Welcome to the land of Terra. A world where dungeons are one of the many races occupying it. Follow the story of a transplanted soul from another universe, trying to make her way as a dungeon core under unusual (for dungeons in Terra) and different circumstances than others with the same fate.
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The book is off to a good start, and so far everything is pretty interesting. I like the variety of dungeons, and the free will aspect that brings. Most LitRPG's give only a handful of options, which really drag down the mystery/excitement of the stories since everything is set in stone. The method of having almost unlimited options is the perfect counter to the boring tropes, so props for that. A few things I wasn't a fan of include the semi-brainwashing/murder and lack of stress. For the former, I hope we get the whole taking over of animals/plants explained better. The chapter where the shrimp were captured made it seem like she just took control of their minds completely. There doesn't seem to be anything that could stop this from happening to a human, which is . . . interesting. Personally, I'm not a whole fan of the brainwash aspect. Of course, maybe I misunderstood; so hopefully it's different from destroying someone's mind, or there are things you can do to resist it. Anyways, for the latter I mean how the MC is totally unaffected to the fact she is now a dungeon. I usually skip over the whole mental breakdown anyways so I don't really care, but it does feel unrealistic. Maybe she got her trauma magic-ed away, which I have seen in a few other novels. Regardless, keep up the good work and I look forward to your future chapters.
There is definitely room for improvement in this one. The story suffers from several problems. One of the biggest problems is that the author needs to show and not tell. This is compounded by the third person perspective. Which leaves you reading what is essentialy a narration of events (ie Amy did this, Amy did that).
Next is characterization. The main character has absolutely no personality to speak of. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that the main character is, as of the point I stoped reading, the only character. Without an interesting or engaging personality in the protagonist I'm just not invested in what happens to Her. The iceberg could sink and I honestly wouldn't care. The author needs to work on who their character is, why they behave the way they do, and adding some emotion or personality traits to make the character relatable.
The final major problem is that failure is not an option. Amy makes many, many assumptions about her situation and how the world works based mostly on "novels from earth" and is almost always correct. The failures, only one involving blowing up a single snail actually comes to mind, are followed almost immeadly by success. Everything just seems far too easy for Amy. The author need to keep in mind that failure is actually a great opportunity in a story. It can provide tension and conflict, an opportunity for character development and growth, or a chances for the character to to show frustration and emotions making them more relatable to the reader.
I won't say it's a major problem because it's still fairly early in the story but there is a distinct lack of conflict. This is can be a driving force in any story, and the author could improve their writing by working some into the plot.
On a more personal note, why are fantasy novels a reliable guide to other worlds? That's like saying Aliens are all attractive green women because Star Treck. It's not actually an area of this story that needs any work. It is just annoying whenever I see it done. Kind of a personal pet peeve.
This has been a fun twist to the old "reborn as a core" plot and there seems to be a general growth for the writer from 1 to 20 chapter
I hope there is more coming but it seems to be stalled at the moment
May you figure out how it goes from here soon
Great start do unique style of dungeon. Would love more background information about the world that this takes place in. Also need more Constant to keep updating author you're doing good work here.
Really 50 words long I am not the best at writing and don't do that often. so yaw!
Take my opinion with a grain of salt because I find dungeons with adapting creatures fascinating. The story seems to be whatever they think of as they write which isn't always a bad thing. There are details on appearances(which would be 2.5 stars by itself so again grain of salt), details on mana, details on dungeons and there's details of details. It's nice. I wish it was more detailed.
A great Quick And Faced paced dungeon novel. Its core premise of a mobile dungeon allows it a wider range of options with a biological theme. I rather do love the idea of an iceberg dungeon and applaud the author for their ingenuity.
If anything my only gripe would have to be how things aren't described as verbosely as I would like. This kind of leads to a lack of overall high-level diction and word choice, but for a web novel, it's honestly not that bad.
Good Job Author keep it up for the penguins !!!
Im only at chapter 7, so take this with skeptiscism if you want
This one feels slow, that wont be a problem if there weas worldbuilding to be done, but so far its generic dungeon stuff
I think my biggest problem is how the MC just knows how to do stuff, without having skills
A character that is discovering stuff as they go would be ok, but someone who somehow knows to do things, and is still slow seems even slower
There is nothing really wrong besides the speed, so its up to you to decide if you are in the mood for it