The Unified States of Mana

The Unified States of Mana

by FormlessChimera

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

My name is Kyra Baker, I’m 20 years old and a university student, and recently I’ve been offered a scholarship to a definitely-not-shady magical academy. A ‘support device’ I was given shows me a list of classes I can take, all involving mana, magic, and Skills with a capital S.

To get there I was lumped into a ship full of strange and alien creatures, jumping between worlds as we pick up more and more hapless ‘students’. Things were starting to make a little sense, until the ship crashed into an alien world.

Now, I might be getting trained as a rebel soldier, or something?

Looking on the bright side, I haven’t gotten this much exercise in a long time and there are plenty of cute girls around. When I develop some Skills and work on my classes, maybe I’ll become strong enough to actually have the time to flirt with them.

 ~ One of the few surviving records thought to be written by the Empress before her rise to power.

Cover by zaex321123 on DeviantArt

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FormlessChimera

FormlessChimera

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Table of Contents
240 Chapters
Next Chapter:
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue ~ Jump ago
Chapter 1 ~ Visitor ago
Chapter 2 ~ Ship ago
Chapter 3 ~ Making Acquaintances ago
Chapter 4 ~ Red ago
Chapter 5 ~ New World ago
Chapter 6 ~ Sparring ago
Chapter 7 ~ Mana ago
Chapter 8 ~ Skills ago
Chapter 9 ~ Beast Army ago
Chapter 10 ~ Corpses and Strays ago
Chapter 11 ~ Slaughter ago
Chapter 12 ~ Exploits ago
Chapter 13 ~ Mana Form ago
Chapter 14 ~ Fight and Flight ago
Chapter 15 ~ Sweet Mother ago
Chapter 16 ~ Returning ago
Chapter 17 ~ Questions ago
Chapter 18 ~ Talents ago
Chapter 19 ~ Academy Tour ago
Chapter 20 ~ Frustrations ago
Chapter 21 ~ Under The World ago
Chapter 22 ~ Training ago
Chapter 23 ~ Spiders ago
Chapter 24 ~ Preparations ago
Chapter 25 ~ Heading Up ago
Chapter 26 ~ Shopping ago
Chapter 27 ~ Insane World ago
Chapter 28 ~ Class ago
Chapter 29 ~ Lectures ago
Chapter 30 ~ The Beast Inside ago
Chapter 31 ~ Restrained Battle ago
Chapter 32 ~ Wind ago
Chapter 33 ~ Liquid Battle ago
Chapter 34 ~ Garden ago
Chapter 35 ~ Dance ago
Chapter 36 ~ Class Begins ago
Chapter 37 ~ Rat ago
Chapter 38 ~ Dissection ago
Chapter 39 ~ Beasts ago
Chapter 40 ~ Journalists ago
Chapter 41 ~ Scholar ago
Chapter 42 ~ Smith ago
Chapter 43 ~ Songbird ago
Chapter 44 ~ Acapella ago
Chapter 45 ~ Safe Paths ago
Chapter 46 ~ Party ago
Chapter 47 ~ Gathered Pieces ago
Chapter 48 ~ Autumn Forest ago
Chapter 49 ~ Opposing Hills ago
Chapter 50 ~ Battle practice ago
Chapter 51 ~ Survival ago
Chapter 52 ~ Mountain View ago
Chapter 53 ~ The Fox ago
Chapter 54 ~ Outfoxed ago
Chapter 55 ~ Protector ago
Chapter 56 ~ Trees ago
