Warlock's Gate [DROPPED]

Warlock's Gate [DROPPED]

by ShroudWolfe

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

In the empire of Orinthian, Fallon Gaumond, a young Warlock, is determined to be free from her father’s controlling demands and become a Sentinel. At her side, cloaked in shadows, is her Dementher familiar, Asmodeus, who is equally committed to seeing the Warlock grow to reach her full potential. But dealing with her overly hungry companion while keeping her secret, illegal visits to Highguard’s city dungeon hidden is the least of Fallon’s problems. As a Praeditus, she is expected to serve alongside her father and the rest of Highguard’s Praefecti to resolve the growing problem of refugees fleeing an adversary even the strongest Sentinel dare not face alone. The Gates which strike Orinthian with ever-growing frequency and pour upon these war-hardened cities merciless invading hordes of monsters from other dimensions who seek to pillage, burn, and slaughter everything that stands in their way.

Please Note this is my first attempt at a litRPG. I also ask that you keep an open mind as I will be diverging, in my own way, from many of the litRPG stories I have read. For those of you who missed it, this is a Multiple Lead Characters story, hence the tag. I should also mention that this will get crunchy as far as numbers go and please pay attention to the Profanity tag.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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  • Pages :
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ShroudWolfe

ShroudWolfe

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
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KrazeKode
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

When you take LitRPG to it's next 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥

Reviewed at: Chapter 6: Parental Deception

Warlock's Gate is perhaps what it would look like if you took the concept of writing in a game world to its next stage. The story itself follows Fallon, and her Dementher familiar Asmodius, both of whom have quite fun interactions and feel well grounded.

Story: The story distinguishes itself in its interesting world building and the complex and expansive system that it presents to us. The Interesting Dungeon Mechanics, the Gates, Sentinals and many other tidbids point towards a very interesting world out there to explore. The story also felt like I was watching an immersive RPG game play out in front of me.

Style: The text flows smoothly, and the writing quality itself is very good. The numbers though, were a bit heavy on the initial chapters, and that is the only reason for the half star deduction in style. 

Grammar: Little to no mistakes here. 

Character: The character interactions are all quite interesting. I found myself enjoying the interaction between the MC and her familiar along side how the side characters were presented. There is not too much to go on for now, but the characters that have been introduced all look promising. 

TLDR: A number heavy LitRPG that is well written and has interesting characters and an interesting world. Would definitely recommend. 

Cocop (Cale Plamann)
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Although short right now, this is a very intiguing glimpse into a story with a lot of potential.  There are one or two things that dropped immersion for a half second (it can get a little infodump heavy and there are a lot of status updates for skills etc) but there is a reason that the style score only dropped a half point.  Those are very minor issues and everything else is VERY good.

In short, the story isn't super long yet, but everything you CAN see hints that it's going to be a good one.

Style
The writing is smooth and flows well.  There are POV jumps but they are done very well and add significantly to the overall story.  After a bit of exposition it does a very good job of smoothly introducing an engaging world.

Grammar
I didn't notice anything.  

Story
The worldbuilding hints we see are very good, but the story itself does a very good job of investing the reader in the MC and her struggles to make something of her self.

Character
The MC is still developing, but it looks like she is heading in the right direction.  Everyone else?  Her familiar, side characters etc are very good and feel unique/real.  Given a couple more chapters this could easily push itself up to a 5 star.

EmEs
Overall

Crushed And Dissapointed

Reviewed at: Author Note: Dropped

There's not much I can really say about this story, except that it was amazing. You could literally feel the dedication and passion put behind the author's work and I'm sad to see it leave this site. 

I actually started to release my own story around about the time as ShroudeWolf, and I'd always measure its progress and success by comparing its growth to Warlock's Gate, a sort of competition only I was privy to.

To see this work driven away from this site by a toxic fanbase (not all of it, but it only takes a few bad apples to ruin the lot) is both depressing and disappointing. Not every person's temperament and nature is the same, and so too are their limits to criticism they're willing to take (Especially when its baseless).

Just a reminder that Authors on this site are people too, and there's only so much they will accept before calling it quits. A chapter that takes minutes to read, takes hours to write and edit. (4 for me, but I'm a SERIOSELY slow typer, like literally only just started using a keyboard when I started my story)

I'm glad the author is not giving up on writing altogether (something I'm certain has happened to a lot of new authors on Royalroad), just only on this site from all the discouraging feedback. He/She really has a talent for the stuff that I can only hope to one day possess.

