Garden of Thorns *Lit RPG*

Garden of Thorns *Lit RPG*

by ConfusedBiscuit

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Joshua Gates was just a teenager who was an average kid who lived with average parents. Good friends. Good life. At least that's what it was supposed to be. Now existed these otherworldly places known as 'Spires' that was like a whole place of its own. Chosen people known as the Venerators would be diving deep into the situations and to go through its floors. 

Normally Spires would have venerators ready to fight them. Yet, there was something different about this particular Spire... And that is how Joshua's tale begins. 

participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge

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ConfusedBiscuit

ConfusedBiscuit

Achievements
Word Count (15)
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Table of Contents
142 Chapters
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue : The end of life. ago
Chapter 1 : What happened? ago
Chapter 2 : It's not a dream. ago
Chapter 3 : How many days? ago
Chapter 4 : Am I done? ago
Chapter 5: Figuring things out. ago
Chapter 6 : Cherry Blossoms ago
CHapter 7 : A strategy? ago
Chapter 8 : Asim The Ancient. ago
Chapter 9 : Graduation. ago
Chapter 10 : Venerator test. ago
Chapter 11 : Venerator Test 2 ago
Chapter 12 : Closure for them. ago
Chapter 13 : Wave I ago
Chapter 14: Wave 2 ago
Chapter 15: Wave 3 + Ambushes. ago
Chapter 16 : Wave 4 + Mining. ago
Chapter 17: Well... That was anticlimactic. ago
Chapter 18 : Talking to Bayran. ago
Chapter 19 : A/5 ago
Chapter 20: Quest Spire. ago
Chapter 21 : Quest Spire I Bahamut Empire. ago
Chapter 22 : Quest Spire 2 Bahamut Empire. ago
Chapter 23: Quest Spire Bahamut Empire 3 Liberating the Port. ago
Chapter 24 : Quest Spire, Edge's Plain. The Final battle. ago
Chapter 25 : Quest Spire Edge's Plain Final Battle( 2 of 3) ago
Chapter 26 : End of Quest Spire. ago
Chapter 27: Attention ago
Chapter 28 : Mulligan ago
Chapter 29 : Emergency by the Extermination Spire. ago
Chapter 30 : The search. ago
Chapter 31: Soggorin. ago
Chapter 32 : Soggorin's FIght. ago
Chapter 33: Gate of Shame. ago
Chapter 34 : Gate of Shame, The Mission ago
Chapter 35: The Gate of Shame. ago
Chapter 36 : A risky resource worker job. ago
Chapter 37: Risky Resource Work. 2 ago
Chapter 38: Lord vs Noir. Thorns and Dancer ago
Chapter 39 : Getting used to it. ago
CHapter 40: Avatar of Destruction vs Lord of Thorns. ago
Chapter 41 : Bellwitch. ago
Chapter 42 : Black Spire... District ago
Chapter 43: The Outsiders. ago
Chapter 44 : Violence is all that matters ago
cHAPTER 45 : Sleeping ago
Chapter 46 : The World of Lions. ago
Chapter 47: World of Lion's. The First Arena fight. ago
Chapter 48: World of Lion's a new job. ago
Chapter 49: Back to Mulligan but Rebellion of Humanity. ago
Chapter 50: Rebellion of Humanity. ago
Chapter 51 : Rebellion of Humanity. The Bases. ago
Chapter 52 : World of Lions, A new Mission. ago
Chapter 53: World of Lions. The Fortress. ago
Chapter 54 : World of Lions the Fortress Assault. ago
Chapter 55: The Trial in the World of Lions. ago
Chapter 56 : Rebellion of Humanity. HDF's Vanguard Unit. ago
Chapter 57 : The Coffin Dancer ago
Chapter 58 : ROH, A target. ago
Chapter 59 : ROH Easy solution ago
Chapter 60 : An uneasy peace. ago
Chapter 61 : The Fight in his home. ago
Chapter 62 (Extra stories) Demon's Bane and Rogues. ago
Chapter 62(EXtra Chapters) Crimson Reavers. ago
Chapter 62 Extra Chapters : Reavers part 2 ago
Chapter 62 EC: THe Suicide Division's new task. ago
Chapter 62 EC: The Counselor and the Guardian. ago
Chapter 63 : Counselor and Guardian Part 2 ago
Chapter 64 Lunarian Drusken War, Crimson Reapers. ago
Chapter 65 : Skeller, Rogues, Demon's Bane new HDF reinforcements. ago
Chapter 66 The Nightwings vs Flying Beauties, Victor 91 vs Howling Beauty. ago
Chapter 66 : The First Step. ago
Chapter 67 : The Lord of Thorns and the Avatar of Destruction. ago
Chapter 68 : The Void Dancers. ago
Chapter 69: The Current Setup. ago
Chapter 70: Learning The Blade. ago
Chapter 71 : The Familiars on the West. ago
Chapter 72 : Vizel versus Merlia. ago
Chapter 73 : The Cold Cage. ago
Chapter 73 : The Preparations for war. ago
Chapter 74 : The Assault on the Drusken Empire's Capital. ago
Chapter 75: First Contact. ago
Chapter 76 : The Fight Part One. ago
Chapter 77 : The Fight Part two. ago
Chapter 78: The End of the Duel between Lord of Thorns and Cold Cage. ago
Chapter 79 : Information gathering. ago
Chapter 80: Spataro. ago
Chapter 81 : Hatter's Underbelly. ago
Chapter 82: First weapons in the Hatter's Underbelly. ago
Chapter 83 : Hatter's underbelly. ago
Chapter 84 : A hunt. ago
Chapter 85 : The Hunt part 2. ago
Chapter 86 : The Coffin Dancer + Trial of the Seraph. ago
Chapter 87: The Howl. ago
Chapter 88: War ago
Chapter 89 : The Cry for War. ago
Chapter 90 : Fuck off. ago
Chapter 91 : The Dragon's Roar. ago
Chapter 92 : End of Volume 1. ago
V2 Chapter 0: A new world. ago
V2 Chapter 1 : Explaining things. ago
V2 Chapter 2 : The end of the dungeon. ago
V2 Chapter 3 : The first bout. ago
V2 Chapter 4 : Learning more about this world. ago
V2 Chapter 5 : A long day ago
V2 Chapter 6 : A day with the family. ago
V2 Chapter 7 : The Meeting. ago
V2 Chapter 7.5 : 151 at the Association. ago
V2 Chapter 7.6 Fitz's First day. ago
V2 Chapter 7.8 : The Four Bodyguards. ago
V2 Ch7.9 : Vizel's Bodyguard work? ago
V2 Chapter 8 : A Challenge. ago
V2 Chapter 9: A lazy day. ago
V2 Chapter 10 : Something's off. ago
V2 Chapter 11 : The D-rank Dungeon. ago
V2 Chapter 11.5 Viking 13. ago
V2 Chapter 12: Invitation to the Garden. ago
V2 chapter 13: The Archive's Pages. ago
V2 Chapter 14 : Jensen. ago
V2 Chapter 15: Did I achieve comedy? ago
V2 Chapter 16: Wanna hangout? ago
V2 Chapter 17: The Dragon. ago
V2 Chapter 18: The Journey 1 ago
V2 Chapter 19 : More questions. ago
V2 Chapter 19.5 : The Warning and a call to arms. ago
V2 Chapter 19.6 : The Ensemble. ago
V2 Chapter 19.7: The Three Roses. ago
V2 Chapter 20: An attack. ago
V2 Chapter 21 : The Chaos at the Kingdom. ago
V2 Chapter 22 : The Talks. ago
V2 Chapter 23 : Reparations. ago
V2 Chapter 24 : Bellwitch and Keepers. ago
V2 Chapter 25 : Jensen's battle. ago
V2 Chapter 26 : The Undead vs the Legionnaires. ago
V2 Chapter 27: More problems. ago
V2 Chapter 28 : Time to go... Fix the world... Yay? I.. I guess. ago
V2 Chapter 29: Ending one journey. ago
V2 Chapter 30 : Ye Qiu. ago
V2 Chapter 31: Go fix the world. With your brother or... A soul that has your brother's body? ago
V2 Chapter 32: The Temple of Darkness. ago
V2 Chapter 33: The Siblings. ago
V2 Chapter 33.5 : The Crimson Reapers train their new proteges. ago