Chapter 57 ~ Shattered Mana ago
Chapter 58 ~ New Weapon ago
Chapter 59 ~ Grunts ago
Chapter 60 ~ Crabs ago
Chapter 61 ~ Consequences ago
Chapter 62 ~ Power ago
Chapter 63 ~ Unintelligible Conversation ago
Chapter 64 ~ Our Future ago
Chapter 65 ~ While The Sun Shines ago
Chapter 66 ~ Fresh Chip ago
Chapter 67 ~ Sharing ago
Chapter 68 ~ How I Fight ago
Chapter 69 ~ New Beginnings ago
Chapter 70 ~ Violence ago
Chapter 71 ~ What We Have ago
Chapter 72 ~ An Inside Job ago
Chapter 73 ~ Starlight Bath ago
Chapter 74 ~ Gearing Up ago
Chapter 75 ~ Scouting ago
Chapter 76 ~ Mass Of Flesh ago
Chapter 77 ~ Extermination ago
Chapter 78 ~ The Depths ago
Chapter 79 ~ Rushed Operation ago
Chapter 80 ~ Bad Students ago
Chapter 81 ~ Absconding With the Menagerie ago
Chapter 82 ~ Hollow World ago
Chapter 83 ~ Natives ago
Chapter 84 ~ Slayers ago
Chapter 85 ~ The Lords of Frey ago
Chapter 86 ~ Leadership ago
Chapter 87 ~ Temporary ago
Chapter 88 ~ Food, Water, Shelter ago
Chapter 89 ~ All We Can Do ago
Chapter 90 ~ Looking Ahead ago
Chapter 91 ~ Hunting ago
Chapter 92 ~ Motivation ago
Chapter 93 ~ Change ago
Chapter 94 ~ Bug Hunt ago
Chapter 95 ~ Scolded ago
Chapter 96 ~ Finding Shortcuts ago
Chapter 97 ~ Cake ago
Chapter 98 ~ Bad Mood ago
Chapter 99 ~ The Push ago
Chapter 100 ~ Too Much Excitement ago
Chapter 101 ~ Poison ago
Chapter 102 ~ Tkarn ago
Chapter 103 ~ Remedy ago
Chapter 104 ~ Making a Home ago
Chapter 105 ~ A Favour ago
Chapter 106 ~ The Peaks ago
Chapter 107 ~ Pests or Pets ago
Chapter 108 ~ Bloodsucker ago
Chapter 109 ~ Back to Class ago
Chapter 110 ~ The Edge of the World ago
Chapter 111 ~ The Fort ago
Chapter 112 ~ Life in the Fort ago
Chapter 113 ~ Wall Defence ago
Chapter 114 ~ Pest Control ago
Chapter 115 ~ Blind Fire ago
Chapter 116 ~ Royal Battle ago
Chapter 117 ~ Remains of a Titan ago
Chapter 118 ~ Victorious Return ago
Chapter 119 ~ Hiring an Alchemist ago
Chapter 120 ~ Imperfectly Made ago
Chapter 121 ~ Alchemy Students ago
Chapter 122 ~ Snow ago
Chapter 123 ~ Caves ago
Chapter 124 ~ Swimming with the Fishes ago
Chapter 125 ~ The Flower ago
Chapter 126 ~ Misty ago
Chapter 127 ~ Crafting ago
Chapter 128 ~ The Charade of Battle ago
Chapter 129 ~ Anticipation ago
Chapter 130 ~ Dealing With Death ago
Chapter 131 ~ Gathering the Pieces ago
Chapter 132 ~ Traitor ago
Chapter 133 ~ Paskel ago
Chapter 134 ~ Clean Air ago
Chapter 135 ~ Before It Begins ago
Chapter 136 ~ Through the Gates ago
Chapter 137 ~ Another Bug Hunt ago
Chapter 138 ~ Killing A Cockroach ago
Chapter 139 ~ Loekan ago
Chapter 140 ~ The Weight of Responsibility ago
Chapter 141 ~ New Power ago
Chapter 142 ~ Distracted Thoughts ago
Chapter 143 ~ Managing Skills ago
Chapter 144 ~ War ago
Chapter 145 ~ Blood-soaked Battlefield ago
Chapter 146 ~ Change of Heart ago
Chapter 147 ~ Red Birds and Deep Crawlers ago
Chapter 148 ~ Hidden Weapons ago
Chapter 149 ~ Local Rebel Faction ago