I guess this review wasn't really a review of the actual story, for which I apologise, not that it will do much good right now anyway. I know how great Royalroad is, how amazing and supportive it can be to aspiring writers. I've been on it for just over a year now, and this, this is not the stuff Royalroad offers. 

Skeeve
Overall

Very Good, Shows Lots of Potential

Reviewed at: Chapter 16: Iron Stance

This is well written and well formatted, with interesting and tantalizing glimpses of a thought out world and strong, clear characterizations and motivations amongst our cast so far.  I'm very interested to see where this one goes, and from what the author's said the system in this litRPG is going to be very crunchy, so if that's something that interests you it's worth a follow.

Draggar
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great Story - sad to see it end

Reviewed at: Author Note: Dropped

I don’t write reviews but I just have to say I’m really sad to see this story cut short! I absolutely loved the character, story and world building. While some feedback focused on what was not perfect (who/what is), I think some forget what RR is intended to do.  While it’s a great platform for author to connect to readers, not every story fits perfectly in the traditional web novel format.  I’ve read pretty much every litrpg story on RR and Amazon with any sort of decent reviews and this was one of the very few that was genuinely new and interesting (not the same old isekai or system world conversion set-up).  The author does an amazing job on of character development were you both understand the motivations and actions of the characters.   As part of that, the author uses multiple POVs which can be a challenge with some readers expecting a typical web novel, as we need to wait for weeks to learn what happens next.  I actually love the additional context, which just builds upon the story.  Yes, in the moment (when published) I would rather get a chapter which explains exactly what’s happening next, however the story the author was telling is better with context.  For me, understanding character motivations is much more critical to me deeply engaging in the story/world than the various systems, magic or math which story is based on.  I also appreciated how it’s clear the author has fleshed out the story and is building for the purpose which actually builds to a story climax (vs random fluff), we unfortunately won’t read here but I’m guessing we’ll see on amazon some time in the future.  

I wish the author the best and look forward to what unique stories she comes up with next! 

 

 

 

WWFire
Overall

By admirable, I'm stunned by how good the placement and designs of the system pannels; just like what the other reviews stated.  

However, it does lean into hardcore LitRPG and multiple system prompts are to be expected within a chapter. Still it definitely isn't cluttered.

Highly recommend for certain readers who enjoys the aforementioned stuff. Unfortunately, this is not for me. 

Xafair
Overall

Like the title say's I'm sad to see this gone. I can understand that argument of the quthor with high negativity since from time to time you see comments which are only negativ with no redeaming feature like an explanation why it's bad and some construtiv feedback.

I liked the story and world and even if I have not read all the chapter, I wait always for a few chapters to be released an then bing read.

So this is enough rambling, hope the author keeps writing and that he does not give up this hobby.

Eadbald
Overall

A fun new entry into the LitRPG genre. So far the worldbuilding seems solid and our hero Fallon is interesting. I encourage everyone to give this story a go as the writing quality is top-notch. I'm looking forward to seeing just where ShroudWolfe is going to take the story. 

 

Tanner_1000
Overall

Interesting and exciting. I was somewhat surprised with the different character povs but at the end of each chapter I found myself very invested into these characters. Unknown to be the supporting characters, cannon fodder or just a general description of the citizens overall mood. I'm not a huge grammar nut fanatic, but the grammars very good and the details are just my type of perfect, not too over descriptive nor too little.

The main character seems to be hotheaded and rash but I can see why and how which is vital in making me still want to read the story. Plus, the politics scene that the author introduces isn't some  elements to make the story seem more realistic, it actually feels well-thought out of, but again not overly. Like the other reviewers, I also look very much forward to the future chapters and endeavors.

Please and thank you for the chapters.

tmartel72
Overall

Great start, then fast off the rails

Reviewed at: Chapter 21: The Stench of Unity

Reader beware - this is a bait and switch.  The story starts out as described with an interesting, powerful female MC out and about on an illegal dungeon crawl.  She is smart, capable, a bit reckless, and fun to follow.  

All too soon, we are taken out of this framework and bombarded with other characters that simply aren't interesting or even likable.  The story becomes some kind of political theater.  And the only two young female leads are made mostly irrelevant by their abusive, domineering father figures.  It's not a fun read at this point.

The author also throws the reader into plotlines that are halfway done already and gives bits and pieces about how they got to that point.  Bigger problem is that the MC is similarly blind to these plot points but reacts in ridiculous manner.

Let's add a blind guy who was imprisoned and described as your father's enemy.  That is all you know.  How about immediately conspiring against the government and your family because....why exactly?!?

 

The author needs to figure out his MC's persona and motivation and develop some consistency in the plot and POV.