- Sexual Content
Soul dragged into another world?
Dead, ancient temple with nobody around?
Only bones composing a giant skeleton body with an unexpected mental makeover?
Follow the basic rule of thumb: stay calm, assess the situation, find the solution.
It is time to get out, understand what is going on and preferably regain the tastebuds!
Oh, and it seems that Earth is not as quiet and ordinary as it seemed to be.
Lore (characters etc data) can be found HERE.
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So, onto the review!
One minus point: the author went with the bland 'undead-unique-sense-of-calmness-ability'. It seriously is an asspull and only serves the author to enable him in not refelcting the emotions and conflicts one should feel in such a situation. Truly a shame, with your ability as an author you could have done so easily.
The style is superb, easy to read and enrapturing. Another small minus point: you should tone it down with the scientific terms and extravaganza of nordish folklore and whatnot. Although I am not someone that shies away from googling some terms it will most likely infuriate your average readership. Tread carefully!
Story-wise.... I can't really tell at this point but it seems to be going good. Many things still left in the dark; much suspense, such magic, wow.
Grammar: Perfect. I haven't found a single mistake and this is what prompts five stars. Great job author!
Character: Like with the story there is still space to explore. The character is likeable at least, maybe not the most endearing or relatable but whatever.
The story is still very good and right now we are situated at a major plot furthering point. The white haired elf has awoken; Hurray! And author, if you read this please send me a PM and tell me when you will continue this fiction. In less than an hour or so I figuratively devoured your story; oh yeah, maybe increase the length of each chapter?
I started this story feeling interested and curious about the mysterious world our MC found himself in. As he met our lovely Eala I wondered what new world and adventure our heroes would find.
Imagine my disappointment when they head back to boring earth and the story quality drops off a cliffface. Eala gone and our protagonist dicks around doing nothing interesting. Why even introduce a character and make us like her, then throw them away like hot garbage?
1 Star for turning a good story with endless possibilities into a Buffy the vampire slayer AU.
Someone who actually knows his fighting! You got me with the first list of weapons in the prolouge. And the Zornhau. Then by not overextending on the initial strike with the poleaxe.
The story itself is still in its initial stages, but the tone you set is engaging, the available information hinting at a properly built world that has the full potential to be both unique and interesting. So you got the full five stars from me, just do fulfill the implied promise inherent in the chapters available so far (21 at the time of this review).
Style, for me, is without question excellent - a good fit to what you are writing about.
Grammar is good, with minor mistakes/typos popping up once in a while.
Character(s): the MC shows a personality, even withouthaving others to interact with - but he does make some choices that seem to be too impulsive compared to what a I would expect based on his other actions. Enough to note, but not enough to impact the overall quality of the story.
this story has potential. interesting plot, no unnecessary info dumps like in other stories. You slowly discover the world together with the MC, which helps immersing in the story.
~ First thing first, though I'm late I still glad I found this story here between RRL stacks. This story kinda refreshing, especially the light humour and the main theme. The story itself was well written, quite well planned and flowing nicely. But the most important thing is how the author able made the story so easy to digest. I give you 5 cookies for that, well done.
Story (SPOILER ALERT!!!) ;
~ The story theme is about dimensions jumper/traveler (that would be the summary of it), the term "dimensions traveler" is more fitting rather than the worlds traveler which is used in the story. And it had a slow pace and a short chapter. Fortunately even though the pace is slow it didn't get booring, thanks to the author writing style.
At the earlier chapters the kidnapped MC was turned into an OP undead skeleton, later we'll be brought into an impression that he'll become a Lich necromancer. But apparently the author changed his mind a few times. After become xianxia martial artist later he turned out into some kinda Einstein-Warrior Magician which is potentially too OP because its mimicking God ability, turning energy into matter and vice versa. And he's still an undead, but a unique ones that had functional horse dick, literally, lol.
When the dimension traveling was revealed in the middle of the story, it came to me like "what a blunder", he put the possible card too soon. The plot twist clearly was the author's another impulsive urge, its like he lost his will to develop the current world and just skip it. Well it might be because RL has given him a little more time to indulge himself in developing the story, or he's just an impulsive guy?? It made the later chapter (currently I'm at 35s) felt kinda a bit lost, dragging the the story pace more slow. It's 36 chapters already and it still feel like I'm reading the prologue. I give you 3 cookies for that, well it might change in the future, "IF" you didn't drop it that is.
~ My grammar is suck, it'll be silly if I make a comment about grammar thingy. It's readable and I had no complaints so let just give it 5 cookies.
~ the MC is cool guy! Since his coming into the new world he suddenly become a legit nerd, and a cool ones at that. But he had the tendency to become a party pooper. Imagine you're seeing a magic show, and the guy who sit beside you conveniently telling you the tricks behind the magic. Don't you wanna to slap him to shut up? Well, I do! Magic is about the illusion, the fantasy and the idea of the unknown, that's what makes it interesting. So if you ruined it, it won't be a magic anymore, it'll be a science joke. Not funny if the main theme is fantasy world.
The only other character, the elf girl kinda shallow, she was the only char beside MC (currently at chap 35) and yet not developed that much. The only plus thing about her is she was super genius, learning foreign language in a matter of days, freaking awesome (sarcasm intended). And when the author suddenly pull the debt thingy card, it made me cringe.