Chapter 150 ~ The Puddle Punches Back ago
Chapter 151 ~ Saferoom ago
Chapter 152 ~ Hidden Allies ago
Chapter 153 ~ It's a Trap ago
Chapter 154 ~ It's a Fight ago
Chapter 155 ~ it's a Deal ago
Chapter 156 ~ Talks ago
Chapter 157 ~ School Training ago
Chapter 158 ~ Allies ago
Chapter 159 ~ What is Love? ago
Chapter 160 ~ The Start of Something ago
Chapter 161 ~ From Above ago
Chapter 162 ~ Breaching the Walls ago
Chapter 163 ~ The City Not Yet Ours ago
Chapter 164 ~ Flight ago
Chapter 165 ~ Fear ago
Chapter 166 ~ The Weight of Magic ago
Chapter 167 ~ A Bug's Honour ago
Chapter 168 ~ Seizing Homes ago
Chapter 169 ~ Truce ago
Chapter 170 ~ Moments of Peace ago
Chapter 171 ~ Flaming Zombies ago
Chapter 172 ~ War Tolls ago
Chapter 173 ~ What Survives ago
Chapter 174 ~ A Shared Future ago
Chapter 175 ~ What is an Empire? ago
Chapter 176 ~ A Week Away ago
Chapter 177 ~ Another Culture ago
Chapter 178 ~ Everything That's Mine ago
Chapter 179 ~ A Throne ago
Chapter 180 ~ Splitting Land ago
Chapter 181 ~ Unresolved ago
Chapter 182 ~ Stealth ago
Chapter 183 ~ Taking Time ago
Chapter 184 ~ Time ago
Chapter 185 ~ Busy Peace ago
Chapter 186 ~ Finding A New Enemy ago
Chapter 187 ~ The Ghosts Hiding in Shadows ago
Chapter 188 ~ Home ago
Chapter 189 ~ Good Neighbours ago
Chapter 190 ~ Finding Enemies ago
Chapter 191 ~ Leon ago
Chapter 192 ~ Overproduction ago
Chapter 193 ~ Under Cool Lights ago
Chapter 194 ~ Guilds ago
Chapter 195 ~ Purpose ago
Chapter 196 ~ From a New Perspective ago
Chapter 197 ~ Using Beasts ago
Chapter 198 ~ Stress ago
Chapter 199 ~ Intervention ago
Chapter 200 ~ A New Rival ago
Chapter 201 ~ Back to the Forge ago
Chapter 202 ~ Space and Flight ago
Chapter 203 ~ Far From Home ago
Chapter 204 ~ Earth ago
Chapter 205 ~ Frozen Meals ago
Chapter 206 ~ Getting Down to Business ago
Chapter 207 ~ Employers ago
Chapter 208 ~ Tutor ago
Chapter 209 ~ Running Away ago
Chapter 210 ~ Conspiracy ago
Chapter 211 ~ Who I Want To Be ago
Chapter 212 ~ Without Turning Back ago
Chapter 213 ~ Home ago
Chapter 214 ~ Order ago
Chapter 215 - Fighting For Defeat ago
Chapter 216 ~ Victory in Defeat ago
Chapter 217 ~ Grand Council ago
Chapter 218 ~ Just Another Frontier ago
Chapter 219 ~ Civilisation Planning ago
Chapter 220 ~ One Brick at a Time ago
Chapter 221 ~ Peaceful Solutions ago
Chapter 222 ~ Technology and Techniques ago
Chapter 223 ~ Threats and Leverage ago
Chapter 224 ~ Guest ago
Chapter 225 ~ Arena ago
Chapter 226 ~ Peasantry ago
Chapter 227 ~ Trade ago
Chapter 228 ~ Therapy ago
Chapter 229 ~ Voices ago
Chapter 230 ~ Change ago
Chapter 231 ~ Sharing Answers ago
Chapter 232 ~ Building Society ago
Chapter 233 ~ Meditation ago
Chapter 234 ~ Beginning, Middle, and End ago
Chapter 235 ~ Alliances ago
Chapter 236 ~ Dangerous Quiet ago
Chapter 237 ~ The Hedges Between Us ago
Chapter 238 ~ Building Tensions ago
Chapter 239 ~ Coming to a Deal ago

