Asturian Warbringer - A LitRPG on Earth

Asturian Warbringer - A LitRPG on Earth

by Asturian Author

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Currently releasing 5 chapters a week


Humankind was kidnapped and forced to fight for their survival in the Sentinel Tower—and they won.

Their victory brought them a return to the past, before the tower came, and a memory wipe. They would live their lives none the wiser of all the struggles they had gone through. For Asturian Warbringer, oblivion was a welcome release from all the suffering he had gone through over multiple lives to save them all.

The tower wouldn't allow him to forget everything though. Keeping his memories was a spoil for the true victor, and the tower wouldn't be denied. Fortunately, he managed a compromise: he would forget all his personal experiences, and only impersonal information about the tower and its system would be sent back to his younger self.

That should be the end of it, but forces beyond his understanding had other ideas.

The Demonic Horde had plans for Earth.

The Sentinel Tower had plans against the demons.

In the day he should've been kidnapped by the tower, 16-year-old Luke Kells woke up with alien memories about a tower bigger than any world, with a system that shouldn't exist on Earth, and with a citizenship that let him learn more about the Sentinel System than his alternate future self ever had.

Finding himself in the middle of a war, he must do his best to grow strong fast enough to protect the ones he loves.

For the Horde is coming.


Cover image: As the fire fades, only embers remain by TheFearMaster (CC BY-NC-ND 3.0)

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Asturian Author

Asturian Author

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tkalius
Overall

I would have rated this far lower, but i'm here to give feedback and not tank your rating.

The story has a lot of problems, to the point I dont care to write them all, but i want to point out one specific thing that i felt was the worst.

The MC is trash, and you went WAY too hard in making him seem pathetic with the bullying.

You went so hard, not only did it make it not believable he could even become the person you had just established, you permanently tainted the reader's respect for the MC. It comes off as childish wish fulfillment, not some sort of zero to hero. Not only that, but the hero to zero to hero trope is usually only used in the trashiest of Chinese and Japanese novels, which means you're telling the reader that's the quality you're going for.

Specifically, chapter 6 made me want to drop the novel. It was really, really stupid.

Anyvrush
Overall

This is my subjective opinion

Reviewed at: 17. A Moment of Respite

Note: its important for me to state that even though this is a review, it will have personal biases. I'm not looking for pity, and i'm not trying to insult your opinion. If you want anything other than civilized discussion about books, please don't.

I would like to start off by saying that this is both a decently written and interesting book. Its not a masterpeice but i think most people who like the genre will enjoy it alot. Its a litRPG/soulslike/highschool drama.

The book follows Luke, a severely depressed, bullied high school boy. He attends an unamed high end high school through a scolarship. The twist is that he is also the "Asturian warbringer", the one person who managed to appease the sentinel tower and save humanity, reborn. With the knowledge of an ancient undefeatable being and the experience of a 16 year old, luke has to figure out how his sudden gain of a status window and superhuman knowledge will change his life.

 

 

In my opinion, what this story does "right" is:     

-an interesting start.                                             

-Few to no grammatical errors.                         

-A decently well thought out magic/mana system.                                                                         

-It has kept my intrest even throughout the 'boring' sections and that to me means its doing something right.                                       

 -It clearly shows luke's care for his family and how important some things are to him, without it, i doubt i would be very emotinally invested in anything at all.

 

 

What the story does "wrong" is:                       

 -The amount of bullying jackson can get away with is ridicoulus, even taking into account his "powerfull family"(The author has however stated that the reason for this will be revealed so keep that in mind).             

-Alot of the book is very "black and white" the differences between luke and the outside world are simply put too large.             

-The akira family is apperently on the level of a small government? It feels like a kind of lazy way of giving the MC the tools he need to grow instead of given them to him organically like through a school gym or a lucky space of mana/no mana or whatever.   

-it doesn't seem at all connected too the sentinel tower or the asturian.                           

-Asturian literally says that sakura and luke will never meet and because of that deletes his memory of her. Yet very few chapters in we are introduced to her.

-luke seems to be jumping back and forth between severely depressed and normal and i find it unnatural.

-it is approaching weeb levels of japaneese highschool drama, and while i'm completely fine with people enjoying that stuff it'll definetely push me away from the story.

 

 

I would like to again state that this is a biased review so keep that in mind. Also if you're reading this Asturian, if you do end up doing a rewrite. Personally i would prefer if you toned it down a little, its kind of jumping between extreems(extreem wealth, extreem cruelty, etc). Espesially the amount of power the akira family has. I do really like the story, sp keep up the good work!!

Ps: Exuse any grammatical errors, i'm writing this on a phone at elleven at night, and english is not my first language.

 

skankhunt42
Overall

The story is about an MC who goes back in time, and there are hints about much bigger things at play. But after some 15 chapters, what we get is an MC who is being bullied in high school and some weird family dynamics between MC and the uber rich and mysterious female lead.

The characters are so one dimensional, the first "high-school/bullying" arc so boring, I don't know if it will ever get better.

chakfor
Overall

I left a fairly harsh review earlier and the story didn't really warrant it.

