Lost Realm: The Chosen

Lost Realm: The Chosen

by Arch Sage

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore

Under the power of an ancient artifact, the fate of young Kirra appeared to be engraved in the stone of worst misery. But her life took a grimmer turn when she became an affiliate of a dying goddess and was thrown into the chaotic wars of the deities. And when the immortals battle, dead souls tell no tales.

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  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
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Arch Sage

Arch Sage

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Unintelligent Donkey
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The story's prologue was gripping enough alright, mysterious and action-packed, a good showcase of the writer's skills.

Past the prologue, this story reminded me slightly of cradle, but soon enough, a twist came that quickly turned around whatever I thought was planned for it. So far in, there is a lot of potential for the story, and I'll definitely be checking it out from time to time to see where it goes. Same goes for the character, so far not much is known about them, but if the cover is of any indication, we'll be working to quite the diverse character pool, which will be a joy to read.

Style-wise, the author employs a third-person omniscient style of narrative, and describes the world in a manner  that is concise and vivid, props to the author for that.

The author's writing is pretty good, though I did spot a few typos here and there, nothing affected my understanding of the writing and my interest in the story.

In conclusion, there's a lot of potential in this one, with a lot of questions waiting to be answered, more question to be raised and answered again. Definitely check it out, you won't regret it!

The Walrus King
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A heroine who has to start at the bottom.

Reviewed at: 7 - The Phantom Pit Of Sorrow [I]

I'm going to follow along and come back to this review in a few more chapters. At chapter 7 we are in the middle of the opening arc. 

The story reads well, we have an idea of where it is going. Events unfold fairly quick. Very nice beginning and I want to follow along and see where it goes. I'm always happier when an author takes their time with a story

The style of story is good, and familiar. I don't want to spoil anything, so lets just things start out poor, get worse, and then worse again while she does something to save her father. She's in a horrible position. No special abilities and will never get them. One step away from starving, father is sick, and some people dislike her.  But it looks like things will be changing soon. 

Characters could use some work. We are starting to get a look at the MC, know some of the villages dislike the MC because of her clan, others because she has a habit of stealing to support herself and her father.. But not a real good feel for anyone except the MC. Part of this is the story, her father being comotose for the opening chapters. 

Grammar is good, and the author is working to fix any point out. 

beast_regards
Overall
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Story
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Character

Style - I think that this story is overall well written, well structured, flows nicely without any obvious issues I would complain about. The only hiccup in the entire story so far was a single one flashback scene which I personally didn't expect and it confused me quite a lot, but there is no reason to lower the score because of it. No one else had any problem with it. Decent 5-stars.

Also, somehow I find the expression "human girl sorceress" hilarious. It's used both in the chapter title, and the story from the perspective of the protagonist, and even though it does describe who Laeila is, I still think it is funny. It's going to be a review title.

Grammar - English is not my first language. My mind can't comprehend English Grammar. It's an Elritch power beyond the ken of man. I'll give all stories 5-star in that regard by default.

Story - Story is basically is either a coming of age story (the protagonist is supposed to be twelve) or a Hero's journey (the protagonist is chosen) or both.  The story is still at its very beginning, and the very start of Kirra's mission, and it is hard to say how it is going to change in the future, but it is a decent 5-star story at this point. 

Character - There is the only character in this story that receives any notable attention and that is its protagonist, Kirra. Other characters mentioned so far usually disappeared after they played their role in the story, like Kirra's sick father, or chief that made her an outcast. Special mentions again are to "human girl sorceress" Laeila, I think I like her and hope she will be Kirra's permanent companion. 4-stars due to the absence of other notable characters. 

Overall, I think this is going to be a very good story, and I could with a clear consciousness suggest it to others. 

DrBuller
Overall
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Character

Ignore title.

Style:

The clearest thing I need to mention would be the LITRPG tag and how it relates to the story. From the tag itself, one would expect that the story would include some amount of tables or anything like it. Through my albeit limited time reading this fiction, I have not found anything that would hint at such tables being around. Not that I would call this a bad thing, of course, since the style was nonetheless quite the thing. There has clearly been attention on the sentence structure, nothing ever going on for too long while also being varied in length. It allows one to not be bored through the reading, though that might also be due to the other factors. Nevertheless, I'll this category a 5/5.

