Twilight Neverland

Twilight Neverland

by yoseph_robin

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

A world without words — is a dull one.

Words brought about communication. It brought forth harmony and conflict. For a world to exist without it, it would bring about melancholy. There would be no noise.

Zachary Ashworth aspires to be a brilliant author one day. However, one problem lies ahead of him. After years of desiring nothing but to shun out people and their noise, he can no longer see the world, for it’s only colorless.

"A wish for faint light. A wish for greater blight. By the by, do you crave desire?" Said the faceless man hanging from the ceiling.

This was a story for a wonderland.


Cover and Art Illustrated by Hayato Noda

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Author
yoseph_robin

yoseph_robin

I wanted a farm... but not here

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Table of Contents
40 Chapters
Chapter Name Release Date
Θψe̞ẵʃ ago
Prologue - Boy, Girl, and the Fabled Planes ago
ARC 0: DO YOU DREAM OF AN ELUSIVE AGE? ago
Arc 0: Prelude 1 - For Whom the Bell Tolls ago
Arc 0: Prelude 2 - Aspiration for the Dull ago
Arc 0: Prelude 3 - A Heroine ago
Arc 0: Prelude 4 - To Dream ago
Arc 0: Prelude 5 - Bright-Colored Words ago
Arc 0: Prelude 6 - Lost within Change ago
Arc 0: Prelude 7 - The Pursuit for an Ordinary World ago
Arc 0: Prelude 8 - The Evershine Star ago
Arc 0: Prelude 9 - What? ago
[𝙁𝙖𝙗𝙪𝙡𝙖 — '𝙏𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙨𝙞 𝘼𝙣𝙞𝙢𝙖𝙨 𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝘽𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙠𝙚𝙧'] ago
Arc 0: Prelude 10 - Reality or Dreams? ago
Arc 0: Prelude 11 - A Hanging Dream ago
Arc 0: Prelude 12 - Blind Enlightenment ago
Arc 0: Prelude 13 - Choice ago
Arc 0: Prelude 14 - Isolated Bird ago
Arc 0: Prelude 15 - Leading Light ago
Arc 0: Prelude 16 - Lost ago
Arc 0: Prelude 17 - Adrift the Ocean ago
Arc 0: Prelude 18 - The Unexpected Visitor ago
Arc 0: Prelude 19 - Shattered Home ago
Arc 0: Prelude 20 - The Hope ago
[𝙁𝙖𝙗𝙪𝙡𝙖 — 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙎𝙥𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨, 𝙒𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙇𝙖𝙣𝙙] ago
Arc 0: Prelude 21 - The Ideal Real ago
Arc 0: Prelude 22 - A Solution ago
Arc 0: Prelude 23 - To Reality ago
Arc 0: Prelude 24 - The Real Ideal ago
Arc 0: Prelude 25 - Bright-Colored World ago
Arc 0: Interlude - The Oldest Book ago
Arc 0: Chapter 1 - Welcome to Melanvale ago
Arc 0: Chapter 2 - When The Tiger Yearns For Hunger ago
Arc 0: Chapter 3 - Don’t Touch Rabbits ago
Arc 0: Chapter 4 - Nightingale of Red ago
Arc 0: Chapter 5 - Maverick Authority ago
Arc 0: Chapter 6 - Rest For The Weary ago
Arc 0: Chapter 7 - What Lies Between Words ago
Arc 0: Chapter 8 - The Perks of Benevolence ago
Arc 0: Chapter 9 - The Luminary S̷̡̟͈̺͗̾̋̃̏͠ẗ̵̝̩͈͓̦́̔̂ͅȃ̶̛̤̫̭̥̩̼̒̐̈̾r̴̰̠͍͕̒́͆̌͜ ago

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Arthur-67
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Definitely something different but worth a read

Reviewed at: Arc 0: Prelude 13 - Adrift the Ocean

Overall great job

First thing- unrelated to the actual story is you should space out your updates more. Most are all done in one day and therefore you are greatly reducing your exposure to new people. One chapter a day would mean you are on the new updates section each day instead of like once a week as you are currently. 

Secondly, I loved the picture in the first chapter, it looked really good. Nice way to start off.

