- Sexual Content
- Traumatising content
Through no fault of her own, a girl becomes a demon, losing the memories of her past life. Treated as a monster, she becomes Public Enemy #1, and is accused of attacking a town. How will she survive when she wants nothing more than to live a normal life?
Chapters Mon/Wed/Fri before 11pm CST
Cover by me
Content warnings are there for creative freedom, not that they all apply to every chapter.
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I personally counted four paragraphs in a row that was started with "The girl." I might have missed a five repeater earlier on, but I wasn't paying attention to it at that point. If I had to describe this shortcoming in more clear words, the author simply has trouble referring to the MC in a more varied way. I would suggest also trying to put the focus more on the world around "The girl," rather than just tell us more and more of her actions and what she is thinking about. It would certainly help with the immersion if the reader was more easily able to visualize the surroundings.
I would also say something about the tensing, but that would border on extreme bias. Therefore, I'll leave the final comments as an okay Grammar, good enough characters, and a plot that has a decent start. 4.5/5
PS. Also needed to mention that this fiction has the perfect amount of French in it.
A fascinating story with a fun cast of characters and a clear, easy-to-follow structure. While the tenses can get a little messy sometimes and the modifiers could use a bit of cleaning up, this story moves so smoothly that you'll forget all that as you follow this sweet demon girl through her adventure!
The conflict builds with just enough speed to let you get situated in the world before things for the amnesiac main character start to go south, but there's a mystery there, too--hints that the MC is more than just a girl who lost her memory and somehow ended up a demon. That said, as the story goes on, we get to learn more and about how a demon’s powers work and what they are, which is really fun! The mystery of why humanity hates demons and thinks they’re entirely evil gets more and more intriguing with every chapter!
The friendship the MC encounters and the conflict of demonic morality will keep you reading quickly through this enchanting story that I suspect will grow darker and even more intense with time! You can tell the author really loves the story, and that passion really shines through in the plot and characterization, which I think are the best parts of this work! I definitely recommend it!
HM, WOW. That's all I have to say. This is a story that'll make it high on the Trending list in no time.
I went into this book with the idea that it wouldn't grip me, and that was, believe it or not, based on the blurb. So isn't it shocking that I came out of it not just enjoying the material but also seeing it as one of the best ideas on the platform? It's the story version of Brutal Legend, a fantastic video game that, if the author hasn't experienced it already, could learn a lot from.
If you're looking for something to devote a lot of your time to, this is the book for you. It reminds me of those short novels you'd pick up from the school library expecting them to be boring but realise, somewhere down the line, that they were the best things you've ever read. For me, the famous Goosebumps series comes to mind, where R.L. Stine takes a step back and remembers what it was like to be a kid. Here, something similar, something magical, and something nostalgic happens: the prose sucks you in. (Ignore that typo)
Many authors go down the rabbit-hole of trying to sound overly intelligent, trying to develop such a unique voice, when all they had to, really, was awaken their inner child. And if there's anything I've taken from reading this book, it's that simple, clear writing always wins.
Nonetheless, there is a lot to applaud in this work, even if it is rough in some places. Several areas could be improved, there is no dispute about that.
A highly accessible book, no matter what genre you're interested in.
STYLE - 5/5
This is where the juice is, this is the essence of the story. Something about the way the words go together, the way they give you a clear depiction of the scenes, holds a place in my heart.
The language is varied and healthy, explosive with thought, and yet so easy to understand. Considering the overall density of the plot, I didn't expect this. The refreshing nature of the prose will suck you in seamlessly, making you forget that you're reading a story at all.
And you know what, I'd go so far as to say it's the best style on Royal Road I've ever seen. Other people are going to look at this review and be lost, because well, it's basic. Yes, it is. And that's what makes it so great. I can't tell you how many times I've picked up a book with all these experienced authors throwing everything down the toilet for the sake of standing out, and all they do is end up looking the same. Authors such as Neil Gaiman: clear, concise, one of my favourites. Stephen King: thought-provoking, but the ideas come at you one by one, step by step, as if you'd never read a book before. J.K. Rowling. Shall I proceed? Dan Brown, Linwood Barclay, Karen Rose, Darren Shan; they all have one thing in common—clarity.
So, if you want a story where you can count on the author to explain things to you easily, then this is for you. If you're a fan of the more complex prose, this isn't up your alley.
My only criticism would be the lack of dialogue tags in areas that most certainly need them. I don't mind if the speakers alternate and don't have tags, but adding mannerisms and such will help us see the conversations better.
