspoken somberness), though I'm not sure to what extent here. In chapter 2, the sun reflects the idyllic nature of the mountain village, but in chapter 4 the sunny weather belies an ominous undertone as Gustav warns Tiona of Nero's lineage bubbling to the surface.
In fact, the mountain village, despite the swaying moods, constantly shows clear skies: Chapter 5 begins with a starry night, likely unencumbered by night clouds. This story is filled with discussions about the weather, and it's clear world_wanderer is setting a particular kind of mood, sort of like a pillow verse, a cutaway lingering on some minute detail to give pause before it returns to the meat of the story. As it picks up, as those idyllic days turn halcyonic, the pillow verses slowly disappear.
I'm not a fan of the Royalroad review structure, so I'll break down my thoughts here as clearly as I can.
At this moment, there isn't too much revealed about the broader world other than the story told to us by Gustav. While we know about the kingdom, the story of the General and the princess, of the political struggle, these aren't really experienced. In other words, these events are only told to us, and we haven't yet been able to grapple with their consequences beyond the small, personal vendettas that have cropped up. We don't know how accurate or reflective Gustav's story is, we don't know his clear motivations, and we don't whether the monsters in this political apparatus are truly monsters. Yes, we have characters sneer "slut" and threaten sexual violence, but is everyone on "the other side" truly like that? And if not, to what extent?
Style and Grammar:
I have to combine these two because the style and grammar have similar challenges. There aren't many technical issues: the words are spelled correctly, the apostrophes are there, the t's are crossed and i's are dotted. It's all there. However, on another level, the writing style makes some decisions that sometimes make for an awkward read.
World_wanderer is going for a certain voice: it's relatively clear, not too flowery, but tugs at a sort of simulacrum fantastical feel. In this sense, it's what Umberto Eco might deride as a hyperreal traveller, one who's imagination purports being set down to something concrete, but in reality is an object of its own. It's hard to pin it down. However, at times, it veers away and breaks convention, using quips which come off as somewhat out-of-place in the fantasy vibe it's constructed:
"Depends from which angle you want to look. If you were a mage, I would say that it was okay, but if you want to become a knight and use your inner energy, then it's super bad."
Given that this came from the gruff and wizened Gustav, 'super bad' comes off as a little awkward and breaks the illusion the prose sets out. There's already a pattern of Gustav speaking to him directly, stating you, you, you - why not end it with another you:
"Depends from which angle you want to look. If you were a mage, I would that it was okay, but if you want to become a knight and use your inner energy, then all you'll do is fail."
It doesn't even have to be like that. Sometimes a harrumph or a curt "No," can work, since it begs the characters to find out more, to pout in frustration or come to their own conclusions.
The style break can also drastically shift the way in which the writer's voice is heard. In a pitched battle between Robert and Gustav, the story describes Gustav's glacier spell like so:
"Even though Robert once again dealt with most of the spell, some of his people ended up wounded or killed because the spell was just too strong and area orientated. He just couldn't deal with it himself."
Here, the writing conflates fantasy with formality, and I'm not sure if that's the direction world_wanderer wanted. Though I don't harp on the passive voice as often as many of my fellow writers, I think a more active voice in action scenes adds heft to their moves. For example, if we follow the route of the glacier, it can be rewritten as:
Robert shook what he could, ward up and tense, but the remains still maimed and killed an unlucky few. Its might was too great and its arc too wide for one man to block.
Maybe you don't think this is a better entry, and I understand. However, at the very least, I think it demonstrates that how you describe the events can shift the energy of the events it portrays. Here, "because the spell was just too strong and area orientated," feels more like commentary than narration, and I'm not sure if the author is going for that.
At the moment, because it leans so heavily on its backstory, there isn't much right now on how the characters round out. Nero, unsurprisingly, has the most development, though much of his character is kickstarted by the sudden and brutal attack in the later chapters. Until then, he lives a relatively naive life, and while he has a clear set ideological positions (no doubt handed down to him by Gustav and his mother), it's largely talk.
On the subject of ideology, Griffon's Fury does something interesting, which is that most of the characters largely wear their beliefs on their sleeves. Thus, character development occurs, somewhat appropriately to the theme, via clear lineages: Nero doesn't learn his own position in the world contradistinct from his trainer or his mother, but rather because of them:
"My dear, if that band was truly strong, the elder would have been busy trying to save himself. Remember, weaklings can't decide their fate. Any strong knight or mage can kill them at any moment."
