A Sinner's Eden

A Sinner's Eden

by Andur

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

The Earth of the future is united under a single government, but not all things are well. The shape of the playing field may be changed, but the powerful still rule the weak.
And those who do not conform with the rest of society are exiled to another world. A world that not even the technology of the future managed to tame.
It should have been humanity's New World but ended up as nothing more than a penal colony. A place where the exiled are sent to die.

Motivated by revenge, Magnus sets out on a quest to bring his own justice to his enemies. For that purpose, he is willing to go further than most others.
But then he learns that if he truly wishes to change things, he can only find his answers beyond the gate.

Having lived most of her life as an exile, Astra is a woman of few interests aside from survival and climbing the ranks of her clan.
To achieve those goals, she certainly won't be squeamish when a chance literally falls into her lap, or will she?

———————————————————————————————

I am trying to go with a survival/medieval setting in this one. People from a technologically advanced society are thrown into a world where they can't maintain their tech. They are forced to rely on medieval technology where they have to make do with the limited resources they have and what little of their old technology is still working. Their gene manipulation allows them to have something akin to superpowers, but that doesn't help much against the monsters of their new world. Not sure yet whether sufficiently advanced technology will be discovered later on to count as magic.

———————————————————————————————

Author's Comment:

I was asked about reading my work on other sites. The answer is simple: Currently, I am not active in any other networks than royalroadl.com. Only here, I correct mistakes and errors. If you read it anywhere else and have to pay for it or have to deal with an annoying amount of advertisement, You Are Being Betrayed. You would do good if you make other people in that network aware of it. This is a free project of mine for the purpose of having fun. And if people try to make money with it you shouldn't bother visiting their website. The only one whom I actually allowed to have my work on his website is Armaell who invested the time to compile them into pdf. (http://armaell-library.net/author/andur) 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 811,126
  • Average Views :
  • 9,543
  • Followers :
  • 3,161
  • Favorites :
  • 782
  • Ratings :
  • 835
  • Pages :
  • 1,076
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Andur

Andur

Phantasm

Achievements
7,500,000 Views
5,000 Followers
Top List #50
Top Monthly
Wizards in Wonderland Contest Participant
8th Anniversary
100 Review Upvotes
Word Count (21)
5,500 Comments
Fledgling Reviewer (III)
Advertisement
Remove
Table of Contents
85 Chapters
Chapter Name Release Date
Ch 01 - EVO ago
Ch 02 - EVO ago
Ch 03 - EVO ago
Ch 04 - EVO ago
Ch 05 - EVO ago
Ch 06 - EVO ago
Ch 07 - EVO ago
Ch 08 - EVO ago
Ch 09 - EVO ago
Ch 10 - EVO ago
Ch 11 - EVO ago
Ch 12 - EVO ago
Ch 13 - EVO ago
Ch 14 - EVO ago
Ch 15 - EVO ago
Ch 16 - EVO ago
Ch 17 - EVO ago
Ch 18 - EVO ago
Interlude 01 ago
Ch 19 - EVO ago
Ch 20 - EVO ago
Ch 21 - EVO ago
Ch 22 - EVO ago
Ch 23 - EVO ago
Ch 24 - EVO ago
Ch 25 - EVO ago
Interlude - 02 ago
Ch 26 - EVO ago
Ch 27 - EVO ago
Ch 28 - EVO ago
Ch 29 - EVO ago
Ch 30 - EVO ago
Ch 31 - EVO ago
Ch 32 - EVO ago
Ch 33 - EVO ago
Ch 34 - EVO ago
Ch 35 - EVO ago
Ch 36 - EVO ago
Ch 37 - EVO ago
Ch 38 - EVO ago
Ch 39 - EVO ago
Ch 40 - EVO ago
Ch 41 - EVO ago
Ch 42 - EVO ago
Ch 43 - EVO ago
Ch 44 - EVO ago
Ch 45 - EVO ago
Ch 46 - EVO ago
Ch 47 - EVO ago
Ch 48 - EVO ago
Ch 49 - EVO ago
Ch 50 - EVO ago
Ch 51 - EVO ago
Ch 52 - EVO ago
Ch 53 - EVO ago
Ch 54 - EVO ago
Ch 55 - EVO ago
Ch 56 - EVO ago
Ch 57 - EVO ago
Ch 58 - EVO ago
Ch 59 - EVO ago
Ch 60 - EVO ago
Ch 61 - EVO ago
Ch 62 - EVO ago
Ch 63 - EVO ago
Ch 64 - EVO ago
Ch 65 - EVO ago
Ch 66 - EVO ago
Ch 67 - EVO ago
Ch 68 - EVO ago
Ch 69 - EVO ago
Ch 70 - EVO ago
Ch 71 - EVO ago
Ch 72 - EVO ago
Ch 73 - EVO ago
Interlude - 03 ago
Ch 74 - EVO ago
Ch 75 - EVO ago
Ch 76 - EVO ago
Ch 77 - EVO ago
Ch 78 - EVO ago
Ch 79 - EVO ago
Ch 80 - EVO ago
Ch 81 - EVO ago
Ch 82 - EVO ago

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
WastedLiquor
Overall

TL;DR : Good story until it falls into a cliché and becomes plain. Give it a try if you've never read Andur before as it might still work for you.