Story:

The story itself was hard to pin down for me. I wasn't sure exactly where this is going to progress, with some points being more in the dark for the reader. You can never truly be sure about what the future chapters have to show, and that's a positive point. This story has avoided tropes and that is something that I liked very much. Sure, it might have seemed that way in the start, but it did very quickly evolve into something I could wholeheartedly seen as original. Another 5/5.

Grammar:

Likely the shortest category I need to give. From the chapters I read, I couldn't find any grammar mistakes. Ignoring the chance that it might be due to my own shortcomings, this category will be getting yet another 5/5.

Character:

Oh, what to say about her. Ignoring my instant curiosity about her opinions on hands(reference), I would instantly call the character a well-thought-out part of the story. There has clearly been more than a little work into making them seem like an actual person, the way they talk and move showing off a lot of their personality. While I realise that might have sounded pretentious, it really does fit into the narrative and makes it overall seem so much more realistic. Gonna be giving this one 4.5/5.

CookieCrumble
Overall
Style
Story
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Character

Lost Realm is your typical Hero's Journey-styled story, an epic with rich lore and expansive worldbuilding. Each chapters were beautifully written and the author managed to choose a perfect word to describe each scene.

We follow the story of Kirra, a chosen one of her Goddess born from the parent who survived the immortal war. Although the background of God and Goddess fighting each other were such a common trope, this story managed to deliver it with perfection. The way that the village function (the clans and their rules) really gave a feel of culture. How the world developed regardless the MC. It felt real. It felt genuine.

The story was action-packed (which I liked) and it gripped the readers with vivid description, especially for the monsters and the surrounding, again I must reiterate how the author managed to find the right word to describe how the story feels.

On the other side, the story also had a bit of plot-armor quality in it. However considering the level of our MC, it by the nature of the trope its using, was kinda given. Although a bit of consequence, some limping, hurt back, broken leg, etc would be nice just to add layers to it. 

For style, it was told in third-omniscient. Which was fine, although IMHO it'd benefit from having moments of closer psychic distance, especially for several post-action scenes just to oomph it a bit.

Grammar isn't my specialty, so I'll hold my comment about it. I only found one typo in the whole 10 chapters, I believe it was 'heavy' written as 'sheavy'. But that was it.

***

Disclaimer: This review was created as part of the swap with the reviewer story (Tales of an Unlikely Wizard) in accordance with the Royalroad Rules regarding Review Swap. Reader discretion is advised.

Arlo
Overall
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Character

The author just blessed me with a fiction I didn't ask for, but who knew I needed it. I'm not a big fan of LirRPG type fiction, however, after reading through this story, I'm all in.

Lost Realm is about a young Kirra who's aiding her ill father as they're resented by the others because of their clan. It's still a bit early, so I'm certain there's more to come. Still, we get to witness all of the struggles she undergoes to achieve survival and her goals. And damn it's excellent, as it lures you into a place where you don't want to hate, but you want to embrace it with open arms. 

Grammar- I had to use glasses to spot errors. Though, the author wisely takes others' suggestions to improve that aspect and correct them. So, it's not perfect, but it's damn near to being there. I just love the word choices being used to bend it into a lovely delight. 

I won't lie, I'm a bit jealous of the way prologues are done so well. I hope to accent to that level one day. But anyways, Lost Realsm has prominent potential to be one of your favs. 

Keep up the marvelous work, Sir Archsage. Hats off, mate.

D.C.Veiling
Overall
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Character

Litrpg with awesome Xianxia setting!

Reviewed at: 7 - The Phantom Pit Of Sorrow [I]

Realms is an expertly crafted example of how a lit-RPG Xiaxia Novel could look like! 

What makes this book different: The author has obviously a lot of experience with writing Xianxia stories as his excellent handling of that genre shows. But despite that, neither the characters nor the story is coming short, creating a worthwhile and unique piece of writing for us!