Here, Tiona's martial mentality seeps through, that even though she's presented as a calm and collected mother, her utterances are that of a war-hawk. The strong live and decide, the weak suffer and die. That is her truth, because she's a warrior, and that's all there is to it. In this sense, while there is a performative evil in Griffon's Fury (as emphasized by Robert's insistent misogyny), it is characters like Tiona and Gustav who speak some hidden dark ideas in some strikingly calm manners:
"Look there,' said Gustav, turning and pointing at the village below. 'What do you see?'
'A village,' said the boy, while Gustav only nodded.
'That's a village of mortals. There are almost no knights or mages there. Those people are weak, and they are lucky they survived before I moved here. If not for my appearance, monsters, bandits, beasts would have long ago destroyed them.'"
The village here is not a new world to start anew, but a slight reprieve. Though Tiona speaks of wanting to give Nero a chance at a normal life, it's all spoken as if it's temporary. And here is the fundamental conceit of Griffon's Fury and its "good" characters - they don't see themselves as trying to enact a good upon the world, but as wolves among flocks of sheep, equally corralling and preying upon them, needing to draw from the weak when convenient, but ultimately deciding the boundaries of these relationships.
His mother’s warm arms embraced him as soon as Tiona saw Nero and he felt how his fear and cold left him with each passing moment. He once again felt that he was protected and wasn’t alone. Gustav also released a relieved sigh as he moved his glance through his disciple’s body finding no wounds or injuries. The boy was fine and such a sudden and potentially dangerous adventure might help him in his future training. Some trial is always good for growing talents.
Title is just a little joke.
Griffon's Fury! is a fantasy story that features a young boy who is different from the other kids (after all, if he wasn't, we wouldn't really have a story). It's rich in lore and worldbuilding, but it can sometimes stumble over itself in the author's attempt to get the information out there.
Overall, the style of the story just needs some refinement. The author's writing can get redundant and repetitive at times, and it could do with just an extra read through or two before posting just to make sure everything flows well.
Sometimes, the writing is rather dialogue heavy, which begins to turn into more of infodumps than I personally care for. It's not that it's bad writing, just that it can be hard to see the relevance to the story at these times.
Some things are described in detail, while others not so much. For instance, when telling a story, one of the characters goes into great detail about it, but when it comes to the training of the MC, it feels like more of an afterthought.
There are also times where dialogue is broken up as if a new person is speaking, but it's actually the same person. This makes it a little hard to follow sometimes and requires another quick read through to make sure you follow who's speaking when.
People also sigh a lot, so be prepared for lots of sighing.
The story seems interesting, though, at this point, I don't really have a clear view of where it's going to go. It's not a big enough issue to take too many stars off. It definitely has that slice of life feel to it, which is a plus if you enjoy those kinds of stories but not so much if you don't.
Definitely the biggest issue with the story, but the author is very receptive to feedback! When I first found it, it was hard to read due to every sentence getting its own line and just a whole jumble of formatting errors. The author took the feedback given to them and made changes to the writing to help everything flow together.
There are still issues where words may be missing or the wrong word is chosen for a situation, but the author is working on fixing those.
Not a whole lot of character development yet, but nothing bad to say either. They're likeable enough, which is a plus.
Overall, not a bad story. Definitely worth a read, especially after the author works out all the grammar/formatting errors.
The grammar isn't really very good, there are words that aren't in the correct tense. There were also some words switching up places in paragraphs making it a bit confusing to read. And there were also words that were missing suffixes. Some phrases just didn't really flow well enough that it was bothersome, reading them made it feel awkward, word choice and saying the paragraphs aloud is your best friend in fixing this kind of mistake. I think you can definitely improve on these things with a bit of practice.