GRAMMAR - 4/5
There are a lot of typos, tense shifts, incorrect punctuation (particularly with semi-colons), and run-on sentences. I've tried my best to point out all the large ones, but there are probably more in there that I missed. However, they didn't jar me because I understood what was going on, almost lost in the narrative.
As for examples:
Dialogue tags are being misused, as well as action tags and thoughts.
"Hi." he said (wrong)
"Hi," he said. (correct)
Overall, I feel the prose could be refined mechanically so that the grammar better fits the style, allowing for even more clarity and fewer bumps in the road. It's of course in its early stages, even if the idea is fleshed out. I don't expect everything to be perfect right away, nor do I believe all the errors to remain. With editing and help from the community, this category will easily reach a 5/5.
STORY - 5/5
A girl, Lunella, finds herself trapped within the body of a demoness in a world where there is a clear divide between demons and civilisation. The tension grows quickly, beginning with a hunt, proceeding to an expedition, trying to hide from the world that some mysterious force cast her into. And, while I'm not going to spoil anything, the plot thickens mere pages into the work, keeping you on your toes constantly.
There are so many complex details hidden in the simple writing that you'll want to find out more, and more, and more. It's like an addiction. A high-octane addiction.
CHARACTERS - 4/5
WE NEED MORE MANNERISMS! For Lunella, all is well and good. For Amara, not so much. I want little habits that the characters develop over time to manifest on the page. And I want them shown, not told.
Domak has this; a clear speech pattern different from most (perhaps stereotypical of a blacksmith) and body language that exudes trust. Or maybe this is a well-written trick, who knows?
Whatever the case, mannerisms. Mannerisms. Mannerisms. That's the upshot of this section. The characters are starving!
OVERALL - 5/5
At the end of the day, the story is what decides the overall rating. You can have a well-written work with a terrible plot, and to me, that may as well be an overall unsatisfactory work. Here, we have (A) a good story (B) good conflict (C) solid, clear writing, and (D) a unique voice of the author. I am thankful for this because after reading, I felt like a kid again.
I recommend this story to anyone anywhere!
Overall, brilliant characters, and a suspenseful story. Some work can be done on the style and grammar, but the faults in those areas are only minor and barely hindered my enjoyment of the story.
Style: This prose is sparse, fast paced, and utilizes a lot of telling. This leads to a story that progresses quickly and is thus perfect for webnovels. However, as someone who isn't super experienced with webnovels and is more accustomed to more traditional style of novel the prose isn't perfect for me.
Despite the story being truly captivating, I fail to get immersed or picture what's going on in the story due to the lack of description and the use of weak verbs.
Due to the lack of sentence variety there's also a lack of rhythm and flow in the prose.
However, it is, again, a matter of personal preference. From what I've seen this is pretty normal in the webnovel sphere. So if you're familiar with that style, then you'll like this, if not, then that might be an issue.
Story: This is a brilliantly fast paced character-driven narrative that at one hand feels like a wholesome slice of life, but on the other hand feels like a suspenseful thriller. The premise of an innocent girl getting trapped inside the body of a demon, who then has to try and survive in a society that hates and fears demons has been executed perfectly thus-far, and there are lots of ominous and intriguing hints as to how that idea will later on develop.
Grammar: This is an early draft so I wasn't suprised to see there were quite a few grammar mistakes. Once they're fixed I'll make sure to increase the score. But for now, I think it makes sense to leave it like this.
Character score: The character writing in this story is far above the average that we recieve on this website. They're not just friendless and min-maxing monster farming AI; they're human beings who have human motivations, friendships, families, opposing worldviews, and dynamic beliefs/personalities. The characters we follow in this story, Lunella and Amara, are both incredibly sympathetic and have a great friendship that I was immediately emotionally invested in.
I'm only in the first few chapters and this has bring tears to my eyes I can't wait to see what happens next. It's a truly beautiful story. The pacing and polt is amazing. Little to none grammar errors not that you would notice them. The characters are simple but well thought out with lots of room for growth. A huge point in this story is facing the truth of things, and questioning common sense. I hope this gains more publicity; I'm happy I stumbled upon it.
A very cute and fun story so far that has plenty of interesting themes. Excited where it goes from here.
The writing's tenses can be a little distracting at times, and some of the wording could be clearer.
On the positives the character writing is very enjoyable and distinctive. The worldbuilding is also very interesting and compelling, especially with how it affects how the characters view the world and their developments.
Looking forward to more.