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Aurnyx
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Tl;dr My favorite story on this site. Other reviews scared me off, but when I finally got around to reading it I found an amazing world with interesting themes and intriguing characters.

I've read dozens of stories on Royal Road, but this is my first review. The main reason I feel the need to write one for this story in particular is that I came across this story a few times while hunting for something new to read. The reviews warned me about pacing issues somehow both too fast and too slow, or they talked about how the characters were one dimensional and unlikable. It was honestly only by chance I ended up reading it anyway, and I was entranced.

The world the story takes place in is perhaps what I love most. Most of it so far takes place within a dystopia which I find to be surprisingly unique. The alien species encountered have an interesting variety, and the tendency for them to be bipedal and look somewhat like humans is even explained in universe. The magic system is genuinely fun and intuitive, as no branch of magic feels extremely broken yet, and the playing field is kept level, especially in combat.

Speaking of combat, the pacing in this story is amazingly dynamic. The first dozen chapters after the intro are full of combat and moments when main characters are close to death, capitalizing well on how the plot armor hasn't been established yet. Before too long, though, the main characters are taken out of that situation and put into an environment that has almost too little conflict at times. In future chapters it goes back and forth between chaos and calm. This may sound off-putting, and some people clearly were driven away by this, but in my opinion the pacing serves a purpose: character development. During each crisis, characters are stretched to their limits and often pushed beyond what they can handle. They form bonds that would have taken months in other conditions, they find new capabilities within themselves, and they are scarred mentally. Whenever they have time to breathe, they deepen and explore those bonds with each other, experiment with their new abilities, and learn to deal with whatever trauma they've had. This cycle is what drives character growth and I find that each character has truly changed through this cycle. Some of them become more convinced what they're doing is right, some have doubts. They all question what the future holds, and they each have their own agenda. I feel that this is the core of the story, the way how our struggles and our successes create who we are.

I'm not sure how to really go into characters without spoiling said character arcs, but suffice to say they span an interesting variety with many different viewpoints. Almost nobody is good or evil. The main character is doing her best but she gets things wrong and the story doesn't shy away from that. She's also completely insane. Everyone around her knows it too, and I enjoy the dynamic it creates.

Additionally, I want to bring up what is perhaps least important to many readers but most important to me, the romance. As a woman with multiple girlfriends I often struggle to find any good representations of polyamory the way I experience it, but this is one of the best I've seen, partially because of how fleshed out all the characters involved are. It is not some cult devoted to the main character, all the different girls care for and communicate with each other. The romantic scenes are just cuddling and kissing and taking comfort in being near those you love. It's adorable and I love it all. I wish we got to see more of the girls being romantic with each other while the main character isnt around for more character dynamics, but the first person perspective unfortunately prevents that.

My one criticism of the story is how it handles gender. It acknowledges that sexless beings exist, but insists upon gendering them anyway. A few uses of singular they would be nice, and go a long way towards acknowledging the existence of nonbinary and agender persons. Also the main character's repeated worries about flirting with someone only to discover they're really a man feel a bit unusual with how varied such biological and cultural issues would be in an interdimensional society. I understand the attraction to only one gender, but there would be such a spectrum and variety of genders and sexual physiologies if you really had so many different species and cultures.

In the end though, this story has taken my heart, and has quickly become my favorite story on all of Royal Road.

(Wish I could better explain why I like this story so much, but I'm new to writing reviews. Sorry)

Cestarian
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

It's a good story with pacing issues

Reviewed at: Chapter 143 ~ Managing Skills

This story's pretty nice, a girlie gets isekaid into a world that's a unique mix of sci-fi and fantasy, leaning more towards fantasy on the surface, but the deeper you dig the more sci-fi it becomes. One thing leads to another and bam, she's ends up with a hot yuri harem of alien babes. There's definitely more to this story than that though, there is an actual story here, there's a beginning and it doesn't take much reading until the protagonist's goals for the end are clear.

In other words it's one of those stories where the protagonist moves with their own purpose ratehr than just coasting along and going with the flow, which immediately sets it above the average webnovel where most of the time the protagonists are at best working towards a vague goal.

I must applaud the worldbuilding, I have been very impressed with the setting of the story, it's something I haven't seen before. It's something new, not just a generic isekai, and there's a lot of things that are in my opinion fairly unique about it.

The protagonist is not OP either, which is something to celebrate, she manages to develop some special abilities that nobody else seems to have, but she's so far behind in everything that it isn't even enough to balance things out, she's still weak, relatively speaking.

 

 

The style is pretty much just first person and all of it is single pov, I do like it, but  first person is generally not a good style and this story doesn't do anything special that makes it better (but it fortunately avoids a lot of the common mistakes that would make it worse). I am quite happy about the complete absence of POV switches though.

Grammar's also pretty good, there are minor mistakes here and there but I never saw anything too serious. Just some words occasionally misspelled as another word that sounds phonetically similar would be the most commonly occurring mistake here.

As for the characters, the characters are not bad, they're nothing spectacularly good either, they work, they're not entirely generic, but they're missing a little something for me to be able to call them actually good. What exactly that is, I couldn't say though. But at the very least they are not bad, I have no real complaints about them, just nothing to particularly praise either.

 

 

Lastly, to mention my one truly major issue with the story (I had a couple lesser ones too tho, but I feel like this review's long enough already), like with almost all webnovels, is pacing.

At the start the pacing is good, but 20 or so chapters in, the pacing essentially just grinds to a halt, we go from relatively fast pacing to ridiculously slow pacing in just a few chapters, by  the time you reach chapter 30 you'll be feeling it, by the time you reach chapter 40 you'll probably be bored.

