Armoured World

Armoured World

by Aniket-111

600 years into the future, there are only 5 countries ruling over the world. They are not the countries that we know now, but totally new countries, dictated by 5 different rulthless men and women. Guns and missiles have gone extinct, but people now wear advanced suits, capable to break down a building in one blow.

Brian Smith, a man preparing to be a soldier and who loves his motherland, wants to achieve Peace for his country. This is his story of how he achieves his dream. 

P.S. Thanks Asviloka for the cover art. 

I will definitely finish this story one day. I think I need to improve for now. Really sorry. 

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  • Pages :
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Author
Aniket-111

Aniket-111

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I Am Taking Off (V)
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75 Comments
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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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Megaevils
Overall

Very Green, but Interesting Premise

Reviewed at: Ch-10 - Dream and Prove

The general idea's and where the author wants to take the story are interesting. I get some Avatar vibes with the whole 5 nations thing. A very new writer who is discovering his own.

So taking that into consideration I'll give my critique,

I found the story hard to follow. The pacing is extremely fast. The scene's jump from one to another with very little transition. The world is sparsely described and is painted with a broad, vague brush. I found myself seeing the same words up to 3-4 times in the span of a few sentences, almost felt like a word count was trying to be hit. 

Lastly, I would suggest for Aniket to use either OpenOffice or maybe Google doc's to write in as it would greatly help in grammar and punctuation. (plus they are free)

There is definitely improvement in the later chapters and Aniket-111 is good at taking feedback and responding to the comments so there is a great potential for growth.

DrBuller
Overall

To be fully honest, I can't say I enjoyed reading this one that much. There is missing capitalization of words, a general sentence structure that I can't agree with, conversations put up in a way that I really don't find realistic, and a general feeling of it all being made out of cardboard.

... Damn. That sounded harsher than I intended it to be. Sorry about that. But, this story has some flaws to it, parts that need to be edited. This is a draft, and that should be expected, so you can't really fault the guy for having this. Good try. 4/5 from me.