 

Style Score: as already said, the author knows how to show Xianxia in the best light which is also becoming apparent in the style. It flows very well and is perfectly adapted to work with the Xianxia setting - any fans of the genre will notice that right away from the first chapter. There is nothing awkward or boring, just the right amount of flowery description to paint a vivid picture of the situation and environment - nothing to complain on this side!

 Story Score: the story is thrilling from the start, throwing us in the midst of a packing fightscene and the resulting aftermath. In the following chapters we can see a lot of buildup for future developments that make me want to read on and find out what will come of it - very nice world building that promises more to come.

Grammar Score: not much to say here - the few typos I found were edited after someone pointed them out. It is clearly well-maintained and eventual errors are edited out quickly.

Character Score: The characters feel alive and believable. Especially Kirra, the MC, is authentic from the start and quickly fleshed out far enough to really relate to her, even in the early chapters! I have no doubt that this will continue for side characters as well as the story goes on.

Overall I can recommend the novel to every Xianxia and litRPG fan, but also those who have not yet ventured into the genre: this is a great place to start with it!

horizon108
Overall
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Character

An intriguing read and a story of improvement!

Reviewed at: 7 - The Phantom Pit Of Sorrow [I]

The story starts off much like other books in the genre. What sets it apart is the pantheon-based system and the fleshed-out deities in it. The setting has been laid perfectly and the story advanced fairly well.

Kirra is shown to be what she is - A child who has survived on the outskirts without any formal teaching and has the basic instincts of survival but is still a child nonetheless.

My review is as follows:

Overall: 4/5 as of chapter 7 end

Style: 4/5 - The story is narrated in a way that you feel like a spectator before you're slowly drawn into Kirra's narrative.

Story: 5/5 - The story is reminiscent of a book that I greatly enjoyed but diverges significantly after the base similarities so while I might be biased initially, I find that even after the divergence - my interest was held.

Grammar: 3.5/5 - I'm no expert in grammar so this score would usually be 4/5 given that I can read everything without noticing any of the punctuations or lack of them. However, I did notice a few straggling mistakes here and there which detracted from my reading and hence knocked off .5 of a star.

Character score: 4/5 - Kirra has not truly come into her own but the initial chapters have already fleshed out her intrinsic qualities of gratitude and courage, along with a healthy dose of caution.

Personal note: It's a story to keep an eye upon and it needs time to fully grow to the point that justice can be done to it but the author has been fairly consistent with his release schedule and as such, I have no doubt that it will reach that point soon.

P.S - You can see how the quality of the author's work has increased from chapter 3 onwards and his original voice has started coming through. Hence, I feel justified in saying that it's a story of improvement both for the protagonist as well as the author.

Good luck and cheers to the author and whoever is reading this!

Madin
Overall
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Grammar
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Kirra, our protagonist, is an orphan rejected by her people who must rise from the lowest to fulfil the wish of her fallen goddess.

Style:

Its style is dominated by narration through an omniscient third-person narrator, although sometimes only what the characters, i.e. Kirra, know is told. The story has hardly any dialogue as such. All the conversations are told to you by the narrator him/herself, but it's not as extreme as I tell it. In my opinion, I think this hurts the understanding and development of the characters, but it's a hard thing to judge because of how young the story is. 

Other than that, the author's prose is beautiful. He/she makes good use of his/her large vocabulary and doesn't fail to describe scenery and landscapes. It has minor flaws as far as characters and their characterisations are concerned, but it gets its descriptions of settings and situations right. One of the strengths of this fiction.

Story:

The first chapter of Realms is a good example of how a story should start. It's exciting, action-packed, and gives us a context for the world and our protagonist without resorting to long, boring explanations. The fate of Kirra's parents leaves a lot of questions for the reader, and if you manage to do that at the beginning of everything it's very possible to have a higher reader retention. Congratulations on that.