We go from interesting events every other chapter or so, to barely anything happenign for 20 chapters or so.

Additionally, it also suffers from the other kind of bad pacing I've noticed common in webnovels, which is that even when things are happening way too slow (taking way too many chapters to get anywhere), they're also happening way too fast, in the sense that events sometimes take 3 or 4 days when it'd be much more reasonable for them to take 3 or 4 weeks. Apparently webnovel authors often struggle insanely hard with the concept of timeframes and make way too many things happen within way too few in-story days.


Which somehow manages to make the slow pacing feel rushed at the same time, with our protagonist improving in days as much as she'd realistically be expected to improve in months; even as a uniquely talented protagonist; and years; if she was not.

That's the issue with this story. It's not unique to this story, both of these issues are the most common issues with just about any webnovel, authors that avoid these 2 issues are excruciatingly rare, but that does not excuse it, and this is the main reason for the low style score I gave.

 

Overall, I'd say i enjoy this story, it's good, but it could be better. There's a couple of things I'd like to see improved, but I think the author should focus on the weakest point of the story, which is it's pacing (I'd say the second weakest would be the romance, romance is just not very good, it's ok, but it could afford to be... more...).

That's about it.

 

Update: Original review was written on ch  82, i've read up to ch 143 now. I've got practically nothing to add, pacing is still the story's acchilles heel and hasn't really improved much. I recall a few chapters back the protagonist said something about being just at the starting line (think it was ch130 or something), this is about 1500 pages in give or take. if it takes you the same amount of text as 5-10 feature length novels to get 'just past the starting line', I'd say it's a strong sign that your pacing is way too slow.

Also protagonist starting to get a bit op. Imo she's been given too many advantages, she's been in the unified states only a few months and she's already close to catching up with the teachers in power. Which should normally take at the very least the same amount of time as completing her education would, which is counted in years, not months.

SensibleMalarkey
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Badass Polycule Takes On The Universe

Reviewed at: Chapter 132 ~ Traitor

Meet Kyra, she has recently been enrolled-kidnapped as a student-soldier to the Landra Inter-Realm Academy of The Unified States of Mana. On what would have been her first day of ‘Magic School’, events go spectacularly, horrifyingly wrong. The ship transporting Kyra and her fellow students suffers an attempted highjacking by a crazed red woman named Red, resulting in a crash landing on an alien planet. From there, Kyra is harshly introduced to the Wild West equivalent of this mana rich universe. Troubles include: death, conscription, brutal boot camp training, a siege, killing, and some light cannibalism.

Within all that ghastliness Kyra starts to learn magic, meets and finds support from three other young women: Eshya, Nel, and Vii, and supports them in turn, until, and after, their eventual rescue.

And that’s all within the first 16 chapters. The opening arc is fast and savage, providing a distinct look at how dangerous this ‘new normal’ can be, and what a world can look like outside of the Unified States control: cutthroat, survival of the fittest, with very little compassion.

It is an introduction that has teeth, that reverberates and leaves an impact on Kyra and the girls which can be felt hundreds of chapters later.

Now, if that sounds intense - it is - though the opening bloodbath to this universe is not representative of the story as a whole. There are quiet moments, there is calm, there is beauty. As well as a wicked sense of humor. It’s simply impossible to not assert the importance of those 16 chapters: the pace they set for the story to come, and the influence they have on our main cast.

 

Character

Kyra in five words: ‘abrasive, but fun as hell.’ I love her and find her to be damn refreshing. She’s a strong willed, mouthy, stubborn, fucking hilarious… and broken individual.

During her short time in Red’s ‘bootcamp,’ Kyra witnesses something so uniquely cruel and unbelievably barbaric that she effectively snaps. Conjuring a grand scheme to create her own empire. A place that Eshya, Nel, Vii, and herself can be safe and uncontested. Where Kyra herself is empress.

Co-dependency issues along with forming a persona as a coping mechanism. If that sounds a bit unhinged… Well, it is.

There is a subtle undercurrent of trauma threaded through the story. While hardly the focus (it really isn’t), Kyra and the girls are coping - each in their own way - their motivation being to never be at the whim of another Red, or at the beck and call of the Unified States. They butt heads against the status quo, hunt for ways to fast track their own development, looking for any advantage they can. We are not dealing with a group of girls that mope their woes away, no, they cope by going out and getting shit done.