Well, I'm not against relationship plot nor harem or sex scene and anything related. It's just it'll be much better if they're being developed first or arranged in the right time and scene, make it more natural. Not just suddenly drop it and whola 'I got an eager sex slave', that's lame. For example, if she said her pledge right after the scene where she buried her companions. That debt pledge won't looks that weird or like impulsively thrown in, it felt more natural that way.
For now, I give 4 cookies for the MC and 3 cookies for the side char. It still have a long way to go so I might change it in the future too.
~ the story had an awesome writting style, its fun and refreshing. About the story plots and characters, I only have one suggestion. Don't be too impulsive with the twist, be more patience in developing them and the story will end up great. In my view, the part when the elf revealed as dimension jumper and the world was about to end. That's when I felt loosing it, it's like going to theater and buy LOTR ticket, but when you're in the playing movie was 'Spy Kid 3D'. That because reader tend to build their own imagination, so if you twist it too sharp and too suddenly, they'll lose it. And that's not good.
Even though the story didn't up to my expectations, I still had to admit that you're doing a great job here. So for the overall score, I gladly give this story my 4 divine cookies. It won't be fair if I give it lower than that, in fact I was inclined to give it 4,5 cookies. I'll gladly raise it more in the future, but that would be depends on how the story progress. Lastly, thanks to the author for the free entertainment =)
Great story so far.
However, a note for the author. Rather than going on long-winded description of of his observations, simply write about his actions. You can let the readers extract far more information when you imply things instead. Their imagination are the greatest asset you use as a writer.
The author often goes on a tirade of descriptions which ruins the pacing. The flow of the story is slowed, and instead of being immersed in the story, we`re immersed in paragraphs. Consider adding rhythm. Add short bursts of actions, and then use those actions to describe the MC`s observations.
This story needs a proof reader, more than anything else the biggest problem with the story is that for every 6 sentences with solid grammar and word choice there is one, or two sentences that are a struggle to get through. The inconsistent nature of the writing more than anything else stopped me from really getting into the story.
Style: there is a good mix of story and exposition, I don't really have a lot of complaints but there are a couple of info dumps that are really boring. They more than anything else stop the style score from being 5 stars.
Story: the actual story is great it flows smoothly and progresses logically. There mysteries built into the story that make you look forward to future chapters while maintaining enough action to keep the tale from becoming stale.
Grammar: This is what's really holding the story back, there are too many mistakes and misused words. It would be one thing if every chapter was the same but they aren't instead you'll have one chapter with solid grammar followed by another that's a chore to get through. Having a proof reader go through and fix stuff would easily put you in the 4.5 to 5 star range.
Character: OP MC with deadened emotions, hot elf in love with mc... Not exactly the most original cast of characters, having said that there are still plenty of other enjoyable characters that come into play. Some of the characters are so unique I had to change the rating for this section.
Okay, this is hidden gem indeed.
If there were inconsistencies, i did not took note of them. A lot of descriptions, but i read all of them. MC is likable enough.
This should be in the top.
overall: this is just my recommendation for other readers, just read the thing dudes
onto the actual review
style: its like you keep changing dialects, the way you write keeps changing just a bit and it makes the story somewhat confusing. i don't care how you write your stuff and the character dialogue, but keep it a little consistent yea? especially your own narration, you changing and suddenly adding words in that you never used before threw me off entirely. the in our face references are also a bit jarring, subtle is the way to go for that shit
side note: the use of actual physical laws is interesting, but you're missing all the juicy shit dude. i was sure you'd bring in some relativity for the existence of worlds after all the other stuff but nothing happened with that at all, not to mention the higher branches of the sciences
story: its good, not much else to say. we havent gotten far enough in for me to really say much about it but its interesting. im curious what will happen when the new body of the protagonist (his name escapes me at the moment) and the old come together, what will you do with the old one? perhaps use it in the guise of the student of his new body?
grammar: you keep mixing words up and your punctuation needs work, and this is the biggest part of what makes your writing somewhat confusing. the dialect wouldnt have really mattered (though it would still have been jarring) if this stuff was properly done, and even without the other shit this makes the story slightly hard to read
characters: theyre good, not much more i can say. all of them are varied with distinct personalities and they are all pretty believable, though picking up the story halfway through when i finished it this time did make things a bit confusing
the actual overall: basically, fix that grammar stuff and you're good
I've been reading this story since the first chapter was updated, and I have to say, I really like it, so much so that I check for updates on a regular basis. I was going to wait a bit longer to review it, but I'll do it now (chapter 21) if it helps encourage the author.
The character getting reincarnated into an artificial body is an interesting twist, and the story is realistic enough that the MC's struggle to understand the new world's history and culture is actually refreshing. No cheat game system here! Everything has to be figured out by the MC, and so far he's done a good job of thinking through things in a rational, scientific way. He's very sensible. That said, the MC is a blank slate right now. We don't know much about him, and up to this point, he has only been reacting to his environment in order to survive. I will give a higher character score later once interactions start taking place and emotional depth begins to build.
As far as the plot goes... Since we are still at a relatively early point in the story, there's really nothing to say. Just please, please no harem. XD