After the introduction, the story puts the brakes on and focuses more on world-building. It introduces in a few chapters the most important concepts (The gods, the wars that killed Ammone, the different clans, their society, the places, etc.) and I think it does it quite well, as it doesn't detract from the point the story is at. The lives of the Snowscars, Skyfire and the rest of the clans are centred around the gods, so it makes sense to talk about them to keep building the story. It's a natural progression.

I don't have many complaints about how the story progresses from there. There is conflict in little Kirra's life, and her struggle to survive is compelling. I have to say that her adoptive father's illness played less of a role than it should have. It is resolved relatively quickly and there is no further mystery to the matter. But while this subplot is undermined, another is created. In search of a cure, Kirra meets the guardian of her goddess and is given an important mission. She is then in serious trouble with the leader of the tribe, and is only saved by that mission. This shows the good coherence and connection the author can make between the different plots. 

The next part is the one I liked the least. To receive her awakening, Kirra has to enter a dungeon. It's supposed to be the biggest challenge she's had to face up to that point, but multiple conveniences save her life. Traps that even she didn't know were there finish off the monsters that inhabit the dungeon. The trap doors open to save her from danger. This doesn't kill the story, but if the protagonist still can't fight it would be wise not to put such great dangers in her way. Or at least solve it in a more intelligent way.

To end this section, I must express my dissatisfaction with the way the backstory of the world and the characters themselves is laid out. Kirra's origin is well done, but it is the only example I can remember. Many facts about her father or about the goddess Ammone are told as if they were anecdotes. I would have preferred to see these things first hand, rather than hear someone else tell them. And if that doesn't work either, telling it in dialogue wouldn't have been bad.

Grammar:

I don't have much to say in this section. There were a lot more mistakes in the beginning than there are now, so I can assure you that the author listens to his/her audience and works hard to fix them. There are still some small mistakes, like the change between male and female pronouns for Kirra, but it's not a big deal. Some letters are left over and some are missing, but as I say, overall there's a good standard of writing. (In answer to the title, I think this story shouldn't have been a LitRPG. I'm not very experienced in the genre, but so far no system has been introduced to make it feel natural afterwards. There were barely any stats in the awakening of the fourth son. Also, I don't think it needs any system. It could be a traditional fantasy fiction and it wouldn't make any difference).

Character:

Finally, the characters. I really like Kirra's parents and Kirra herself, even the tribal chief. They have their charm, personalities and impact on the story. You can easily empathise with Kirra and support her through her journey. She is not strong, she is not rich and she is not loved by her own people. But that is her greatest virtue. She strives to live and care for those she loves, and that makes her a good protagonist without needing to be psychologically complex or physically powerful. The leader, on the other hand, is a good antagonist. He favours his own, naturally, and his dislike of Kirra makes sense. 

Unfortunately, the other characters have little to say. Kirra's adoptive father serves only to develop her story. The hunters are a stone in Kirra's path and we hardly know anything about the gods or the priest. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as the story still needs to move forward. I'm sure it will become a great story as time progresses. Best of luck!

helleborus
Overall
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Brilliant read with a mix of western and eastern!

Reviewed at: 2 - No Awakening For The Forsaken

The story starts out with a fantastic battle between the parents of Kirra, the MC, and their adversaries. Not only is there a LitRPG cultivation aspect to this novel, but it also incorporates dnd vibes in a spectacular fashion. If you are a fan of both like I am, it is a definite read.

 


Style: Mixing Eastern and Western so brilliantly, I can only give this novel a thumbs up. As you read through the chapters, this blend becomes more stable and almost adopts its own genre.

 


Story: The journey of Kirra is an unusual one because this isn't one of those feel-good novels with rarely ever any context. The story is a serious one with hardships. The author doesn't rush, either, it unfolds naturally.

 


Grammar: The grammar looks good, didn't spot any big errors. The novel is written really well and you don't look for any small mistakes you may encounter due to the immersion you find yourself in.

 


Character: Kirra is a character who had a hard life from the moment she is born. She struggles and improves as best as she can urged by her familial love. She is an embodiment of the idea that storge is important above all else.