While the rather unhealthy motivator to become a ruler is consistent goal for Kyra, it does not entirely define her development. Who she is becoming is very much nurtured from the support and warmth from those close to her. Though the occasional prickly asshole does need to be put in their place from time to time.

… … …

As for the other residents of this universe? They are colorful fantasy fair. There are dog-men, crystalline individuals, lizard folk, tree folk, even elves. From humanoid to the exotic! the Unified States accept all! And everyone gets along (or else!)

The Unified States of Mana itself is a fascinating entity. Expansive and powerful enough to have an entire planet dedicated to academies. A self entitled beacon of civilization spanning across worlds that acts as a bulwark against devastating mana beasts. Accepting of numerous species and cultures, but only if those ‘others’ conform to the Unified State’s ideals of what it means to be civilized.

It’s a nation of contrasts; a civilization that has risen to unbelievably great power, yet has somehow managed to stunt itself. It is both tolerant and uniquely intolerant. A melting pot of cultures while being remarkably soulless.

I would equate it to an unfathomably intricate clockwork machine. Every wheel, gear, ratchet, and pendulum having a distinct and exact purpose. With no expectation or want for those mechanisms to amount to anything beyond their expected purpose. It makes one wonder how this civilization got to this point of stagnation. That, alongside Kyra’s adventures, is a mystery I’m interested in seeing if there is a conclusion to.

 

Grammar

Competent. In the early chapters I would note perhaps one error, or oddity, per chapter. Just consistent enough to be notable, though not once has any of it ever been unreadable.

Mere occasional blips.

 

Style

Kyra will likely determine the mileage readers get out of this story because it’s her voice in our ear. She is the narrator, she is our eyes into this world. The tone, sense of humor, and attitude is her. And the writing is sassy to match. For those who might find her to be ‘a bit much’, she does mellow as the story progresses.

The narrative is fast paced but never feels aimless. Nor does it degrade into daily minutiae, or ‘leveling up for the sake of leveling up via monster hunting’. The pacing does fluctuate: while the opening arc is brutally fast, the arc that immediately follows is shockingly (whiplash inducingly) slow in comparison, but it also feels needed in a way: giving both the girls, and the audience, a breather as our knowledge of this universe we are cast into slowly begins to expand further and further.

… … …

If my glowing recommendation thus far hasn’t yet convinced you to give this story a shot… well… there’s also a harem…

Dammit, nope can’t leave it at that. While the girls do jokingly say they are in Kyra’s harem, it’s rather disingenuous because their lives don’t revolve around seeking one persons approval. They are very much in a relationship with each other and not just in a relationship with Kyra.

… Still not convinced? Ugh, fine! Eshya is an elf, Nel is an insectoid, and Vii is a harpy. That’s right! Monster girls! Now go read it.

Red’s bootcamp “training regime” is the equivalent of having recruits desperately hang on to the outside of a car while she drives like a cackling maniac through a minefield.

Now, go read it!

luda305
Overall

Niche OP System Story; Otherwise Rec'd Skip

Reviewed at: Chapter 14 ~ Fight and Flight

This is a difficult story to write a review for.  I don't like it, but articulating the reasons is a bit difficult. 

At the core, it's a scifi-fantasy blend where a prospective...let's say wizard..., where a prospective wizard gets forcibly enrolled from Earth into a magic academy, but, before she even arrives there, is subsequently abducted by the equivalent of guerilla rebels and thrown into their hellish boot camp. 

Genre-wise, it's probably closest in tone to so-called Earth system apocalypse stories where a human is in a really shitty situation but, with sudden access to a System, finds an OP cheat.  And if you like those stories then maybe you could enjoy this as an "okay" example within that sub-genre.  

But if you don't, here, in no particular order, are some of the issues with the story that make me hesistant to recommend it to a broader audience.

1) The pacing is breathless.  There is no breather and through a dozen chapters, it's just a constant fight-or-flight response.

2) The worldbuilding is iffy.  There's some tiny hints to stuff outside the immediate sphere of the action, but there's so little given that it's just a bunch of disconnected factoids even through 14 chapters, which is too long to leave the audience hanging like that.  

3) The protagonist's character is a bit iffy.  It seems to undergo a rapid shift in the first few chapters (even before the boot camp breaks her personality).  Additionally, she seems to frequently act "out of character", i.e., inconsistent with her personality.  This largely seems to be to either drive the dialogue or plot forward because the author wrote themselves into a corner.