 

I stand by my statements that the characters are one-dimensional and that the MC is spineless. However, note that the grammar is very good and I haven't read past the school arc. I had to quit there because this story wasn't my cup of tea. I'd encourage you to give it a try if the author's synopsis seems good to you. You might find it enjoyable.

3463g3464456747h
Overall

For people who like Emo and self-pitying

Reviewed at: 23. Wakey, Wakey

I was thinking what to write in review during reading 23 chapters. Slowly creating whole paragraphs about what i think is good and what is bad. But in the end decided not to post whole analysis, Story just started, it would not be ok to Author to analyse story when we are still in basically start of 1st arc. Story didnt even picked up good.

So without getting deeper into analysis Im going to just simply list all my thoughts is short sentences:

Things I find little lacking:

- Descriptions of emotions of MC. He feels Emo + Masochist. It almost feels like his whole character can be described as "Im beeing bullied. Oh poor me oh poor me." I cant find other emotions of MC. He is soo deep into suffering that his character feels one-dimensional.

- Wish fulfilment. MC: most powerful, prettiest girlfriend, she not only is pretty, very smart but also great at martial arts AND she takes care of MC like mother AND loves him back. Like ... things like that dont happen in reality...

Things I like:

- Introducing mana to world,

- cultivating mana

- using this knowledge to protect humanity from demons and from humans themselves

- high pace of releases, TY Author!

 

Writing is good. Little too emo for my taste. But gonna stick and see how it grows. 4.5/5

 

 

 

Gawd Dayum
Overall

World building and overall writing quality is good. Very good. Side characters and heroine seem like people. MC is useless. I just can't see the wuss he was being able to survive 5 mins in the tower. Even in a safe zone he would have just been prey to about any other human there. His nature would have just kept him on the first level giving handys to anyone else there just to survive. His body was so abused from being poor that he would probably died before even the fattys if he did get the courage to try going to the next level.

I keep reading Even tho the mc is annoying because of the promise the rest of the novel shows.

krageon
Overall

The beginning is a bit hammy, but has nice worldbuilding. Then the frankly outlandish bullying starts. I'm willing to suspend some disbelief for the sake of story, so I powered through it into what looked like a training arc before the real conflict. Instead, we get a return to bullying with what can only be described as a cartoonishly evil adversary.

That could be passage, but the MC is also traumatised (given the circumstances, I can see why). This ends up expressing itself in complete passivity and willingness to cooperate with basically any amount of abuse. The synopsis doesn't speak of this, even though it is at the forefront of many of the character interactions in the story. I would say it is a core aspect of it.

If you can stretch your disbelief significantly further than I can, there might be something good here. The world building isn't terrible and it has a subverted system type deal, which is a nice twist.

eric_river
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Asturian Warbringer's Song (Updated)

Reviewed at: 17. A Moment of Respite

LitRPG, weak-to-strong, regressor, system, gold
if you like those tags, you’ll like the story being told
the author’s still improving but the quality is good
as of chapter eight, the plot is quite well understood

The style is past tense third person, with system messages
the blue box info is a clear as any blue box is
it’s densely packed with exposition on the hero’s thoughts
some novels skip over that, but this story has lots

The story starts off epic, then regresses to the past
In school the plot get's shaky, and it doesn't move too fast
he deals with bullies, meets a girl, and levels up in time
the bullying get's old*, it starts to feel more like a crime

The author's great for now being native English speaking
no mistakes have broke immersion, and it's improving
if anything, I’d trim the exposition down a bit
but it’s all written well enough that I’m okay with it

The characters are introduced in good time and good speed
supporting cast is fleshed out well, and so is the male lead
they might be cliche at times, but they are described well
they make sense within the tale the author strives to tell

In conclusion, this will please the lovers of this style
the memory loss trope makes more sense after a short while
the author is still polishing it up, but bear in mind
this is still as nice a read as many you can find

3KBytes
Overall

Cant stand the MC anymore

Reviewed at: 23. Wakey, Wakey

So, the premise of the story is really good. We start with our MC being bullied and I can stand that, what I can't stand is how the author portrays everything related to the bullying. Chapter 19 was just horrible, nothing made sense in it and then we have the policemen and well....I don't know anymore because I dropped it,  it was waaaaaaay too forced of a situation , and Sakura's family being influential as they are are pretty worthless compared to some wannabe wuxia young lord.

The author mentioned showing others POV and I believe it would answer some questions, but even then, a lot of the interactions seems way too unrealistic. Why is Sakura helping him and his grandfather in the first place? Why the he'll did he confess something he didn't do? 

And something that I didn't like is that the story doesn't feel like it's going anywhere, sure, he trains yet in every part of the story he suffers setbacks.

Overall, grammar is good, style also feels smooth but I couldn't stand the story or the characters.

John Fellows
Overall

doesnt make sense for setting

Reviewed at: 23. Wakey, Wakey

Reads like a chinese novel with the corruption and fuerdai stuff, completely unrealistic in the US. The bullying doesn't make a lot of sense and is INSANE; no congresspersons son gets away scott free with stabbing people at his school, and the henchmen being football players is moronic.

 

Why is the enemy a piddly high school kid, for that matter? Should move beyond that fairly quickly and go on forward but the character seems to be recurring. Plus the MC is completely worthless. Tsundere japanese waifu who loves him, arranged marriage- what is all this?