The style, well, I like the length of your story and think that it's good enough as is. But like the other reviewers, I kind of have to nitpick at your choice to just explain everything by dialogue, there definitely is better ways to world build than just using plain dialogue, you can set up events and foreshadow some future happenings that is important to the plot to aid in your world building. There's also the choice of using Nero as a catalyst, get him into trouble and explain things that way, be creative! There's a lot of possible ways to fix the dialogue-dependent world building of your story, and I think you're very much capable of that. Also, I don't know if it's just me but the walls of text aren't very good, both for the readers and the whole feel of your story. It's fine to write long paragraphs, but the story was literally just starting in Chapter 2, and there was already a sizable wall of world building, it feels a bit infodump-y and not in a good way.
I don't really have much to say about the characters, I don't dislike them, but they're a bit bland. There's not much uniqueness or character to them that would make me go "Oh! Super unique, love it, love their quirks." and I think making people think or say some sort of variation of that phrase is very important when shaping a character. Else, they'll just be boring and tasteless.
That's really about it, I love the story and the plot, it's just that upping your writing a notch and getting your hands really deep into the mud of creativity will most definitely fix a lot of the problems of this book. I know you're capable of fixing it, so, please do. It's a wonderful story but the dialogue-heaviness, the bland characters, and the weird flow of paragraphs, are kind of ruining the experience.
Reviewed at chapter 10:
Overall: We did have to force ourselves to read through it, but this doesn't mean the author should feel bad. It just means they need to keep pushing to improve, which is what they're showing they can do. That's a lot more than what can be said for a lot of people on this site. With that said, we can't score on what could be. We can only score on what is. At a later date if the author improves to a point where they have a solid enough grasp on English, then we'll be happy to come back and give it another look through and change the scores.
Style: This is the weakest aspect. The dialogue is split up even if it's the same person talking, there's a lot of repetitive words in dialogue like 'son,' it jumps around to different times and places with no connection to each other two to three times a chapter, which makes it hard to read through without whiplash, and the general flow from paragraph to paragraph just isn't there sadly. This is the biggest reason it was a tough read as well.
Grammar: NOTE: We are aware that the author is a non-native english speaker. As such, we scored it how well we thought it was from a non-native writer. It's not the best, but we've certainly seen worse.
Story: We absolutely love slice of life, and that's the reason it's scored as high as it is, but for most of the first 10 chapters it was a training montage without the time skips. If you're going to do a training montage, then you either need to speed through it, or make it really interesting. The way you make them interesting is either have deep character moments involved, or have their training serve a purpose other than just getting stronger. This story doesn't have either of them sadly. The plot with his father and kingdom could be good, but it takes so long to get there that we're worried people will drop it before they even get to that part just with how much they need to go through.
Characters: This is your usual 'chosen MC' trope. Other people already touched on Nero needing a deeper personality, but it feels like Nero should have at least been emotionally a seven year old. Instead, he acts like an adult and it kills what could be a really good contrast between really smart but emotionally still developing. At the same time, it brings up the question of why are we even going through when he's a kid when he's basically an adult. When you start at the top, then there's absolutely no room to grow. That's what's wrong with OP main characters at the start.
Collins sorta just came out of nowhere and they're suddenly friends.
Gustav is pretty alright, so is his Mom, but we think they're held back by the author not being a native writer. That isn't meant as a slight against the author. It's just how it is. We'd love to see where they are when the author improves.
As a final note to the author: Please don't let this get you down. We've all had rough feedback, but it's how you handle it that makes you a better author. Along with that, we're not going to lie to you and give you a better score than we think it deserves, because lying to you like that will undermine your improvement and hurt you far more than a lower score will.
We wish you the absolute best, and you should never stop improving in your craft.
Read up to chp 5.
This story is about a young heir developing his skills from birth to the peak(?). Well, it has a unique feeling with humans who can live a thousand years by unlocking their inner energy. You can expect all the initial fantasy stuff like training and lessons.
Story: it's still too early and Nero hasn't achieved much yet, but there are hints at the main conflict. There are some stories told by Gustav - the mentor - which are good. Somehow I get the feeling they are related to the main plot. There's one about a princess who wants to kill her father and brother. She seduce the most powerful person in the kingdom with the promise of love. Then she used that love as a weapon to destroy the kingdom and ascend the throne. Urgh. I want to see her burn.
Characters: Gustav and Tiona sounds like the caring parents. Nero is young and there isn't much development yet. I still feel like I can relate with him in the first 10k words.
Style: not much to say here. It's straightforward and understandable. There's room for much improvement.
