The New Destiny ( New Game +)

The New Destiny ( New Game +)

by LowryX

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

My name is Harris Cage. Several years ago, a game called The New Destiny was released. A game so successful, it created it own phenomena but also the hardest game in history. It didn't take long for me to get addicted to it. After 5 years of being a shut in, I finally managed to beat this game. As a consequence, I lost my job and love life,but who need those? . I then decided to play the new game + mode and to my surprise, I get plunged into the game world. Well then, how should I survive?

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  • Total Views :
  • 43,902
  • Average Views :
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  • Followers :
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  • Ratings :
  • 14
  • Pages :
  • 90
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LowryX

LowryX

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gnarlytreeman
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

There are pretty much no paragraphs, sentance structure is super simple, and there are a lot of tense mistakes.  Very little descriptions of character moods, and settings.  The main character is bland, and the story plot is ruined by the easily maxed out powers.  

 

With a lot of effort the writer can fix all of this, however it will take a complete rewrite and loads of growth in language skills.

Lewisking50
Overall

 This story has good potential and I hope it will become a good and long lasting story in the future. The grammar however needs some improvements, there a quite some mistakes and inconsistencies as such I probably won't continue reading until that's fixed.

Contradiction
Overall

 stopped after meeting wolf girl. might have been ch. 05.                                                          this story is bad. what i mean is, while its your typical transmigrated to a game world story, its done poorly. whether its grammar, characters, world building, pacing, etc. Poor grammar kills the immersion, although it is mostly understandable. characters are bland and difficult to connect to. world building is almost non existant, its more "This is a game world, lets kill shit". MC is OP right off the bat, so it feels like hes never truly in any danger, and he's already got what i feel are 2 harem members/worshippers. Now maybe none of this is true, but from initial impressions, this story is bad and i cant bother to continue with this story that hasnt been edited in at least 1 1/2 years.

 

Fourgetting
Overall

You fixed what you needed to (and rather quickly, pretty impressive!), the grammar is good, vocabulary is good, and the storyline shows promise.  Starting to read, and it's pretty good. Has a thing here and there, but it's pretty easy to get past that, and they're all easy to fix. Looking forward to the story long term!