Breaker of Skulls (LitRPG)

by HereBeTreasure

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Dirty synposis: The MC bashes skulls and gains levels and overthinks small things. He becomes a knight. 

Synposis: An ordinary twenty-something human male undergoes the test of his life as he gets thrown into the Tutorial without any warning, learning to survive by any means possible with his sense for danger in a world where those who proved trustworthy were rarely competent, and those who proved competent were dangerous. 

Trusting his instincts, Marcello braves each new increasingly perilous test of survival as he slowly discovers that he himself was far from ordinary. 

Release schedule:

5 chapters per week. 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 10,744
  • Average Views :
  • 767
  • Followers :
  • 249
  • Favorites :
  • 33
  • Ratings :
  • 38
  • Pages :
  • 133
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
HereBeTreasure

HereBeTreasure

Achievements
15 Comments
Word Smith (VI)
10,000 Views
200 Followers
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
Sort by:
rexharris
Overall

Good start but could use some work

Reviewed at: Chapter 10 – Area 2 Closing

The start of this novel is really interesting and does a lot of things well. It has a sense of excitement and mystery about the situation, and also has good charecter building. There are three main problems so far though. 

1st. There are some events that feel really forced and don't make much sense. So far there is one big one with some smaller ones that aren't as bad. 

2nd. The combat scenes are blocky. It's hard to write good combat, especially with groups fighting each other. In this novel the combat reads more like a turn based RPG to me. It seems like at any time 1 or 2 people are doing something while everything else just seems frozen or not very active. I think the problem lies in the pacing of the different parts, but am not sure. 
3rd. Could be a big problem or no problem at all later. That is his special intuition. This is a very interesting trait that is exciting and fun. The problem is things like this can be really hard to write. Like do he has super human intiution, but then makes a dumb mistake tha ten should have caught later, it breaks the charecter and immersion. It also involves reasoning and so far his reasoning is pretty good but defiantly not super human.

overal though this book is exciting and these types of tutorials are soem of my personal favorites. I look forward to future chapters!

StoicGuard
Overall

Not much to go on, yet. Very promising start, considering the main character writes a web novel about a detective and talks through his thought process for the one consequential decision he's made thus far. We will see how further chapters develop this character!

Unfortunately, reviews must be 50 words long, so i apologize for this chapter 1 spoiler, but I am excited to see the main character follow the thief archetype. I can see him being a very Jarlaxle/Sherlock kind of hybrid. He could also go an Artemis Entreri route rather than Sherlock... let's see, shall we?