Grammar: missing commas, some a bit difficult to read but nothing serious. It's completely readable but the author can improve on it.
Overall this is a good beginning of a possible revenge story. I will recommend it especially if you like politics in your books.
I have a couple things to say about this novel, and I've come out of it with mixed opinions. But I think one thing I say is the most mixed is this:
Griffons Fury is a slow book.
That scentence might be small, but I'll say that in four chapters, I learnt what I could have in one or two. Obviously, it's the writers style, and I can't fault them for it. I like slow books, in fact, my book, Semi-Powerful Underling, has multiple chapters intended to be slow, character building, filler.
Slow books are great, and Griffons Fury has the potential to be that.
Although, in it's current state, I cannot recomend it yet. Not to anyone unwilling to support this writer and read the whole thing, which I would have attempted, if this wasn't for a review swap.
The author asked me to be critical, so critical I will be, so let me help you, the (perhaps potential) reader, and world_wanderer, the author, understand why I find this to be not to my tastes, and why it's the bad kind of slow.
Style: My favorite part first, the style of the book wasn't anything to write home about, but I did like the pacing of the scenes quite a lot, more than I can state here in a review. I won't go indepth with everything, but the author has a very good sense of flow and how people go through actions. While there has been literally no combat besides training (at chapter 4), I feel it will have good pacing as well.
Only issue here is the multiple spacing mistakes, and the way the writer puts periods like this:
Every time they make a transition. Pisses me off sooooo much on a personal level.
Grammar: My biggest issue beyond the slowness (which I'll get to), is the grammar. Now, some may say it's unfair to fault them, and I am unsure English is the writer's first language, but I believe that is the tell that the grammar is bad. I am reading an English book, and (for a lack of better words and at risk of sounding entitled) I expect perfect English. I understand this is Royal Road though, and it can't be perfect all the time, but I will still point it out.
I've stated edit suggestions in the comments, but one thing that hurt the most was when the author put '1st' instead of 'First'. That triggered me a little.
Story: The story... well, uh, it has a story. It's your basic progression story. Boy trains to fight something or other. Expect that we don't know what he's gonna fight and if this was supposed to be a hook, it didn't work... He's destined, but like him, we are never told what the hell he's distined for besides heroism. Boring, bland, generic.
What I did like though, was one of the mechanics of the world I found pretty unique. It's a spoiler though imo.
Humans are meek people, but they all have a power inside them that unlocks through rigorous training, extending their life, and granting them access to godlike martial combat and magical abilties. They are titled Knights and Mages, and when I first heard that without context, I thought they were normal Knights and Mages, but I think it's interesting anyway.
Other than that, there actually really much substance here to chew on. I feel it's missing a lot of anything that will hold my (admittedly small) attention span.
Character: Slow books often have deep, compelling characters. Their speed allows for readers to attatch and learn more about them through what is called by me as 'good filler'. Good filler, unlike the stuff you find in most animes, is filler that actively works on expanding the characters, slowing down the pace with a bit of lighthearted antics, or simply giving the reader time to breathe between major events.
There is usually some way you can work time to your favor to achieve goals as a writer. Like when your characters need to reflect on the major story beat they overcame together, you can write about the time they spent walking away from it, discussing their feelings (in a natural way of course).
Griffons Fury fails on using any of this time meaningfully at all. Between chapters are timeskips of MULTIPLE YEARS, and yet, the pace is slow, the character interactions are predictable, and all the characters (I know like a total of two names of major characters, which should mean more development) are bland, in my opinion.
I will spoiler this part, but it honestly doesn't need it.
Nero is a boy destined to be a hero, he is headstrong and apperently is a genius, yet fails to understand simple concepts like stamina. He trains a lot because he wants to be strong. Uh, yeah... that's it. There's a bunch of minor stuff like his eye color, and the fact he kinda likes his mom, but he suffers hard from Main Character Syndrome (or MCS for short). I skipped ahead (for review purpouses) to find his Mother also died, along with his Father a long time ago in a war. Sigh...
He's trained by Gustav, and his unnamed, faceless, carbon copy mother.