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HomicidalCutie
Overall

Overall, the story requires a heavy suspension of belief. The writing is stilted towards “Tell” instead of “Show.” Details read like lists. Dialogue is weak. Saying the Drama elements were overplayed would be an understatement. The series of events contained in the first chapter are jumbled and speed through, often in single paragraphs.

Joshua (the MC) has been in some sort of coma (I think) due to being beat up (the reader is left to assume generic school bullying) and a heart condition that presumably prevents him from being properly treated(?). All of this is “told” in quick succession in a manner that had me constantly thrown out of the story, lost and confused. Anyway, Joshua wakes up. Bad stuff happens to the people trying to keep him safe. And then a “System” grants him (of all people) access to its HUD.

Cursed you are. The only survivor of this hell.”

Seriously? Maybe he had enough pity points to earn this chance?

The stats when I glanced over them after nearly finishing the chapter, made no sense for an entry level “Player”. I won’t go into details because they might be spoilery. I’ll go out on a whim and say that these stats might be explained later, but I’m bowing out now.

The “Tragedy” made me cringe, sigh, and eyeroll in rapid succession. Too much happens to a character I haven’t really met at all. I wasn’t able to connect or identify with him in any way or learn his personality because he’s either punch drunk from the bullying, drugged up in a hospital, in a comma, waking up from said comma, in and out of consciousness while events are happening around him—you get the drift.

The “Tragedy” is overplayed to the point I’d say the chapter is “saturated” with it. I did see the author comment that this is “just to start off”, so take that for what you will. Overall, it’s a clear novice rough draft. Some may enjoy it. Others may find it hard to move past the first chapter.

jessicaroyale
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Didn't make it super far, but the introductory art was disjointed enough I had trouble following.

Grammar was decent.  Nothing that would stop anybody from understanding.

The style I'm torn about.  The jumpy nature of the narrative was not my cup of tea.  Its all from the same POV but there are time skips or something where it blips from scene to scene without any transition.  At first I thought it was some kind of avant garde stylistic thing trying to show the trippy new reality the MC is facing.  Start in media res, then back up, jump around a bit to show how he's having a hard time following what's going on.  Then I thought maybe stuff was getting dropped as it was copy and pasted into the site.  It was persistent enough it made it kind of hard to follow what was happening.

There's only 1 character, and he doesn't have much personality as he wanders from encounter to encounter.  I'm assuming at some point additional characters will visit and we'll see some dialogue of some sort.

There's a little bit of gun porn sprinkled throughout, which I saw as a positive.  Terminology was correct which is unusual here on RR.

Individual scenes weren't bad, if some of the structural parts of the narrative were fixed so that the scenes told a story, this might be pretty good.