4) The plot is iffy.  Kind of tied in with the worldbuilding, it seems that things just happen and we don't get a good sense of why they are happening or the motivations of the actors.  It makes the hand of the author seem a bit obvious.

5) Romance.  We don't have any romance per se yet, but there's a decent amount of discussion/introspection on the issue.  But it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the story and, everytime it comes up, it seems out of place or bolted on to the main story. 

In sum, it's on okay take on a System OP protagonist story, but I have a hard time recommending it to a wider audience. 

ThePluralEye
Overall

The plot, writing and overall readability of this story is great, but it does have some issues. Mostly, there are lots of unique and important side characters, to the point that it becomes difficult to keep track of them all. I have read stories with more characters, and they solve the issue of "who's this guy from a dozen chapters ago?" By referencing each characters most memorable traits from time to time, especially when they haven't shown up for a while. I don't think it would be too difficult to implement this in future chapters or retroactively for previous chapters, and it would fix the only real problem I have with the story.

SevereMaisJuste
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Welcome, dear reader, to hell.

Well, not really, but Kyra will sure need grit if she wants to survive.

The summary actually sums up everything that happened up to this point pretty well: snarky girl meets alien that offers a mandatory scolarship to some magic university in another world, ship's crashed, and now she has to fight for survival in something approaching a boot camp amongst local apocalypse-survivors who'd probably be happier with her dead. Well, at least there are cuties around.

 

Let's get into the details of the score. I'm pretty bad at stating the positive things, so as a disclaimer, this story is GOOD, but not perfect. Here's why.

The style is really smooth and pleasant, the English is almost flawless (only spotted 2 typos).

The characters didn't strike me as particularly original, the more memorable being Kyra herself, Red, Nel and Vii. They don't have much depth yet, maybe that'll change. We'll need more chapters for that. I do hope that Kyra proves to be more than a ball of fear immunity, snark and "I want to be the Empress, rawr". Other than that, they're pretty nice and endearing.

The story feels slightly rushed and a bit imbalanced. For instance (spoiler),

the looong banter in the middle of a fight scene in chapter 9. While a nice attempt at character development, this. is. not. the. time. For eff's sake, allies are being minced into paste around them while monsters parts are raining from the sky, do you really want to share the story of your best flirts? A few lines would be good to lift the tension a bit, but this was too long.

The tension could be managed a bit better, I felt like there wasn't any time to let the pressure down. Tension works best with ups and downs, but it's been a constant rush towards more pressure. It's actually very catchy at first, but the reader also needs time-outs from time to time.

The attack on the settlement for instance was a bit too much, too fast. They haven't settled in, they don't know anything about the settlement or the world... I feel like waiting for a routine to be established would have given much more impact to the attack when the illusion of calm finally shatters. Or when the other students are slaughtered at the end of the attack. We don't have time to care about them.

The magical system is rather original, with elements of cultivation and a sord of system as an implanted assistant. We haven't seen much of it yet. A note though, most of the displays are unnecessary. Perhaps a more compact display could be used (these "Grade 1" get annoying real fast when they're not increasing)? And systematic end-of-chapter reminders omitted?

A small critic is that everything is too easy, so there's no sense of achievement when Kyra succeeds at something. Sure, she needs it, but it feels like in a week only Red might stand a chance against her.

She finds an OP loop-hole in less than 24 hours (dumping her mana then re-absorbing it to increase it by large amounts). Moreover, she never feels threatened. Either she's not targeted at all, or she is healed right away. To fix that, I'd suggest drastically limiting the effectiveness of the loophole, so that it can barely make her more powerful and will require refining her technique to become efficient, and make her injuries have actual consequences. And please, please PLEASE do NOT allow her to zone out during fights. That's a one-way ticket to a gruesome death. Fights are no time to grind.

 

To sum up, this story is pretty good for RR standard. It's just in its infancy, but it has potential, so if you like snarky heroins and desperate struggles in a world with unknown rules, don't hesitate to give it a try and support the author!

 

By the way, kudos for the choice of cover, kudos to the artist, and kudos for crediting him (or her) :)

ZZSlider
Overall

A Great Read that Keeps on Rolling and Rolling

Reviewed at: Chapter 147 ~ Red Birds and Deep Crawlers

After reading the first few pages, I simply dropped off the map for a few days because all I could do was just read the next chapter after chapter. It was both a dissapointment and a blessing to my functionality when I got to the end of the vast amount of chapters that have been put out so far, and continue to be published at an astonishing rate.