Like it's been pointed out before by a few people, the book has an amazing (by RR standards) beginning that grips you before devolving into a coomer fantasy. The sad thing is that it's a common trope in every work Andur has put on the table until now.

Don't get me wrong, the prose and grammar are good but the problem lies in the story. I can't understand the appeal of establishing so many interesting elements before blasting them into smithereens to tell the exact same story as your other books. It's always about an interesting, already experienced protagonist thrown into a world of mysteries. Then he easily seduces the girl and transforms into an edgy boyfriend, completely giving up his resolves and personality. 

I'm still leaving a good score because Andur has undeniable writing skills and the backstory was good until a certain point but I'm dropping this fiction. I can't handle the rigid thinking and objectively bad storytelling that starts right after the protagonist has had sex anymore. It's not for me. 

Soleus
Overall

Awesome concept... wish the characters measured up

Reviewed at: Ch 42 - EVO

I love the premise of this story.  Ingesting DNA to incorporate it into one's body to gain super powers?  Awesomely unique idea.  I was excited to see how that played out and was pretty happy with the implementation.

 

The story progression is also well paced and engaging.  New elements are just unpredictable enough to entice curiosity but not so outlandish (pardon the pun) to be improbable.

 

Where it falls apart is the characters.  Both protagonists are well into adulthood, with all the ensuing accomplishments and accolades, yet their behavior and dialogue are more suited to adolescents.  Change their ages to be 18-20, and take out the references to sex, and the whole story would be categorized as YA.

 

This saddens me because I enjoy the other aspects of this story.  The immaturity of the characters, coupled with the disconnect between how they behave and their supposed previous actions, just completely break immersion for me and ruin my enjoyment of this story.

 

I kept reading hoping for some change, some development/growth in the writing style, but I can no longer stand the disconnect any more.

maelos61
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

It's Andur. If you know what that means, I might not even have to explain my ratings. In case you don't:

 

Style and grammar:

Andur is an established net-author by this point and if anything, their style and grammar is what you'd expect from someone who's been writing stories for years. I didn't give it a perfect score, but that's just because it's essentially 'as good as it gets without breaking the mould'.

Story:

I'm only at chapter 26, but the story seems solid for now. Decent worldbuilding, rather original concept (I mean, different world through a gate has been done before but eh) and it doesn't entirely break my suspension of disbelief. It's sci-fi, but it kind of works. I don't quite understand the overarching plot aluded to in the interludes, but that's just Andur again. It probably just means some way to tie the story into the Andurverse.

Characters:

This is kind of the most problematic part of the story for me. Not because the characters are bad, they're decent, but just because I know this character. Magnus is essentially the quintessential Andur protagonist. Scientist-psychopath. I like his MCs, but dear god do I know them too well by this point. They're always the same and while I like them, I can't exactly call it original. This is all because of the Andurverse essentially. I'm sure somehow the character will once again just be another iteration of the previous Andur protagonists and that'll be it. Astra and Magnus are once again together, as they always are, the sisters might just be reincarnations of his daughters or something else and once again we'll have a decent and fun story, but nothing truly new.

 

TL;DR: It's an Andur story. Same characters, different world. If you're not sick of it by now and just want a fun little binge, just read it. It's certainly better than a lot of the sad excuses for storytelling that infest this site. Just don't expect to get wowed if you've read Andur before.

horrorkus
Overall

Love the premise, hate the MC.

Reviewed at: Ch 27 - EVO

The premise intrigued me greatly, went in with great expectations alongside the amazing reviews but it fell flat for one big reason after i kept on reading.

I was immersed in the story but the longer it went on i realized the main character ruins it for me, he acts and thinks like an edgy teenager far too much whilst he's supposed to be a mid 30's criminal mastermind. 

The story is a recommendation if you can look past that aspect. I couldn't.

AliceHealer
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Ok this story has 4 major cores

Worldbuilding

Absolutely fantastic. Feels like I'm reading adventure novels from my childhood. The monsters can come off a bit poorly detailed at first but manage to feel distinct as we spend a proper amount of time with them.

