Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Two worlds, strangely linked. Yet one scorns the other, despite the power it supplies... Can a child of strange birth be the key to uniting the two lands? 

A dark fantasy adventure, featuring themes of love, loss and redemption.  

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 246
  • Average Views :
  • 62
  • Followers :
  • 6
  • Favorites :
  • 4
  • Ratings :
  • 3
  • Pages :
  • 22
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Shan_Mana

Shan_Mana

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The Walrus King
Overall

A GREAT start. Keep writing because I want read it

Reviewed at: Prologue

The story is just the one chapter so far, but the tone of the story is set. We know little about any of the characters, and yet could describe them well. 

There is a lot of emotion on display. Hated and contemp.  Hope, love, friendship and dispair. And finally, pain, so much pain, along with bitterness and pride. 

And in the middle a child is born. Great start.

Doggo_eats_the_world
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Coming from a dog I especially like the dog, Mutt. 

I got a good idea of the different characters from reading and it made me want to read the next chapter to find out. They all seem to be quite dark and have secrets. (The mother especially, as the prologue was quite shocking) I'm looking forward to seeing what new faces will be introduced. Hopefully the knight returns as a villain, that would make for an interesting sub plot.

grammar is overall pretty good, (I struggle with spelling and grammar myself but have no problems picking out errors in a story.) Just watch your speech marks are the same! I noticed that you use apostrophes for the first two chapters, and then suddenly swap to inverted commas in the last part you did. 

The story is good. A nice pace. A little slow, but I feel like it's building up to something, and I guess it's good to get all of the slow character driven arcs finished before some big action starts.

Nice, flowery style overall, but not too much to put me off from reading. You use a lot of long and then short sentences to build a nice pace. There's a lot of show, but some parts are left to the reader's imagination, which is good to keep us guessing.

overall, not what I normally go for, but a very good start to your novel nonetheless.

keep going!

Midgar Flowers
Overall

Good characters and excellent dialogue

Reviewed at: Prologue

A great prologue. I enjoyed the pacing and the characterisation during the dialogue. Nice bit of action towards the end as well! I'm interested to find out what the woman is, and if there's a good magic system behind all of this.

I'd recommend the author checking their work before publishing, as there were a few errors, but overall really good.