Gustav is actually decent, but he fills every box in the checklist of RPG mentor, you could tell me this is a Legend of Zelda fan story, and I wouldn't be surprised. He smokes, and tells stories to kids under his massive ass tree, trains Nero, and is like 600 years old. He's probably (no, definitely) a knight or a mage. He's also made Nero do steroids? This is brought up in one scetence and never adressed again.
Overall, they have chemistry, I guess? But I don't see them as flawed, compelling, or anything beyond generic RPG characters. You had four chapters to make me interested, and I believe they were wasted.
If I were to say anything good about the characters, is that they aren't annoying, and they kind of have a nice vibe going on. I am a sucker for storytellers, and so, the character who does that has a pass with me, since the stories he told actually were the most interesting part.
In Conclusion (tl;dr): Griffon's Fury held my interest and slowly let me go until is was unbearable. I see potential in the writer, but, they, again, asked me to be critical, and this is my thoughts about it. It was slow, didn't develop it's characters with that time, nor did it develop its word all that much. And no matter how good it gets later, new readers will inevitably have a similar experience to mine and drop the book quickly and without question, chosing to read many of the other easier to swallow fictions with better beginnings.
My advice to the writer is to stop development for any new chapters and completely revise the first four chapters at the very least. What they said, and what they showed me, could have been done faster, and in a different time frame. Speed them up, make the characters personality shine, and have fun with it. If you don't enjoy doing something like writing, stop. You will only dive deeper into the abyss, and your work will only become further stained until you finally quit to never come back.
I have my critisism, and it is to attempt to help a writer imporve, if you with similar constructive thoughts as a new reader, I advise you contact me. And if you think similarly about this book, and are considering a review, please do so, as it helps writers like world_wanderer imporve, and helps Royal Road.
Thanks for reading.
I'm not particularly familiar with the cultivation genre, but I can tell that this story utilizes its elements. From what I've read, they usually feature a long story where the protagonist slowly gains immense power; I can feel the beginning of that in this book. Overall, if the author intends to have Griffon's Fury run for a long time, it has tremendous potential. You don't want to burn too fast for a long-running series, and the childhood arc would feel great in the long run.
Story: So far, it's about a genius kid growing up and growing stronger. It starts very slice of life, which I don't think is terrible, but it does make it hard to judge the story. For now, I'll leave it at four stars because, in a slice of life, the characters are the story.
Grammar: I'm giving this 4.5 stars because nothing stood out to me as wrong; at the very least, it's not distracting to the reader. As with all things, I think it can be improved even more with editing.
Style: I think the style is, for the most part, solid, but I think some areas can be improved. For one, line breaks aren't used and instead replaced with three lines of periods. I think the paragraph size can also be adjusted a bit as others have mentioned they're often short. Another issue is dialogue being broken up at weird places; others have mentioned this as well, so I won't cover this too much.
Characters: I think the characters have a good start, and there's a lot of room for them to grow in the future, so we'll see how they develop. I do wish they had a bit more spice; one thing that threw me off was in c2
"He is still a small child. I won't let him learn martial arts or magic," said Tiona with an iron in her voice.
Then in chapter three, we are struck with
"Remember son, strong rule this world. You either fight or eventually replace this deer when someone stronger comes to you,"
It gave some dissonance with her character, which of course, can be good in some cases, but I'm not sure this is one of them.
That being said, I think it could get five stars with some editing and careful thinking about what the characters should convey. It's really close just needs a little bit more details.
This is an amazing, well written story. Everything about the world that the author creates is brought to life through vivid imagery and excellent storytelling. If you like classic fantasy novels than this is a must read, follow, and favorite.
Story – This is where the author excels. He has painted a detailed fantasy world with details and depth without falling into block of exposition. The world simply feels real and alive thanks to the writing and characters. The setup created in the beginning chapters really gets you invested in seeing the grand adventure that awaits.
Character – Another great point of the story. All the characters feel alive, with their own motivations, histories, and desires. They are not the two-dimensional tropes that many authors use as shorthand, but feel like real people.
Style – the style of the writing is set in a modern third person that allows you to see more of the other characters besides the hero of the story. While many authors that use this style have problems showing emotional depth in their characters, this author uses excellent ‘show don’t tell’ style of events that still allow you to get emotionally attached the characters.
Grammar – No major mistakes. Nothing that distracts from the story.