Grammar

A few mistakes here and there e.g.'it hasn't been a few minutes since she started writing. 'Cladded in armour'. But these are all quite small and easily missed by authors who are very familiar with their work. A quick run-through of Grammarly or word to speech would likely catch them all. I should probably also follow my own advice here aswell lol.

Style
The style is quite poetic at the start which is different but quite nice to read.  Something I've never really read before. It's unique but might make your story more of a niche than it already is. It is a mix of past and presents tense but still written well enough to be more than readable.

Some phrases could do with a little tweaking as they seem to interrupt the flow of the story. 'dozed off in his own daydream of thought,
 he woke up when he realized Lauren was no longer by his side,. Just a few bits and bobs here and there to help the flow.

The first chapter heavily favoured tell but it does balance out with a nice mix of dialogue and description later on.

Story
It starts off all fantasy-like, with swordsmen and knights. A raging battle etc. Then the next moment it becomes a modern-day school setting,
.It was like I was reading a different novel entirely in its style. Especially since the characters had names here. There are a lot of puzzling questions- was the first part his dream or some giant metaphor. It is definitely through-provoking
and I am definitely curious to see how it will all link in together.

Character
We don't really get any character names until later on. It sort of reminded me of the goblin slayer novel in that aspect. The lack of names does make it somewhat harder to feel a connection to the characters. As does the style. However, as I read more and learnt more about them, I still did find myself enjoying the characters.

lulutulu
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Twilight Neverland is weird? That's the best way to describe it. I don't know if it's fantasy, mystery, psychological horror, or something else. I have never seen anything like that on the site. It has its strengths, but those same strengths can ultimately reduce it for some.

 

The good:

1. The story is nothing special. The settings are pretty average and our mc is a depressed high school student. However, this is not the usual type of depression found in other novels on this site. The author takes it and digs deeper into the lowest of the lowest. But to balance it, there is a heroine (because of course there is a heroine) and she is the one who makes the story shine.

2. Whether it's just fantasy or psychological, I really like the concept of mc noise. By refusing to listen to others and (literally) shutting them out, the mc has already strengthened his already horrendous attitude. Don't get me wrong, he scratches some points for being right as a character, but as a person he's pretty bad. So, for clarity, mc is a sad part of sh * t (for some reason, it can't be explained exactly for spoiler reasons).

3. There is another thing that I feel might be a spoiler because the story continues to shroud itself in this mystery so I'll just lay it out with a tag.

I like the concept of the Hanged Man and the chapters where he's present are honestly one of the best in the novel so far. I just hoped the author would use him more instead of take a different direction back to the depression stuff.

 

 

The bad:

1. The story introduction for the story is strange to say the least. It pulls you through 4 false intros before you end up in the prelude. Some may find this interesting, but it only disconnects me and loses me. This is what this novel does well. I was very lost.

2. The characters are great and carry a bit of a story, but the story itself feels weird and undirected. It hits big scenarios one after another, I think it's a mystery, but I still don't know what it's for, and I feel it's a bit pointless and sometimes borning, which is what ultimately brings down the story for me (the only reason I haven't ditched yet is the characters and their actions).

3. The quality of writing is a bit heavy, and it gets really heavy when you reach the dark areas of the story, but if you can get over it, it's not all unbearable or unreadable. There are some small mistakes, such as grammar and other small mistakes, but you won't really notice them. There is some small mistakes such as grammar and other small things, but you won't really notice.

 

It was an overall ok novel from what I read so if you want to pass the time with some depression then this is the novel for you. I just hope the author fixes the issues and stick to a clear direction.

Buller
Overall

I actually like the style with this one

Reviewed at: Arc 0: Prelude 3 - A Heroine

Like, it's way different from normal. There is no other fiction on this platform, which I have read, that used those weird curved math thingies. Did that make sense for you? If yes, then it's a big lie from you. Haven't even seen most of the symbols this fiction uses, and I'm perfectly fine with that. 

Anyway. Story. It's good. Grammar is fine as well if underused in word choices.  Nothing else to really say. 5/5 from me, even if others will likely have other ideas.

Andromeda's Prince
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A Heart-Wrenching Story About Dreams and Struggle

Reviewed at: Arc 0: Prelude 15 - Leading Light

Story

Twilight Neverland is going to be a story that seriously pulls at your heartstrings. If you want something that makes you laugh, cheer, and make you cry? Then this is the story for you.