Evolution

The core power system is "you are what you eat" which sounds really cool in theory and works well in practice, but the actual study, hunting and gathering of genetic material is completely handwaved leading to only one of the main characters powers feeling fleshed out and unique.

Politics

In this medieval penal colony with modern knowledge of diplomacy politics boils down to pettiness. Like the story emphasises multiple times the other tribes love fucking each other over for absolutely no gain. Which is *really* weird considering how the plot outline so far is to become diplomats and do politics.

Romance

On the one hand I can respect getting the main pair together chapter 20.

On the other hand theres a reason the main pair isn't married at chapter 20.

Now this might just be the medieval setting but this story has heavy themes of celibacy and the sexual experience to match. Sex scenes reference "tightness" of the vagina implying belief of the "sex loosens your vagina" myth. The female lead is called a sexual deviant because she partooketh in foreplay. The people will basically die if they don't mate for life because of some gene mixing thing that was obviously implemented to force the pair together despite:

The main pair has absolutely no chemistry. Like the dialouge is really good right up until they stop spouting exposition long enough to "flirt" and its so painfully bad. The first few dates are completely off screen. And tying back to the celibacy theme the mc expresses a desire to "grow to love her".

Overall this feels like a really good fantasy story built around some femdom fantasy where the author wanted to try writing romance and erotica for the first time without actually reading any.

Astrael
Overall

So far an awesome story and further possibilities of developement. Andur created a new world outside his Multiverse books, and I love it. The creativity with wich he enthralls his readers deserve more recognition!

I am not quite sure where he will lead us with this story or what the main purpose of the MC is, but Andur didn't dissapoint with his stories yet

(Reviewed after reading the 10th chapter in his omeshots)

Srayan
Overall

Very impressive story and characters

Reviewed at: Ch 15 - EVO

Very impressed by this. Great story, flows really well, no exposition. There are really two MCs -a male and female - who are destined to be together in a way that makes sense in the magic world on the other side of the portal.

There are hinted at hidden agendas, politics, a really interesting world and "evolution" system. There are already four well developed characters. The author also knows a fair. Bit about tech/science and (adapted) medieval weapons, so that helps with the realism.

this written at the most recent chapter on 15/8/21, our heroic pair have linked up with sparks and light effects (it's the Sci fi stuff) hoorah!
Shy (exotically gorgeous) smart girl has finally found her Mr Right......and the matchmaker is probably having a celebratory drink after many years of trying to get Miss Pickey sorted... match making can be a tough job. But someone's got to do it, for humanity....

BBZ
Overall

Another excellent Andur creation

Reviewed at: Ch 21 - EVO

I'm a huge fan of all of Andur's books.  I'm usually following about 30 or so stories on here, but he is definitely my favorite and not just because he actually finishes his stories.  He has a gift for pacing and keeping his audience entertained.  There is never a lot of needless angst in his books and even when something would normally be extremely heavy or depressing, he manages to handle it in amusing or light hearted manner that doesn't leave me reaching for an antidepressant.

As for this particular tale, it's shaping up to be one of, if not, my actual favorite of all his stories.  The MC isn't over powered at least not yet and though the opening set him up as having an incredible high IQ, even that hasn't really shown through yet.  He's intelligent (which is a must for me as a hate stories where the plot is driven by the MC''s stupidity), but it's quite clear this MC is currently out of his depth, which has been fairly humorous so far.  I think it's going to be a lot of fun watching him adapt and overcome.

Anyway, if you're looking for a more adult sci-fi adventure, that's not all about harems, with an intriguing but not overly serious plot, you should give this a try.

Nilsy
Overall

Good multilayered characters a elegant structure of the story were the characters motivation is coherent, no hand of God/author twisting the story. The characters motivation naturally leads to the intended path.       

Impressive. Very Impressive. Im Impressed.       

The world building of nature so harsh and unforgiving that just surviving is a struggle appeals to me, its then layered by the politics of the small clans trying to survive. Not sure yet how large a focus the politic path is going to be and if the survival against nature is going to be fully abandoned into a second and third act of politic and romance.      

So far its got great potential but it might veer away from my own taste.

Jbreezy
Overall

I've read quite a few of this author's fictions in the past, with some that interested me for a time, but they all seemed to fall back on the same plot with some variation of the setting.  I don't mean this as an insult, as it is clear that it not only works well, but also has kept an audience for quite some time, it has just not been my cup of tea. 

While I don't know if this will be the future of this book, I do think that this seems to be a very different book than the previous works by the author.  This is a good change in my mind, that progesses the style/story that the author tends to tell in a new and interesting direction.