The story itself is great, with a driven and somewhat-egomaniacal main character that aims to build a new society in a world of non-traditional gameLit mechanics and a quiet dystopian order that threatens to eliminate her and her loved ones. And there are a fair bit of loved ones, as her magnetism and leadership attracts a tidy number of lovely ladies into her imperial polycule. Their dynamic is lively, rich, and compelling, adding a special flavor to the story's events.

Its refreshing to see a main character that takes charge and moves fast, though there is a valid critique to be made about it being too fast, at least writing wise. While the breakneck pace is what drew me in so deeply, I think it would benefit from more chapters that give the characters time to deepen their bonds outside of combat and flesh out the setting. Even the characters themselves often make note of how rapidly their romantic relationships have developed.

In any case, I would highly recommend this story to those that a fan of the genre and ask that you go in with the expectations that, while it might not be perfect, it's a damn good read.

To the author: thank you so much for your hard work and creativity, I can't wait to see where Kyra's journey goes from here!

 

Lehnsa
Overall

The Struggling States of Mana

Reviewed at: Chapter 127 ~ Crafting

I want to like this story. All the ingredients are there, with a complex setting and magic system with influences of cultivation. However, the author struggles to explore it in an enjoyable manner. The character motivations are starving for exposition, with 100+ chapters in and the cast marginally more than a selfish possessive megalomaniac with her lesbian harem of one dimensional ladies, all still tied together by the traumatic experience they went through in the prologue.

It would be nice to learn and understand more about the magic in this universe, but the protagonist is made special because they can bend the magic rules. So nothing makes sense which sucks because practically everything is about mana and how much or little there is of it. This is made worse because the characters are constantly trying to rush through everything! At my current chapter roughly two months have passed 

They are on their third off planet training session, which takes place every other week.

And the whole ensemble is acting like the hounds of hell are at their heels and they need to make sacrifices to get more power faster. And Protag is upset because they have to be respectful to entities that are centuries older and more powerful than them and she's not an empress yet. Like fam, you were probably still in highschool a year ago on a manaless Earth. Chill.

So yeah, interesting univese with unenjoyable characters. I wish it wasn't so because it's lesbians in fantasy space! It should be awesome! Might revisit in the future but otherwise dropping it for good.

Togakure
Overall

Please, do continue with writing this story. I'm enjoying the world building and characterisation, and wish to see where it goes from here.

Thank you for writing, where most just wave their opinions around (this includes me unfortunately, as yet).

(This review must be at least 50 words long, I hope this last paragraph helps with that).

Synce
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A good premise with little following it

Reviewed at: Chapter 21 ~ Under The World

The story starts out nice enough with a good intro, some decent world building and a very unique way to "Isekai" away our protagonist. The story itself seems interesting enough with some dystopian empire, a rebel army and monsters in the mix. I assume more context will be given later in the story so the lacking of that I can't really fault the story for it.

The writing style is decent but nothing special and the first person perspective takes some getting used to.

That said the story itself is sadly executed in a way that makes it hard to find all that interesting. First of all during the first 20 chapters we get two very plot twisty events that lean more towards disrupting the flow of the story than anything else making the pacing just feel off so far.

The story goes from Isekai into a magical school, to a murderhobo frontier village back to magical school life in a dystopian empire in less than 20 chapters. 

 

What really puts me off in this story though is the main character and to a lesser extent the supporting cast. The MC just feels very unbelievable. She gets thrown into all this and is immediately shown as more competent than any other human with her with little to no reason given as to why that is.

She also is over the top sassy and really seems to have no real fear of death or other consequences which just makes her very unbelievable as a person that just got thrown into a completely new world.

The last point is about the supporting cast. As far as I've read they all seem decently likeable and can evolve into decently fleshed out characters over the course of the story. 

I will preface this by the fact that I fully support LGBTQ+ in stories as well as in real life and that all I am saying is equally applicable to any other sort of harem situation.

I don't really have a problem with the side characters but what irks me is the over the top sexual tension between them which results in sort of an orgy by chapter 20.

Not only does it sort of feel unnatural that out of nearly every female character we have met so far everyone of them seems to be gay which just does not feel believable in the same way it does not feel believable that every girl in a typical harem romcom falls for the MC for no reason.

To me it just feels like the author sacrificed character growth and relationship building to get into the yuri orgy part as soon as possible rather than build it up over time.

 

Lastly grammar seems to be fine so far though I haven't gotten to a part that was new enough that readers couldn't get to proofreading it. To me grammer was of no issue.