It is an incredibly slow burning work, as the narrative is still on its prelude arc. However, I assure, that this story is entirely worth reading. If you are a writer and struggle with mental illness, then this story will most definitely pull on your heart, because you know what? It totally did that with mine.

Style

For starters, this story makes an incredible usage of illusion in order to paint a picture of someone in crisis. The Hanged Man, in all honesty, his very name rings very personal bells to me. I'm going to be honest and just say that I am all too familiar with how Zachary feels in life. Regardless, the style mixes a vibrant vocabulary and toys with words in order to paint a crystal clear image of what is going on.

Grammar

I have zero reasons to complain here. Move along.

Characters

I am going to start by remarking on Lauren, an enigmatic, almost guardian angel figure for Zachary. Truth be told, I love her! She is understanding, kind, and patient, trying her best to be there for her mentally ill friend. Lauren is that friend we loners wish we had in real life, she is that friend! I love how she never gives up, never gives in on the dream, and keeps trying to motivate Zachary even though she got an award instead of him.

I love how she cares!

Zachary himself, is an incredibly real teen in a horrible situation: dysfunctional family, feeling empty, loneliness, and only having art to escape. You will smile when he gets a second wind, and you will cry when he gets smacked down, and then you will smile again when he gets a chance to rebound. 

His relationship with Lauren, and he just softens up around her, is significantly touching. It is a slow burn, and yes there does exist conflict between them that revolves about what he thinks of her and his own personal life. Yet, you just want them to stick together, to carry each other to the other side of the road, and to achieve their dreams of being famous writers like their idol.

To conclude, Twilight Neverland is an emotional rollercoaster of a story, bringing in fantasy elements along with a heart-rending narrative beside a beautiful style. In conclusion, if you want a story that makes you cry, this is the one.

A V Dalcourt
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Adjusting my review because interacting with this author post review was such a delight. This one is really reader driven - I can see them really growing into their craft.

Twilight Wonderland is a wonderfully written piece of fiction. The words ooze with mystery and disenchantment to the point of being oppressive if not in the right state of mind to obsorb the ideas. Would probably best serve the sort of reader who is already massively dissillusioned or who feel ostricized (wether by choice or not). A reader who has a positive pre-disposition just won't 'get' the world that's being built.

I gave this work 4 stars because it is a very well written piece of fiction, but it should not be read in one sitting.

Onto the good stuff:

Grammar: Top marks. There's a few odd word choices that sort of feel out of place, but otherwise the flow of the prose feels smooth to read.

Style: As mentioned, the atmosphere and tone are incredibly dark and oppressive. Only someone who can weave atmosphere into their work, giving the world a life of their own at a near visceral level has a firm grasp on their voice as an author. 

Now for the trouble spots:

Story: The first four parts read like disjointed short stories. They have a unified theme, which gets to feel on the verge of preachy after the sheer amount of repition. So it's four false starts, followed by another false start through the sequence of preludes. All of these before the story parts makes me wonder if maybe the author chose to start their story in the wrong place or perhaps they should be telling a different story all together. 

Character: There are a few different characters that we're introduced to, but because it's all prologues and preludes, I'm not to sure if I was meant to care or even remember these people. There's a general vagueness to each of the prologue characters. Beyond a brief physical description we don't really get to know their personalities. Donna's introduction starts with the same oppressive intro as the Dark Knights, and with the boy in seclusion - so it's difficult to weight each character on their own personalities. 

Then there's our epitomi of self-angst Zack, who actively avoids anything social and thinks poor of anyone who tries engaging with him, including his own mother. I'd ask what went on there, but he holds the same black brush against all people, so it's not even worth asking the question. At first I thought the author was doing something clever with deftness, but no... the guy is just an elitist ass and views anything coming out of the pesant's mouths as gibberish. He made a good impression, can't you tell?

Zack is only relatable if you share the same loathing of your fellow man.

I gave the character section 2 stars because while I don't understand the purpose of the prologue characters, at least Zack made me feel something, even if it's the feeling that he's not worth getting to know and a general waste of my time (same words he uses to describe the people he has to tolerate on a day to day basis).